Taking My Autistic Child Out in Public..

Everyone else has such great advice that I don't know how helpful this is, but how about one of those backpack leashes--I have one for my toddler and it's a LIFESAVER!

I don't have much advice, and I don't know your religious/ spiritual beliefs, but my church's Saturday night service has childcare specifically for those with autism and other disabilities. The room is structured and overseen by trained people, not necessarily professionals, but people who care about these kids and their parents. It's River Valley Church in Apple Valley, you can call the office if you want and talk with someone more about it: ###-###-####. Also, a local MOPS group should be able to accomodate your needs too, getting both boys some outside interaction and you some needed away time. Good luck!

When I was in college in South Dakota I worked as a respite care provider for Easter Seals. I don't know if they still have the program but it would be worth checking into. The respite program provides child care for special needs children so that parents can get some time away for themselves or with their other children. The cost was very minimal (an maybe even free) for parents. There may be other organizations in the area that would have similar services. Check with your local Child Care Resource and Referral office or the local school district. Good luck!

I don't have any advice for you. I'm just here to empathize. I have autistic blind twins and we don't take them out much either because of behaviors.
As your younger child matures he'll find his own niche. Don't feel guilty for not getting him out.
I know about the not many friends issue, too. It sure makes it hard on everyone. My new saying is: autism, you gotta love it. We parents who spend all or most of our time with it don't even understand it well, so how should anyone else? They just don't deal because they don't have to.
But he is young, and one day you will figure out how to communicate to get what you want from him. Mine are seven.
Just remember, if you've seen the article, you're in Holland and those with "normal" children are in Italy.
B.

I worked at a day care in which we had a autistc child. I watched this young man go from wild behavior, dangerous to himself and to others, to a young man who was settled and able to communicate to a point with the work of a wonderful lady who worked one on one with him. She made books of different things he would want during the day. Toys, food, bathroom, were among them. When he wanted something, he would point to the picture. She told me once that his communication would be excellent if his parents would put him in a class to teach sign language. From what she says, some of the behavior problems are just as they are with 1 and 2 year olds, they can't communicate their wants and feelings so they act out. Sign language may help settle him enough that he will be better out in public. Of course this means that everyone who interacts with him will need to learn it also, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles along with parents.

I have a suggestion for you--the right nutritional supplementation does wonders for autistic children-there is no cure but with the right nutrition it may do wonders-e-mail me at ____@____.com--I am a registered nurse and help a lot of people with these types of problems--good luck--S.

Hi S.,
I feel your pain. My son is now 9 and it has gotten easier to do things with him. I have 2 other children so I know how hard it can be. I still feel like they are left out some days. We have an in home behavioral therapist that comes out and works with my son on stuff. We then go out in public together (with the therapist) to try it out. I help run a support group for parents in the Chisago/Wyoming area. If you are in that area let me know and I can send you info on it. I also think a pca would very helpful. They could even go with you on outings to help out. My son likes to wear his MP3 player when we go out; it helps block all the sounds around him. This is a big step from him wearing his big sound blocking headphones. We also go over everything we are going to do. We do practice outings. This is were I don't have to get anything from the store so that their is no stress. We will pick on thing to work on, such as walking next to the shopping cart, picking out bread and so on. This is sometimes a 30 sec. trail and other times it can be 30mins. I just use it as a teaching tool for everyday life. Now at 9 we can usually go to the store or out in public with out melt downs. I still have to tell him ahead of time what we are doing, and repeat it often. I feel like a broken record some days. I hope it gets better for you soon. If you ever need anyone to talk to let me know. Know one truly understands unless they live with someone with ASD
K.

S., where do you live at? There are many groups out there that will help you with your special child. I think that you are a great mom, you do need and as the boys grow will need even more to find time to spend with your 'normal' child that is special. And don't worry too much, as he gets older he will understand why he didn't get to be out and about that often, hang in there! If you are close to central Iowa pm me! I would be more than happy to hang out/help =)

I know the St. Paul JCC has groups for the siblings of those with special needs since they *do* feel left out. I think you're a great mother to be thinking about both their needs. Your younger child needs to love his brother, not resent him, since they'll need each other once you're gone. And on the note, do you have a guardian lined up for your kids if something happends to you? Can that person/couple help you out? It would be a good opportunity for them to get more comfortable with each other. Good luck!!! PS Does your older son have a medic alert bracelet on with contact information in case you can't find him and someone else does and needs to contact you? Some peace of mind.

Hey S. -
I'd recommend you asking your public school Special Needs Director about an Autism Support Group. In my school district, she is the one that hooked me up to a fabulous group. We meet every month for 2 hours on a Saturday. Sometimes they provide child care and sometimes they don't. It's wonderful to know that others are having some of the same issues that you are dealing with AND you get suggestions on what worked for them.

You are NOT alone! My youngest grandson who is almost 3 yrs old has Autism and we just went out for pizza last night. Well, after he climbed in and out of every booth at Pizza Hut, my husband asked if we could just take the pizza home and eat. It's hard - but life is do-able as long as you keep a positive attitude and don't be afraid of telling others he has Autism. People are far more tolarent when they know that he's not just acting that way because he's a "bad boy."

Good luck and God Bless our special little guys!
D.

My granddaughter is austic. My daughter has her in several programs here in Wisconsin. They also help the Mom to learn how to deal with the behavior problems. My own personal feeling is take him out to kid approaite places. If he acts out explain to people that he is autistic and you can't help it. Check on line and with the schools to see what programs are available for your child.
Feel free to message me and I will get the names of the organizations my daughter is in contact with and I will forward the info.

Dear S.,
Hang in there! Help is on the way!
Your older son tending to run away in public is his way of telling you that staying at home would be better for him. (Autistic people get easily overwhelmed when their senses are bombarded with a lot of unfamiliar stuff.) Check into getting some PCA (personal care assistant) help for him, so you can get out and do typical activities with your other son sometimes. There are lots of agencies that offer PCA arrangements, and some of them have it set up so that you choose the person yourself, but the agency pays them. Ask around. Also, look up the website of the Autism Treatment Center of America. They have lots of free info on the website, and the quality of their work is absolutely the best. You are not alone.

First of all, know that you are a great mom for thinking about the needs of both of your sons. I think that getting someone, such as respite to look after your child with autism while you spend quality time with your other son. I think that having a brother with special needs can really alienate him, it is important for him to understand that both of you can still spend great quality time together. Even if it is only now and then, it would probably mean the world to him. These other ladies also have some great alternatives for some social groups take a look at those :)

Hi S.,
First, you must be an incredible mom because I can tell from your email how concerned you are for your two boys.
I think you might want to check out : www.meetup.com - it's a website of groups of people with same interest,...etc...
I made a search for you and find out that there are 2 groups :
1. The Twin Cities Autism Meetup Group :you will meet other families in your local area who are living with Autism, Aspergers, PDD etc... the lady that organize that has teens but I am sure that it will be a good start for you (at least you will get to know other moms who are facing the same difficulties). (next meetup is on sept. 13)
2.I think this one is in Eden Prairie:SW Metro ADHD, Intense/Challenging Child Meetup Group

This meetup is for parents and kids where the kids have social and emotional issues due to their intensity, rambunctiousness, and/or impulsivity - traits typical of kids labeled ADHD. *primary focus* is on kids getting with kids and learning to be productive, caring, respectful, self-confident etc..

And you can always create your own group too..I am sure many parents would love to find something compremising, playdates,etc...

Good luck S.!!

S.

Where do you live? Is respite care available? That sounds like a great option for you. It would allow your older son to be cared for while the younger has special time with you. At the same time, it's important for your older son to be exposed to lots of different situations as well. Are you preparing him for these situations in advance? Do you make him a visual schedule of what is going to happen? Do you write social stories for him? Those have been very beneficial for my son who has an ASD. If you have questions about how to do that, feel free to email me.

Good luck!
J.

I would talk to the county about getting a PCA (personal care attendent) for your son. This service may allow you to have that extra help that you need when you go out in public and may also give you and your other son some respite time. Typically, if you have MA or TEFRA, all you need to do is have the public health nurse come out for an assessment.

If you have any specific questions regarding PCAs (there are pros and cons), please feel free to email me.