Terrible 2'S? - Laingsburg,MI

I have 2 daughters one is almost 14 and the other is almost 2. I am so with ya I never ever remember my 14 year old being bad like my 2 year old. I waited so long to have her and now it's like oh my I am glad I had her but sometimes I wonder if I waited to long. It's nice to see Iam not the only one. Good Luck!!

yep, the 2's. But 3's are harder.
each kid is different... my daughter was more wild, my son more mellow.

Teach her how to communicate... how to say the words for feelings...ie: mad, happy, sad, frustrated, tired etc.
THIS has helped both my kids immensely. AND, it helps the child to know themselves and to articulate themselves and express themselves.
In the long term... emotional "IQ" is very important for any child. And in giving them coping skills for dealing with upsets. But at the same time... the parent has to convey that it is "okay" to have feelings, even if those feelings are "grumpy"... because after all, even grown-ups get like that.

When my kids were/are like that... I actually say to them "I know, your'e grumpy. Its okay... I know you are tired/grumpy etc.... tell Mommy what is wrong?" or, "Tell Mommy what you need..." or, "Tell Mommy why you feel that way..." then I let them vent or tell me (nicely)... and then I hug them. SOMETIMES, they don't even want intervention or interference... so they tell me "I want to be by myself now... " and they will go into another room themselves, until they feel better... then they come and hug me or tell me. So, along with teaching them manners/rules... I have actually helped them to "learn" about their own self-awareness about how they feel and that they CAN tell me things... and not just assume they will get scolded/punished/told they are wrong for any little mood or inability.
And when my kids KNOW that I actually understand "them"... they quickly deflate... and I can then use logic and explaining to them, about anything.

Or, many times at this age, they get like this because they simply cannot do, what their heads are wanting to do. They may want to throw a ball, but can't throw it accurately yet, for example. Or, they want to do something on their own, like how they envision it, but they can't yet.
They get irked at themselves too... so at times like that, you NEED to be able to discern that... instead of utilizing generic across the board "methods" or punishments or discipline tactics.

All the best,
Susan

Hello Shauna,

This is typical behavior for toddlers. I'm a parent coach who specializes in the toddler years. I first teach my parents to understand their toddler's needs to prevent their toddler's tantrums. It sounds to me from this short description your toddler needs to know what to do when she feels angry, overwhelmed, upset. When our children's don't know what to do when these strange and unknow feelings take over, they revert to what they know.

Toddlers know that when they cry & scream, Mom/Dad will make it better. They know this because all through their baby years, (remember that was only a few months ago for them), when they had a need & cried, Mom/Dad met that need. You fed her, changed her diaper or snuggled her.

If you want to get rid of these tantrums, give your daughter words. If she yells when she wants a cookie, tell her, "I know you're feeling angry because I won't give you the cookie, but it's almost dinnner time. Do you see me making dinner now? If you would like the cookie after dinner, you can ask, you would say, 'May I have the cookie after dinner?'."

It seems long & complicated, but you are providing a lot of useful information for her. She is understanding her feelings and giving them words, learning to observe what's happening in her enviroment, (dinnner is being made), you are helping her anticipate the future, (cookie after dinnner), and providing her with the proper words to get what she wants.

This is the building blocks of a tantrum free child. While it takes longer to "get results", when she is 3 & tells you she feels angry and needs to talk, it will be worth it! I've seen this happen in real life with the children I've worked with.

I hope this helps.

R. Magby

You have already received a variety of excellent answers to your question. I will only add one thing. Are her verbal and language comprehension skills appropriate for her age? Some kids can't verbally or gesturally convey what they want and this can be frustrating for them. Even more often parents don't realize their children are having difficulty understanding and/or processing what is being said to them. This causes huge tantrums for some. (Your child at two should be able to point to body parts, clothing when asked; they should be able to point out an object or a pictured object on command when asked. They should be able to follow commands such as "Go get your cup" etc)

You need to do out time and don't give in to her. Also if out time doesn't work than take things she really cares about away till she stops don't give into her if she is through a tantrum ignore her and walk away if you give in she will continue to do it.

Each child is different, but if you created a princess it will only get worse. Simply emphasize there are rules and things that must be done and then consistently impose discipline. If you don't stay consistent you "angel" will be gone forever. They learn fast and right now she is learning how to run your house.

Though this is common behavior, it is not acceptable or something to just ride out and hope it goes away. You need to establish discipline that is consistent. Spend some time making sure that her needs are being met as far as the attention that you give her. Make time every day to do something together, like a date, and focus on praising the positives in her behavior. Encourage her towards obeying, making it something fun instead of a demand, though not to the extent that you're walking on eggs or having to create elaborate ways of convincing her to do the right thing. The idea of being firm but kind is helpful.

Best wishes!

Trust me when I say it gets better! As long as you stick to your guns and don't start letting the child call the shots! This is imperative. Now is the time when they learn independence and what it means to be 'me.' So it is also the time when they try to push every boundary and if you don't push back ..well..that's where we get the teens of today from...it just gets worse in other words. I know it may seem like your words and discipline are not working right now, but if you stay consistent you will see results.

I went through this a few months ago when my "angel" turned into a two yr old "devil" :) and I was very strict so I was shocked..didn't think it'd happen to me! But it did and it's much better now that he is 28 months old. It also helps that they learn to communicate much better and expand their vocab exponentially in this period...the tantrums cool down when they can tell you what they want vs. kicking and screaming to make their wishes known. Also, teaching them sign language helps too.

Good Luck!