Teenage Son

i think it depends on the kid i have a 17 almost 18yo who works on a farm for one of his teachers but if its raining he dont work and then complains about no money. then i have a 15yo daughter that cant wait to get a job so she can have what she wants. It is just the kids and i dont think all the talking in the world will help mine so if i see a true solution for it i would also be thankful!!
i am 34 with 7 kids total ages 17-5monthsand all are diffrent in the ways they are going to aproch the whole job and money thing

Does he have a car? If so...WHO puts gas in his car? If he doesn't work, he doesn't go anywhere. DONT give him $ for what he wants. THERE IS NO INCENTIVE when he gets what he wants. Sounds like very little work ethic. YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH A PLAN TO TEACH HIM THE CONSEQUENCES OF POOR WORK ETHIC AND LAZINESS.

I recently heard of a gentleman who devised something like this using a CHESS GAME....of all things. I don't do chess, HOWEVER.......he taught teens in trouble how to plan chess and that EVERY MOVE HAS A CONSEQUENCE....GOOD, BAD OR INDIFFERENT. HE'S RIGHT!

You say you talk, but do you talk about consequences of laziness and poor work ethic. Does he have GOALS? He NEEDS them....short term & long term. The short term will get him to the long term.

Hi A., "TAKE AWAY FOOTBALL" I know for a fact that flaying football on a team at any age, cost money. I have 6 grandsons,
and they all play, from little league to Hight school. It all cost. So they have to contribute some way, chores and other things, plus $$$$$$$$$.

Hi A.,
Well you know our kids do get spoiled and use to us giving everything to them. Once you stop buying certain things like, brand name shoes and clothes they will rush out to find a job, because they don't want to be without those things especially when they get to that age. Mine are older now but when they were younger I would only reward them with certain things when they did good in school, not just supply them with everyting they want which leads them to think they don't have to do anything because you will always provide it for them. They are getting older so they have to learn that one day you are not going to be there and they will need to know how to provide for themselves. Stop the giving, keep at it and don't give in. Be Blessed!

Hi A.:
The solution is so very simple. Wnenever they need some money to purchase something they want - or go to where ever they want to go - you have a bill to pay - to put food in their belly - a roof over their head - or a utility to pay to keep the lights turned on or the heat to keep everyone warm - since all these things cost money, you have no funds available. Stick to your guns and educate your sons - life ain't fair and nothing is free.
No money - learn to do without or get a job - earn the money to purchase whatever you need. This is also called hard love but it has to be done if you want to raise healthy caring children. Parents do not realize just how much our children take for granted with no thought about who works to supply the basics and the necessities and the extras. It's our job to teach them.
D. Y.

Try to get your sons to get a job at a dry cleaners during the summer. They usually are only open until 7pm on weekdays and Saturday and only 6pm on Sundays. This allows them to make good money, get a work ethic, and still go out at night and enjoy their summer. It is easy work and probably will be working with other teens. I worked at one all through high school and college. It was great.

A.,

I'm not sure how you can entice your sons to get a job other than making them pay for things such as car insurance/gas/dates for themselves.

When I was a teenager I worked at the cinemas. It was a great job, I had no problem getting a date to the movies, I used to tell them we could split the date, I'd pay for the movie (which I got to got for free) and they could pay for dinner or at least the movie snacks.

It's a great job for a teenager and there isn't a lot of work involved, really especially now a days when movie goers are supposed to throw away their own trash.

Just a suggestion. Good luck!!
Mel

I don't know if this will work for boys but it did for my daughter. I put a price cap on everything. If she wanted jeans I told her I'd supply $20.00 toward a pair, if she wanted something higher priced she'd have to pay the extra. If she wanted some specific brand of expensive shampoo, I'll pitch in $2.00 (which was a dollar more than what I paid for my shampoo).

My mom made us get jobs at 15 and half, even doing 2 sports a year (so year round) we managed to work a few hours a week. The point was we didn't drive unless we filled up our tanks. Therefore, we had to work to fill up the tank. If we went out with friends, we had to pay ourselves, or we didn't go out. It gave us a reason to work.

Quit giving them money! Sounds like you must be paying for everything for them....cell phone, car & gas, insurance....etc. Tell them the Mom & Dad Bank of America is closed and they need to open their own account with their own money (from a job) if they want to do their own thing. Also, a trip to Goodwill to shop for their clothes could be a good lesson.

My daughter finally got a job when she realized that I was no longer going to pay for all the things she wanted. We'd be shopping and she'd see something really cute that she just HAD to have and I'd smile and say how cute it was and then I'd say, "Get a job!" and walk away.
I never had problems getting my son to work because he always liked being able to drive and buy the things that come along with fixing up his vehicles. But I DID have problems getting him to apply himself when he was in school. He's now 21 and wishing he'd done better in school because he's having a problem getting scholorships and grants for college. He had joined the Air Force but got discharged after they diagnosed him with an auto-immune disease that we didn't know he had. So now, he's trying to figure out his life and keeps saying how he'd wish he'd done better in school.

I am also 38 yrs old mommy to a 15 mos old and 9 wk old-okay here it goes-they have to work and make money. Whether it is at Mcdonalds/Walmart/ice cream place/life guarding/amusement parks etc or the mall. It will build their self esteem. My dad basically told me at 16 if i wanted to borrow my moms car i had to be working. I started my first job bussing tables at an italian restaurant at 16 it was a great experience. You can not be footing the bill for everything. The 18 yr old definitely needs work experience especially if he is going to college. You can go onto Akron Works website and look for part time jobs also on career builder they have a section for seasonal jobs too. Good luck.

Instead of getting then involved in a paying job, perhaps get them involved in volunteering somewhere. They could be big brothers to kids at a child's home like Knoll House or Crossroads. They could help out at Big Brothers Big Sisters. They could help out the MDA, people with special needs, senior communities for special events, talking to them, reading. There are tons of places that take volunteers. Sometimes it helps to get them to think of someone other than themselves in order to help them be more motivated. They develop their own character, learn to respect people who are different and learn to respect and take care of the environment.

If they like football, perhaps they could help out with a football camp and teach other kids. I think it's the Woodrow Wilson summer football camp that takes place every summer in Fort Wayne. They could also help teach t-ball, baseball, basketball or any other sport. Everyone can use an extra coach. They learn to be good mentors and learn leadership skills.

Well I still have about 10 years until I have to worry about that. But I know what finally motivated my sister to get a job when she was a teen. When I was old enough, I wanted to buy stuff so I needed money - so I got a job without my parents having to ask. My sister didn't care until my parents stopped buying her stuff. No music, no books, no candy, no junk food, no fast food, no movies, no soda, not even clothes unless they were really necessary. After about 3 months she got the picture and found a job so she could pay for those extras. Some people buy all that stuff for their children... I believe like my parents do - once kids are old enough to work they should earn the money to spend on extras in their life.

So just stop buying the extras and see if that motivates them. If all their friends are going to the movies or hanging out at theme parks this summer they'll probably want some money so they can go with them.

Gee, if there is no money, no car, no cell phone, no computer, no video games. They can't go out with their friends because they have money. They can't use the car because they have no insurance because they can't pay for it and they can't use the car because they have no gas money. They can't date because they have no money to date with. They don't get designer/expensive clothes because they have no money to help pay for it, and every extra penny you have is going into 529 plans for them to go to college, and if they want to go away to school they will have to help pay for their room and board----
You need to sit down with your husband and you both have to stick to the plan. And do not back down!!! No job, no car, no cell phone, no computer time, no videos, no dates. You want to go out then you have to pay for it yourself.
They will get a job. My son started working part time at 15 at Steak and Shake and moved on to be a baker at Einstiens at 16. My daughter started doing child care in the summer at 16 and was a shift manager at Einstiens at 17.
They felt better about themselves and didn't get into as much trouble as their friends did and I still had a house full of boys and girls on the weekends.
P. R

Stop giving them money.....you're enabling them to not have to get a job. I had to buy my own car, pay for my own insurance, and pay for all my gas. So, you betcha I went out and got a job.....OH! And I was a cheerleader this WHOLE TIME, which means I was at all the number of games your sons are at, plus we had practice for 2 hours twice a week, and many fund raisers that we planned and carried out. I would always work one night a week for just a couple of hours, Saturday mornings, and then all day Sunday from 11-9 or so

Our family follows Dave Ramsey and it has helped my husband and I very much. I never thought the kids thought anything about it, but now our son who is 14 is really interested in a summer job so he can start saving money so he can buy his own stuff. I guess always telling him if he wants something he has to tell me at the beginning of the month so it can go into the budget has made him take notice. And if it does not fit into the budget, he has to wait until next month - I think that is what really got his attention.

if it gets serious, take away football. obviously those other things don't matter that much to them, so you need to speak their language. let them know what you expect of them and stick to it (don't just arbitrarily take stuff away when you come to the end of your rope; don't let it get that far). let them know that it's because you care about their long term growth and happiness, not because you want to control them. immediate happiness is nice, but long term responsibility and good habits are worth working to instill in your sons. maybe sit down with them and negotiate what responsibilities you expect of them. stick to your essentials but be willing to listen and be flexible on the non-essentials (make sure you think through what your essentials and non-essentials are before you talk with your sons). determine together what the consequences will be when they fail to meet up with your agreements. then be firm but fair in carrying your plan.
good luck and God bless!
J. b

I don't have teenagers, yet, but I do have children who like to have things, mainly an 11 yr. old and 8 yr. old who want video games. Even at this age, I require they pay for part of it. Their allowance is small, but they earn it doing chores and helping around the house. Their contribution to the things they want is just a small amount, but it helps them understand the earn, save, spend challenge. It also makes them evaluate their purchases since they have worked hard for the money.

Other than that, I would do what the others have recommended - the kids want money for a movie, fast food, gas, etc.? Get a job. As a parent, pay for the necessities - clothes (within a certain price range - designer or expensive stuff they pay the difference on), shelter, education and food at home for the family. Once they get jobs and prove themselves, you can throw in a special "bonus" every now and then to show them you appreciate their efforts.

Stop paying for everything. Football even. If they want to play they need to help pay. I admit it sounds harsh to some parents. But I started early with my son, he's not into sports, but loves his guitar and art classes. The only way they continue, is if he puts in half the money. He gets a allowence every week, half goes into his savings to help pay for the things he likes to do. If he starts lacking in school the extras end. You need to make them stand on their own now, or they never will.

A.,
Money talks!! Anything they want to do this summer they'll have to pay for it. Ask around your neighborhood and see if any of them could use their grass cut, or maybe people at church. Make them an ad "Rent a Kid" for odd jobs, etc. include their names and your phone number. Just pass them out to people you all know and see what happens.
Once my teenage son found out we were not going to support his summer activities-he got a job!
Good Luck!
R.

A., my sons are now 20 and 21. They also played many sports in high school and found it difficult to find a job that works around these schedules. Have you taken the approach to sit down with them and calmly explain that you are trying to instill a good work ethic in them and to that means they will have to begin paying some of their own bills, ie. car payment, insurance payment, cell phone, gas, etc. I did this (knowing that I would help if necessary)and both boys decided they wanted to keep these "extras" in their lives and went out and got part time work. These were jobs they didn't particularly like but "needed" for the lifestyle they wanted. If your sons do not respond by getting jobs, then, seriously remove all the "extras" from their lives. Only pay for the things they need. They will see very quickly that "life" isn't always a "free ride". Make certain that you and your spouse are on the same page with this so you can back each other.

Hi, A.: He needs to pay for the gas, maintenance or the insurance on the car. I bet it will be a bit embarassing for him mommy to have to drop him off at football practice in front of the guys. If he already has a ride system in place to get to and from the practices tell him he can use the car for that purpose but he must help with the exoenses on it. I have four kids and they did not want mommy giving them rides when they were able to drive themselves. Hope this helps you. T.

My sister in Boston has a teenage boy that didn't want to work either. Was great with sports though. Last year SHE signed him up to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity helping build a house. Something that he normally wouldn't do, but she figured was good experience. This year, he (probaby at my sister's urging) is getting a job as a lifeguard. I think he figured out it would be better to search for a job he would like & get PAID for it, then be volunteered for something by his mom again! LOL Maybe something like this could work with your boys. Good luck!

With the price of gas and food skyrocketing my dad always said "This family swims together or sinks together" I am the oldest of 9 children on our family. If we wanted to go somewhere gas had to be put in the tank, and when we all had summer jobs "rent" was charged to help the family budget. Teens have a social life and it would be a boring summer if we didn't contribute. Be firm be consistant, things will change.

Hello A.,

You have gotten quite a lot of great advice, and no different than what I can tell you. I have 4 kids, 3 girls and one boy, ages from 15 to 22. They are ALL working right now, and it was NOT a easy task lol. We have a "extra" car that the kids can use when they want to drive. They pay for their own gas and split the cost of getting it retagged every year. I put them on my insurance for the car, but they pay the extra amount it will cost to drive that car.
When I was growing up, my parents would not buy us a car, we had to buy our own. My father always said teens wouldn't take care of it if it was given to them. If they have to work for it, they will.
I 100% agree with the others here. Make them start paying for whatever they want. Its tough sometimes, but no one ever said parenting was easy lol. I wish you the best as I know teenagers can be a real handful.

Good luck
T.

We successfully raised 5 sons. That means they are all working & paying their own way. We never tolerated laziness in them although one could really push the limits on it. Four of them are now married. Hallelujah! It's tough raising kids these days! We have one more to go. Do you give them gas money or buy them fast food. STOP! It will get old pretty quick if they can't have any spending money. Just make sure you really want them to have a job. They become very independant & think you're no longer the boss. With football consuming their time in the fall I'd suggest just a summer job. Good luck!

Well, I don't have teenage sons, but I'm a high school teacher, so I deal with a lot of them. If the 9 am start time is because they won't wake up earlier- put a stop to that, but if it's because of football, there are lots of businesses willing to work around school schedules. Landscaping/mowing companies are always looking for summer help, and they generally pay well. Ice Cream shops, fast food, local restaurants. The boys have to be willing to go out there and look. It seems like if the kids are expected to pay for some of their luxuries (cell phone, games, insurance) they are much more willing to get a job and keep it. I personally don't think kids should be expected to work a lot during the school year- weekends maybe, but during the summer- get them to work- it keeps them out of trouble and teaches them responsibility. If nothing else- he can have jobs at your house, and perhaps mowing some neighbor's lawns.

Hi A.,
I had to work to buy my own car (even though my parents could afford it) just to teach me responsibility. I was in every sport in every season and I was in band. Sounds like maybe they've been a bit spoiled? Sorry, I'm not trying to be mean but make them get off their butt. Think of what kind of men they will be if they don't learn now? My husband and I decided that our kids will be able to buy their own gas and insurance or they won't have cars. We have an old beater they can use for learning and to use until their really good drivers. Maybe put it to them that way? Good luck!!
I'm married with three kids 14,9,4.