Taking Charge of Adult Child with Special Needs.

If she is twenty I believe you are out of luck. She is legally an adult. Unless she is mentally handicapped or something then you might consult a lawyer.

Without knowing what your childs special needs are its really hard to answer this questions. Every person in their life is going to want to make their own decisions at one point in their life. I would sit down and talk to her about how you feel and why the reason why you feel this way. Personally I think a 20 year old is a little young to be thinking about a baby. Maybe if you know anyone that has children you could ask them to talk to her and tell her all the responsiblities of having a baby. I have two children and i am 29. I waited till I was 25. Its a really big change when you have children. I would not give it up for anything in the world though. My children are my life. But your daughter still has plenty of time to see the world and do many things before thinking of having a baby. I realy would just talk to her. Thats almost all you can do. But no matter what be behind your child. :) Good luck. If you need to talk let me know. I am a really good listener!

S. Thorne
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I am not exactly sure what you mean by special needs, but my daughter is developmentally delayed quite a bit and is bi-polar. I have already thought about this issue. I would be by her side on whatever decision she makes for the simple fact is... if you try to take something like this away from her and shes able to do it anyway she will hold that against you and wanna stay away from you. Who will help her if you arent in her life? If you stand beside her, she will still come to you when she needs help like she is doing now. And you can help guide her to being a good mother. I have a friend that is about my age and was in special needs classes all her life. She is married and has 2 children and yes sometimes she needs guidence but over all she is a great mother.

I have worked with people who have developmental disabilities and the hardest part of my job has always been parents who don't realize their children have grown up and have adult bodies along with adult hormones, desires, needs, and even though their brains think and process things differently that doesn't make them children any longer. I suggest you find a support group for yourself and contact a business in your area whose focus is special needs. The places in Oklahoma and Kansas I have worked for have been able to provide information about legal issues, sheltered employment opportunities, training for jobs in the community, things that will keep her busy and let her find new friends.

Several of the people I have worked with have married, had children, etc...mostly the had higher functioning levels. If she is able to make decisions herself, even bad ones, the court system may not give you guardianship, plus if she doesn't want it they may also deny it to you. If her IQ is above 65-70 that too will be in her favor. That is a pretty high level for disabled people. Since 70 is just low IQ and not disabled.

I suggest you keep the open communication and just try to give her your love and try to guide her. If she becomes alienated she'll just find a way to do it any way and you'll be out of the information loop because she'll stop telling you everything.

First I must ask, what do you mean by "special needs"? Second, if she has no mental disability, just an attitude problem, you really have nothing you can do except talk calmly with her, as an adult and advise her that the choice she is about to make may not be the best for her. As a young adult myself, I will tell you, if you go to her with a take charge attitude and TELL her what she is going to do and that her decision is stupid, you are going to get nowhere. You need to let her know that you love and trust her, but would like her to take some more time before she makes any life changing decisions. Good luck.

S., since you are in Louisiana, I suggest you join the yahoo group LaDisabilityTalk. They have great information about this kind of thing. We are in Shreveport and I do know some people who have taken charge of their adult children's lives. You have to know, though, that this comes with downfalls as well. I don't know what your daughter's disability is or if she is capable of functioning in society as a productive citizen, but if she is, it would be hard to gain control of her affairs. I am by no means an expert on this, so I think you need to consult with someone. Try your local Families Helping Families (if you're in Lake Charles, talk to Christy & tell her L. told you to call). They can direct you to the right place. There is also an advocacy center you can contact about legal issues.

Guardianship is the term, I believe, that you are talking about. Research this term and get reliable advice. You must have very defined documentation of the Special Needs issues. Good luck

I would suggest you consult with an attorney. I believe you can try to become her guardian but you would have to prove that she is incompetent to make her own decisions. Even if you were her guardian, you would not be able to stop her from having sex and a baby. Parents of "normal children" can't do that either. Once a child becomes 20 and an adult, we have only limited influence over them.

I'm not sure what you mean about "special needs". If she is mentally handicapped, you might be able to do something, but otherwise I think you are stuck letting her make her own decisions/mistakes. Prayer is your best hope.

My daughters are 19 and 20 years old, and my son is 15. Give me the "terrible twos" and the teen years anytime. My kids were angels until the age of 19! They are still wonderful kids, but I guess the whole "independence" thing kicked in, and they suddenly got very mouthy. I think some of it might be us as parents also. We are used to telling them what they can and can't do and having them (somewhat) obey, and they don't have to obey anymore, and we're left wondering how to ground them or take their favorite toy away *grin*.

I wouldn't worry too much about the age of the boyfriend. That's just going to make her clench her teeth tighter around the idea, because she realizes it upsets you. Instead, I would just talk to her, woman to woman, about whether she feels that he is the right man for her, what qualities he has and how good of a husband he will make. Then I'd talk to her about whether or not they've discussed marriage, and how babies shouldn't come into the world until they have two parents who love each other and them (and in my opinion are married).

Don't get upset with anything she says. Keep it in your head that you are talking to "a friend" and not "your daughter". She's going to say stupid things. At that age they think they are mature and all grown up, and they can't see things differently, and we can't express to them that they are still babies in life. If you try to overtly and actively oppose it, it will make her turn away from you.

She will grow up fast from this age on now, though, so just always be there for her!

(And again, if she's mentally handicapped, it's a whole different ball game - depending on her maturity level, you very well might need to still be involved.)

If your daughter has special needs and is unable to make good decisions on her own, you should be able to petition the court for custody over her.

You should consult an attorney but you also may be able to get a restraining order against this older man to keep him away from your daughter.

Maybe then it would be possible to get her into some type of training program tailored to her needs

I do not know but a lawyer will know. I would make an appointment with one most lawyers have a free first mating.