My son is 10. He has ALWAYS been hyper, just part of who he is. He came to me 2 months ago and said that he is having a hard time paying attention in school. He can't concentrate on anything. He will read the same sentence like 5x and still not get what it is saying. He is having a hard time on his work cause of the noise in the class room. At confrences his teacher brought up ever having him tested for ADD. Her child is and she see's alot of my son in her daughter. So we had him tested and went and talked about everything with the dr. He tested high for ADD. Im not one for just giving my kids pills. I talked to my son about it and he wants to try the pills, he said if it will help him pay attention then he wants to try it cause he is getting so fusterated in school. I called my ex and talked to his wife and told her everything that we discussed with my son and the dr. He is refusing to let my son take the pills because of the side effects. The worst was the depression and sucide. Well if he is well watched I think we would see signs of it and could get him off of them. My ex said that thier is a chance of becoming addicted... the pamflet and the dr said that as long as he takes them correctly there isn't. Its only in his system for 8 hours and if taken correctly he wont. She told us that we wont see much of the affects, but the school will cause when he is coming home he will be coming down from the pills.
What do I do? Respect my son wishes when I can obviously see it could help him or my ex's? I can't just give it to him while he is with me and not him cause we have even 50/50. Two days with me Two days with him and e/o weekend. Also, his dad nor step mom filled out any of the paper work or questionaire. He rarely has them, on his nights and weekends they go to grandmas house. He hasn't held up his part on other health issues that have come up in the past for the children. I just don't want to go against my ex and have ALWAYS tried to support his wishes. But Im tired of him not seeing what is best for the kids instead of his wallet.
side note~ my ex knew I was having him tested. He got the paper work for the screning, chose not to fill it out. He knew that our son had the Dr. appt for it and was being tested and then the appt. for the results and chose not to attend. Now that he knows he has it ( by the screenings, tests and the Dr. confirming it) he is against him taking the meds. He wants to talk to the teacher ( chose not to go to confrences) and the Drs. now that its confirmed instead of being apart of the intire process.
'ILuvmylife' basically said exactly what I was going to say. My daughter is getting an evaluation done tomorrow! My ex and I are both going with her.
Your child's health and well being needs to come first. Your child is telling you, begging you to do this for him. His doctor, whom I assume you trust is agreeing with him. You have to do what's best for your son.
Yes the medicines have side effects. I can understand that your ex is concerned because a side effect of the medicine is depression and suicide, but those are side effects of NOT taking the medicine also!
I believe the kids are also monitored closely. A friend's son is on medicine and he will let her know when he isn't feeling right, or sad, etc. They go in and talk to the dr. get the medicine adjusted up/down.
My suggestion is to let your son try the medicines. Say between Jan. 1 and April 1. Then re-evaluate the situation. See if he is happier. If his focus is good.
Hugs
M.
If your son had cancer and needed pills to help him (they have lots of side effects) would your husband also say no?
Is your ex willing to accept the grades your son will have without his being able to focus? Even if with the meds, son would be able to focus without so much stress?
My husband is almost 50. His has ADHD and his parents did not believe in "those pills".. He also overheard them ask if he was "retarded".. Instead there were and still is lots of yelling, screaming, threats all through his middle and high school years. They threatened to send him to military school.
Remind husband that your son will NEVER grow out of this. As a matter of fact.. as he gets older, it becomes worse.. I know.. I have known my husband since we were 13 and have been married almost 30 years.. He is stressed and unfocused. He has made an appointment to speak with a doctor about meds.. Finally!
Has your son told his father, face-to-face as he's told you, the reasons why he wants to take the pills? Maybe if your ex and your son have this conversation, your ex might change his mind. OR your son will hear the "No" coming from him and he can explain to your son his reasons for not allowing it. Maybe they can work something out...?
Wishing you luck on finding a solution :)
I can see his concerns as well as yours. a hard call. but I probably would do it.
I would suggest scheduling an appointment with the psychiatrist and the three of you. Have a list of questions (including some of your ex's) prepared ahead of time and encourage him to bring some of his own. Let the doctor know beforehand that dad is really against this and angry so that he/she is prepared. Let your son know that this is a "family decision" and the doctor is going to help you make an educated decision.
Also know that many dads agree to a "trial run" of the medication to see how it goes. Truthfully, once your son goes off the medication, it is out of his system w/in 24 hours. There is no "build up" of the chemical.
Your ex should have participated rather than judging after the fact. But, at this point, since you have 50/50 your best bet will be to schedule a meeting w/ teacher and w/ doctor so all of you can discuss your son. I say, doing nothing is not an option so see what options you have and reach an agreement.
Maybe try the pills for a set amount of time and then reevaluate to determine if it is to continue.
One suggestion is not use his ADD as an excuse (and not let him either). I say that because my niece has ADHD and if she forgot her medicine everyone was like "she didn't take her medicine so it is going to be a tough day/she's gonna be bad"...it/she was and my nephew would provoke her. If she was with me and forgot her medicine I would say "you forgot your medicine so you are just going to have to try harder to behave and boys if you provoke her, you are getting in trouble not her".
You need to make an appointment w/ the Dr for you and your ex to go too. Sounds like you getting along w/ his wife so I would invite her to. Tell them to bring a list of questions they have for the Dr. I completely understand why they are hesitant. My Daughter is getting ready to be tested for ADD, I'm pretty certain she has it. I also don't want to go straight to pills but as I'm researching it, It's pretty much the only thing proven to help. Also, I'm reading that if your child is showing big side effects like being a zombie after taking the medication, it's not the right medication for your child and should be changed to a new prescription.
Whatever you decide to do, your ex and you have to be one the same page 100%. You can't let him go untreated, If you were to try a diet change to see if it helped w/ his ADD, this is still something that your ex would have to do while your son is there. Really, the whole family has to be on board. My niece has ADHD and she stays with us a lot. First thing I do in the morning when she stays is feed her breakfast then give her her medicine. If I don't, it totally messes up her day.
Good luck! I hope your ex starts putting his children before himself.
I agree with the PPs who have said that a meeting with the doctors (you, the ex, the stepmom and (if you are remarried) your husband.
This will provide a perfect opportunity for your ex to ask any & all questions and get factual answers from your MD.
I think it will be tough to maintain his level of focus if your ex has 50/50 and refuses to give the meds. Best case scenario is to get everyone on board and on the same page.
At your son's age, the medication needs to be administered daily by a parent. It's not like this 10 yo can be expected to remember and responsibly take the meds on his own.
My friend has a 15 yo daughter with ADD and her meds help her a GREAT deal.
You and your sons father both need to talk to the doc together so ex can be as informed as you are about the positives and negatives of the drug for your son.
I can understand wanting to respect your ex's wishes but the health and wellbeing of your child should always come first. ADHD is a medical problem just like anything else that needs medication. You wouldn't deny your son medicaiton for an illness b/c your ex says no. Take him to court if you have to but make sure your son gets the help he needs -- his happiness and future are at stake (where do you think he'll go if he can't make it through school b/c of this??). Of course, try to resolve it peacefully first -- others had great suggestions. a conf w/ dr and teacher might turn your ex and his wife around).
i have had this same issue (joint and ordered 5050) ask the dr if he REALLY thinks it'll help him...if so, maybe advise ex that you have note from the dr and it's important that he agrees to this or you can take him to court for his cooperation-only fix i can think of
