Terrible Twos

Hi Carrie. I have a 26 month old so am right there with you!! We have had a great few weeks at our house, but I know we'll have a rough couple of weeks again :)
I think that's just how it goes....

First off, I don't think this was appropriate:
"Why are you posting on this site when he clearly needs you to pay attention to him?"
I think posting on here was a good idea and you have so far gotten some great suggestions......so I think that in and of itself proves that statement wrong. Also, I appreciate your post because I also have a two year old and enjoy hearing PRODUCTIVE suggestions from all of the other wonderful moms out there.

I agree with the limiting no's ideas. Or, what I often do is make the "no" goofy - like say it in a really silly voice or say something like "another popcicle? Are you nuts? Only one popcicle at a time you crazy kid" and tickle or chase or whatever to get him laughing and then he eventually forgets he's mad to begin with. Or say let's have water instead and drink water too in a goofy way or just whatever to get him past that little moment.

And, I rarely say no without at least trying to redirect him with something else at the same time. That doesn't always work, but it does sometimes....

We use the corner, basically a timeout, and we have been since he was about the age of your son and it has worked for us - very very well at this point. But of course, at times, better than others, I think the secret is to just remain consistent through the rougher patches.

One other quick thing - my boy has been helping around the house and has a chore chart and stickers, it's been going for over a month now. Yours may be a bit too young for the actual chart and all that, I don't know, but maybe get the concept started. I think developing this "helper" side of him has made his overall behavior better because it's somewhere to channel his energy. Plus, it's an opportunity to direct praise at him, which is good for everyone. It takes a lot of patience, it takes him three times as long to take his bowl to the sink than if I just did it, but overall, it has been so incredibly worth it to the overall dynamic in our house.

Hang in there!!

Carrie-
I would agree with the first two responses. My parents as teachers rep. told me to limit my "nos." She said instead of saying no to say "not safe," give choices, redirect, and be specific about what behavior you want and don't want("Mommy doesn't want you to throw your toys because when you throw your toys, that could hurt somebody.), and praise the little things...especially when they do listen ("thank you for listening to mommy and not throwing your toys. That makes mommy very happy...then hug.") Personally, I don't know very many 2 year olds that totally understand or respect the whole time out thing. Redirection methods usually seem to be the best. I would encourage you to try to come up with different ways to say "no" because many times toddlers associate "no" with a power struggle...which it sounds like your little guy has mastered:) As I read my response to you...I realize that it is ssooo much easier said than done! Good luck- I'm sure you'll do great!

A.

PATIENTS!!! That is the key. We have a 3 year old and an 18 month old so we are just getting out of that stage and just getting into it all at the same time. I find that the more frustrated I get, the worse the problem becomes. At this age they are learning the bounderies and pushing buttons constantly. My favorite is when they just plain ignore you. SOOOO annoying! But if you let them know that what they are doing is frustrating you, they will only do it more. So be patient and don't let him know he is getting to you. At the same time, be firm and consistant. They won't learn what the limits are if their are lots of gray areas. One other thing, when he throws a tantrum, ignore it. The main reason they do that is for attention so if they don't get any attention when they do it, they will learn it is not effective and stop doing it. If he starts getting violent, put him in a safe place, like his bed and let him scream it out somewhere away from you. I tell my kids that when they are ready to calm down and behave, I will listen and we will work it out. This has worked really well with my 3 year old who is a major drama queen. We all have our days but it will get better. Hang in there!

I can't really get behind supernanny for the little ones. It seems more helpful for preschoolers than toddlers. Distraction, redirection, and choices are what got my son and I through the toddler years.

Can you offer him a choice as often as possible? Sure- he asked for milk and he can't have it. Something I did with my son was say: Would you like your water in your blue cup or the red one?

I would also encourage you to limit the "No"s. They were instant temper tantrum for us- instead I would tell him what he could do. (Man- I hated thomas the train!!) Thomas is resting now- would you like to read a book or color? Another way I limited thomas was taking him outside for as long as I could.

Hope some of this helps!!

I got so tired of repeating myself a million times & feeling like I was losing control. I finally sat down and read a book I had purchased months before called "Love & Logic for the Preschool years". It's all about choices & consequences. It works too! Give it a try - put on some earplugs so you can read it in peace - :) Good luck. We're going on 3 now & I must say he's pretty pleasant 99% of the time! Hang in there.

Hi, Carrie. I am sorry you are going through such a rough 2 phase. I have seen lots of these fits myself, as a child care provider. It sounds like you are being consistent and firm, which are both very important as your son is learning what he can get away with. It is important for him to voice his opinion, so I would acknowlege how he is feeling, but stick to your guns with what you say, and continue to not give in. Redirection is a great tool, and will sometimes work. Putting kids in their room is a great idea for a time out area. Then, your son understands that he will be getting no attention from you when he throws these fits, but he can throw one if he wants. Your son if fighting for some control, and you are doing a great job of giving him some, but only under your circumstances. I know how frustrating it can be, but try to keep calm and not let him know it frustrates you, because if he does, he might start doing it just to see your reaction. Make sure during this time of two year old stress, you are getting enough relaxation time for yourself. Otherwise, it will bug you even more. This phase will pass, but you never know how long it will last. Good Luck and God Bless.

I would stop using time out since he is too young (not even two yet). Then I would consider the fact that since he doesn't see you all day, he's going to need even more of your attention when he does see you in the evenings and on weekends. And then just don't try to do anything else while he is around if that is how he behaves. Why are you posting on this site when he clearly needs you to pay attention to him? Do it after he goes to bed. Then, use "yes, but" instead of "no" whenever you can. Instead of saying "No, you cannot watch Thomas again," say, "Yes, you may watch Thomas again, but not until tomorrow (or after dinner or whatever). Also, don't just tell him no, you have to explain why not.

Don't worry, he will get better soon. My son started with the terrible two's waaayyy before he was 2. He is now 2 1/2 and doesn't throw tantrums or scream like he used to. I couln't take him anywhere without an outburst. Even at grandma's he would run and scream if someone told him "no" or implied not to do something he wanted to. Now that he is talking more and a bit older, he's calmed down a lot! I think children just get frustrated with their inability to communicate with us...they've got so much going on in their world and the only way they can express themselves is to act up, a guarateed way to get our attention! My son still has his moments, like most kids, but he's so much more enjoyable and fun to be around.
Take care,
V.