Do you think patience is something that can be taught or are we all just born with a fixed personality and the amount of patience we have is the amount we're stuck with forever?
My 9-year old SD is SO IMPATIENT! Everything has to be NOW NOW NOW. I've been thinking it's just the age she is and a product of our "instant gratification" society. Fast food, on-demand movies, microwave meals.
Is there a way to help a person have more patience? I know adults with no patience, so I'm wondering if it's just the way she is.
I don't know....I have been working on that for 43 years! My opinion is that it is a personality trait.
I believe we are all born with our personalities, however we can be guided to improve upon our ways.
ways to grow patience:
delay gratification.
Don't say yes to everything. Dont jump to every demand.
show patience yourself
expect compliance (example, kids are expected to sit through sunday service.) The more you expect/demand the more they will rise to the occasion. If children are never expected to sit and wait- then they wont know how to do it nor will they have the training to do so..
If a child wants something in our house (like a toy)and it is not around xmas or bday time, they are expected to work for it. Extra jobs will pay 1-2 dollars depending on the effort. My son recently asked for a "forward" on his work money so that he could buy the toy right away. I told him no, because I didnt want to encourage credit, and I wanted to teach him patience. He worked 3 weeks to get the money to buy the toy.
Patience can be learned.
You make them wait. If they want something "now", you tell them that you are busy and they can have it in 5 min. If they don't want to wait, then they can't have it at all. If you are at the store and they want a toy, the answer is, "I'm sorry. I don't have money for that today. You'll have to spend your own or wait until next week."
The other thing you can do is make her volunteer with kids who have disabilities. They move slower. They talk slower. Everything takes longer. They are sweet kids. She will see how good she's got it, and she'll learn to help others.
LBC
If you consider the way a baby is, you will see that we are not born with patience. :) It is something we learn as we mature. I think a root cause of impatience is thinking too much about ourselves and not enough about other people. If we can shift our focus a bit and think about others, then we tend to not worry too much about getting what we want, when we want it, and how we want it. We will think more about how we can bless another person. You can teach your daughter patience by delaying gratification, insisting she serve others before herself (and that she serve others, period). It is a discipline that must be instilled in our children. It takes time and patience on our part. Hopefully, they will also learn from our examples.
My son is only 2.5 big difference from a 9 year, but I am currently working on the patience aspect. Hard because I don't think he exactly grasps it.
But whenever he gets really impatient. I tell him that I see you really want xyz, but we don't always get wait we want right away. You need to have patience and wait for Mommy to do xyz....And each week I have increased my time in making him wait. We also sing the 'have patience, don't be in such a hurry song" during this time. Seems to be working no telling how long but right now it is. So yes I do think it's trainable ;)
Side story I thought it was cute this past week he's been repeating me over and over during his wait time "have pachence..have pachence"..isn't self talk is so transparent? And then yesterday I caught him telling his one your old bro who was grabbing a toy..."Have pachence Nate..." It does and can be a very important trait this day in age ;)
It can be taught. I love this study.. try this test on him. It's a great object lesson.
It CAN be learned (still may not like it!). I was the most impatient person on the planet for 39 years until I had a child. Hopefully your SD can learn some before giving birth. LOL
Try activities that encourage waiting: gardening, baking, growing veggies, when she asks to do something--tell her "OK--in 15 minutes", etc.
Kids are VERY impatient in general. At 9, she should be grasping the concept of time....
Yes everything can be taught.
Don't chalk it up to age. You can "teach" her and guide her. It's just like teaching a child how to be kind. They learn by example.
If my DS starts to get impatient which is not very often now, my immediate response is always "Let me see your patience" and he will stop, put his hands behind his back and wait. I conditioned this in him though from early on. When I was teaching him patience, he would NOT get what he wanted if he was having the "NOW" attitude. No way, no how. Kids need to learn that they will not always get what they want, when they want it.
He now will ask "Mommy may I please have....?" but that is what I taught him otherwise how would he know?
At 9 you can still teach her. Don't give up on her. She NEEDS you to give her boundaries, teach her patience, control and not only will you be happier, so will she.
Everyone has to be on board with this! Consistency is KEY!
