Teen Daughter Watching New Baby?

I think you need to step away from the situation.
This isn't your child and it's not your responsibility.
Your parents can have as many babies as they want (it's their problem who did the actual fathering) and you are not nor should you be their live in nanny.
What about your education (college, trade school, etc)?
What about getting a job or career going, meeting people, traveling, dating, finding someone, getting married and starting a family of your own?
They are adults - let them live their life.
You need to go live yours.

i think it is a very generous, caring idea. i think it's a little naive to think it will end well, however. are they going to pay you? like someone said, watching an infant full time is a HUGE responsibility, will you be treated with the respect that deserves? working for family in an IDEAL situation can be difficult and awkward. it brings up all kinds of situations that you can't even imagine - and this does not sound like an ideal situation. what happens when you are stressed out, tired, overwhelmed, frustrated - and you see stepdad being lazy and not caring and he says something insensitive? how long will you be able to be an adequate caregiver to the baby in that situation? how long will you be able to do that AND keep up with your classes? i think it would get VERY overwhelming, very quick. i think it is VERY sweet and helpful that you want to do this (and of course, staying with 'what you know' is always easier and more comfortable than moving on to new, scarier things). but if i was your mother i would encourage you to rethink this. or maybe set a very firm time limit. do it for, say, 6 months. and let them pay you so you can save up to find your own place. i would not consider this a long-term solution, at all. hope that helps. you sound like a very sweet, wonderful daughter. but you are only 18 and you have your whole life to think about. don't set yourself back. getting stuck in this situation without thinking it through and having a plan could really hold you back down the line. good luck!

PS - i get that you love your mother and want to help her, and worry about her being able to afford childcare. honey, she is the mom. you are the kid. again, i think it's in our nature to worry and care for our parents and want to help - but she is an adult and when it comes down to it, she did make the choice to get pregnant and have a baby - she will be fine. she accepts all the responsibility that comes with that. or she should! don't take on this responsibility, it's not yours to bear.

Somehow I'm not completely believing this one. Normal recovery period for maternity is 6 weeks, if she has a doctor's excuse they can not fire her.

She can apply for daycare assistance.

At any point J., this is not your responsibility. This is your Mom and the baby's father's responsibility. You need to get on with your life, get a decent job and go to school so you can have a rewarding career.

Your mom is lucky to have you. I agree with taking the Red Cross training. It was very helpful to me when I was 10/11 and my mom had my kid brother.

Make sure that you establish some boundaries and leave time for your studies and a social life. If you're doing correspondence courses with a real college, you're still going to have to have some face time with your professors occasionally so be sure that you're able to make time for that.

Maybe even set up a contract... you'll do child care during such-and-such hours, you'll do chores and help with preparing meals and running the house, and in return you get free meals, free or reduced rent, use of the car in the evenings and weekends, and you also get evenings and weekends off from child care for socializing and studying.

J., are you sure you want to do this?

It is not your obligation to take care of yet another child for your mother. Do you really want to continue to live your life in your mother's home with no end in sight?

What did you want to do after graduating? Did you not have any aspirations? Where will your life go from here?

I'm sorry, but I think that you enable your mother's poor choices and she should have to be responsible for becoming pregnant with another man's baby. You said you asked her if you could watch the baby. Why? Are you afraid to go out on your own?

I'm surprised that she hasn't told you that she expects it of you.

I really think that you should be thinking about getting out from home and letting your mother figure out something else.

Maybe this isn't the advice you are looking for, but it seems to me that you are being used by your mother and that you need to get out from home.

Dawn

of course. you're easily old enough, and you've watched your other sisters for some time now.
i'm sorry that all of you are in this difficult situation. i hope your mother is able to extricate herself soon, and start providing and demonstrating better decisions for the sake of your sisters. you seem to have your head on straight.
i'm glad your mother has you to help. good luck to all of you.
khairete
S.

You sound wonderful! I would definitely do it but not full time. I would offer to help a little but you can have your life too. Get into classes an go out with friends etc. Good luck!

I would look at how you can help but also continue your own life goals. If it works out for the family that you watch the infant for a certain time and then are able to work or go to school at night, then that might be a way to help your mom without sacrificing your own education. I think you and your parents (especially you and your mom) need to sit down and talk things through. It sounds like your life is really chaotic and while I understand the desire to be there for your mom, you have to look out for you a bit, too. She made a poor choice and actions have consequences. YOU did not choose to have an affair so YOU need to be careful not to get sucked into the consequences.

For yourself, I would attend some Red Cross infant training courses.
http://www.redcross.org/templates/render/renderCanonical....

The local hospital should offer free or low-cost classes that cover the basics of newborn care.

Also, you should have a set schedule of when you are 'on the clock' and when you are on your own and your mom is in charge. This may seem unnecessary, but as someone that was 15 when the youngest was born, I must say that it is needed so that both you and your Mom can enjoy some boundaries and freedom.

I think it's wonderful that you would like to help your mom out with the new baby, BUT, I think that you need to concentrate on your life, your education and how you are going to make a living for yourself. We have three daughters and we want ALL of them to be equipped with experience and education so that they can provide a decent living for themselves. I know you love your mom, but she is the adult and the parent. You are not responsible for her choices and circumstances, and she should not expect you to be. You are also her child and since you have already helped out so much with your step-sisters, I believe it's time for you to spread your wings in the world and shine. J., you sound like a wonderful person who has alot to offer---I would like to see you reach for the stars!!

I didn't read the other responses, but I think you are very kind to offer. But you do need to make sure to put your needs and plans first and don't allow your help to be taken for granted.

I agree completely with Catherine! You sound like an absolutely wonderful young woman. But you deserve to use some of that wonderfulness to build your own life and your own career. If you enjoy baby care, could you look into taking early childhood education classes in the evenings, or pursuing a career in something like pediatric nursing (or doctoring)? That way, the baby could be part of your professional development. You really sound like the best kind of person in the world, like a giver. And Lord knows, the world needs givers. I would just encourage you to direct those impulses toward a fulfilling career.

I suggest you look for a job in child care if you enjoy children. It can be a fulfilling life long adventure...lol.

If your mom and step dad are truly low income, less than $2500 per month your mom could qualify for reduced or even free child care through the state. I had one family that both parents worked a good job and each made over $10 per hour, I think it was more like $15 per hour each. They only paid a couple hundred dollars per month for a toddler, a pre-schooler, and an after school kid. If they had been paying cash it would have been a couple hundred per week easy.

I think that if you have any interest in child care that you could find work then your mom would have to learn to take care of herself and you could make enough to live on your own. This would show her you are ready to take care of a newborn.

By the way, it is against the law for any licensed child care setting to take a child under 6 weeks of age into their program. Because the infant is still under a doctors care from it's birth. Like your mom should not be allowed to go back to work for 6 weeks. She will be under a doc's care and if she were to get hurt on the job or start having complications from her birth experience they could be held liable even if she is the one that wanted to go back to work.

She should call, no, why don't you call your state labor board and ask them. Tell them that you have a question about leave after having a baby and if an employer can make a person come back to work only 2 weeks after having a baby.

IF they are threatening her with taking her job if she doesn't come back they could get in trouble. They could also be mean to her so it is best to not mention the company by name unless they are wanting to know and are going to stand by your mom. She needs that 6 weeks off to heal and bond with the baby.

BTW, there are a lot of ladies your age that are already mothers, some may even have 2-3 kids by 18. A hundred years ago my grandmother was only 20 and had 6 or 7. If we still had the tradition that girls didn't need their education and weren't good for anything but providing future work hands for the family farm then you'd already be married and have a few of your own. So your age has nothing to do with caring for an infant. It does have something to do with it if you have issues paying attention and remembering your responsibilities.

What if something happened to that child. Like SID's or RSV, Whooping Cough, something that could take it's life. Your mom would never forgive you or stop wondering if you did something wrong. She would have so much guilt and would not be able to stop herself from blaming you.

I still think that if you really want to take care of kids that finding employment in a child care setting would be the best route to go.

This sounds so sweet of you and very helpful and fun at the same time but I would think about how it will lock you in for? How long? If you're like me you would get attached to the baby and feel 'responsible' for it and then not want to leave and so that is a very important thing to think about. I babysat younger than you with infants and so I'm sure you would do fine having helped with other children in the family. It's a big responsibility for you full time and ties you down and I would advise you to move out, find a job first of course, and start your own life babysitting once in awhile if you want. Your step day may be abusive to the other kids and the baby may be in that later on but it's not your job to worry about that but if you feel it's that bad get help for them with someone who can do something to protect them. I don't understand why your mom is having more children in this situation. It's really her responsibility and sadly the kids pay for it. You need to get a good life and visit them.

kid, if you are 18 and eager to watch a little drool machine, my vote is to let you..and i am a mother. i have been my younger sisters stand in mama since they brought her home from the hospital thirty four years ago and now i have my own little drool machine, take a cpr and basic first aid class, you might need it
K. h.

I think it would be ok. We have a 12 y/o an 11 y/o an 8 y/o, a 5 y/o and an adopted 5 month y/o. My older kids help watch her a lot too. And I am expecting twins next month, so I am sure they will also help with them.

Good luck with the baby!