Talking with a Squeamish Daughter About Monthlies

I was too freaked out about blood and everything, but when I had my period, it took me a couple times to get used to what was going on, but I think I handled it ok. I was only 10 when I started my first period! I think she will be fine. I wish YOU luck with two hormonal girls. LOL! I have two girls too!

We do have a mom friend that was so worried about her daughters reaction to having a period, the girl is kind of a drama queen about blood and "yucky stuff'.. but I remember she said her daughter handled it well and actually acted a little more mature once it all started..

Our daughters best friend is a nervous child who tend s to do a lot of shrieking and eye rolling with personal discussions and what she considers yucky topics, but even she handled it well.. Her mother presented it to her more in a scientific biologic way.. The girl did end up with horrible cramps and eventually they had to have her on a very dosage birth control pill.

I cannot think of one person I have ever known that freaked out about it..

I thought in 3rd grade they spoke with the girls about this? If not, be sure to either have a book to guide you or make some notes.. She may already know.. Let her know she is allowed to speak with you about anything at any time.. To not be shy. These are things all women go through everywhere.

Use correct language Menstrual cycle, Vagina, Urethra, Anus, then tell her the other words people use, Period,The curse , Aunt Flo, Va jay jay, butt hole, pee hole.. so she will know what to answer to a doctor or nurse, but then how to also respond if a young friend speaks with her about it..
There is nothing worse than a child having to act like they know what people are speaking about, with no clue.. Better her mom tell her..

Also show her the actual pads, and different tampons. explain how they will work. Let her know how to document the times of the month on a calendar, so it will give her a heads up on when to expect. it.. also at the doctors office many times, they will also want this information.

Also remind her to never flush any of the pads, wrappers or any part of the tampon holders or tampons.. They will ruin the plumbing (remind her she will not want to be responsible for the backed up toilet at home or in public) and back up water treatment plants.. Decide how you all will dispose of them at home and how to do it in public restrooms..

Congratulate her on being a young woman. Tell her there is nothing to worry about, but be honest about how sometimes, it does feel like a bit of a hassle, or can make you feel a little crampy, but there are solutions for all of this..

American girl has a "getting to know you" book that covers much more than just the "monthlys"... It does not get really into the "YOUR GONNA BLEED" talk... But it does lay the basis by telling what is happening to your body... My 9 yr old read it and I figure when it actually starts she will know whats happening and not flip out about it... It puts the whole monthly topic right in the midst of deoderant, self care, hair growth, etc...

I say get a book too. There are a LOT out there. Go browse at the bookstore or read reviews on Amazon.com.

I think calling it "monthlies" is fine, yet she should know other ways to phrase it in case her friends call it something different or if the school nurse asks if she's started her period and your d has no idea what that means.

Does your d not know that it happens to women already? Mom never had the 'talk' with me, but I knew what was going on b/c of my friends. With her older sister going thru it already, perhaps your oldest could either be there when you talk to your 10 yr old or perhaps your 10 yr old already knows if her sister's already told her about it. I'd find out before you fret any longer over it.

After your "so what happened":
Well like Laurie A said, it's likely that she may not freak out. I have also never heard of someone freaking out like that during menstruation. I think that if she is knowledgeable of it, aware that it's going to come sooner or later, then her 'freaking out' should be minimal. If she does, then I would just suggest you hold her, tell her everything's okay, tell her this is just what every woman goes thru, it's nothing to freak out about. Perhaps repost this question with a different subject so more women might click on it and have more insight - esp if they are/were freaked out with the sight of blood. Perhaps with a title like "Freaks out at sight of blood, what about menstruation?"

Im willing to bet she already has an idea because you and her sister both have it. Leave the pads/ tampons in the bathroom, certainly she has seen them if they are there, and trust me, inquisitive minds will pull out the instructons for a look, which have pretty explicit diagrams. I was always very matter of fact about the whole thing, we talk openly that its "our time of the month" etc. My middle daughter got hers at 10, it was all fine except her older sis advised tampons! Be sure to give her her own box of pads, and you dont have to have this huge discussion, the kids at school probably talk about it too. Trust me, if she goes to school, has ever used a public bathroom, and especially if you keep these items in your bathroom cupboard, she is aware. I would hold off on the whole reason to bleed, fertility, anatomy discussion until she asks.

maybe have your older daughter sit and talk with her when you talk with her. she can share how she felt and what she expected. ask her what she thinks will happen then you can explain in correct form. explain to her that its nothing to be grossed out about or to throw a tantrum about. remind her about having to up her personal hygiene durring this time also.

First off, please don't call them monthlies! Call it what it is - her period. The more upfront the better!
See if you can involve your 14 year old if she is open to it. Having a family member closer in age that understands the dynamics of having periods may ease your daughter's mind. I'm sure she know that 'something' will happen since she lives with 2 other menstruating women. I'm sure she already has seen the pads/tampons in your bathroom. Let her know how to use both, even if tampons may seem too much for her at this point (the only reason I mention this - if you need a laugh - my sister didn't know how to use them and was afraid to ask my mom. She left the applicator in!)

Reassure her that it's a natural, healthy bodily function, and that if she does feel discomfort, there are plenty of ways to ease it. I may be old school, but Are You There G-d, It's me Margaret (a Judy Blume book) is somewhat outdated, but it shows how some girls can actually be excited about this (ugh, but still!)

There are some excellent books for girls at this age.
Check with your librarian.
Give DD a book and tell her that after she has read it,
you and she will talk about what she has learned.

Also, it is reasonable to assume that older daughter
has told younger daughter at least SOME of what's happening.

See if you can reframe your own thinking so as not to make a connection between your daughter's reaction to (for example) paper cuts
and her potential reaction to menstruation.
Note that the paper cut is a sudden, unexpected painful moment.
Menstrual bleeding is not sudden and not painful.
So don't make the comparison.

Good luck.
==============================
Saw your "What Happened" AFTER I had written the text above.
So . . . . .it sounds like you are worrying about "dealing" with DD
freaking out. It sounds like you're sure she's going to be freaking out.
Really? Can you, somehow, see if you can imagine this happening
WITHOUT any freaking out?
Seriously.

I would consider getting a good book for her to read (I don't know one, off-hand, sorry) so that after the conversation in case she is too freaked out to ask you any questions she can look at the book.

I would also encourage you to use proper terms- menstruation, etc. It causes less confusion all around and a more clinical term may cause less anxiety than another. Also, young girls often have irregular cycles so calling it a "monthly" may lead to concern.

I would not automatically assume that she will flip out. A lot will depend on how you feel about it and how you approach it.

I'd like to recommend this article for reading - it may or may not be something for you, but it may help you consider the topic from a different angle than focusing on the blood: http://mothering.com/health/first-moon-rising-the-making-...

It could even be something that you and your older daughter plan together with the younger daughter. A bonding experience for all of you.

And more reading for more ideas:
http://mothering.com/health/celebrating-our-glorious-godd...

My suggestion would be to approach things in a way so that she has a better understanding and appreciation of her body and it capabilities; that way you are much less likely to deal with her flipping out. She is growing and maturing, which means for you to learn to relate to her in new ways, you will have more in common soon, than just mother-daughter, she will soon be starting her journey to becoming a young woman.

Best of luck!

You can either take her to her doctor and let him/her explain it, you can buy her a book explaining it and have her read it ask you questions, or you can sit her down and don't say too much gross stuff. Just that once a month a woman has to shed/release/dispose of, etc things inside her to keep her cleaned out. Explain to her that these things come out of the body in the form of blood. If she is prepared, she may not be so squeamish when it is her own body. Maybe there is a video you can pull up on the computer....Tell her that she will need to be prepared in case she is out and without you at the time. Make a little zippered pouch of pads for her to keep in her purse in case she needs it. Show her how to attach it to her underwear. If she doesn't want to listen, you tell her she can either listen now or when it has leaked on her, possilby in public. I was at a party wearing white pants my first time!! Had to have the hostesses mom help me!

I also got my daughter the American Girls books. They were really informative for her but didn't go too far. I got her several of these books from American Girl through the years. When I get her a new one we always sit and read them together (good bonding time - letting her see she can talk to you about these things even if they are uncompfortable). Then she would keep these books in her room. I recently found out she referred to them very often growing up and she Thanked me for getting it for her! She even had friends ask her questions she would look up. I am thankful she had these books for reference over the years. You could take it out once in a while and read some portion with her, then discuss what changes her body is going through like you just read about. Good Luck!

Talk to her the same way you did your other daughter. This is a big issue. (not a wonderful moment that some moms make it out to be. I mean really who loves their period!!) anyway use correct terms, after the initial talk call it her monthly. that way she knows the right terms. you need to talk to her soon tho b/c she will really freak out if she just starts bleeding one day... another idea is have her big sister talk to her. talk to her big sister say heres what you need to tell her and let her ask questions and if you arnt sure come to me