I have a good friend and I have to say she has been my rock over the past couple of months. But recently I have noticed she has this really annoying habit of talking over me.
For example we were both invited to a mutual friends house one evening for food and drinks and as the conversation flowed I noticed literally every other time I tried to say something she would just talk over me. I would be a good 5 seconds into a sentence and she would start talking (louder than me) about something completely different. It got to the point where I just shut my mouth and smiled politely.
She even did it once or twice to our other friend.
Anyway apart from this, she is lovely lol. Should I approach her or just ignore it? It did upset me at the time but I have seen her since and she was fine. It just seems to be when we are in the company of others.
Thanks in advance for all helpful advice xx
Thank you all for your comments, I'm so glad that I'm not the only one to have a great friend who just happens to have this frustrating trait. Firstly, no she isn't deaf, just abrupt and quite fiery lol so I plan on being really brave and picking up on it when she next does it. I've seen her twice since and she's not done it! I'm almost annoyed lol. But I know it will happen eventually and I probably won't have to wait much longer :-S Xx
Next time playfully call her out on it in the moment, or pull her aside right away and talk with her.
When I am stressed I can't shut up. Apparently I am not the only one.
First, talk about it jokingly, then alone, one on one. If you would just joke, when it happened, like hey, Jane, I wasn't finished talking! Or, that was randomly off topic, Jane!
But it could be her hearing. At least you know what was said, if you are the one saying it, lol! You could start a conversation, alone, with, hey, my hearing seems to be a bit off, how about yours?
It could be insecurity. The need to be seen and heard, when you seem insignificant to yourself, is pretty powerful. A kind of narsasistic tendency seen in some people.
My sister does that. I just ignore it and let her. It's probably not the best approach, but it's not worth it to me to piss her off. Which calling her on it would do.
Is she losing her hearing?
This happened to my friend who was beginning to go a bit deaf.
I would agree with the playfully calling her out on it. I have a friend like that and I usually just ignore it. But, it is pretty annoying and frustrating sometimes so I will sometimes just say, Um, hello? Wasn't I talking? And she usually catches herself. If she's been such a good friend, it's not worth getting too upset over. Good luck!
Oh my goodness I have a similar friend. I actually just ignore it.
I recently ended a 30+ year friendship because of this and other disrespectful behavior from these friends. I feel you need to nip it in the bud and talk to her about it. Maybe the drinks got to her and her mouth got the better of her.
I do this too. My brain just blurts stuff out and I do this. I feel really bad when I catch myself too. I'd say point out that you were talking by saying something like "Excuse me XXXx, I'll be done in a moment" or something if it truly gets to the point where you think it might be on purpose.
It's just a habit for some people. By any chance, does she have several siblings? Does she come from a loud family? It could be force of habit of having to compete for conversation. My husband does it and has three sisters who all do it. It drives me insane. Most people who I know that do it have two or more siblings.
I have to catch myself sometimes. My eldest daughter does it especially, but for her it's impulse control and everything she thinks is the most important thought ever that she has to share and of course is more important than whatever else is being said by anyone else. :-) She's learning about turn taking and she's 13. So is my husband, and he's in his 40's.
I have a friend like that who stays on topic but always knows exactly what needs to be said, apparently. I either keep talking through it or stop and wait and then continue. Sometimes I'll even say something like, "No, wait, let me finish." She also knows most things. Her over-talking is almost like she wants to beat you to the punch and make sure that you know that she knows, before you actually say it. We've learned how to just push back when she does it. Ugh.
ohhh...i have a friend like that. she knows everything before you speak. Sometimes it irritates me but i just ignore her because ever since that was she is. and most of our friend knows about it in fact we called her "Miss I know"... because she knows everything before you speak. She's also lovely.
it really bugs me when people do this. i know many of you find it a small thing, but it comes off to me (and others) as incredibly disrespectful, as if what we're saying is so consistently negligible that's it's okay to just obliterate it on a regular basis.
i'd start in a friendly fashion, light but NOT 'just kidding.' you want her to know you're serious. 'excuse me, esmerelda, i DID have a thought there i'd like to finish expressing!' most will look startled, apologize and be a bit careful about doing it again, but it she continues blithely on i'd have a brief private conversation with her about it.
a truly good friend will listen and not get pissy about it. this is important. being marginalized will erode your friendship over time, and i hope that's not what she wants.
if she gets offended, or refuses to attempt to comply in any way, you've got a decision to make.
good luck!
khairete
S.
I have that habit. I'm working on it because I can tell in the other person's expression just how annoying it is. Usually I do it when the listener is a superior and I want them to not think that I slighted an assignment. I hurry and let them know that I'm on task. Usually, I over speak and my comment was totally off base. It's a hard habit to break.
