My 21/2 year old daughter has horrible table manners. She used to eat pretty well. Then when she turned two she became horrible at the table. We became more concerned with her just getting to eat and in the process her manners are attrocious. She puts applesauce on her arm, spits out food, stands up and gets off her chair a thousand times. Any suggestions?
Take her away from the table when she acts that way. I know it sounds harsh, but she needs to understand that she can't act that way at meal times. Eventually, she'll get it. Good luck!
Sounds like someone is trying to draw attention away from her baby brother:)
Work on just one or two manners at a time (for a week or so)I'd start with staying seated until everyone is done eating and No spitting food. If she gets up or spits out food, say "oh, I guess your done eating" then put her plate away. She'll fuss but survive a missed meal. It wont take long for her to figure out you mean business. Be calm matter of fact about it. No arguing. After she masters one table manner then start working on the next. Don't forget to praise her when she does a good job.
Also,Remind her of all the benefits of being a big girl. She gets to eat a lot better food and do a lot of cool things that babies don't get to do.
Hang in there, It'll get beter. :)
Hi R.,
We went through the same thing with my son who is now five and we have an eighteen month old who is just beginning this lovely phase a bit early. I asked my pediatrician for advice and we followed it to the letter. Here's what we did: The second our son started misbehaving we would correct him verbally and explain what he was doing wrong (for example: Please don't spit out your food, that's very bad manners.) When he gave me his ornery smile and did it again, I would clean him up and say, matter of factly and without anger, "Sorry, but dinner is over for you since you can't use the good table manners that we taught you." At first this didn't phase him, he thought he had won, until he was hungry later and we would not allow him to have anything but water for the rest of the evening. It only took four nights of consistency and strength to get him straightened out. I say it took strength because it was hard to refuse him food when I knew he was really hungry. He apologized on the third and fourth nights and asked for his dinner, but we did not give in. He didn't starve, though, and ate well for breakfast and lunch. On one of the days he was very rude at lunch, so he was really hungry by dinner time. Halfway through dinner on the same day he was rude, and therefore dinner was also over. It was very difficult, but we stuck to our guns and got our polite boy back in a matter of days. Our pediatrician said "He won't starve, he will just eat more at the next meal and if you're consistent he'll learn to use his manners again very quickly." We have had to reinforce the lesson from time to time, but it only takes one time now and he knows that we mean business. There was also one time in the restaraunt when he was about 2 and a half that he got angry when I corrected him and he took his shoe off and threw it across the room and hit a waitress. I was mortified, but kept my cool. I apologized to the waitress and the friends and family that we were dinning out with and took our son to the car. I asked everyone to please take their time eating and really enjoy their meal. We sat in the car for 45 minutes, him strapped into his carseat with no toys or music. He went straight to bed when we got home, no food or milk, just water. He has never been rude in a restraunt or a public place since! I hope this helps. Good luck with this difficult phase, it won't last forever and you will come out a stronger and better parent for it. I will pray for you and your family.
I don't know any adults who eat this way and she isn't likely to starve herself. Look at what she eats over days rather than at one meal -chances are it balances out fairly well. You set the standard for table manners, given time she'll conform
Okay, First: I would tell her she is done eating when she stands up and runs around. As for manners you have to be consistant. She will not starve if she misses a meal or two and most children will eat when they get hungry. Some times they go through a growth spurt and eat everything you put in front of them. Other times they are in between a spurt and seem to eat nothing. Try not to worry about how much she eats and focus on how her manners are. Good luck!!!
My son is now 15 and my daughter is 3. I have found that if I take the meal times that are less formal (like lunch or breakfast...) and make some fun out of them. We have picnics on the kitchen floor on a blanket with just a yogurt or a grilled cheese and feed our favorite toy, we sit at her little play table and use hr play china set for small snacks and teach her little manners as they come up by playing... this worked with both kids (of corse 12 years ago for my son). Or we go out on the porch steps and eat some veggies or a hotdog. I would try get them to enjoy eating with me for just short moments without a power struggle. Eventually when it is dinner time they will sit for at least 5 minutes.
I know my daughter is picky and cannot sit still either but now it is becoming more natural to take a moment to eat without trying to do the opposite of what we want.
with my son, I would ask him how old he is and he would say TWO!! and I would say lets have two bites of meat and two btes of cheese... and we would play litle games. The manners will come eventually. Hope this helps
work on one thing at a time. i would start with telling her she needs to stay in her chair until everyone, including her, is done at the table. When she gets that down, move to another problem
2.5 is plenty old enough to take away her food. Explain the "rules" of proper eating and why (so we can go out to a resturant for your birthday works wonders.) Try practicing and making it even a bit silly at lunch or "tea time.' Dress up and have proper dining. then when dinner comes, she knows what to expect, she acts silly, she looses her meal. And dont give her snacks. Say: "sorry your next meal is breakfast..this is so sad..I know..." That works in a couple of times. Now we just start putting our hand towards her plate and she snaps to the proper behavior.
Hi R.,
I'm with Yvonne 100%!!! Consistency is crucial.
Good luck,
SarahMM
I know it sounds small, but watch for when she eats well (it may only be for 15 seconds or so). Compliment her "I love to be with you when you eat so quickly" or give her a big kiss and tell her how great it is when she's clean, Mommy just wants to love you all over! Try to ignore the negative (when she starts to play) and compliment the positive. She probably enjoys the feeling of the foods and experimenting with the feel of things. She may end up a real kinesthetic learner!
You could try to let her experiment with things throughout the day; soap in the sink, bubbles, playdough, paint pudding pictures, eggs in her hair (in the bathtub during her bath), shaving cream, etc... Label the experiment time "Exploring time" or something. Then at eating time, you can say, "It's not exploring time". In a few days she'll get the idea.
Or you could always give her "play with food time" at the end of her meal, or show her something she can play with (like pudding, applesauce, spaghetti noodles) in a seperate dish and teach her that she can play with that dish when she's finished eating.
She's not doing anything abnormal, that's for sure. It's natural for children to explore in this manner, and to get mom worked up can be just a bonus for them! Keep calm, and teach as much as you can.
If you keep positive, and teach appropriate times for behaviors they really enjoy, they usually will comply to the philosophy that there are times for certain behaviors.
Immediate time-outs. Third dinnertime time-out equals removal of her food from the table. This will be over after about two dinners like that. good luck!
