Suggestions Needed for 16 Month Sleeping Habits.

hi,
sorry if you've already heard this one - i know you're getting lots of feedback. but, have you considered putting her bed next to yours for awhile atleast? it sounds like she still needs to be near you in order to feel safe, but needs her own sleep space to toss and turn.
also, isn't it funny how our culture expects little children to be alone at the most vulnerable times of their lives? why do we work so hard to prepare our children to tolerate loneliness and fear and why do we expect them to emotionally tend to themselves long before they have the psychological capacity for even understanding those concepts? i don't quite understand why we are so afraid of being controlled by someone who legitimately needs our love, guidance and protection...

Hi A.,

We sound like we have a lot in common. I'm a 27 year old mom with a 16 month old and I'm also a teacher. I read "Good Night, Sleep Tight," by Kim West and implemented it over Thanksgiving break. It was hard, but I had to keep telling myself it's going to get worse before it gets better. After three tough nights we have virtually no problem getting him to sleep for naps and the night. If he wakes up during the night he falls right back after about 5 minutes of us in the room. He is a different kid. My husband and I kept saying, "If I would have known it was going to be this easy I would have done it months ago." I really hope you try it and stick with it.

D.

I got so tired from my daughter being up, I finally bought a book. Their advice worked like a charm. I'd recommend buying "The sleep easy solution". You have to follow their advice to every detail for it to work. They have sleep suggestions for ages newborn to 5. Good luck!

Hi A.. I once had TERRIBLE sleep issues with my now 2 1/2 year old. We ended up hiring a "Sleep Therapist" She got us on the right track and explained to us that the cry it out method only works if you do it right. When we potty trained my daughter 2 months ago- she went back to all her bad habbits. After speaking with the sleep therapist- she reminded me that they will only do what you allow them to do. What I suggest is that you sit down and talk with her. Tell her she is a big girl, and that napt time and sleep time is for sleeping and that we all need time to rest. THen when you lay her down, tell her it is time to rest, and you will see her when she wakes up. Then leave. No assisting her in getting to sleep. If she cries. LET HER CRY. She will be fine. :) After 5 minutes go in and check on her- don't talk to her or negotiate. Tell her it is "naptime/Bedtime" lay her down and Tthen leave te room. I know it is the hardest thing you will ever have to sit and listen to- so if it is too hard, take a shower, or go for a walk and let your hubby stay. If you keep doing this- she will see that she can not manipulate you- because that is EXACTLY what she is doing. IF you stick to your guns- this vicious cycle will reak in less than a week. You have the power to break it- you just have to do it!!!!!
XOXOX
K.
____@____.com

Go to www.3daysleepsolution.com This is my gal. She now offers a DVD For only 40$ but the in home is the best!!!! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE BY HER!!!!!! She saved my life, my marriage...EVERYTHING!!!!!!! :)

Check out the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Weissbluth. It's very informative!

I had this problem when my son was a baby. I started putting a t-shirt I had worn over a pillow and laying him on that... then he felt a little softness under him, and the shirt would have my "smell" to comfort him.

I'm assuming she's still in a crib... have you got a portable crib of some sort? a pack-n-play maybe? you could try putting that in your room and putting her to sleep in that... If the goal is only that she's not sleeping in your bed, that might be enough. Another idea is to keep her up late one night, playing with her a lot to really wear her out, and not letting her go to sleep at her normal time... then when she's totally exhausted and can't keep her eyes open, put her to sleep in her bed. Hopefully, she's sooo tired, she just passes out and isn't sleeping so lightly.

You can also try some of those sound machines... maybe a comforting white noise might help her.

Unless you want to be doing this for the next few years, I would stop this now. It is hard to let her cry it out, but if you go in there, she will cry longer the next night. It may take a week, but I promise, if you let her cry out and do not give her validation she will eventually sleep through the night. The week will be hard, but in the end you will be glad you did it. Let her cry and don't go in there. She is okay and will survive this. She knows that you are going to come and rescue her, so if you do, then it won't get better. If you can't stand to not check on her, then go in, but do not pick her up and do not bring her in your bed. Good luck, you can do it. Also, you need to stop the rountine with walking her around etc. Put her in her crib, say good night and leave. She will eventually learn how to put herself to sleep.

The sound of water is very calming . . . Have you ever tried one of those aquarium mobiles that reflect and go around on the wall? It's worth a try.

I found a lovie- soft textured blanket or favorite stuffed animal/baby as a transitional object helped my 4 kids. I introduced earlier but you could anytime if you dont already have....I'd talk to my daughter about how she is such a big girl and ready to sleep in her own bed with her special baby, etc. I also gave mine water in a bottle or sippy cup to have in their beds to drink whenever they got thirsty or to help comfort themselves.. Ive found it just gets harder to teach them to sleep the older they get....You can give her the skills to sooth herself and go to sleep on her own which are invaluable lessons for life :) Good luck!

Wow, I could have written this post, LOL! My DD was 18 months when I transitioned her from our bed to her toddler bed. I've never let her cry it out, and so have always sat on the floor next to her rubbing her back, etc. I spent many a night with her for 45 minutes or more while she settled herself to sleep...believe me, it is frustrating, but it will get better....but not overnight. She's 2 1/2 now, and we've progressed to the point where we read a story (sometimes 2,) then I place my hand on her back for about 3-5 minutes and then she's out cold! Some nights I can sit there without touching her. Hopefully soon I'll be able to leave the room while she's still awake. My best advice? Make sure she's *really* asleep before trying to leave the room. After my DD is asleep, I take my hand away, but continue to sit there for a few minutes. And one more thing: make sure you don't have squeaky door hinges, LOL!! But most of all, have patience. Hope this helps!
Oh, I just thought of one more: try to make her bed as appealing as possible: we bought Dora bedding, and in the beginning would talk to her throughout the day about how fun it was to sleep in her big girl bed, and isn't she lucky to have such cool sheets/blankets? etc. ;)

Maybe you could try going in in 5 minute increments. You put her down, she cries for 5 minutes, then you go in and comfort her until she's calm, then leave. If she starts crying again, repeat the process. Five minutes starts over again if she calms herself down, but then starts up again. My husband and I have been teaching our twin boys (4 months old) to go to sleep on their own this way. It took them a few days to get used to it, but they're pretty good at it now. Most of the time they stop at 5 minutes or less on their own. Just make sure you are strict on the 5 minutes. No going in at 2 minutes when you can't take them crying!!

I totally know what you are going through. We had to sleep train our little girl (17 months) and she did not start going to sleep by herself until about 2 months ago. It was a long process and we had to go over the steps SEVERAL times but we consistantly did her bedtime routine EVERY night. Dinner, Bathtime, Dress her in PJ's, Drink a bottle while reading books with Mommy and then putting her down in bed.

We did let her cry it out for the first few nights while going in to check on her. It was hard on all of us. She would cry for an hour or more. But the point is to let them learn how to fall asleep on their own. After she learned this she started sleeping through the night. Which was awesome!

I read several books on differing methods of Sleep Training and then adapted what worked for us.

Good luck.

I've read that they go through a bad separation anxiety at that age and it's probably worse since she doesn't see you during the day, she just wants to be with you. She'll get through the stage, you'll just be tired....

Hi A., my name is G. I have a 12 month old baby and he used to play the same game with me. I know that you feel bad hearing your baby scream and cry but you are going to have to be strong and let her do that until she get's that her tantrums are not going to work anymore. Mine was so bad he didn't want to be left alone we tried everything, toys, music, Elmo, play him, to get him tired and see if that would make him fall usleep faster it wouldn't he would get sleepy and he would start the same tantrums. I went through my sons tantrums for a a week and half about 10 days but he eventually got it, and started baby talk. Now we lay him down in his crib and literly talks himself to sleep, I know it will be a hard process, but when you reach your goal the sacrifice will be worth it. Now my son takes his naps and sleeps all night, without a fight. Be strong and trust me you will get the sleep you need.

You have a tough road ahead of you, but if you stick with a strict routine, it should be a short road to freedom. I really feel your pain, I've been there. All children seem to feel a need to keep mommy on a string at night. My husband used to dream through the trouble and let me do all the sleepless work, until I told him that I was going to share the baby with bed and he could sleep in the crib unless he pitched in to help.
My suggestion would be to do what you started to do, but change it up a bit so she won't scream herself hoarse. Does the baby have a night light in her room? If not, she probably needs one. Also, is there anything in her room (like a stuffed animal) that she absolutely loves to hold? Find something (not like sucking her finger which is a hard habit to break) that can give her comfort at night. Your nightly routine needs to include calming things and shared time. Have baby's bath, read some baby books with her, talk about going to bed in a soft, calm voice, give her the stuffed animal or blanket for comfort, lay her down in her bed, still talking calmly and softly about the following day or dreamland or whatever. She probably won't understand your words yet, but she will feel the mood that you create. Turn out lights (except that night light), you could pat her back or tell her good night or say prayers (whatever works here for you), then walk around the room a little straightening toys or books and then tell her to close her eyes and go to sleep. Go to the other room and wait for the crying to begin. You may not have to wait long. The trick is to let her see you leave the room, even in a sleepy stage, so she knows you are going. Then when she cries, give her some time, 15 minutes at the most, and go back into her room. Help her lay down in her crib, pat her back and tell her good night. This reinforces that you will come back, while showing her that she will have to comfort herself. Do this over and over again all night. Enlist daddy's help (maybe starting on a weekend when he isn't working so you both have a little sleep) and take turns every other hour or so. When you go back in again after the first time you return, don't talk except maybe to whisper good night. Just put her back in her bed. In a couple of days she will get the idea and start sleeping more and more. Then when she cries and you need to get up to comfort her, try doing so from the door of the room. Whisper, "It's okay, honey, mommy's here." Then if she won't be comforted you can go into her room and lay her back down again. I know it sounds like a pain in the rear, but it really does work. It is hard at first, the hardest part is to let them cry and do nothing, but it only took 2 1/2 nights for my first born to get used to the idea and his little brother only needed 1 night before he slept in nice, long spurts. I hope you have a blissfully uninterupted night of sleep soon. Good luck.

Your daughter may be one of those cases where you just let her fall asleep where ever in the house, pick her up later and put her in a safe spot, bed, wher ever she will be safe. People do let their children sleep in places besides the bed, the couch, the floor, a pad.

Oh, once a witnessed a dad come home from work in the afternoon, lay down with his sleeping daughter on his bed. He awoke to the kid 'nursing' on the end of his nose... ugh.

Best, E. H

Hi A.,

I'm having similar issues with my 16 month-old son. He's been sleeping in his crib since he was about 3-4 months old with no problem. We've had to lower the crib all the way because he was able to flip over the top (always fun). We tried letting him cry it out and had mixed results. I even took the side of the crib off, put pillows on the floor next to his mattress and laid down with him at night. Not working! It seems he's only comfortable in our bed (not always fun). When I try moving him to his bed he wakes immediately screaming!

Last night I tried 1/2 a Calms-Forte tablet. It's a homeopathic remedy by Hyland (the same company that makes the teething tablets). I don't know if it was the tablet or the fact that he was so tired, but he went to bed without any drama (not in his own bed, though). I've also tried some warm chamomile tea to help relax him. That has worked, too. In any case, the side of the crib goes back on this weekend (he's pulled off several of the slats and we're just waiting for the glue to dry) and we'll do work on the "tough love" thing again (letting him cry for 15 minutes, checking on him, until hopefully he soothes himself to sleep. It took about a week before he got the hang of it (before all of this started) and we literally had no problems until he turned 13 or 14 months old.

I do share your frustration. I don't know what has changed in his own bed -- maybe it's that as our little ones get older they realize there's more of the world going on around them and they become kind of overwhelmed.

All I can offer is encouragement that it will get better -- we just have to continue our routine and hope for the best. As parents, we fight so many battles with our kids every day -- I guess it's a matter of picking the ones that are most important.

Good luck

Hi A.
First of all HANG IN THERE! - things will get better! My son is 16 months old as well and we have really had ad ROUGH time with him in the past with sleeping Like your daughter, he seemed to require more and more to go to sleep each night and when he seemed asleep - he would stand and scream when I got to the door. It was so stressful.
We read a lot of different information and settled on what has now become one of our most-relied up on books, Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. There is still some crying involved but you stay with them in the room (right next to them the first few nights) and gradually move toward the door as the nights pass. I feel it's a compassionate method and a good way to let your child know that you are there with them but help them to learn to go to sleep on their own. I have since recommended it to 3 friends who all have used it with success :)
I really wish you the best
blessings,
A.

This is so tricky and kids are so intuitive. Have you monitored your own stress level when putting her to bed - I am just remembering when our son was little. It seemed that the more anxious I became to get him to do something the more he resisted. It's almost like a pshyce out sometimes. See if you and your husband can be as relaxed as possible at bedtime to see if that helps your daughter relax. Wish you the best.

A. you're doing a great job...I know if feels like you aren't but you are. Try reading "Good Night Sleep tight" by Kim West. She's gives techniques that will help you, I will be using them soon on my 14 mnth old daughter. Her sleep training techniques made a lot of since to me. She doesn't do the "cry-it out" senerio either. West teaches a "shuffle" which seems very similar to what you are doing with a few changes. Check it out...I think it will work for you. Also remember it could take up to three weeks for kids to understand the change. Good luck

I know you mentioned you have a bedtime routine, but I think it's important to talk to your little one let them know that their about to go nite nite 1 hr before, 1/2 before 10 min before. I do not know if you read a book before bed but that is how I stopped the bottle, Mommy going to read a book, were going to do book tonight not bottle. Say If you want book, then we can't have bottle. Well then after book say if you be good girl and stay in bed mommy make you pankcakes or her favorite in morning. after saying nite nite & After turning on night light (important) walk out of room. If you are having trouble of her comming out of room put a child saftey on that door handle so she can't open. Mine cried for atleast a week and slept at door but he wasn't jumping in bed & I got my sleep. It's not my favorite stage but you will get through it.
Hope this helps

Hello A....first off sorry this is abit long winded :) my daughter is also 16 mo.. (oct.30th) well I am not sure how to get her to sleep w/o walking her but my daughter HAD to be in the swing to go to sleep.. (thanks to my inlaws) well we finally got her in her crib after about 2 mo. of slowly stopping the swing from moving then taking her out while she was almost asleep.. then when she got to her crib (being put in her crib to go to sleep w/o the swing) I had to stand next to her crib so she felt "safe".. you can't talk to her, if she doesn't stop crying just lay her down and say "shhhh, its ok.. then turn around or stand at the doorway. after about 2 days of slowly creeping out of her room to the loft doorway where the tv is.. she would ck for me every few min. as long as she saw me somewhat nearby, she would whine abit but then go to sleep. Now.. 1 1/2 mo. later, I can show her the "comfy soft blanky"( I make a big deal about the blanket...that way she is excited to lay on it) she loves it and give her gloworm baby to her that plays music,then say nite nite Talia, give a kiss.. she's ok w/it.. I know it takes time but I may also add that she may be teething or not feeling well so she needs to be near you for comfort we are also going thru this right now! but as long as she know I am nearby she will only whine/cry for a few minutes. good luck.. I now its not easy! I was in your shoes and can say it seems like it will never end, but try to stick it out! my other 2 sleep w/me and I am always woken up! Hope this helps.. sorry again for being so long! :) GL

First of all, I am cracking up about the picking the nose business - been there too! Anyway, maybe someone mentioned this already, but we were having similar issues and after much research read "the No-Cry Sleep Solution," adapted it a little, and it really helped us. Good luck!

I am a step-mom to a four year old girl, but until I got married last year I was a nanny for a few families. One woman I nannied for had a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It's a great book and talks a lot about getting your children to develop good sleep habits. That woman and I were able to get her baby to sleep easily and she had a great schedule.

I also nannied for a woman who was pretty much stuck having her oldest daughter sleep with her, and her husband ended up sleeping in another room because he couldn't sleep well with their daughter. Her daughter was 17 months old when I started working as their nanny, and she was exactly like what your daughter sounds like. She would not go to sleep unless you laid down with her, even for naps, and she did not stay asleep very long once you got up. All I can say is, no matter what don't bring her into your bed. From the experience I've had, she is difficult now, but it will only continue to get worse as time goes by. The girl I nannied for will literally cry for 3 hours straight if you let her, and will not fall asleep on her own.

I hear you. My daughter was 2 1/2 yrs old before she slept through the night. I weened her from me laying down with her slowly. For 2 or 3 days, I sat next to the bed/crib and held her hand while she went to sleep. Then the next few days, I sat and didn't hold her hand and told her "you're alright, Mommy's here"., then the next few days I moved away from the bed, but still in the room, and so on until I was finally out of the room altogether. I also talked to her less and less as the days went on. It is a long process, but it did work. As for naps, you might want to try the method where on day one, you leave them and return every 5 mins to assure them you're there and they are okay, then leave the room, returning again in 5 mins. On day 2, you return every 10 mins. Day 3, return every 15 mins and so one. My daughter caught on by Day 4. This was the only way I got her to go to sleep AND go back to sleep when she woke up in the night. Also, for naps or bedtime, try playing soft, calming music. It really helps my daughter to calm down and go to sleep. Plus I think that way she doesn't hear any other noises. Above all, keep strong. Her crying hurts you more than her.
Good luck to you. M. M.

Hi A., Your girl is still just a baby and this is to be expected. I have three children and they all did the same thing. I tried the "let them cry thing" once with my first one, and never again, as it is, in my opinion, cruel. My children are 9, 6 and 4 now and my husband and I still cuddle with each of them until they fall asleep. They need that closeness, so rather than resisting it try enjoying it! This can be a wonderful bonding time. I don't know of a child who likes to be put to bed alone and left to go to sleep lonely. I think once your daughter knows you'll be there for her she'll become more secure and once she's in a deep sleep you can leave her bed without her waking up. If she does wake up comfort and cuddle her until she goes to sleep again. These are pecious times. Don't miss out on them. She'll soon be grown and not wanting you near her bed! Follow your heart and your maternal instinct. Take care.

Hi A.,

I had a problem like yours with my child who is now 9. When he was around 14 months old, I watched him for days to see which toy he preferred to hold onto for most of the day. I washed it and made it his "sleep" toy only. I put it in his crib/bed and told him that he could only have it if he was ready to sleep. Of course he would play with it initially and cry when I left the room. But I just kept on repeating a hundred times that it was time for bed and it worked. I let him cry it out until he was dead tired, but he figured out that I wasn't going back to pick him up after the first 2 nights. Now that he's older, he sleeps longer than any of us.

If that doesn't work, maybe a lavendar calming bath wash (by J & J) at night will help her relax, a short story, and enouraging her to be a big girl and sleep on her own will inspire her.

Or if there is a last resort to anything, check to see if she has gas or needs a good burp. Good luck and don't give up!

CONSISTANCY IS KEY!!! You said "I tried", and the hitting and kicking means she has no respect. Does dad get the same treatment? If not its because kids know at a very young age who they can and cant get away with things. Kids only do whay YOU allow them to. Its your job to shape a respectable young lady, not one throws temper tamtrums when she doesnt get her way. If you show you will NOT put up with this and not give in to a toddler, then she will begin to see you are the adult and no longer treat you that way. If you lay in there YOU set the presidence, if she hits you, then grab her hands tight and say "that is unexceptable behavior, and I will NOT put up with that in my home. Now you must lay in here by yourself", walk out and shut the door. When she comes out walk her back in and let her know that she is to sleep on her own. But it sounds to me you have a toddler in charge of her mom and schedule. The show Super Nanny deals with that all the time. You can watch those type of shows to get new ideas of how to deal with certain situations. I like Dr. Laura on 640am from 12-3pm. She helps with that stuff a lot!

Try the Sleep Lady Book. Its been working well for my family.