Struggling, Juggling, Children and CHORES

We sing the clean-up song and I ask my 2.5 year old to help mommy and daddy and that usually works. She enjoys being helpful and we praise her for her efforts.
When I was growing up, my mom wrote chores on slips of paper each weekend and threw them in a bucket and my sister and I would draw 3 each. We had to do those 3 chores in order to get to enjoy whatever weekend activities were planned. We would do the chores Sat. mornings. Whatever we didn't draw from the bucket, mom and dad had to be responsible for. We had jobs like emptying trash, dishes, tidying up the LR area, sweeping, getting the recycling items ready, etc. These smaller jobs helped mom get the larger jobs done and then we could enjoy family time. My parents would also play music while we did the jobs and we always thought that was cool. :) You have to make it fun and you have to make it something that everyone gets involved in. Dad should help if he's home and everyone should be rewarded with quality time after. :)

My MIL used goody tickets. When your child gets "caught in the act" of doing something good, they get a goody ticket. Goody tickets are cashed in for privileges, such as playing outside, tv, games, friends over, a new book, etc. Worked like a charm for both my husband and my sons.

As for the rest of it, check out www.flylady.net. This "home organization" site has wonderful tips for juggling kids, chores and such.

Last but not least, I tell my sons that if I have to waste time picking up after them (which I refuse to do since they're 12 and 16), then I have no time to spend on their fun things (like hauling them around to their activities). I started this when they were five and after 10+ years, it's kinda sunk in. Our home runs fairly smoothly, thanks to a decade of repetition on the importance of chores and flylady.

Good luck!

Make it fun. I have a chore system that works for my family but my kids have done it for years and they are much older.
This is what worked when I only had one and two, I have four now.
I would stand in the door with my then 3yo and say I see a pink toy go get it. Well she would have to pick up every toy with pink on it before I would say "GOT IT!!!" Then give her an m&m. I would then say I see a piece of trash and she would pick up all the trash, or Barbies, dolls, beads, you name it, Skittles work too. I am not above bribery when it comes to strong willed three year olds.
When mine were 5 I had to help them a lot. I had to stand in the room and show them HOW i wanted the chore done.
At three they were allowed to play in the dish water when I did dishes, for a little bit, to help. They picked up all their toys, they took all their dishes to the sink.
A friend of my husband's was having major issues with his three boys. It was November, the boys were little maybe 3, 5, and 7. He picked up the phone and "called" Santa. That worked at least until Christmas.
Oh I have used the timer too. We do 15 minutes.

I have a three year old girl and these are her resonsibilities:

Once a day (or every other day) she fills a large plastic tub with any of her belongings that have made it into the living room/dining room and pushes it down the hall to her room. There she puts all her things away, sometimes with my help.

She gathers dishes for me and puts them on the counter to wash. If something is plastic, she puts it into the sink. When the dishwasher cycle is done, she puts away the cutlery (excluding sharp knives). She loads her own clothes into the washing machine and is now learning how to fold some clothes with me - mainly matching socks, folding panties and folding shirts. When I clean she uses a feather duster and sometimes likes to push the vacuum. She also sweeps outside with me. I put all this stuff in the same paragraph because for these I started out asking for her help or if she wanted to try it.

She sees mom and dad doing chores and is told that this is what people do in a family - they all help keep up the household - and she is no different. The only chore I insist on for now is putting away her own things. If this is not done, I don't take her to do fun stuff - like the playground, playdates or storytime, etc. "Sorry, you've got to clean up your stuff first." The others are gravy and I shower her with praise about how "big" shes getting and how proud I am the have such a good kid and how lucky I am to have a helper like her. Also, if clothes don't make it into the hamper, they don't get washed. Then when she wants to wear it, I tell her she should've put it in the hamper to wash. After a few disappointments this worked on her.

The only other comment I would make is to please be careful about making donations to Goodwill punishments for not cleaning up. Whenever I feel she is getting too much clutter because of overflowing toys we sit down together and choose things to donate to "kids who don't have toys." Acts of charity should be done out of kindness and as a matter of course because people should help one another whenever possible - not because you didn't clean your room and you have no choice. And to me, throwing their stuff in the trash is cruel. If you feel your kids have too much stuff, that's mom and dad's fault. I would agree with boxing things up and putting them away until the kids can prove how responsible they can be and/or throwing away things that need it.

We do a family "10 minute tidy" every day. I set the timer, everyone gets up and picks up for 10 minutes. It is easy and hubby and I usually try to make it fun! We talk and laugh and it's only 10 minutes, so its quick!

Other than that, everyone cleans there rooms on the weekend and if we have big projects we all do them together...like organizing and cleaning the family room...I swear we have to REALLY clean that room every other month or it just gets way out of control!

I think that having everyone do something at the same time keeps the whining down, because everyone is doing something and no one gets out of it! I have a grip of kids so 10 minutes is enough if we all take a room...and the oldest boys rotate un-loading the dishwasher for me every night and they take out the trash and recycling when needed...I do most of the real work during the week, the laundry, the vacuuming, etc. but hubby cleans all the bathrooms every weekend, which is a huge help! My house is no where near spotless, I admit to only mopping my kitchen floor once a month...but I grew up with a total neat freak of a mother and I swore I would not make all my kids' lives miserable because I wanted everything to be perfect! So my house isn't the cleanest on the block but it's not disgusting either!

I think the more you make something a routine, the easier it gets!

I'll second the suggestion to look into flylady.com. I just get her digest of e-mails and look at her "flight plan" for the day. So far I haven't accomplished all that is on her plan for the day, but I have incorporated shining my sink at night (getting dishes done and dishwasher loaded) and putting out clothes for all of us at night. Sometimes I also incorporate some of her "missions" for the day, but not always. Even though I don't do all of it, it has made such a difference for me, just putting a few simple routines into place. You could also add one or two routines for your kids/husband that are simple but would make a difference and make you feel like you're getting some help. :) Good luck!

My boys are 6 and 12, and my 12 year old is insanely organized, so I'll focus on my 6 year old (C) for this response. My husband and I are very neat and organized, too, so my poor youngest is a fish out of water in our house. We have to constantly guide him toward organization.

It helps to have an easy way to put toys away. We have a toybox in C's room, and two large drawers in the coffee table in the living room that are also for toys. In addition to that, other toys are in bins that can be taken out of his closet when he is playing with them. There is a bookcase in the living room that has C's books on the bottom two shelves. He knows he is responsible for putting away everything he takes out. I also remind him not to take out too much at once. As I walk through the room, I'll remind him to clean up one mess before he starts another. He's pretty good at keeping things under control.

His biggest issue is with his desk. He loves drawing, cutting, gluing, etc., and his desk becomes a disaster area quickly. Now we have a rule that once a week he has to clean up his desk. Lately, I haven't even had to remind him. He knows that if it starts to look crazy, he needs to clean it up.

All messes have to be cleaned up before we leave the house, and before bed. No exceptions. I don't clean up any toys anymore, and haven't for a couple years; I just remind when it's time to start putting things away.

I hope you find a system that works for your family. It is so much nicer when things run smoothly so that you do have time to enjoy each other. :)

Oh, as for housework, I'm a teacher, and my husband is a manager in car sales so he works a ton. He does get one day off during the week, and he cleans the entire house that day (I love that man!). Then I do the laundry and touch up any cleaning that needs to be done. Both kids help with the cleaning, and with caring for the pets. Mostly they keep their rooms neat and put their clothes away. Our older son helps care for his younger brother sometimes, too. On Sunday, my husband's other day off, we can relax and play together instead of doing chores.

Homework is done while I cook dinner so that I can help if needed. Projects are also done during this time, or on Saturdays. Our 6 year old does his 15 minutes of reading aloud in the car while I'm driving to pick up our 12 year old from school. It's his choice. I thought he'd want a break after school, but he wants to get it done.

Sorry this is long. I hope it helps.

I have a chore chart for all of my kids and my husband. I have it broken out on a day to day as well. My husband knows exactly what he is supposed to do, and my children do their chores as well. I have 3 year old twins and a 6 year old.
Here are the chores my family has to do:
Dad:
Sunday-Saturday: Dinner Dishes, Monday: mow yard, Tuesday: Mow other yards Wednesday: Take out the trash Thursday: Sweep all floors Friday: Mop kitchen weekly all other floors bi-weekly, home-school twins. Sunday: Bring down laundry, Take trash out to street, vacuum all floors.

6-year-old:
Sunday-Saturday: Wash table after dinner, homework, practice piano, pick up toys before dinner. Monday/Thursday/Saturday: gather all dishes and bring them downstairs. Wednesday/Sunday: bring down trash

3-year-old boy:
Sunday-Saturday: Feed and water cat, practice piano, pick up toys before dinner, set the table

3-year-old girl:
Sunday-Saturday: practice piano, pick up toys before dinner, take all shoes upstairs to each persons' room. Sunday: pick up any laundry left out in her room, their bathroom, and the boys room and put it in the laundry basket.

Me:
Sunday-Saturday: Breakfast and Lunch dishes
Monday: Laundry
Tuesday: bills and other errands
Wednesday: clean all bathrooms
Thursday: clean other rooms such as office, family room etc.
Friday: Job...I teach music at an elementary school.
Saturday and Sunday are my chore days off, unless something didn't get done and I work on it then.

If the kids don't clean up, I get the broom out and start sweeping...(we have wood floors almost all the way through)...Anything that gets sweeped up and is not put away by the time I get the dust pan is thrown away. If I have to do any of their chores, then they have to clean toilets...including dad.

Hi, we have a playroom that is fairly organized. We have 2 big toy chests for big toys and 4 smaller bins for small toys (matchbox cars, GI Joes, etc). It is their job to pick up the playroom. They pick up once a day, usually before bedtime. If they don't pick up.... they don't get snacks before bed. Both of your boys are old enough to pick up their toys after playing with them. Both boys are able to put their dirty clothes in a hamper. My kids have a hamper in their closet so easy for them to put clothes in when changing. At 5, my sons had to make his bed before school. It wasn't perfect but it is part of his routine. At 4, my sons had to clear off their plate after eating... just put it on the counter. I did not put my hubby on the chore list, I think he would be insulted if I would have. If I was feeling overwhelmed with projects, I would make a list of everything that needs to be done and ask hubby to help me with some things on the list. It's can be a lot at times... good luck!

You have lots of wonderful answers already.

My daughter in law sits in a chair in their bedroom and asks them for a blue thing. Her 3 and 5 year old each bring her a blue thing and then put it where its supposed to go. Or clothes with yellow, or toy with red. It works for her. I wish I'd thought of that when my kids were that age.

Good luck to you and yours

.

I have a 3 yo boy and a 6 yo girl, and a 4 month old to top it off. I hear you! You've gotten a lot of great advice, but here is what we do:

Kids make beds in the morning, and I try to keep my perfectionistic tendencies at bay and applaud them for their efforts, especially since no one sees it! If we do have guests coming over, I may sneak in and redo when no one is looking.

Kids bring out their waste baskets on trash day and help dump them into the big trash bag.

Every night, after dinner and before bed, we set the timer and ask them to pick up and organize whatever toys they would like to keep for the week. Once they've gone to bed, whatever is left out gets put in a paper bag with the day on it (eg MONDAY) and disappears for a week. The following week, I will empty the bag on the playroom table and re-use it to pick up whatever is missing. This is also a prime opportunity to purge. If there is a toy I'm not sure they need anymore and I don't think they'll miss, I put it in a bag called "Purgatory" and put an expiration date of 2-3 months out. If the date rolls around and the kids haven't missed it, to Goodwill it goes! I also use the Purgatory bag when I do a deep clean of their rooms when they're gone for the day. Out of the several bags I've done, my daughter has missed only one or two things, which I was able to retrieve easily for her. The rest has gone on to a better place, without any confrontation.

Your expectations of your young children may be appropriate
for older children. The 3-year-old should have VERY SIMPLE chores . . .
maybe emptying waste baskets, pulling clean clothes out of the dryer
(for you or hubby to sort out later), helping take groceries out of bags
to put into the lower shelves of kitchen cabinets, etc.

The 5-year-old can have more responsibility, but still of a simple nature.

You mentioned homework.
OMG.
Homework in kindergarten.
Excuse me while I gnash my teeth.

The Flylady suggestions are very very good.

And your frustration and FITS may be misplaced/wasted energy.
I think you'll have much less frustration
if you reconsider your expectations.

Good luck.

S.

Check out HouseFairy.org for a great motivational tool for your kids!