Teacher Issues

Sounds to me like this is a bully problem and not an ADHD problem and you need to address it as such. What is the school's bullying policy?

And even really smart kids do dumb things. Like a young lady who nearly didn't graduate because she failed English for lack of assignment completion, but won the literacy award. If he has no missing assignments, then what is she concerned about? Be specific. My SD had a teacher that hated her, the VP was involved, etc. Her final was graded as an F. We called foul and the school hand graded it. She earned an A. Sometimes there are true conflicts, but you can't just go in guns blazing.

If I were you, I'd ask the school counselor to accompany you to the conference. It sounds like you need a third party to be involved. I would NOT include your son in this meeting.

Go in ready to listen and also to speak. (Listen first.) Take notes while she talks. This will help you keep calm and remember what things you want to respond to. Also bring notes with you for things you don't want to forget to say.

You need to include the issue with the kid calling him SLAVE and the clarinet. That's not taking sides. That's pointing out obvious problems and you have the right to do that, regardless of how much she has to deal with. You also have the right to tell her that he has no problems with any of his other of his other classes or teachers.

Tell her that you would like the kid who calls your son names to be moved away from your son and the one who messed with his expensive instrument to tell him not to do it anymore.

If your son needs to be in a subsequent meeting, then involve him, but include the guidance counselor again. This way, you know that someone with a modicum of impartiality is present.

Good luck.

Some things to consider from a teacher's point of view: Please set up a meeting where we can talk about this issue. It will be nice to have a face to face conversation without any distractions where we can go over important details. When we talk on the phone I only have about 5 minutes to dedicate to the call and would love to focus in on this issue, especially if it is bothering you and your son so much. Just because your son thinks I heard something doesn't mean that I did. I am watching at least 30 students in class and I am adept at it, but sometimes I am listening to the students in the corner and don't hear what is going on right in front of me! If you have time please come to class and observe for a day or two so that you can see that your little darling sometimes does misbehave. Maybe it is only this class but if I am frustrated with his behavior...there is something going on. And finally I care about your child but I have 180 students to deal with on a daily basis so while this is your baby and you know the details about how he feels and what is going on with him, I might not. I became a teacher because I care about students and I want them all to be successful. Let's work together to find a solution. Please don't come to the meeting angry, I won't be and it won't benefit your child. Cheers!

It sounds like the problem is the other child; your son probably dreads going to that class because of that name calling brat he has to deal with-what an annoying distraction-like having a fly in the room. I would audit the class if I were you and see first-hand what is happening. Good luck.

It sounds to me like you are searching for reasons your son could be acting out. Not everything is his fault, but it is great that you are trying to put everything in perspective.

Is this whole thing focused around this one problem child? Maybe they need to be separated. They are 6th graders and are learning to get along with others, which doesn't mean they have mastered it.

Name calling is bad, but your son will have to learn to let that stuff roll off his back. Destruction and defacing personal property is a complete other story. The school would never put up with it and I think the other child's parents should be called into the picture. This does not seem to be one sided by any means.

It sounds like your son has a problem with another student in school and he has ADHD, not the other way around.

Try to stay calm and present facts. Refusing to do the work? Where is the evidence? Dealing with two kids in conflict needs to be delt with on a bigger level by separating them as much as possible.

Your son needs to apologize to his teacher while he is there for HIS actions.

She needs to give him statagies for dealing with this other kid in her class.

Your calm meeting will go a long way in changing how she sees your son and deals with him.

I'm not saying that the teacher can't be wrong. But your presence in your son's life will go a long way in solving any unreasonableness on her part.
As long as you focus on solutions, not blame.

Call the principal and make an appt. If this is not being addressed by the teacher you need to go over her head.

Just because he has adhd does not mean its his fault in class. Sounds to me he has issues with some kids and maybe is trying to learn the best way to deal with it. Unfortunately because your kid has adhd and will be hyper and active in class means the teacher is going to see this. So when another child who is calm starts trouble with him it will be easier for the teacher to ignore your son in favor of the other kid. Do not let this be ok. If another child is bothering your kid then you need report it and maybe even request a class change. I'm sure it is not all your kid at all.

Yes, make an appointment to talk in person with the teacher. Keep an open mind. Reduce your anger first. Keep in mind that communication thus far has been brief while she's been frustrated. Consider that not all her frustration is with your son. Expect that the two of you will reach an understanding helpful for your son.

Also consider that much of classroom work is not formal assignments and therefore a lack of cooperation on your son's part would not show as a missing assignment.

I am a teacher and the behavior from this other child is unacceptable. Speak with the teacher about these concerns and if nothing is done, go straight to the principal, and then the super if need be if the principal won't deal with it. Bullying is a big issue and needs to be erradicated. Let her know you are not happy about this situation. If need be, ask the principal to be present for the conference. Sounds like a very unfair situation for your child and it ticks me off even to hear its happening. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Some teachers nitpick and its not fair. My kindergartener had some behavioral issues early in the year and his teacher seems to now nitpick everything. (Made him draw a frown face on his daily report for things like playing with his sleeves, and not following directions because he left white spaces while coloring). I've about had it myself and we have our conference next week. Maybe your son can be put in a different class. Sounds like his teacher is a major B.

He refuses to do his work regularly, or refused one time? His work and his issues with the other student are two separate things. The best thing would be to set up a conference with the teacher to discuss both your son's work (and strategies to keep him on task) and any incidents with the other boy that might need to be reported (but your son may not be completely innocent here)
Good luck

I have found that teachers respond better to emails. That way they have time to hear you out, think about what you said, and respond appropriately. I have had some pretty lengthy email conversations with teachers and usually, I see results. I think it also shows them that you are very involved in your child's life and really are a concerned parent. As long as the tone of the email isn't accusatory or demanding--just ask a lot of questions and ask for her advice on how you can help. She will begin to soften toward you and eventually toward your child. Unfortunately teachers are human and we humans don't always 'click' with every person we meet. You do have the power to help nurture your son's relationship with this teacher, if you take the right approach! Good luck.

Teachers tend to band together. Moving him may or may. It work. Change your attitude before you go. Just one of you go--you or hubby. This will feel like double teaming if you both attend.