I have a teaching certificate, so my mother comes to me for school/parenting issues now. My brother is 16, and in his second year of high school. He is overall a good kid, just lacks motivation and drive most the time. From what I can tell he is well liked and socially accepted. He has stuggled in his studies since he began school. He has always barely made it to the next grade. Now, he is in High School and has failed so many classes that the administration is telling my mom that it would be best that he drop out. She has also talked to the guidance counselor who has told her that he has 2 of 25 required credits, and it would be in his best interest to drop out, or try the alternative school. It seems as if the staff is so overwhelmed with students, that they do not have the time or energy to deal with students that aren't on track. She would be more open to the alt. school, but my sister went there, and did not excel, in fact started associating with the students in the alt. school and became addicted to drugs which led her to rehab. My mom wants me to find an answer for her to "fix/save" my brother, she doesn't want to just let him drop out. So, I come to you mothers to get some wisdom. If you have had/ dealt with a troubled teen, what did you do to get them to graduate HS? How do you motivate someone who isn't interested. My mom mentioned private school, so I know that she is willing to pay $$ to get some help. Let me know what you think.
I can't believe any admin. would want him to drop out! I would try having him tested for learning disabilites and maybe the private school thing would work great for him. But if the school he is in now is giving up on him, he needs to be somewhere that wants to help him!
Test him for learning disabilities. Can he read upside down? This is a sign of dyslexia. A lot of dyslexics are too smart for the system, but not able to keep up. They're considered "lazy". Also, tell your mom to take a parent advocate with her to the meetings. If she does not agree with what they say in testing, she can give them a formal letter stating she does not agree with the school's diagnosis and request the school pay for testing outside.
http://nichcy.org/idealaw.htm may help as well. Good luck. If you mom lives in the Houston or Ft Bend area, let me know and I can send the name of a great parent advocate. This one does not charge.
Hi L.,
I am right there in your mother's situation. I have a 16 yr old daughter who is more concerned with her social life than her schooling. She has brought home bad grade after bad grade. We have grounded her and tried to keep her away from friends that suck any motivation out of her that she might have. Before moving to Texas we had a recurrent problem with her sneaking out of the house, ditching classes and even running away for weeks at a time. We finally enrolled her in the "academy" that was associated with her school. They do "credit recovery". She was an incoming Junior with only Freshmen credits. Unfortunately for her she couldn't stay away from destructive behavior. We decided to pull her out of the High School environment all together and enrolled her in Satellite Schooling. Their web address is www.satellitehighschool.com. You order classes by the credit and they mail everything to you. Tests are taken at any local school. It has been working out great for her so far.
Tell your mother I said good luck.
I wanted to add one more thing. We did get her in to see a pyschiatrist. (She has see so many therapists,social workers and psychs). She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So I do agree with the rest of the advice about him seeing a therapist of some sort.
Public school might not be a good fit for your brother. Not every child is cut out for the regular school day. Maybe you need to look into alternative schools. A friend of mine went to Barbara Mann High School in Dallas because he had to work a full time job while in high school. Look into alternative schools!
Great advice from Guille! Your brother deserves counseling at the least. Best wishes to your family.
This happened to two of my nephews (where my sister was told to just let them drop out). The oldest one just ended up getting his GED and the other one came to live with us where he finished high school through a correspondence school (online high school). I homeschool my children so he came to live with us because I could be there to help him should he need it. He studied on his own and took the tests on his own. My sister paid for the cost of the online school (there are many out there, including Texas Tech). My nephews did not have any learning disabilities, but felt like school was wasting their time (they had a rough home environment with an alcoholic father which attributed to their attitude). When the responsibility was no longer "forced," but put into their own hands, they did much better. Both my nephews went on to college. The oldest got his AA and the other is still in school trying to finish his bachelors.
If you would like more information about schooling at home or using a correspondence school, let me know. I will be glad to help.
M.
Has your brother ever been tested for any learning disabilities? Since this has been going on since the get-go, it sounds like it is a possibility. There are schools that cater to children that learn differently or have some learning disabilities. I would think that this is a good place to start.
It is terrible that the school is suggesting that he drop out!! What a horrible thing to say. I hate to ask what district he is in. Your mom has to become his advocate and find a way for him to continue, even if it's not a "traditional" education. He doesn't sound troubled to me, just lost. I hope y'all can help him find his way. Good luck!!
I would do like Guille said and have him tested. He's probably got an issue that's never been identified and he needs to deal with it if he's ever going to get a job and be independent.
We're seeing a CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapist) at $100/session. It's more action oriented than "how do you feel?" therapy. It is more goal oriented and I think that would be good for him. He might find his goals and then be motivated.
We're seeing Lisa Lang CBT in Flower Mound.
Make the school do the testing for a learning disability... I can't believe they haven't before... it's his right... and paid for by the State.
Have your brother's pedi do a referrel for learning disabilities, that could help understand what the problem really is. If he is learning disabled, your mom could take that info back to the school and do an ARD and possibly get him "placed" into the grade he belongs. Some schools do it. If they won't, then look into Charter Schools or Private schools. If he just doesn't like school, look into either a GED program or homeschooling. But you decision needs to be based on the results of his testing. If he's dislexic (sp?) or something there are coping mechanisms they can teach him. But you have to know! He might need some counseling also, he can't have a very good self esteem if he has failed so much and now the school is trying to kick him out. The counselor can help teach him coping skills as well. Good Luck!
I have a son with a language disability. I was fortunate enough to have this diagnosed when he was 3. He was tutored in speech therapy through grade 8. He is now 18 and will graduated from highschool and go to college in the fall. I think tutoring made all the diffence in the world. Kids with disabilities learn differently. He is a slightly above average student. His SAT score was great. Anyway, my point is don't give up on your brother. Have your Mom take him to a pchychologist and have him tested. IQ and all. He may need to get his GED but don't rule college out.
First: I am shocked that a school would advise a student to drop out. Is there no guidance counselor that has time to talk? Is there one teacher that your brother might like or have respect for? If yes, schedule a 15 min conference. Or email for some advice. Or have him tested for some learning disablity. (Even a slight hearing problem would have an adverse effect on motivation.) If he is that far behind in required credits, it will be hard for him to graduate. I also am not in favor of the alternative school idea. Private schools have a tendency to be more academically intense than public schools, so I don't think that is the answer.
Is there a tutoring program or a Sylvan type school in your area? Maybe 3 or 4 weeks in their program would at least pinpoint the problem and give him some extra help. I don't know if this helps or not. I am new to this website, but I have three girls (28, 15, and 13) so I am very interested in teen issues.
Good luck. C. G
Your mother needs to get an appointment with his guidance counselor and look into alternative methods of finishing high school. The district I taught in had several choices for students to finish up just the main courses they needed for graduation. Even for credit recovery. Maybe having to get a job (I am assuming it would be minimum wage and start trying to pay his own way and bills would inspire him to finish school). Our district even had a program for students to work during the day and attend classes at night for hardship reasons. She may have to use tough love...if you don't go to school, you go to work. Every teacher I taught with was willing to tutor either before or after school and help any student who was willing. Is he is regular courses or in lab/special ed classes? Has he been tested...I am assuming he has since this problem of barely passing is not a new one. I am just flabbergasted that the SCHOOL would suggest he drop out. Let us know what happens...are you in Texas?
the first thing I thought of was a learning difference - my daughter, 14, has dyscalculia and a delay in active working memory..she was in ps until the beginning of 4th when I got the dx of the delay from Scottish Rite and they denied it and said she was just lazy which she is not...I homeschool both kids but if I could have afforded it I would have looking into the Shelton School or the Winston School and they specialize in kids with LDs and the kids I have seen there do great. You might also consider some neuropsyc testing as that is how the dyscalculia was found....best of luck to you all
Sometimes kids don't do well in subjects they don't like. Its pretty hard to get motivated about calculus. Private school is not going to make much of a difference. In fact, it will be harder on him. How about a private tutor, or home school where he can go at his own pace?
He can also get his GED and then go to community college before transfering to a state college. He just needs to find what he likes so that he can major in it or go to a special technical school....
High school can be stressful. There is so much homework and deadlines. It seems you're always reading,writing papers, or working out numbers. I'm amazed that kids find time for sports or extra curricular activities!
I have a 16 yr old sister who is a cheerleader and straight A student and I swear, I have never seen her just RELAX.
I would possibly look into getting him tested. If he has been struggling with academics his entire life there could be a learning issue. Often once those are figured out, you can focus on his learning style. I would also possibly look into homeschooling/tutoring. If homeschooling is not for your mom I know of a family that has hired a former teacher to homeschool their elementary aged daughter.
