Teens and Friend Issues

Since I have lived through girls teenage drama I will let you in on what I have learned. I never talk or say anything about my daughter to any mom or other teen girl. I have found they always spill the beans as you have found out. I was straight up with my daughter and if I wanted to know something it came from her mouth. She knew lying and being sneaky did not fly with me. As long as I get the truth all will be fine.

I would not say anything to the other mom at all. Lesson learned momma, do not say anything that you would not say to your daughters face first.

If your daughter wants to be mad over a little thing such as this, let her. She will survive.

I would not confide in the mom anymore. Tell her only what you don't mind your daughter hearing. Keep doing what you are doing, and of course never totally trust what a teen tells you........I don't care how good a kid they may be, they are still teens.

Certainly, if it makes you feel better, call the other mom and be upfront with her that you were disappointed at what she shared, but in the long run in my mind it doesn't really matter because you would be unwise to trust her in the future. Just tell her your rules so that she is clear what you allow when your daughter is at her house.

Don't call the mother of the friend and stir up problems. Her relationship with her daughter is probably what dictated her mentioning the issue. Apologize to your daughter and tell her YOUR concerns about the boys picking her up, assure her you trust her and if she still remains upset, she will get over it then. If it was my daughter, I would not let that date go thru with the other friend or make some other trustworthy arrangement so that both of you are happy..

Ok I am going to go with a different response...Who cares what the other mom said to the daughter. Me personally I would have phrased it as "Suzy's mom made a good point - are you two going to meet the boys somewhere else?".

I am upfront with my teen daugher and her friends that I will be questioning every thing that they do/say b/c I was a teenager once and I know just how sneaky we can be at that age. They know I trust them and will continue to trust them as long as the answer every question honestly with me. My daughter's BFF's mom does the same thing and she knows she can interrogate my daughter and she tells me to do the same with hers.

Keep in mind too that the friend may be blowing things out of proportion with your daughter and at this age kids are going to be mad at their parents.

Hi L.,
I think if you are close enough to the girl's mother, you should talk to her. I wouldn't start off by asking her why she discussed matters with her daughter that you two had talked about. I would simply let her know that your statement was not meant to cause any confusion and you apologize if it was taken the wrong way. Let her know that you were not accusing her daughter or your daughter of doing anything underhanded because if that was the case your daughter would not have made plans for the boys to pick them up at your house. And in the future you will know not to say anything to the mother that you don't want to get back to the girls.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to the mother, talk to your daughter. Explain to her that you didn't mean it the way that it was told to her or her friend. And you apologize for any confusion. Sometimes as parents we do have to lead by example. You apologizing to your daughter is definitely not a sign of weakness. It's simply letting her know that yes, you said what was said but you did not mean it that way.

The last thing you want is for your daughter to listen and believe any negative things that they may tell her in the future about something that you have said.

Now if she decides she wants to continue to be upset with you. Just know that you have done your part. And remember this too shall pass.