Teen Help

My daughter, years ago announced when she turned 16 that she was going to live with her Father for the same reasons your daughter did. Guess what, it was the best thing that could have ever happened... I was so fed up with her not wanting to follow my rules, and I knew if she came back, it would only be because she did not want to follow her Father's rules either. You might be amazed that Daddy's attitude will change and there will be rules. You really don't know what is going on there since she has been there. I'm sure your daughter won't share the "oh by the way daddy has rules too" information with you...It turns out that not only was my daughter's father strict, he put her in her place, and kept her there. I told him it is best ,for those reasons that she continue to stay with him...There was never any discussions of "coming-back", it was her, not me who made that move out decision in the first place. She is now 29 years old, a College Graduate, NO CHILDREN, a car, an Apartment of her own, and a great job...If she had stayed home with those rebellious ways and that attitude, who knows what might have happened, or how this story would have ended. It might be time for you to let go of any anger, or disappointments that you're holding on to, and support your daughters decision. Don't tell her she can "always come back home", because what you're really saying is, if you don't like Daddy's rules you can always come back home and run over me, disrespect me like you did before you decided to leave. D., do you see the pattern? I Don't mean to sound harsh, but people that are telling you she'll be back, most likely have not walked in your shoes...I have been there and done that...Start taking some time for yourself, go to the Spa, join a Gym, a Book Club something! Don't spend any more time worrying over this, because guess what? Nothing will change, unless you change...

try to talk to her about her problems and situations wheather she comes back or not. this way she knows she at least has someone to keep her honest.

Hi D., I also have a 16 year old daughter. I have a 28 year old son too who thank goodness is doing great on his own! I'm having the same problem with my daughter not wanting to follow the rules. I know how hard it is with a teenage daughter, they think they are all grown up and don't need our advice. My advice to you is enjoy the break you are getting, (unless she is in an abusive relationship with her father. She will come around. Maybe not right away but in time she will understand why you had the rules you did.

The same thing happened to my husband and me. My husband has a teenage daughter and a teenage son(17teen)from his first marriage. We had custody of both of them. The son decided he didn't want to follow our rules. Called his father some abusive names etc. which we would not tolerate. He move to his mothers on Father's day last year. He wouldn't speak to us or see for the longest time. We saw him for the first time on Christmas day for about an hour. He came over by his own choice. Last week he asked to sleep over our house. He confessed how stupid he was. He now realizes that he had everything here and he wasn't satified with that. His own words were "what have I done!", "I had everything here", "I hurt my best-friend" (meaning his dad). Stay strong, stick to your guns, give them time, and keep faith, go to church, and follow the Lords word. In time all will work out. That is what we did and we are excited to have our son back.

D.
I totally feel for you. I have three older children, 19 boy, 17 and 13 year old girls, from a prior marriage, with 8 and 7 year old girl and boy from a 10 year marriage. The ex has no rules, very lax in everything. Step dad stricter, causes issues every now and then. Since we divorced we always kept the kids together, joint custody, but since my son has turned 18, he spends more time over there. (Dad has a cool attic with pool table, all sort so games and room for all of his friends etc) He is not here that much, his brother misses him and so do I. All summer he stayed out late with his friends, only at their homes, but I had a curfew for him, his dad did not. Now he is customizing a car over there (his dad has room for those kinds of things too) and basically lives over there 90% of time. If my 17 year old acted like your daughter (and she gets in her moods, believe me) it would break my heart. I know how you feel. She has mentioned "just staying over there' mainly because of rules, I just keep letting them know I love them, that they need to be here, that is the way it is set up etc. I have to be honest,I hate them driving and having all of that freedom..she is just about there too.
Do you have joint custody??

HY how are you doing. I went through the same thing with my daughter.I never raised my two older children my ex husband did so when my daughter came to live with me at 14 2yrs laiter she went back to live with her father cause he aloud her to do alot more than i would. I still try to maintane an honest relationship with her.Yes i know its hard and its easier said then done that everything will be ok. Being able to keep the lines of communication open is very imprtant and being a teenager is very difficult on them.as long as you keep talking to her honestly about life she may not want to hear it but she is.Its hard most important is also is that you keep showing her you love her.Its very hard for me to type averyhing i would truly want to be able to say more but my typing is not very good.God Bless hope all is well.

when she comes back sje will gladly follow rules once she sees how good shews got it