Surprise Ruined - Would You Be Upset or Just Get over It?

all that truly matters is that everyone is together, safe, sound, and healthy. suprise would've been nice, but too hard to keep when you have people in on it.

Look at the positive that everyone will know. That allows people to plan accordingly, get your rooms ready, shop for extra groceries, rsvp for other parties etc. Suprises are nice, but are sometimes inconvenient for the suprisee.

I would send out a great big announcement email - hey everybody, great news, thanks to so and so we will be able to make it for Christmas this year afterall. Can't wait to see you all. Please ship gifts, as the airlines are charging $30 a bag. We wont have room to take gifts home on the plane. Get the mistletoe ready, this is going to be a great Chrsitmas.

I understand your disappointment, but they're just excited you're coming for visit and wanted to share the news.

I'd forget about the surprise all together and would let your side of the family know you are visiting at Christmas.

It's supposed to be a happy time - don't let this little thing get in the way of a great visit.

I have learned not to get too upset over annoying things out of my control. I used to do that, and then I became this cranky, annoyed person who had a hard time enjoying family things without nitpicking or having a chip on my shoulder. Plus, you may have to lug gifts back, but that's good for the other families who don't have to stand in long post office lines and pay for shipping, and they get to see the joy on your kids faces on the gifts they got. Ship the gifts home in a box, much cheaper than paying for baggage at teh airport. Look at it as a win-win.

It is ok to be disappointed, but I would not extend that feeling into anger at anyone.

Can't tell you how to feel, but I do recommend that you ship the gifts to your home after they've been opened, let your family have the fun of seeing your litttle ones excitedly open the presents. don't schlepp the gifts home when travelling (like you said, too much hassle).

no not over reacting, just disappointed. From a very true source (me) surprise visits do NOT go over well. I have tried it, and with kids and large families like yours it just doesn't work. It's always best to let everyone know your coming, cause if someone wasnt aware of it and didnt get to see you because they didnt know you were home, would be so hard for everyone. I tried a surprise visit to my husbands parents in India with my husband and first born. Namely tickets were not cheap, travel there is horrid, accommodations slim and non existent if you dont plan ahead. Also not knowing that his parents went to the exact OPPOSITE side of the country on vacation two days before we arrived, was well, very disappointing. We were there for 2 weeks and only got to spend 3 days with them when they found out we had come they had to cut their trip short and find a way home as fast as possible which is no small feat there. I dont think they were very happy about that part at all. While we had a good time I wished strongly we never tried the surprise thing. Now we cant def go back with out a years worth of planning due to 2 more kids and prices have increased even more.

Listen....
In my opinion, there is no way this surprise can be ruined.
You haven't been home for Christmas in 5 years. There WILL be very happy and very glowing faces to greet you.
You are picturing things in your mind a certain way. There's nothing wrong with that, but what if Grandpa isn't there when you get off the plane because he's been circling the airport for two hours trying to find a place to park. What if something is otherwise delayed?
Don't hinge all your hopes on things being "perfect" because no matter what, this trip, this visit is truly a gift for all of you.

When I flew back for my dad's memorial service, my sister and I missed our connection because of a delayed flight and things were a mess.
We were so stressed out and our aunt and uncle who had spent the day waiting reminded us, when they hugged us, of what our dad always said, "Don't sweat the small stuff".
We were there. We made it. That was all that mattered to them.

Things will happen how they happen. Enjoy the ride.

Best wishes.

I think the only way to have kept this a surprise would have been to buy all your own tickets and made it a surprise for everyone. Since they offered a ticket, I think I would just accept you probably never really had the element of surprise on this visit. They either made an "oops" and let it slip, or they got too excited to keep it a secret, I'd let it go.

You're entitled to your feelings....but, really, it's kind of a done deal now, right?
Ship everything home at the end of the visit. That will make it easier.

You are overreacting. That is particularly true given that your mother is paying your way. Get over it and enjoy being with your family.

Personally , my husband likes to surprise me with things but if I know ahead of time it's as if the excitement and happiness lasts longer. Maybe your mom just couldn't hold it in =) I too would be super bummed if your family finds out . Say a prayer and let it unfold the way it is intended to. Have a Merry Christmas !

PS Tell your MIL she has to pay for the extra baggage fees for all the gifts=)

I hate when surprises are ruined and I too would be mad, but then, at some point, you have to just get over it and realize it is what it is... some people just don't know how to keep their mouth shut... again, it is too bad the surprise was ruined. you could also look at it this way, WOW.. it sure is great to be missed and happy that people are so excited to see you that they begin to tell others.. it's better than not being welcomed.. some people dread the company of other family members,, sounds like you have a warm and supportive family.. bottomline, you are blessed..

After being away for 5 years, I bet everyone will be surprised to hear you are coming home for Christmas. It's just too bad you won't get to see the looks on their faces.

Are you sure you want everyone to ship their gifts to your house? We are travelling for Christmas and I want my kids to open their gifts at my mom's house for Christmas. Afterwards we'll box them up to send back home. If my kids don't want to part with their gifts, then I'll box up their dirty laundry to mail home and they can transport their gifts back in their carry-on luggage.

Yeah it sucks they can't keep a secret and I'd be pissed, but then I'd get over it and move on. There are worse things in the world. I guess you came away with one thing from this...now you know not to tell your mother and MIL anything you don't want others to know.

Nope you are disappointed and I feel you on traveling with all the gifts. Do not let in ruin your trip tho.