Taking a Poll - Flower Mound,TX

the swearing wouldn't faze me a bit. getting yelled at would definitely get my dander up, though.
the context here is important. is the boss berating and belittling his employees? or is he just a loud, obnoxious, profane guy?
if it's the former, it would be hard to shake it off. but if it's the latter, i'd definitely hope my dh grew a thicker skin. great salaries and bennies are too hard to come by today to walk away from over tender sensibilities.
khairete
S.

I agree with you. As long as the boss is not directing the profanity toward anyone and is not ranting about anyone, I feel it should be ignored.

Boss is ranting. Husband should just ignore

If he isn't doing to anyone in particular, he needs to ignore it. I'm sure it's hard on him, but it's a new job with good money and good prospects.

If HE were the one being yelled at, that would be totally different.

Dawn

Would I be bothered by it to that extent? No. Certain people just cuss all the time. I don't know why, nor do I care why. Eventually, those around them stop hearing the cursing because you become numb to it.

Weekly meetings? Your husband can suck it up. It's not like this guy is in his face screaming profanities all day long. If he likes the job aside from the owner, then he needs to grow up and get over it. Good salary and good benefits do (in most cases) out-weigh a weekly f-bomb.

It is what it is. Yes, I'd be bothered by it and yes, I would come home in a foul mood. It's normal to be upset, etc. at the end of such a day. I suggest that if you can be empathetic while accepting his moods he'll calm down and be nice much sooner.

Talk together about how to manage this. Perhaps give him time to be alone doing something that helps him calm down before he interacts with you. And/or devote some time, say up to 30 minutes for him to vent while you just listen in a sympathetic manner. Agree that it's OK for him to yell and be in a foul mood as long as he doesn't direct his anger at you. When you accept his feelings and able to be sympathetic he's less apt to be angry with you. If you're unable to just listen then find a way for him to vent his anger without you being present. He could go for a run, work out at a gym, go to another room and watch TV or a video, listen to music. Whatever will work for him.

I'm a retired police officer and what I and many officers do is to go someplace together after work and vent with each other before going home. He probably doesn't have good friends at work and so this wouldn't work for him but he does have you, a good friend, who could help him get his feelings taken care of.

I suggest that you'll find that sympathy will work much better than telling him to not let it bother him. All of us feel better when our feelings are validated and we receive understanding without judgment.

Some people just like to swear, myself included. Your husband needs to grow up and deal with it, unless he's being specifically cursed at and constantly berated.

My new coworkers/bosses swear a lot more than previous work environments, but all it's done to me is amp up my swearing when I had it more under control.

Since your husband is the one having to deal with it, I suggest you believe him in how it makes him feel.

Kind of like if you're telling him about how a situation makes you feel, and he didn't believe you??? Um. Hullo. You're the one talking about you, as in how something is affecting YOU.

Golden Rulr: Treat other as you want to be treated.

If you were MISERABLE, how would you want your husband to treat you?

- Blowing you off / dismissing you
- Putting you down
- Telling you its worth it for you to be miserable so nothing in his life has to change?
- Telling you everyone else (or specific other people) wouldn't be miserable, so youre not allowed to be
- Telling you you're lying
- telling you you're weak
- etc.

unless he is yelling and swearing specifically at your husband, i dont understand why it bothers him at all

I think it depends in what industry he's in. For instance, Yelling and swearing come with the territory on a construction site, but would be unthinkable in an accounting firm.

For people who do not swear (& esp those who put forth specific efforts not to), it can be very disheartening to be around someone who does. Some people haven't learned how to express themselves without sprinkling their language with "colorful" words.

I wonder what the culture in the office is like for the rest of the employees? Does everyone have somewhat coarse language, but the boss just stands out because he is addressing people @ a meeting?

Hopefully, your husband will set a precedent by his lack of swearing when talking to people. If I were in his position, I would not bring it up specifically to his boss. From what you wrote, it is not being directed @ him personally, & obviously this has been the MO for quite some time preceding his employment.

However, if he has a one-on-one conversation with his boss & it occurs, that would be a time that he could say "Excuse me Larry, could you please not swear at me? I'm not comfortable with that." Any boss worth anything will apologize & respond appropriately.

If his boss says "why didn't you say so before?" your husband could point out that previously it had been at full staff meetings, & he didnt think it was appropriate to raise in front of other people.

One word of caution (because this is an area I struggle with A LOT). Your husband needs to make a conscious effort to also not swear @ the office. When you are around people who talk that way naturally, it can become a pattern of speech you yourself pick up.

I know a number of men from my church who work in "rough" industries, & they have taken the above approach & had it met with favorably. You can't get everyone to just stop swearing because you don't do so, or don't like it. But they have commented that people @ their job will consciously "curb" their language when they are around.

Best of luck to your husband in his new job!! T.

I can see how it would stress him out, but if the benefits outweigh the costs then it should be ignored.

My husband would not be effected by someone cursing all the time, I wouldn't be bothered by it either. It is different if someone is cussing at you but just in general, we would both be OK with it...it's not ideal, I will give you that...but hardly a reason to be angry yourself.

My H and I would be very bothered by it. My H might or might not say anything but it would definitely put a cloud over the day and I am thinking he would start looking for another job. Professional environments deserve better language. I would have to put a sign up in my office saying, Please don't swear.

I am in a situation myself like that. I will tell you that it WILL take an emotional toll on your husband. He can tune it out and ignore it as much as he can but after a while it will still be there on Sunday night, when he is dreading going into work the next day, on Monday morning when he is counting the minutes until he has to be at work, and on Friday when he rushes home. I have been looking for a job since I started working at my current position because of the situation but it is the only thing that will pay the bills right now. Good luck to your husband!

That's not a good environment. I understand jobs are hard to come by, keep the one he has for now but start looking for something else. He can do the interviews on his lunch break. In the long run it will effect him. I had a job like that and it got to me so bad having a boss swearing at us all during meetings and my husband said, quit or look for something else cause I was always stressed and dredded going in. Stay supportive of your husband but he needs to keep looking for something else. I'm sorry that is happening.

Let him yell-who cares as long as it is not directed directly at husband, or done in front of clients? My question is, how does he keep from laughing out loud in the meetings?

If the job has a great salary and benefits, than this might be the one thing that is not perfect and can be tolerated for the greater good. If your husband comes home from work angry and in a bad mood, then it's not worth it. Or it's something else entirely - sounds fishy to me. I wouldn't bring that home.

If it stresses him out, then no, he should not be there. If he's ok with it, then fine. It's all perspective anyway. One person will be fine there, while someone else - not so much.

I call it workplace prostitution: doing something for money/benefits that you don't really enjoy. He needs to find a place that he LOVES to work. If your mental health isn't balanced, neither will your physical health be balanced.

One of our local docs is much like this. He is one of the most respected and sought after docs in the world though because he is something of a "star" in his area of specialism.

The rumors abound about how he treats his office staff but most of them have been with his practice for over 10 years. They put up with it because they need their jobs, they enjoy the work other than the few times he blows up, and they just developed a thicker skin.

I think that hubby needs to figure out if he wants to work there or if he wants to start over finding a new job. If he decides to start looking for a new job I suggest he make an appointment with the boss and tell him he's not comfortable with the language and attitude. See if the boss would consider trying to change this habit.

Some people just have a potty mouth. It's no big deal. I do think that if hubby does not want to be subjected to that then perhaps he'd be interested in starting his own business. Bad language is everywhere.

I can see both sides. I used to have a manager that would "flip" at least once per day. Never directed at me but in general and sometimes specifically a few of the others. Almost always, he would call me in the back later to be sure I knew it wasn't directed at me. I was sort of relieved the first time because I didn't know. I learned it was just him and it didn't bother me. I have also had some that are just obnoxious in all they do and that bothered me way more.

If your hubby is miserable, it will take a toll on him and your home life. Maybe he should look for another job.