Teacher Gossip

You know this teacher could be the one your child loves better than any she has ever had. You can't pay attention to remarks someone else has made, whether it comes from other teachers or parents. The problem is someone always has to make a snide remark. Maybe there is jealousy, maybe their child wasn't the teacher's pet - whatever. Be happy for your child and don't look for trouble.

Please don't give in to the gossip...it is so destructive. Be a woman of principle and choose not to listen to those around you. Give this teacher a fair shot and then decide for yourself. Also, kids are usually a pretty good judge of character because their minds don't get clouded with heresy like adults...so look for signs coming from your child about the new teacher. If your child is happy, then what could be so wrong? Just try not to jump to conclusions about a person's character, as you wouldn't want that done to you.

It's a shame that moms do this... and often in front of the kids, which can taint their views before they really get to know a teacher (or other person).

My girls are entering 3rd & 5th grade and I've had 2 very similar situations over the last 6 years. Based on what I was hearing about each of these teachers, I was scared for my child at the beginning of the year. In both cases, the "mom reports" simply weren't true for OUR relationship - and I can't stress enough that every teacher has different relationships with every child and parent. One of the two that I'm referring to was an OK teacher for my oldest daughter - not a superstar, but no problems either. The other was a teacher for my youngest and was one of the BEST teachers she's ever had. My youngest has more trouble "getting" new concepts and the teacher worked well with her and with my husband and I to build her confidence in first grade and help her understand new concepts - she was absolutely wonderful! Again, everyone is going to have a different view - just like some people thing the loud, boisterous guy at the party is annoying, others think he's the life of the party - it just depends on your view.

I would however, mention the cell phone issue. In my opinion, that should be turned off in the classroom. If there's an emergency, her family and friends should know how to reach her through the school.

Finally, I might also use this as an example to your children about "gossip." The rule of thumb that we tell our girls is not to say anything about someone that you wouldn't say with them in the room. You might not like the person, but getting into the habit of gossip always ends up hurting someone.

Good luck! Hope your child has a great year - despite what other moms say.
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Hi A.,
I have read all of the posts thus far, and I think you have received excellent advice with the exception of two: the women who said you should volunteer just to "spy." These are the kind of people that shouldn't volunteer. I was very disgusted upon reading that. As a parent, I don't want people like that around my children if they arent there to help. Volunteering should come from your heart and from a desire to help others, not to verify gossip and spy with hopes of discovering dirt.
My hope is that you recognize gossip for what it is, and look for the positive with this new teacher relationship.
Good luck - I'm sure it will be fine.
Leanne

Hi A.,

My daughter got a teacher everyone was saying 'oh, you don't want her'. She was a great teacher. Alot of times one or two parents have a problem and they make sure everyone knows 'the teacher' is bad. Sometimes it can be a personality clash with parents. Sometimes it can be a child that has challenges but the parents blame the teacher.
Don't worry. Chaulk it up to someone else's experience...not yours. If a problem does arise, talk to the teacher yourself with an open mind.

I hope you find the answer you are looking for.

A., if you have concerns about your child's teacher then go and spend time in the classroom. Volunteer at her school not just in her classroom. If you do that you can see how she acts or what is going on in the room without the teacher knowing you are there.
In volunteering try not to make it the same time or same day. You will see the true colors of all the teachers this way.
I do work at a school and we welcome our parents to come in and join us anytime.

Well, you don't say if this is a public or private institution. Either way, I cannot fathom that it is permissible for a teacher to use their cell phone in the classroom. So if there is concrete proof of that, bring it before the administration.

People talk. People aren't fair. Sometimes it is warranted , sometimes not.
There are simply no guarantees about the "quality" of teacher your child will ever get in public or private schools.

Give it a few weeks. If your child is happy, engaged and learning you don't have a problem. Look before you leap!

I say give her the benefit of the doubt unless something occurs that makes you question her teaching ability. I would definitely ask your child how she feels about her teacher in an indirect way. My daughter also got a teacher that I haven't heard anything good about and that she's very degrading to the kids and was even worse when she was pregnant. Now I found out she's preg. again-great! Although my daughter has said she is kind of mean, she seems ok with the teacher. I'd just stay on top of it and I wouldn't hesitate to have a conference with the principal if need be. The cell phone thing is a BIG NO-NO in our school. Let me know how it turns out.

I say give the teacher a chance. If you or your child see a problem, address it with the teacher. There might be a good reason for "the problem" which you are not seeing and if you sit down and talk to her then you might resolve it. If you don't resolve it, go to the principal.

As for the cell phone, my phone stays on silent or off in the classroom at all times. If there is a special circumstance (my elderly grandmother having surgery was one example), I make my principal aware and keep it in my pocket on vibrate and only answer it if it is in relation to the circumstance. So, if you find out your teacher is using her cell phone in the classroom, I suggest you address it to her first. You might find out that she does have a personal situation going on that warrants the use. If she denys the usage (which I've seen happen with co-workers) or can't justify it, I'd go to the principal because your child's education should not be interrupted by cell phone usage on a regular basis.

On a side note, thanks to all of the other posters who give teachers the benefit of the doubt! :-)

Don't know when the parent/teacher conferences are, but maybe a meeting with her to chat. Since the ring-tone thing is an issue, just mention that it's a concern. Be curious and supportive as opposed to alarmed and confrontational. My first thought when it was mentioned that her child calls during the day is that perhaps it is a special needs child? Not that it's your problem, but having firsthand knowledge of her situation may be helpful.

I live in a very small town. Among many moms I've gotten to know, there is a LOT of teacher-related gossip. In my town, the teachers tend to socialize a lot with the moms in town as well, which can only add to the font of gossip (particularly with those parents not included in said socializing).

I take the approach that teachers have their own lives, and we all have things about which we might not be particularly proud. Though I, too, fret about what I 'hear', knowing to take it with a grain of salt helps to put that to rest.

Ignore what you 'hear' about the teacher and work to develop your own relationship with her. Ignore the gossip, and focus on your daughter's progress in school as a measure of the quality of her teacher's skills.

Remember that people are much more likely to speak about negative experiences than they are the positive ones. And Gossips tend to have their own personal agenda that doesn't really have a lot to do with the target of their gossip--Gossips are insecure and/or unhappy people to begin with.

Good Luck!

Smart to be cautious; however, just remember parents have different expectations. Maybe you could ask some specific questions of parents b/c maybe it is more just a personal reason, i.e. "I didn't like the way she disciplined by child, etc" Also, maybe you should set up an appointment with the teacher to discuss expectations and just get to know her. I am not sure if this is something you can do at this age. However, I know if you have a personal relationship with the teacher regarding developement and well-being of the child; then your child will get more out of the learning environment. Plus you are alerted of teacher problems earlier and might be able to correct via communication. Anyway, good luck!

Sorry, i guess you already know the reasons why parents do not like her. I guess there is even more importance of getting to know her so that you can address issues openly. Good luck

A teacher who doesn't socialize with the other teaches should be of no concern to parents.

She can answer her cell phone as much as she needs. Who knows what her reasons are.

Teachers have lives and emergencies too. I see principals answer their phones all day--why are their lives more important?

I am in the classroom often as a teacher and mom volunteer.

My advice is to volunteer. By participating and being active at the school, you will gain a lot of behind the scenes info on how the school is run. You will also get to know a lot more moms and your children's friends/classmates.

My daughter is in 9th grade now and I STILL volunteer where I can to "get in the know". Believe me...it helps and it works just in case you do get a bad teacher. There are some teachers out there that should not be in the profession....you learn it first hand as a volunteer.

I do agree that if your motive for volunteering is simply to "spy" then don't volunteer. It must come from the heart and believe me...it shows and is quickly recognized if someone is there for the wrong reasons.

Best wishes to your children!

Unfortunately, there is really not much you can do about it. It would not be good to try to have your child moved and gossip is rampant no matter what. Reply with " My daughter really likes her" or " Really? I haven't seen any of that." Maybe other mom's will get the idea. My youngest had that happen last year - and I didn't like the teacher (she yelled all the time) but my son loved her and everything ended up fine.

Good luck!

My girlfriend was in the same situation, son got a teacher that had a bad reputation. While some of it might have been true, it wasn't so for them.. he loved her and thrived in the classroom (which hadn't been the case for him in years past). So, with that said... give it a chance and be sure it isn't a good fit before you try changing it! I agree with another Mom's post about volunteering in the classroom, if you can. Best of luck!