hi moms
my 13 month old has always nursed on demand, and continues to do so many times a day: when she is hungry, or tired, or frightened or has bumped her head and on and on.
i love breastfeeding & will miss it terribly when we are finished, but i am also thinking that i might be ready to have my body back at some point. I was always hoping she would wean herself, but that doesn't look like its going to happen anytime soon. does anyone have any suggestions on how I can gently steer her in that direction, lovingly? i do not want to have to tell her that she cannot have something that has always been hers immediately. at the same time, nursing her in the middle of Whole Foods when she is not hungry or sick, but probably just bored is getting more awkward as she gets bigger. any advice greatly appreciated!
When you think she's nursing out of boredom or not from some other need, you can just sweetly tell her, "I'm not going to nurse you right now -- you need to wait until I'm done with this." Maybe you can replace kissing her owies instead of nursing her owies away.
Ideally, demand feeding should be more to meet dietary needs than for comfort, or she may turn into a full-fledged comfort eater and struggle with weight later on. Help her find other sources of comfort when she's bored or gets an owie.
I am VERY tender toward kids, would have given my daughter anything (within reason), now care just as deeply about my grandson's experience, but what you are practicing sounds a bit overboard to me. Consider the possibility that you are trying to meet your own needs that went unmet as a young child by nursing your daughter for every little thing. You may discover an "Aha!" that will make it easier for you to draw gently away from some of your daughter's requests.
Work toward establishing more of a schedule. Except for a few main feedings, start stalling when she asks. Find something to keep the two of you busy for five minutes, then longer. When she makes more inconvenient "demands," tell her you really understand she wants to nurse, and that YOU need to have her wait. Have attractive distractions prepared. This is reasonable, and ultimately good for her. If you can get the constant demand thing under control, you may find you'll be happy to nurse her for several more months, and she may have a chance by then to take a bigger interest in sippy cups.
I had my son on something of a schedule to begin with and he was never really one to nurse for comfort so I didn't have the same experience you are having. I think he only wanted to nurse twice because he got hurt so I realize my advice might not be too helpful for your situation!
I followed the La Leche League advice, "don't offer, don't refuse." I started substituting our BF sessions with something special. I got some cute bowls and some special snacks like bunny-shaped graham crackers and new sippy cups and had him sit on my lap in the rocking chair and snuggle while we read a book and he had his "special" snack. I tried to save those special snacks for our normal nursing times. He had never had regular milk before so having cold milk in a sippy cup was exciting for him. I wonder if you could also get some new small toys from the dollar store and give one to her when you sense she's getting bored but before she asks to nurse.
I think it's ok to ask her to wait a little bit when you are out somewhere and you know she's not really in need at the moment. If she gets upset, you might not want to try it again, but she might surprise you and be ok with "choosing" to wait until later. I think they really do understand most of what you're saying at that age so if you "ask" her if it's ok to wait until you're done shopping she might be fine with it and even forget she wanted to nurse.
Good luck! It's such a bittersweet thing. I remember really wanting my body to feel "normal" again but I did feel sad. I really do think that my son became a lot more snuggly and affectionate with my husband after we weaned because he wasn't getting all his cuddles from mommy during nursing so that was really nice and made me feel a lot better about it.
My 23 month old son is still nursing (two or three times a day, and sometimes for comfort), but he doesn't nurse when we are out, or during the night after his bedtime nurse. I used to tell him we would do it later if we were out, and then distract him, and I was able to stop at night by just holding him instead, or having my husband hold him, if he woke up. There was a bit of crying instead, but he figured it out, and we were still able to comfort him, just in a different way. I weaned him off of the times I didn't want him to nurse, but we still have our great bonding connection, and are both happy breastfeeding. You don't have to completely give up if you love it so much, just get rid of what you don't love. For the comfort nursing, some of that is still important, especially if they get hurt kind of badly or are sick. For the rest, find an alternative, and she will catch on. A few months ago my son fell off a low bench and hit his head on the very hard ground, without nursing him, it would have taken much longer to calm down, and to figure out if he was really hurt, or just scared. That is an appropriate comfort nurse to me, when they really need it. As for your body being yours, it is yours. You just have to remember that, and have a little more control of the nursing situation. I know it can feel like you're just a milk machine, but when you nurse more on your schedule, it is much better, you will feel more control.
start introducing a sippy cup when she has snacks at the table.
