Teacher Sends Child to Cry in Restroom

I work in a school and I do not like how the teacher handles the discipline, but she is the teacher. I would suggest you approach the teacher and tell her you do not like this. I do not know why some of these teachers discipline the way they do. Different for me, I am trying to understand some of this myself and yet I work there and after I have argued my points now keep my mouth shut. The parents are much more effective. So try that. The teacher, and the director. If they do not cooperate with you, remember you are paying them, then time to look else where.

Definately go talk to the teacher find out what is going on it isimportant to find out whats going on with her in school good luck A. no hills

This is why I'm waiting until my 2 y/o is at least 6 or 7 before he starts school. The teacher is probably frustrated because she has students who have 3 y/o behavior and I think she probably needs more schooling on how to care for 3 y/o olds. I would not allow them to grab my child by their arms. They are not ready to just sit all day and pay attention. They are still learning. After all they are JUST 3! They still have short attention spans. Hope you find what you're looking for.

When our child started kindergarten, the teacher gave all of us parents great advice.

'If you will believe 50% of what your child tells you about what goes on at school, I will believe 50% of what they tell me about what goes on in your homes.."

I am going to guess the teacher does not grab her arm, but takes her arm and guides her to the bathroom so your daughter can have privacy while she is upset. Also this will help to keep the rest of the children who are not crying, from becoming upset.

You should still just mention this to the teacher, BEFORE you ever go above her head to the director. Would you want someone jumping to conclusions and going to your boss or employer, before speaking with you?

Personally, I think you are totally over reacting.

We send kids to their rooms to cry - what's the difference? They need to learn that they can't disrupt the whole class because they are upset.

That said, your attachment parenting and Montessori might conflict...
Montessori teaches independence... attachment parenting does not.

As for grabbing the kids by the top of the arm - it surely beats dragging them by the hand or wrist which can easily break. You have far more control over a child when you have them under the top of the arm. In my day they used to pull us by the ear! It was effective, that's for sure!
The fact that the teachers don't tolerate bad behavior should make you happy. They are taking the kids to a time out. They are making them walk there. They are safely putting them in a time out. You can't let a 3 year old take advantage - if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. If it were my child's class, I'd be plenty happy to see that.

As for your daughter not liking her teacher - she is upset - the teacher did not give in to her demands. By Monday she will have forgotten the whole thing and love the teacher - while you have worried and obsessed all weekend.
There are two sides to every story and you only have one -- the 3 year old side. Find out both sides before you make judgments.
That said, you need to back up the teacher in front of your daughter - if you don't you are doing what millions of parents are doing - you are undermining any authority the teacher has. (This is why so many kids go into school every day with an attitude and give teachers no respect.)
You should absolutely speak with the teacher, but do it out of earshot of your daughter. Also, do not speak poorly about the teacher in her presence - it doesn't help and will only confuse her.
YMMV
LBC

The word "Montessori" is not trademarked. Any schools can call themselves Montessori. When you pick a preschool, make sure that the directors and teachers as truly passionate about the Montessori method and go to Montessori conferences, etc., etc.

Attachment parenting is great, especially for when a child is a little baby. There are much worse ways to raise kids, BUT, you STILL have to set limits on children or they will run your life and make you and everyone else miserable. If you want your daughter to be healthy emotionally, then you must set limits on her behavior. This is the way children learn empathy and compassion. To do otherwise would be to risk raising a narcissist.

I think it is fine to separate a child from the rest of the class if they are being disruptive. I don't know the situation at your school, but I would prefer a place other than the bathroom. Yes, I understand that we want to raise people who are capable of expressing their feelings. BUT, when a child's expression of their feelings imposes on other people, then, yes, that child should be sent away to deal with how they are feeling on their own.

The arm grabbing seems a little rough to me. But I am not there and I cannot see the context of the arm grabbing. Was the child about to do something dangerous? Sometimes, it is okay to grab a child's arm, sometimes it is not.

Having been a fan of the montessori for years (I attended, as did my children.), I can say that educators trained in the true montessori method will emphasize the need to help students develop independence so that they learn to create a world outside of the home. So if attachment parenting is your philosophical foundation, the two may conflict.

And although the goal of montessori (to support a child's "natural way of being" through manipulation of and experimentation with everyday objects) does mesh well with AP, discipline measures may not. So what you're reinforcing at home is influencing how your daughter is dealing with protocols practiced at her school.

At my children's school, plenty of kids were in time out until they learned self control. I've seen tremendous growth in those children as the year progressed, and this was especially apparent in the younger children (those who were 2 1/2 and 3 yo).

If the method isn't working for you, I'd suggest finding a co-op where more parents are involved on a daily basis. I spent a year in one and pulled my daughter b/c it wasn't for us. But there were more AP parents who found the environment a good fit. Keep in mind, however, that unless you SAH or have a flexible work schedule, co-ops can be inconvenient.

Ok, as far as the crying in the bathroom part...I do not think its a bad thing at all; especially if there are no doors on the restroom. It is a good tool to help a child realize that its ok to be upset, but they can not disrupt the rest of the group because of it; when they are calmed down and ready to join in the fun, they may do so. I do the exact same thing with my kids, only I use the steps. Its not a time-out, because they get to decide how long they stay there. Its not punishment either. More of a tool to teach a little self control. There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, but when it becomes disruptive to a larger group, then its time to re-evaluate the need for this particular type of expression. Look at it this way...If an adult were unhappy about something at a store, and was yelling enough to disrupt normal business, the adult would be asked by management to leave. Not much difference in preschool. Also, if the crying isn't nipped now, she will likely continue to do this into elementary school which could open a whole new world of social problems for her.

As for the arm grabbing...I guess I'd have to witness it myself to have a solid opinion on that one. I know if my kids are out of line, I will get a hold on their upper arm and lead them to where I want them...even my 9 year old. I would think as long as they are not being aggressive with the children, and are not hurting them physically, it would be ok. The Kindergarten teachers at our school use this tool from time to time with some of the more difficult kids. The teachers are always calm and very matter-of-fact with the kids, and the kids usually don't struggle with it, because they know they've done wrong.

If you're really uncomfortable about how things are handled, then by all means, speak to the teacher first. However, you should be prepared for them to tell you that this is their way of doing things, and that they do not plan to change it.

I don't have a lot of experience with Montessori, so I am no expert, but my daughter is almost 3 and sometimes I send her to her room to cry and I don't really see this as any different. I would doubt that the teachers are trying to be mean or out of touch with her feelings, but sometimes there just isn't anything you can do, so it seems like a fairly logical thing to do to me. Sometimes kids just have a moment and need to cry or me be mad or whatever. I would talk to the teachers before you move her out, it may not be as it seems. Ask questions and find out more for sure. As far as the grabbing of the arms...that's a tough one. It's not necessarily out of line, but it all depends on how they do it...are they angry? are they just guiding the children over there?...again ask questions. This method seems a bit harsh when reading it in print, but again, it may not be as it seems. Montessori is definitely different and I have found that people either love it or hate it. Good luck, this is a tough spot to be in for you and your daughter.

Hi, I haven't read the responses and it seems you have resolution on the issue but I feel compelled to put my two cents in for any other mothers who may read this.

I think that going somewhere else to cry is a GREAT idea. It minimizes the amount of disruption that a crying child has on the rest of the class. (Crying is contagious in small children.) It also gives the child a chance develop skills in getting control over their emotions. That's a great thing to be learning around age 3 and 4. I think it is a very appropriate way to deal with continued crying, i.e. crying lasting over 30 seconds or crying that can't be soothed with a few nice words and a hug.

Also, I sort of don't like this "attachment parenting" label that gets thrown around here sometimes. I think it's meant to make people who don't follow this philosophy feel like they are somehow less attached and bonded to their kids and vice-versa. My kids are quite attached to me even though I choose to parent differently.

I used to work in a development center, so I have a little bit of insight. I would talk to the teacher about sending your daughter to cry in the bathroom before you do anything else. She may not have a problem at all changing the way she does things with your daughter. At my center, if a child was crying unreasonably, we would sent them to the cozy center (usually a corner with lots of pillows and animals) until they calmed down, but that would only be if they were throwing a fit, not if they were hurt or actually sad. If the teacher refuses your request, then I would talk to the director.

As far as grabbing children by the arm, that shouldn't happen at all unless the child just really isn't cooperating. Even then, we usually just picked up the child and carried them to time out, not grab their arm. I would talk to the teacher about that as well, and if you see it happen again, I would address the director.

For anything like this, it is always a good idea to talk to the teacher first. It can form some unhappy feelings when a parent talks to the director about a problem that may have been easily and happily fixed but the teacher just didn't know. Usually if a director has to address the teacher about it, the teacher is usually on bad terms with the director for a period of time. Obviously if the teacher won't do anything about the issue, then do what you need to do and contact the director. Your child's well being is number one.

Good luck! I hope the situation resolves quickly and peacefully!

I think you need to get the perspective of the teacher or the director.
Keep in mind that your daughter IS being allowed to express her feelings, but she was asked to express them in a different room so the other members of the class didn't have to endure it.

My 3 year old daughter is extremely intelligent AND extremely expressive. She would love nothing more than to have EVERYONE suffer with her when she is upset, however, there is no need for everyone to share in her indignation if she doesn't get her way. I ask her to finish her screaming ( and it is LOUD!!!!) in another room and when she is through, she can come out and apologize and have hugs and kisses when she is done.

The arm grabbing thing could be addressed, but I would have no problem with directing a child to have a tantrum away from the class.

Good luck!

It is very important to discuss this with the teacher while keeping an open mind. If you are not satisfied with the way the teacher disciplines or handles tears then talk with the director.

You didn't say what the teacher's attitude was when she grabbed the child's arm. Some people are more physical than others. If she's calm and not irritated or angry then her attitude is good. I'd suggest to her reasons that you want her to not handle children that way. Again, if you're still concerned talk with the director.

If you do decide to talk with the director for whatever reason, let the teacher know that you're doing that. Be diplomatic at all times.

About going to the restroom to cry. My daughter and I both sent her children at that age to their bedroom and still do when they're whining, being unhappy and unpleasant to be around. We see it as a need to have some time to calm down. It's not punishment or discipline per se. It's one way to give yourself and them some space. We quietly and in a kind voice just tell them to go to their room until they're feeling better.We've talked with them about this process at times when they aren't whining. They can come out of their room when they're able to be pleasant again. This teaches them how to self-soothe. We ask them if they want a hug but if they say no, it's OK.

This said, I'd need more info before I'd venture an opinion. First, I'd want to know if this really does happen. At 3, your child's brain is still not able to differentiate between fact and fantasy. Perhaps they read a story and this is your child's interpretation which may be combined with an actual event or another child's story. My granddaughter has always had a vivid imagination. Since she started talking in conversational ways she's described what has happened at an event during which I was present. Sometimes her story is close to what happened but just as often it's not even close. She's told her mother I was mean to her when what had happened is I wouldn't buy her a toy while we were at the store.

How many toddlers does the teacher have in her room. Are all the children close in age? What is the adult to child ratio? Is there somewhere else more appropriate for a child to spend time away from the noise and activities in the classroom? Is there a child in the classroom with a vivid imagination or who has a need to tell stories to get attention.

Your daughter has only been there 2 weeks. You say that she is happy and likes the preschool but doesn't like the teacher. Nearly all children like and then dislike their teacher back and forth depending on what happened that day, how they themselves are feeling or what they think their parents want to hear.

Your husband is upset. Your daughter knows that. Unless your conversation with the teacher does not go well I definitely recommend that you not immediately change schools. Your daughter needs consistency. Changing schools, if the school has the possibility of being a reasonable place to be, has the potential for damage to your daughter's trust and sense of security. She likes the school. She won't understand why she has to change. And you don't want to tell her any specific reasons why either. She's 3 and too young for that responsibility.

I urge you to first work with the teacher. If you have doubts, spend more time at the school observing. Try being at the school when other parents are picking up children and talk with them. Or, ask the school for the names and phone numbers of other parents and give them a call.

Unless you see something totally out of line and the teacher is defensive and won't discuss your concerns with you, you really don't know what the school is like. If you change schools, you're starting over, which is stressful for you and your daughter. And you won't know what that school is really like until you spend more time there.

Asking your 3 yo if the teacher was nice today is not helpful. What does a 3 yo consider nice? My granddaughter has been in an after school Y program since kindergarten. A teacher is nice if (s)he lets her do whatever she wants to do. A teacher can discipline and still be nice but there are personality issues involved that help determine if the teacher is nice in spite of having put her in time out.

You will never find a preschool or school with whom you'll agree 100% of the time. I also favor attachment parenting. I've learned over the years that a parent and a teacher have to use different ways of doing some things. When you put your daughter in time out, you are only dealing with your daughter. A teacher has, by law no more than 6 toddlers if she's by herself. She has to consider the needs of all 6 children when she puts one child in time out. Some children have to be led to time out. Others don't. This is just one example.

Do discuss your expectations with the teacher. But please don't expect that she's going to do everything the same way that you do them. You should have your daughter in a school that has the same values that you have and uses discipline techniques that correspond to your values.

My daughter was in a Montessori program one summer between the first and second grades. My sense is that although the description of a Montessori program emphasized the needs of individual children and encouraged exploratory play and learning, which I did find to be true, they were also more structured than I expected. It's been 20 some years and so I can't be more specific.

If you haven't discussed the school's program already, it will help for you to do that now. Think thru what aspects of the program are important to you and what ones you can compromise on. Spend some time getting to know the school's routine, the teacher, and aides, as well as at least a cursory understanding of the personalities of the other children and how they fit with your child's personality.

I don't necessarily have the same concerns that you do after reading your explanation. Clearly we parent differently, but I don't think your way is wrong or bad or anything negative at all. That being said, here's where I stand on issues you mentioned.
For us, it's perfectly acceptable to send our daughter out of the room if she's crying loudly. We don't get upset about it, but take her to her room and tell her she can come out when she's done yelling. It's only happened a handful of times, and all but once she came out happy as a lark. (And the one time she wasn't, it still wasn't as though she was traumatized. She was simply having a rare off day.) And if your daughter's daycare room is like the ones we had for my son, the restroom is in the same room. So she's not really being sent out of the room, but into a different area of the room. It gives her a chance to pull herself together, while not disrupting what the teacher is doing with the rest of the children.
As for grabbing kids by the top of their arms... there are a lot of ways to do that. If the teachers are yanking them or being overly forceful, that would be a problem. Simply holding an arm to guide them would not.
Having a time out for pulling leaves off a tree? Perfectly reasonable. We try to teach our kids that they shouldn't destroy any property... and that would include plants.
The part that *does* stand out for me is your daughter's feelings about her teacher. On the one hand, you want to avoid letting her dictate who she will or won't learn from. (I made this mistake with my son when he was either an old two or young three year old, and it became something I had to deal with until third grade, when he finally realized that we weren't moving classes just because he complained.)
On the other hand, if she's not comfortable, perhaps something should be done. Either way, I'd start with the teacher. Address your concerns. Depending on her response... or even just your strong feelings about the problems as you see them, consider talking to the director, too. And if you're not happy with the way your daughter's being treated, by all means, find a new place. I had to do that once, too. It meant pulling my son out until I could arrange something else, but to me, it was worth it.
Best wishes. I know it's not easy finding the right person or school to watch one's children.

Sounds like you worked it out, but remember: your child's teachers are not her parents.

So the fact that you are into attachment parenting should have nothing to do with what her teacher does. Teachers play a much different role than parents. Let the teachers teach her. Your child is going to have to learn to deal with the world, and with people who do things differently from mom and dad, so you will be doing her a disservice by protecting her from everything.

i'll bet there is another perspective to this. this entire story could be told as 'my child was crying, so the nice teacher sent her to the bathroom to compose herself. this bathroom has no doors so my child was never isolated or made to feel bad, just had an opportunity to get herself together privately, while still able to see and hear the rest of the class and her teacher. they are also thoughtful enough to take each child by the arm and escort them into time out instead of just ordering them, or dragging them by the hand.'
every kid will be mad at the teacher sometimes. if this place really doesn't suit your family philosophy, by all means find somewhere that does. but also be aware that an upset child will tell the tale according to her 3 year old perspective, and that while 'true' it doesn't necessarily tell the whole story.
while playing tag in the park one day my husband dodged to one side, letting my klutzy 2 year old slam into a tree. he carried my wailing bleeding bruised son out of the park to screams of 'daddy hurt me!!!! daddy hurt me!!!!'
just sayin'.
:) khairete
S.

She's only been there 2 weeks? I think you should give it a little more time, just keep your eyes and ears open. Come by little early for pick up, offer to help serve snack or read a story or something so you can get a better feeling for the teachers. It sounds like your daughter had fun, except she didn't like being sent to the bathroom to finish crying. She might have been a little taken aback by that, especially if it differs from your approach at home, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Maybe wanting to stay with the group and not go to the bathroom will help her with gain a little more some self control next time. My oldest daughter had a rough 3 year old preschool year. She didn't cry at drop off (although a number of kids did), but did cry often during activity transitions. Crying is very, very normal for a lot of 3 year olds at school. I wouldn't be upset if my child was guided aside to finish crying someplace to not interrupt the group as long as it was done gently, with kindness, and not in anger as a punishment or a heavy-handed time out.

Grabbing a child by the arm?? No. Pointing them there or holding their hand? Yes.
What if the child were to make themselves dead-weight while in an arm hold? That could cause a dislocation!
A child that cries for a few minutes after their parent leaves is perfectly normal and not something to be punished for by being sent away. This sends the child the wrong message. I would directly speak to both the teacher and the director and see how this can be fixed. If you don't feel comfortable with how they handle it, then yes, I say take her somewhere else.
A 3 minute time out with a hug afterwards is exactly what you should be doing at this age! Go mama! Sounds like you are a great mom and looking out for your little one great!

I've read some of the responses, and I would like to add a few things.

I don't want to be rude, so I apologize if I come accross this way, but I would like to point out to everyone who said that they would pull their child out of this childcare, or the teacher was inappropriate...please keep in mind, the mom only had the child's version of the story. At three, children do not tell the whole store, and cannot fully interpret what the teacher said or did. 3 year olds havent deveolped the skills or knowlege to be able to tell the whole story, and its not their fault. Of course, any three year old is going to be unhappy about a time out, and that's what they are going to tell mommy.

I would encourage you, E., if something like this happens again, that you reassure your chil, and then take a deep breath and talk to the teachers about the situations before making any rash decisions. I know, easier said than done, right? :)

I am a teacher, and also a mommy. I would recommend that you talk to the teacher in question, and the director, if you wish to remain at the school. Maybe their explanations will help you to feel more comfortable with the school, or maybe they will help you make the decision to leave.

If your daughter is not happy, that is reason enough to leave. I learned the hard way with my son, who was expressing his unhappiness to me for a while, and because his daycare looked good on paper, I kept him there, thinking it would change, and he would like it after getting used to school... that never happened, and things just got worse.

I did talk to the teacher that we had issues with at his old school, and the director, too, and they became quite defensive and denied any wrongdoing on their part, putting the responsibility on me. I ended up feeling foolish for trying to communicate my feelings to them. In many ways, the school had good qualities (good schedule, curriculum, location, philosophy, etc.), but my son's first school was not a good fit for him.

When I finally pulled my son out of that school this summer, and changed schools, he became a different child - happy to go to his new school, and eager to be there (so much so, that he told me he only missed me "a little bit" when I picked him up last week!).

In terms of discipline, you should make sure to read the school's handbook (which usually details the type of discipline they use at the school). If their philosophy doesn't seem to be consistent with their practice, then that is a red flag. I personally think it is not a good idea to send a child to the bathroom to cry it out, nor do I think grabbing a child and sending them to time out is best practice in any way, shape or form. Children at age 3 can already understand a lot, and if you can find a school with a good policy on conflict resolution, I think that would be good for your child and for what your style of parenting sounds like.

Good luck - I know the daycare/school thing is very difficult sometimes. You want to choose the best for your child, and if she is still crying after a few weeks at school, it is worth looking into other options. Best wishes to you and yours!!

I dont know if the questions should be "is this normal". I think you should ask yourself "do I agree with this". Just because something may be "normal" does not mean you want your child exposed to it. As an attachment parent we have "different" ideas of what normal is... :-)

To answer your question, I'm not sure about the bathroom thing. I dont know if the teacher has them go to the bathroom to cry if they wont calm down for a while in the classroom or what the details are. Personally, I wouldnt do this if I was the teacher because it seems counterproductive. The children need comforting when they cry...but she/he may not be the comforting type.
As for grabbing the children by the upper arm, totally inappropriate! I dont believe you should every put your hands in an aggressive way on children. Especially in that setting. Wow! Definitely speak with the teacher AND director about that.

If it doesn't feel right to you, then you have your answer already, but I attended Montessori for preschool and I don't remember it being like that. I distinctly remember being held and rocked when crying over boo boos, etc, but that was a different time. Nowadays I'm sure teachers are afraid to be affectionate to children like that. And I remember the wicker chair in the corner that was the time out chair, and you had to do something pretty bad (like hitting or pushing or name calling) to get time out. As far as grabbing by the upper arm, as long as it's not too hard I understand. My daughter (2 1/2) is in parent/tot gymnastics and we're told to hold them by the arm, just underneath the armpit because if you hold them by the hand and they fall (a high likelihood if the kid is squirming and misbehaving) you may end up dislocating their shoulder.

What Ladybug said is what I also know to be true. Montessori schools are not touchy feeley and usually don't even involve parents in most school activities and decisions. That said there is no reason why you can't ask the teacher what is her practice when a child cries in class and if she does what your daughter says then ask her why? If the answer isn't satisfactory to you then you need to look for a new school.

I'm not sure if they have them there, but we LOVE Primrose. They make it fun and educational. The kids are always all together... and not sent a way to cry. Many times I've seen a teach hugging and holding toddlers and preschoolers. Each school is different, so tour them, observe and ask ask ask about their philosophy. Good luck!

When my children throw tantrums, I pick them up, walk them to their room, kiss their cheek, tell them that I love them and when they are willing to stop screaming and crying, and calm down that they can come back out. My son is four and a half and my daughter is three. I understand wanting our children to express their feelings and emotions, however, you're putting your daughter into any kind of daycare, you're putting her there so that she (1) socializes with other children which is hugely important, but you're also putting her in there to learn how to behave in a class room setting, and I'm sorry, but teachers don't have the time or ability to mommy all of the students.

Hi E.. I would definitely trust your instincts on this one. We, too, are into attachment parenting. I believe this kind of discipline is just too harsh. At the pre-school my little girls attend, when the "babies" or little kids cry, the teacher kneels down to their level, asks the children to "use their words" to express what they are feeling, and then immediately picks them up and hugs them. The teachers would hold the child lovingly until he/she has calmed down and has expressed their feelings verbally. They are stern but loving. This is what sold us to the school. And they are consistent. My husband is there everyday for 2 hours. By watching this kind of interaction at the school, we learned to use the same techniques at home. For us, it has worked tremendously in helping our girls gain confidence and trust. They are not afraid to tell us what is bothering them. That's how we want it to be. We live in South Pasadena and the pre-school is called Celebration Kids. Good luck in your search.

I'm shocked that this is happening at a montessori. I'd talk to the director ASAP. The teacher grabbing any child by the arm to do anything is inappropriate. It calls into question "what is too much?". It is not the daycares place to use any sort of physical force in "disciplining" a child. I would let them know your thoughts and feelings and find another daycare immediately. Best luck!

Without knowing how the preschool is set up, sending them to the bathroom to finish crying could just be a way to separate them from the rest of the class so they don't disrupt everyone else. At our preschool, one of the teachers takes a crying child out for a walk to avoid upsetting the rest of the class as much as possible. I think kids should be able to express their feelings, but this is also the age when they need to learn different ways to express their feelings and that crying in the middle of the class isn't where to do it. I think it is only fair to the other kids that the one crying is separated (not for punishment, just to let them calm down so they can participate again). So, if your child needs hugging and attention during this process (all kids are different- my first needed the hugging and consoling, my second calms down much quicker when left alone to collect herself) then look for a different preschool that tries to meet all kids needs differently.

The discipline thing... that's a whole different issue. Without having seen it myself, I'd say I wouldn't be very comfortable with kids being yanked around. But on the other hand, there are times when a child needs to be removed from a situation immediately and there isn't time to coax- like when they are hitting or acting out. I'd rather have them be forceful than have a child get hurt due to lack of action. I'd say you have to use your judgment on that one.

With all of that being said, I think you have to do what feels right for your child. I don't think you should expect the preschool to change their ways just because you don't like their style (unless, of course they are truly acting inappropriately). I think you should look for a place that already handles things in a way you are more comfortable with. I absolutely LOVE our preschool- it is run from the teacher's house and they don't advertise at all so they are run only from referrals- never would have known about it without asking around. They treat the kids more like their own and get to know all the kids very well so they know how to deal with them individually.

Good luck, I hope you can find somewhere that really fits your style.

Two or three is WAY to young to tell them to go cry in the bathroom! Yes, i would be upset. There is absolutely no excuse for them pulling her arm. Please take her to a preschool where she can have fun!! I would cry too if i were her!

Did the school inform you of their discipline methods when you signed her up? That would be a good place to start. If their discipline methods are not favorable to your family and no accommodation can be meet, then maybe it's not the right school for your family. If you see actual grabbing and not guiding, I agree that it's wrong at any age.

I would pull my child out asap if I were you. That is teaching the wrong lesson to your kids that it's not ok to cry. If you are working and can't do it that quickly, I would suggest addressing it directly with your child's teacher. Give her an opportunity to correct the situation before you contact the director. Meanwhile i would start looking for alternatives, pronto. Chances are this behavior will continue & you'll need to remove your child. Definitely do discuss with the director before pulling him out though, they may not be aware of the teacher's actions.

I know you have a lot of responses and I haven't read them all. I would go talk to the teacher or other parents in the classroom to see if there kids have mentioned anything about this. I always like to try and hear the other side of the story before getting upset. Good luck.

I can't imagine punishing a child for expressing sadness. I could understand if the crying was more than 5 minutes and then maybe send her to another classroom, or possibly talking to your daughter and finding out why she is sad. But sending her to the bathroom to "finish" her crying is a bit much. If you love the school then speak with the director (not the teacher it sounds like she really doesn't care about helping your daughter through her sadness); but if you don't love the school then I would find a school that doesn't mind a little crying.

Penny Amic CEO/Clinical Director
Special Beginnings, Inc.
An Early Intervention Network

Oh no!!! I know everyone discipline the kids different, but is no way I will let my kid in that school!
My little guy is almost 4 and he is in school for 3 months now, the past couple weeks he start to cry at drop off, his teacher and also the assistente teacher hold him in their laps until he stop cry, that only last 5 minutes or so, but is no way that I will accept if they will send him to the restroom!
He is at 7 hills preschool in las vegas!

You should definetely talk to the director and if you are not comfortable or noting change, look for another school!

Good luck

Your last sentence answers your question. As moms, our gut is sometimes all we have. Especially when we can't see what is happening at school. Keep this dilemma simple... get her out! Good luck!

Yikes!
My feedback would be to take her out of that school and to definitely speak with the head-master/administrator in charge!
Being isolated at 3 due to the expression of a normal human emotion, is deplorable. Ideally, you child would be immersed in an environment in which expression of all emotions is encouraged, worked through, processed and learned from.
And regarding the grabbing of the kids by the top of the arm, this is completely unacceptable! And this is a Montessori program?
Unacceptable in any type of a program!

My daughter is in preschool and they have no form of discipline that I am aware of or that she tells me of. In the four years she has been at that school, I have only seen one classroom out of control. I have heard them say to stop doing something or they are going over there, but then heard it followed up with, I don't know what I will do when I get there.

As for the crying in the restroom, if you didn't see it, the teacher deserves to be asked before you take your daughters word. They are kids and do get creative. But the grabbing the arm, you say you see that and it is unacceptable and unnecessary.

I would more than likely already have a back up in mind and be prepared to move her.

Hello, I would find a new preschool. Why are there no doors on the bathrooms? I find that odd.
I would not want my three year old where she/he cannot cry without feeling as though they are doing something wrong. When we negate real feelings, we cause our children to "pocket" them. This will only come out in a negative way later. Also, they shouldn't be grabbing the children by the arm. I don't know where this fits into Montessori teaching.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

I agree with your husband. I went to a montessori school as a child and never really like there methods.
if you a re not comfortable with who you leave your children with than you should find another person.

If you have a Primrose near you, check it out. My grandaugher goes there and we couldn't be happier.
I don't think you'll be disappointed.

I don't know much about this type of pre school, but i do know that some kids are not emotionally ready for preschool and that may be the reason for your daughter crying. I for one would not want my child sent to the bathroom for any reason but to go potty. time outs are not discipline, it is punishment, and as a daycare provider and teachers are limited to timeouts and that's it. I would look for a regular ore school. J.