my husband and i just had a lovely dinner out tonight with our 2 1/2 yr old son. Everything was going fine until a man eating 3 booths away came up to us and told us that we needed to control our child...he proceeded to state that our child was vocally too loud and that the fact that he had been bouncing up and down in the booth was not acceptable. He then continued to tell us that he had left his children at home so that he and his wife could enjoy a pleasant night out without the disturbance of children.
Needless to say, my husband and I were thoroughly floored...my husband regained his composure and defended our child by saying that he had not been out of line and had acted perfectly normally. To this the man stated it did not matter what we thought, he could clearly see that our child was out of control. we left the restaurant alittle stunned by the man's words...the kind lady who happened to be sitting in the booth behind us told us not to mind the jerk, she and her companion thought our child was adorable and had been appropriately behaving.
I just needed to know if other moms have encountered this or something similar...how do you handle the situation and would you have just apologized even if you felt there was nothing to apologize for(I mean I can see how a 2 1/2 year old's vocal volume may get out of hand.) FYI: the restaurant is a place frequented by families and children of all ages and as I have stated in my first sentence: my husband and I had a wonderful night out (i.e. if my son had been out-of-line, believe me, we would have been the first ones out of the restaurant with our food in take-out bags :)
A very HUGE thank you to all that responded. I have been feeling quite terrible about the incident and have been going through the scenario over and over in my head wondering if the man had been right. I know that my son was just being a kid and there was nothing that I would have done differently about the night---we were having a wonderful dinner plus a most engaging conversation with our 2 1/2 yr old :) Thank you again to all the mothers who helped me realize that kids are kids and not meant to be hidden from society until they are 18 years of age :)
The only apology I would give is to say you were sorry they felt that way. Then talk over him and ignore him. My 5-year-old has leukemia and you would be amazed what people will say in front of her. I actually had a sales clerk ask me if she was going to die, right in front of my daughter. Don't let people like that get to you, they must not be very happy to act the way they do.
I wouldn't worry about this guy. He sounds like he's too tightly wound. Also, it sounds like he Rarely goes out in public w/ his own kid(s) if he did, he would know you can't control a child that age to the extent that they behave like an adult.
Sounds like he is a very uninvolved parent and I wonder what his wife told him when they got in the car?? ;-)
I had a similar experience when my oldest was around 18mons,we were eating at a "family" restraunt where the booths are seperated by a sheet of glass,my very cute daughter stood up and asked the man in the other booth if his food was good...it sounded more like "foods good?" shaking her head yes,I keep control of my children and felt that she in any way was out of line I would have made her stop. Anybody else would have pinched her cheeks,but not this older man,before I could even have told her to sit down,he in a very loud rude manner said I needed to control my child,she was disturbing him! We hadn't even touched our food yet we paid for it and got up and left,as I was putting my daughter in the car I just couldn't let it end like that,so I went inside and promptly told that man if he couldn't handle being around other people he needed to stay home,and maybe he should think about why he was eating alone today, I left and when I went home I called the manager and explained the situation they offered us a free dinner and said they value their buissness on the familys who eat there and if I ever had a problem like that agian to let a manager know and they would have moved that man to another table,by himself!
So do not feel ashamed as a mother you have every right to take your children with you anywhere!!
Good luck!!
I know how you feel. When my daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia two years ago, she had a really hard time sitting still because she was confined to a hospital room for so long. When she was outpatient we went to a lobster resturant. My daughter didn't like being there because she fely confined, so my husband, older daughter & I just continued eating because we were use to the little fits and we had paid 70 bucks for that meal. When my husband was done he took our 22 month old daughter outside so my daughter and I could finish eating. A table full of old farts across from us started to applaud as he walked out with her. I jumped up and walked over to their table and and told them that my daughter has went through extensive chemotherapy and steroids and had been confined to a hospital room for 8 days. Then I said a few choice words and we left. I now tell people when they start to appologize that they should think before they open their mouths.
N., it is okay to put "dumb" jerks like him in his place! If he didnt want to be bothered by children he needs to stay home and not ever leave cuz like it or not the world is filled with children. what gives him the right to flap his jaws about someone else's children, obviously his are not the angels he thinks they should be, otherwise, he and his wife WOULDN'T have left them at home to enjoy a peaceful evening without them. If you ask me, he made a fool out of himself and his wife and his own children by making the statement "that he had left his children at home so that he and his wife could enjoy a pleasant night out without the disturbance of children." honestly that should tell anyone just what kind of parent he really is. I wouldn't let it bother me at all. But knowing me, I would have put him in his place right then and there and probably been asked not to return to that restraunt....LOL,..my advice....dont let people run over you or make you 2nd guess yourself as a parent. if you know you are a good parent and you know you are doing your best as a parent, then dont worry bout what other people think or say. the only ones you have to prove your parenting skills too, are yourself and your children.
You tell the next stupid bastard that if he and his wife wanted to enjoy a child free night, suggest that they go to a more upscale restaurant that would not typically cater to the family environment. however, since he was too cheap to treat his wife to a real night out that he should just shut up or go somewhere else.
Then again, if your child was acting out of control and you are in denial...shame on you.
Steph C
The nerve of some people! I had a lady in a restaurant try to tell me something similar to what you said here. My repsonse to her rude comment?: "She's my child. I'LL raise her!" Needless to say, she didn't like my comment and swiftly walked away. Sometimes people just don't know when to butt out.
I just don't know where this guy you speak of thought he had the right to complain about your child's behavior when he knew it was a family restaurant. Surely he doesn't expect a child to sit through dinner silently. They're KIDS not STATUES! If he wanted a night out without dealing with vocal kids then maybe he and his wife should've gone to a more "grown up" place to dine or had take-out.
Never mind this person. Keep your head up. As I'm sure you two are wonderful parents!
NEVER APOLOGISE FOR A HAPPY CHILD! If any thing I would say that I was sorry that man was so miserable with his children that the only way he could have a good dinner was with out them! Make sure your son knows that you are proud of his behavior, I praise my children every 5 mins they don't fight in public! And if you ever go through that again tell the man to find a more suitable place for himself and his dinner companion! I am not confrontational unless it come to my kids, and in that type of situation, however young your child is they need to know you are 100% supporting them. I hope that you can smile in knowing that Frued would have a lot to say about a man like that!
What a jerk! If that man really wanted a calm, quiet dinner, then he should have just eaten some fast food in his car. Or he should have gone to a restuarant where children are not encouraged. Don't go to a family friendly establishment if you don't want to hear kids.
I definitely would not be one to give advice in that area, because it has happened to me once, once I even had a woman call my 8 year old a little IDIOT, yes, it happened. In real life. It's a long story but needlesstosay, I DID NOT take it well, for a moment I "lost my religion" I guess you would say. Then, another time I had a woman in Walmart tell my daughter to "watch where she was going" in a very mean way and it almost made her cry, I just can't explain some people and their rudeness to kids. I just have to think, ok, count to 10 slowly.....don't hurt this person...(haha). They may have some ligitimate reason for hating children and I am suppose to pray for them...bla bla, calm down! Then you just have to explain to your kids that there are some really bad people in this world and that was one of them, and that they did nothing wrong to deserve that treatment, and TRY to forget about them. You can't protect your kids from rude people, but I know we want to SO bad, especially when comments from adults live on forever if they hurt their self esteem. I don't know the answers, but I think you did a great job if you didn't spout off and get really loud and make a scene (like I may have been driven to do, initially, since I am a very defensive person)!. Good job.
WOW! I think I might have given this guy a piece of my mind. I've never had anyone approach us unless it is to say good things. My son tends to go from ok to horrible in a split second, so there have been times when I finished my meal at home because I left with my son and went out to the van. I think this jerk was **TOTALLY** out of line, especially considering this wasn't one of those tables with 2 seats and no highchairs, white tablecloths, dim lighting, etc. I say if it's a family restaurant, then families go there! DUH! This guy made a bad choice of restaurants. Plain and simple.
Don't take this jerk personally. You sound like you are very on top of things, and not the kind of person who would let their kids run around the restaurant screaming.
J.
I wouldn't worry about that!! There's always going to be that one person who can't mind their own business and keep their mouth shut! If that had been my husband and someone was saying that about my child, my husband would have told the man to go home if he was being bothered.
I've had this happen before, and let me tell you, it thoroughly pissed me off!
For one, my feelings are that children will be children... they're going to "be loud", jump around, try to talk to people in the next booth, and crawl under the table to switch sides every five seconds. I've never been bothered by other children doing this, so it completely floored me the one time that someone told me to "keep control of your kid" because my daughter had been bouncing around in the booth next to me.
I have a temper, so I probably handled it wrong - I told the guy that if he wanted to eat at quiet place, he should have stayed home. Public is public, and I'm not going to hide my child for, quite simply, being a child! I would have understood if she had been screaming and throwing a kicking fit - but complaining that she was moving around too much just struck me as extremely rude. If she was bothering him, he could have politely told us, and we would have asked the server to box up our food.
If I hadn't been so ticked off, I would probably have said something like, "I am sorry that you were inconvienced." I wouldn't appologize for my child's behavior, since there was nothing wrong with it, but to be polite I would have appologized for something... in this case, that the other person felt that there was a problem.
Congradulations on not ripping his head off! LoL.
Well said Stephanie C!!
Sounds like you knew what to do, apologize for anything that may have offended him, even if you don't know what it was and keep on enjoying your evening. Obviously, he wasn't having a great day if he felt the audacity to come over and tell you that...who knows what was going on in his life at that time. I have been in restaurants where I wanted to be bold like this man and say that to someone....although much too polite, modest to do so....Of course our first reaction is to defend but obviously he was really offended even if you didn't understand why. I find it is usually just better to treat people with kindness and in that...you may really reap the blessing yourself!
Just be mindful of what your child is doing in public...maybe he was a little louder than you thought because he was happy and not upset...so it didn't bother you. :)
Memphis Mom
Well, I am a bit opinionated and I would probably have said something like: "Well, the fact that you leave your children at home instead of bringing them to a "family" restaurant speaks volumes about how you feel about your children. We happen to enjoy having our child with us and his behavior is not out of line. Your behavior, however, is out of line and I would appreciate you leaving or I will be forced to call a manager over."
Do not apologize to someone like this. He enjoys being a bully and watching you squirm in your seat. I can't believe he had the audacity to say something to you.
This guy was way out of line
I would have said something like - he is 2 that is his excuse for speaking loud - what is your excuse for being so rude !!!
Any time my children 'act' up or are too loud in public and people think that they have a right to say something, I merely tell them that my children are acting their age and have the right to do so.
