Tense Visits with in Laws

Updated on July 14, 2011
A.B. asks from Sarasota, FL
7 answers

My husband has had big issues with his parents since long before I met him. Whenever we get together things are so tense. He is rude to them, he acts like a sulky teenager.
I have my own issues with his mom, who I used to be much closer to, in fact, I used to encourage him to lighten up on his mom. But she did/said some things that were WAY out of bounds and since then I haven't had much interest in seeing or talking with her. Here's the kicker, even though we don't enjoy the visits and he acts the way he does toward his parents (he denies it...it really is weird), when I brought up maybe having them cut down on the number of visits, he acted like I was being cruel! So obviously he wants these miserable visits to continue for the rest of our lives. Great!
And of course, my in laws really don't seem to care about whatever family dynamics are going on as long as they get to see DD. They would visit even more if we let them.
They are here at least 3-4 times a year and stay in hotels.
I guess I am just looking for some advice and perspective on this. Thanks.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

I was waiting for you to say that yo usee them weekly... 4 times a year and they stay in a hotel? I would just grin and bear it. I would also schedule activities and things when they are in town. Invite some friends over for a BBQ, day at the beach, museum tour... even encourage them to take DD for a day so they can have some 1:1 time with her and you can have a little break from them!

He may not enjoy them, but they are still his parents and DD's grandparents. If they adore her, that's the important part. Your husband being sulky is his choice and he really needs to "choose" to perk up when they're around!

6 moms found this helpful

L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

3-4 times a year doesn't sound like all that much to me, especially since they don't even stay with you. I say grin and bear it.

Krista - Me too! I was thinking these in-laws must drop by all the time...

4 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from New York on

I agree with grin and bear it. Just remember that you are doing it for your daughter who needs a relationship with her grandparents.

Just remember, you inlaws could live 10 minutes away. So be grateful for small miracles!!

4 moms found this helpful

J.N.

answers from Philadelphia on

wow 3-4 times a year is nothing, i still stop at my ex's parents house weekly for them to see my daughter

2 moms found this helpful
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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Sometimes we have to grin and bear it. I have an incredibly small relationship with my mother and that's the way I want it. I wouldn't leave my son with her alone. When I visit PA to visit the rest of the family, I feel guilty if I don't give her a chance to see her grandson. But I set the visit up so that it's on my way to the airport to leave so I don't have to spend much time with her. You have to do what you have to do to keep your sanity, but it's a nice thing to give them time with their grandbaby.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.L.

answers from Detroit on

Grin and bear it. Parents are not perfect. Neither are children. My hubby was the same way with his mom. She passed away a few months ago and he's still in shock over her death. So, grin and bear it--you never know how long they will be around. Let bygones be bygones. Take the high road and try to enjoy the minimal visits that you do have with them.

1 mom found this helpful

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

3-4 times a year isnt a big deal. if it was 3-4x per month, then ya, thats a problem. is your dd old enough that they can take her somewhere on their own so you dont really have to be around them so much? that may be an option for you. good luck!

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