Struggling Mom

I can't relate to the divorce but can to the single mom issues! Me and my husband work opposite shifts so I am always working or taking care of my kids on my own!I get very lonely and just plain tired! I have a three year old and twin one year olds! I have found that the best thing I can do for my emotions and sanity is to stay busy! Take them out for dinner even though it can be a big sene or go to the park or walk the mall.... I am always looking for new things to do! I am from Mississippi and all my friends are still there so I am in this with virtually no friends! Feel free to e-mail me at ____@____.com and we can swap some ideas!

I have. If you need to chat, about something hit me up on the Instyant messenger ____@____.com. Screen name Swanmade

I have been where you are at A.. It is a horrible feeling of despair. Best advice that I can give is to find a counselor for yourself and your kids. Many churches have programs, also check out local schools and county services. Your area may have a mental health program that can provide reduced fees or free services. I'm not sure what area of Georgia you are in, I'm in the Savannah area and I have a wonderful friend that is divorced w/ 3 children that lives in upper Gwinnett county. I'm sure that if you live close to her, should would not mind talking with you and offering some suggestions and friendship. You can contact me privately and I can get you in touch with her. If you are close to my area, I can help point you in some different directions for help around here. I will keep you and your children in my thoughts and prayers! And know that it does get better and it does get easier. Time changes all things.

Hello, I am a recently or in the process of a diviorce also. I have two children (3yr old son and 7yr old girl and one on the way). So I can imagine what you may be going through. I just keep in mind that their are people out there is a worse off situtation than mine and I have to be glad that I do have a good job to help support my children. I must say though, my soon to be ex is helping out with my household bills. I don't know for how long but I will enjoy it while I can. I pray for the best for you and your children. I just can say continue to keep faith and put your children first! May God Bless you!!

A., Keep your head up!! I too was a newly divorced single mom. My children were 9 years old, 15 months old and I was 5 months pregnant. Since I started having children I was a stay at home mom, I had to move back to my home town, which is where we are currently living, I felt like such a failure. Now I know that I was wrong, it was the best thing that I could have done for myself and my children. I had to live with family for about 3 months until I could get on my feet. For your happiness and the sake of your children, don't doubt yourself. You need to remember you are a strong and beautiful woman who has three wonderful children that need you to be their rock. I know that it can seem like you are dying inside and think that you are making all the wrong decisions, relax you are just making life changing decisions. If these decisions make you happy and will be a better enviroment for the kids, then you are already one step ahead!!
A. my oldest is now 11 years old, my middle child is now 3 years old and the baby is now 15 months old, and I am sitll alive. I bought a house in the country where my kids can run until their hearts are content. I'm going back to school online while I work an office job during the day. Everyday I feel like I am making all the wrong decisions, but I must be doing okay. My children are happy and I have met a wonderful man, he loves my kids too! I am taking it slow and making my life mean something! I now have the guts to do for me and my kids. I will never live for another man again, we do exsist as someone, we can be more than just a wife or mom. You are a person too, so go and be an excellent mother and what ever else your heart desires!!! GOOD LUCK!!!

- M., single mother of three!

P.S. I am available for being a friend or just talking, I can give you my private info. I know that my friends helped me so much. I not very religious, but do believe and some how God got me through that horrible time and now there is a rainbow that I can see!!! I am in the Savannah area so if your close, please lets get in touch. You are not alone. ____@____.com

After two divorces with one child each, I know how it feels to be a single parent. I have a 14 year old and a 5 year old from previous marriages. I was a single parent for a while after each and it is tough, mostly because of money, but you can survive. I would definitely seek out any government assistance you can receive especially if you are not receiving child support. I only receive child suppport for one child. Emotionally, it will be one day at a time. You will get to a point where you will look back and wonder how you got through it all. I suggest you seek some type of religious/spiritual support as well. That has always got me through and I am not the perfect Christian myself. There will be ups and downs. Set a budget, prioritize your bills, put family first. I lost my credit due to my second divorce. Keep a set schedule to keep your sanity and give yourself free time. Kids that go to bed and get up on a schedule are easier to deal with. You will make it! You have to!

I don't have any advice, but I'll pray for your family and the whole situation. A good friend of mine has managed with her 3 children for years and now 2 are in college. Her kids are good kids.

Hi A.,

This must be very hard for you. You need to surround yourself with family and friends and support! You can not do this alone. Network with divorcees- go out and get connected. Do not carry this alone. It's so hard to be divorced and the pain is awful but God is always there for you. He is one who will NEVER leave you NOR forsake you! You are wonderful, strong and amazing. You have to promise me that you will never lock out your friends and family during this time. God bless you, A.!

I dont know if you work or not, but I am a member of MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) it is a christian based group that meets 2x a month. They povide child care however there is a waiting list. If you are interested in coming to a meeting or learning more about what exactly we do e-mail me at ____@____.com. I will add you to our prayer request. I have been through a divorce as well and had a 1 yr old at the time. I know the suffering. If the group doesnt intrest you and you just need someone to talk to I can help with that too. I have been told I am great. I wish you the best of luck and just know we may not know the reasons why things happen, but God has a plan and as long as you lean on him things will be ok.

A.,

My name is L. and I myself am a divorced mother of three. My children are 15,13 and 12 and my ex husband
left 2 weeks after my 12 year old was born. It was rough
to say the least... so I quickly got myself involved in
a divorce recovery group at a nearby church in stone mtn.
As well, I got my children involved in a group called
Rainbow, also sponsored by a church.

The Divorce Recovery was the BEST thing I could have done
because it helped me to realize that there were SOOOOOOOOO
many normal people like myself who had gone through or were
going through a divorce. We rallied behind each other and
survived!

I hope this information is helpful.

God bless you!

L.

Hi A., I read your post and wanted to know how you were doing? I've never been married, but I am a single mother and I have been through the phase of feeling that I was sinking emotionally. I have to say phase because that's what it is. It's hard and some days I still have my days, but I feel it's good to have a good support system. I unfortunately didn't have that. My child is my strength and that's what keeps me going. You're all they have. Let me know how you're doing. Take care and God bless

Things will get better if you surround yourself with supportive people. Don't try to be "Super Mom" and think that you don't or can't reach out to someone for help. I made the mistake of trying to do everything by myself, thinking if I asked for help that that was a sign of weakness. I was working 48 hours straight with maybe a 30 minute nap fit in somewhere, driving kids to and from school, working the rest of the time. I was so overwhelmed and wrought with guilt if I took any time for myself, that all it took was one glance for my OB/GYN Dr. to realize I was at a "Breaking Point." He talked to me and made me realize that I had to say "NO" to some of the demands of my work and my family and ask someone to keep the kids for an afternoon or whatever so that I could have some "me time" or to go to lunch with a friend.
I did go on anti-depression meds for about half a year, but my Dr. monitored me to make sure I was getting back to a normal work and sleep schedule. He said my body's chemical balance was so out of whack from the sleep deprivation that he could understand why I was feeling the way I was. My thought processing was so messed up that even the smallest problem seemed like I needed a PHD to solve it.
I hope my experience was helpful.

Hi A.!!

Hang in there!!!!! I am not sure if you are religious but many churches offer free counseling. I am catholic and the priest is a certifed counselor and capable of helping. Many times you are able to take your children with you and childcare is provided during your session. I am not saying you are crazy but it sounds like you need someone to talk to who is not bias. Also, UGA offers reduced priced counsel with students seeking PhDs. That maybe an option as well. I know a friend of mine who is going for depression and pays $15 an hour. It really helps her.

been there done that and I am on my second marriage things will get better eventually take my word

My name is R. i have 4 kids 15yr boy 13yr girl 11yr girl 9yr boy.....been there still there....trying to come out....get control over things...had to do bankrupcy....working mom...i have full and legal custody...got a divorce in apr 06...their father has not seen them in 3yrs....child support what is that....he works a little ...quit...so paperwork can't go through....do i know where he lives? No...but my god said he will supply all my needs..and i pray...and pray...and i stay a float so please don't struggle don't sink...talk to somebody...i did...had to go on meds....but that's ok....i made it...and still making it....oh my god he tried to sink me....it's not easy but seek god...i wish i could talk to you but you know i have no phone...not even a cell..

Hey hon. I have been a single mother since I was pregnant basically. We lived together, he cheated, and married the other woman. It was hard at first, but with time, alot of the pain passed. My little girl is 2 1/2 now and I keep myself so busy staying involved in different things and taking her to parks, and letting her get good experiences and spending time with her. I went to church for a while, now I am too busy with school and work now to go. Just do the best you can to take care of those kids and yourself and try to stay positive. Its really a balancing act. Also, I'm not sure if you have family here, but they have been a great support to me. If not family, then close friends...Best of luck.

Hi A.,

Who is your support system? I too am worried about your post. Im a nearly divorced mom of one and the future is daunting to say the least. The best advice I can give, is to take this time to renew your life. Do things you couldnt as a wife, learn new job skills, further your education, show your children just how strong women can be. Let me know how you are.

A., I am a soon to be divorced mom with two boys (2 year old twins). Divorce is a grieving process just like death. It's the death of the dream life you envisioned for yourself. It's okay to feel a ton of emotions right now. Experience each of them and know that those emotions are helping you to come out on the other side. I started off sad and depressed about what has happened to my life, my boys' life and my dream of a life-long family. I'm currently in the anger stage. I'm trying to work through it and get passed it but it's difficult. I've been seeing a therapist and have been on Lexapro for awhile now. It's really helping. I'm also learning to lean on my family and friends as much as possible. I've always been a person to do things on my own and to say "I'm fine" even when I'm not. The thing is that everyone "knows" you're not fine even if you say you are. It's important to accept help and ASK for help. You need it and it's not weakness to ask for help.

Hang in there. As you can see, you are definitely not alone. Many of us are going through the same things at the moment. It's a process to get past this stage and begin again. It's terrifying, but it can be thrilling to think of starting over with the knowledge you have NOW about the types of relationships that you want in your life. Please continue to post and tell us how you are doing. (((HUGS))) S.

A.,

It sounds like you are really needing help. Please don't wait until you have gotten too far "down". I have had two friends try to take their lives (1 did and 1 is currently in the hospital "recovering"). Your posting really scares me. Maybe I am overreacting, but please don't be afraid or ashamed to get help from your Doctor and get counseling. Please for the sake of your wonderful and precious children, take care of you first! You are very important and your children need you to be healthy (emotionally & physically).
Seek out support groups too. Find support in a local church. Get involved and contribute to helping others. Take the focus off of you. You will be amazed at how much that will help.
May God bless you and your children. "This too shall pass".
Best Wishes,
A.

Hi A.,

I can't say I know what you are going through,but my heart went out to you when I read your message. I will say a prayer for you and your family. This time must be so so difficult. I hope you have some support, or could find some- like a church, counselor, or support group. You should not have to go through this alone!

May God give you strength during this time,
C.

I was divorced with four girls, so have been there, done that. It is hard at times, more than you can bear at times, and this could just be part of the grieving process, something you must go through, but it does not last forever. The way I got through it was by forcing myself to breathe in, breathe out, by praying to God, getting involved in church, staying active, forcing myself to exercise, eat right and just concentrated on being involved with my children. While I was going through the bad emotions of the divorce, my grandma told me to pray the 23rd Psalm and the Lord's Prayer every day. I started praying those prayers three to four times a day every day. I did get peace from that and answers, and so will you. Just ask. It might not come immediately, but answers will come. Also, look into the mirror every morning and say "Hi, Beautiful!" and other things that feel silly like that, but you will be stunned at what it does for your ego and for your emotions. Positive confirmations of your own being. If you are down to the point that you are suicidal, talk to your doctor. There are little pills that can help you get into a better state of mind until you can do it on your own. Better that than leaving your children as orphans. Do you have friends? You need friends, too. Also, have you had a physical exam? See your doctor, talk to him/her about the depression, get involved in a good church where you feel comfortable -- shop til you find it, if necessary -- and mostly pray and meditate, take some time for yourself whenever you can, to relax. Good luck. We all care here and you'll be in many people's prayers today.