Teenagers - Spring Hill,FL

My girls are 11 & 13. Boy am I feeling your pain this summer. One of the things that I have started doing that I think really helps is seperate them. Give them a few minutes to calm down and then talk to them both seperately, in there own rooms, and discipline them both seperately. It is neither one of there bussiness how the other is being punished. If either one of them says she hit me then they loose privledges, or gain chores. I am just trying to teach them that even when you are angry you have to keep your hands to yourself. Violence is not the answer. I will make them clean the bathroom, run the vacumm, clean windows, wipe down cabinets, sweep the garage, whatever I can think of to try to encourage them that next time you want to think twice before you touch. I am tired of having Ipods and cell phones and other electronic devices in my closet and have found that the chore thing works. I hope this help. And know you are so not alone.

Go to ChildrensBehaviorHelp.com- I find them very helpful-k

Hi M., K. S. here. I know exactly what you mean. I know how you feel. I too have two kids(boys)10 and a soon to be 14 year old. My 14 year old is very intelligent. He has Aspergers Syndrome, is gifted(excels in math and science). He also has anger management problems. He got poor grades in Math last school year and now has to repeat the 8th grade(he had been sick alot and I had just recently lost my mom-she and him were very close)-attendance was very bad last school year-66 absences. He either does his work and doesn't turn it in or just doesn't do it. He gets mad every time I tell him to do his homework/doesn't believe he should do any work on weekends, breaks from school and during the summer(he is taking or suppose to be doing virtual math-credit recovery). My husband and I are online med students and you'd think he would follow what we are doing(going to class on weekends, at night, etc), but he doesn't.
He fights with his brother who is 10 and was diagnosed with autism 4 years ago. They clash sometimes. And I like yourself have to play referee. Take away his favorite things-ie: computer, video games, but they don't work. I wish I could help. But I am in the same boat as you. Mabye someone else out there could help us. What do you think?

Alittle about me: A married 51 year old mom/med student and a Avon Representative and have two beautiful boys both diagnosed under the autism umbrella. I have very serious back problems. Been married for 14 years.

I grew up with seven brothers. Fights are normal between brothers and sisters. I just had to get tough. I could kick my oldest brothers butt by the time I was fourteen. My parents never interfered unless we were going to break something in the house. Then they got involved. My Uncle handled it in a different manner for his kids. If they got into a fight then the ones fighting were assigned all the chores for the day and had to do them together. Their chores consisted of mowing the grass, pulling weeds, cleaning the house, laundry, preparing dinner and doing the dishes after. When they got all done with that they were best friends for awhile until something set off another fight. But before long the fighting stopped all together. They finally figured out if all they wanted to do was fight then they would be doing all the work around the house while their Mom and Dad sat in front of the television.
Another Aunt and Uncle made them take and donate one of their favorite items to charity. Not just the one that started the fight but both of them for fighting. Didn't take long before the fighting stopped when they realized they were going to lose everything in their room.
As far as my girls go they didn't fight much. They just knew I wouldn't tolerate it at all. I told them straight up that they would lose their television, cd player and everything else and all they would have would be their bed and clothes. They believed me an we never had problems.
If I were you when they got into a fight I would go into their room and take something from each of them that they treasure and not give it back. If that doesn't stop the fighting. Give the having to do the chores thing a try. Not only do you get a days rest while they work but they have to get along at some point to finish the job.
Good Luck!

Hey M.,
I am afraid your living my life as well. I have a 13 yr old son and a 9 yr old daughter and I am facing the same thing. One thing that I have done is talk to them about family and that we stick together and that we are on the same team. I told them that one day when we are dead and gone all they will have is each other.

One thing that works pretty well is that I make them write a scripture verse.....Ephesians 4: 32 ....Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgive each other as Christ has forgiven you. That's paraphrasing of course. But I make them write about 10 times the first time....then 20 the next. It's made a difference. Hope it works for you!

Blessings,
D.