Structure & Schedule for Baby or Whatever & Whenever

Babies can't tel time. They know they are hungry NOW, they are tired NOW, they are lonely NOW. They have no concept of later.

Well, I have O., but I know that when my son stayed on his schedule (naps, eating, bedtime, etc.) we were ALL a lot happier. My .02

It is a mix for me. Before the baby is about six months old the baby sets the schedule. Baby eats and sleeps on demand. The best you can do to get the baby to go with the flow is ensure that your baby is able to eat and sleep everywhere and anywhere, so the family can keep living life. Baby starts to follow more of a regular schedule after six months, and after a year starts to conform to the schedule of the family. I liked to have regular nap times, bed times and meal times, but I liked to be flexible about special occasions, travelling and outings. Meals were at the usual time, but could be at home, in the park, in a restaurant etc. Naps were at a specific time, but could be in the car, stroller, playpen etc. (My kids gave up naps by the time they were too old/big for a stroller.) A consistent bedtime was important, but not important enough to leave early from a family dinner, or miss the fireworks etc. I like routine, but I am not rigid about it.

I was in the middle. I never did a "schedule" or routine. But, my son did sleep and eat when he needed to. However, if I needed to go somewhere or get something done, I just did it. I didn't change my life around, I did what I wanted and needed...but he came along. Babies can sleep and eat anywhere, that's one thing that makes them easy.

ETA: My son has never had eating or sleeping issues. He slept through the night (8 hours +) at 5 weeks.

It's all about what works within the family.
My BFF and I are opposite in our parenting styles in almost every way.
She has always had a strict schedule with her kids, eating, sleeping, everything, down to the minute.
I have always had a routine, but never a schedule. The kids fed on demand as nursing babies, and they slept when they slept. As they grew the routine fell into place, eating and sleeping and going out at about the same times every day, but there was always wiggle room.
I feel a schedule is fine, but it always it made me feel chained down. I didn't like saying no invitations to events and activities because my kids HAD to be home at certain times for their naps. My kids were portable and flexible enough that if they needed to nap in their stroller they did. Not my BFF's kids. They had to be home, in their own beds, with everything just so.
My kids have always been happy, easy going and easy to travel with, even into different time zones (they do a lot better than me!) I think in part it's because they grew up knowing how to adapt to changes in routine. My BFF's kids are great too, but I DO think they're more rigid in their ways, and they sometimes have a hard time when things don't go as planned. It's not a huge deal, but I do see a difference.

With my first, we did everything on demand, and it absolutely sucked for her and for us. Nobody ever slept well, she never ate all that well, she was cranky as all get-out, and I was a sleep-deprived mess.

With baby #2, we formed a schedule from day one. It was a flexible schedule (during growth spurts, she ate more often, for instance), but it was a schedule. We could all depend upon her being sleepy at 9am, because that's when morning nap happened. She would also be sleepy at 1pm, and would sleep until 3. She would go to bed at 6pm like clockwork. She was a very happy baby, and I was a happy M. who got quality sleep and could get things done! Also, I will say that if we needed to go somewhere during nap time, we would. She would sleep right through it. No problems.

If I had to give advice to a new mom, having done it both ways myself, I'd absolutely recommend having a parent-led schedule. No reservations, no hesitation. It worked 100% better for us.

You have to do what works for you, your baby and your family.

I've always been a baby-led parent: I breastfed on-demand for at least a year, my babies napped when (and wherever) they needed it and we were able to go out and do the things we needed/wanted to do.

My best friend kept her babies on a very regimented eating and sleeping schedule. Naps were always at the same time, at home - NO exceptions. If that meant that the family had to miss out on birthday parties or other events, that's the way it was.

Now our kids are all a bit older (between 2-8), and the differences are pretty obvious. My girls are definitely more easy-going and adaptable. Hers are definitely creatures of habit and get out of sorts when their schedules get thrown off. But both 'ways' work for our respective families. I cannot imagine having to be SO precise in meal times and menus, etc and I know she would go bananas with how outgoing my kids are. There's no right way; just the way that was right for us :)

A baby under 6 mos. is very different from a 2 year old. Even though I was not particularly good at schedules or routines, I believe they are best for kids, with the exception of infants.

I am a middle of the road kind of gal. I believe in feeding newborns every three hours during the day, from day 1. Usually this means having to wake them. By doing this, they sleep 7 plus hours by 6 weeks. But I also believe in feeding on demand and going with the natural rhythm of the baby.

My three month old is shifting everything around on me. But we have a loose schedule, and I will wake her by 8:15 if she is still sleeping in the morning. Our schedule is loose, though, so I watch her, not the clock.....

I'm current trying to figure out if want to keep dragging hr everywhere, or if I will start doing naps at home. I'm thinking we may do both.

I had a very strict schedule with baby one, and she was a terrible sleeper. With two, I did the middle of the road thing, and he can sleep anywhere.

I definitely had a fairly strict schedule with my first, a sorta schedule with my second and hardly any schedule at all with the third. He no longer naps, but when he did, it was mostly in the car or in the stroller while I was on the go with my older kids.

My oldest likes routines and knowing what to expect, and gets bent out of shape when things don't go as scheduled. My younger two are much more flexible.

In parenting plan A the baby is in control of everything. Not a great plan. BUT it's the most used.

If you let the baby dictate what you do and when then you're not being a very good person to your family. If a baby is asleep and it's time to go to a soccer game you pick the baby up, put them in their carrier, strap it in the vehicle, and go. The baby will likely sleep through all the moving around and wake up like normal.

If your baby was in child care they would not have your baby on a schedule. That doesn't happen until they start getting them down to one nap per day when the baby is around 10-11 months old. They go into the toddler room at 12 months/turn 1 and the toddler room has no baby beds, no multiple naps, etc....they have a schedule that is basically when they eat meals and snacks and take their nap. Baby's just go with the flow for the most part if the parents realize the baby can go and do pretty much everything they do.

Plan B, schedules.
You do not go wake up a sleeping baby because the hands on a clock says it's time for them to get up. You do not put a happy playful baby in bed and let them scream and cry for an hour when the same hands on a clock say it's time for them to be asleep. If you are determined for a baby to be on your schedule I feel that most people will be sadly disillusioned because that baby is not going to do what you want when you want. They will fall asleep when they are tired, they will wake up when they're hungry, they will cry if they want your attention and they won't stop until you give it to them. They are a baby, it's the parents job to care for them and spend time all hours of the day taking care of them.

When I hear people saying they are going to put their baby on a schedule I laugh at them in my head. They are in for such a hard time. They will fight that baby for at least a year and they'll be tired and cranky all the time. Instead of just thinking it through before they get pregnant. When you have a baby they will wake up every couple of hours for a bottle, they will cry during the night for you, they will keep you awake all hours of the night when they are wide awake and totally happy and smiling.

It's tough for baby to go with flow when they are hungry or tired or both. There's nothing like a over-hungry, over-tired baby to throw family plans totally out of whack.

In my opinion, eventually, it gets easier and things can always change depending on their ages and needs - I think as babies, they need to eat when hungry and sleep when tired. As toddlers, schedules and structure become the norm. You might be a "slave" to the schedule for a while but it beats having a toddler in full meltdown mode on your hands. My cousin and his wife did not attend my wedding ceremony because it was right in the middle of their son's nap time and had they skipped the nap and tried to do both the ceremony and the reception, it would not have been pretty. Believe me, I was glad they made the decision they did, and only did the reception with a well-rested happy child!

Kids get better about going with the flow once they are preschoolers and up - they have more stamina and usually have given up naps at that point, although sometimes you do have to be able to take a break at some point if you have a busy day going on.

I think it also depends somewhat on your kids personalities and temperaments - some are just naturally very laid-back and "go with the flow" types and some are more rigid and need to know what to expect. If something is not working for you or your child, then you need to re-evaluate and try something else.

The best is actually a blend of the two.

Yes, baby needs to eat and sleep when it needs to, and when you have a single, this is mostly possible. As you add on, it is not.

Everyone needs to be flexible and understanding, and that includes baby. If you get baby used to sleeping on the go, eating on the go, your life will lead to more flexibilty. There were several time where I sat in the back of my car feeding my daughter because we were out and about running errands when she needed to eat. There are several times when I knew that we would need to leave during nap time, that instead of laying her in her crib for a nap, I set her in her infant carrier, so that when it was needed, I wouldn't have to wake her up to get her to the car.

We stuck to a bedtime/naptime routine daily. Babies/toddlers *need* this. I also nursed "on demand" (hate that term, actually). This worked for us.

One family we are close friends with winged it more. Their kids napped in cars, strollers, wherever. Very rarely were they ever sleeping in their own beds. They say it worked for them, but I've been with their kids after they woke up from car ride naps, stroller naps, etc. and I think that it worked for the parents, but *not* their kids, if you know what I mean. Nothing can replace quality sleep in a comfortable bed in a quiet room. JMO.

Both work as far as I can tell, it's just a matter of how the parents want to live. All the happy secure kids in my family had schedules and boundaries and couldn't just eat and nap whenever they wanted all willy nilly (well, napping they sort of could if they were exhausted outside of nap time-but they thrived with schedules and set bed times). We were pretty "French" so to speak as in "Bringing up Bebe" style. I don't know what bad consequences you're seeing from that because I haven't seen any. Naps coudl always be done while out in cars or strollers, so it wasnt' liek everyone had to be home or something at certain times, we just knew when kids were hungry or tired.

Likewise I know some attachment child-led parents that base everything on what the kids want when they want it in a more random way, and the kids are totally happy with that and so are the parents.

Now, could the schedule-style parents deal with the child dictating the day? No. And could the attachment parents deal with forcing the child into a schedule? No. So it's the parents who decide what works for them either way.

Personally, I think the 2 and under crowd needs a more strict schedule of things. Now, I'd like to add that I have only 2 kids exactly 2 years apart, so for the most part, I was able to schedule needs for the younger one without disrupting much of the older one's schedule b/c they are so close in age. If you have more kids or a big age separation in kids or groups of kids, I could see how it might be harder to have a more strict schedule. I see it with my friends who have 3 or more kids with some kids in elementary school. Sports throws off the baby everytime! :)

That being said, I go back to my support of a schedule. I find that under 1 we have a very strict eating and sleeping routine. Between 1-2 the eating can be a little more flexible but sleeping is still pretty rigid. When my kids were that age I really didn't let them skip naps or go to bed more than 1/2 past bedtime.

I feel that the sleep component is the most important b/c those little ones (well all kids really) need that sleep or they become fussy, cranky, naughty, etc. and it's sort of unfair b/c really they're just tired and off schedule.

Plus, I favor a schedule for my own sanity. I need to know that if things go as planned (within reason of course, sometimes it doesn't, of course) I can be calmer, nicer, more patient, etc. b/c I know there is an end in sight. Plus, I know I get a couple of hours by myself or with my husband before bedtime and that is a major help to my sanity as well! :)

We had a parent-led schedule, but it was based on baby's queues. If that makes sense. Our baby knew what to expect in a day, and we knew when her best times for being good were so we knew when to schedule going out. Her naptime was generally between 2 and 4, so we'd try to do things in the morning, the closer we got to naptime, the more she would be cranky. But she was a pretty good stroller baby, so if we went to like, the state fair, we could put the seat back on her stroller, cover her eyes for a minute or 2 to help keep her from being too stimulated to sleep, and she'd go right to sleep. I understand that all babies are not that way, so other people might have to do things differently.

I do remember the first time my MIL watched our daughter for the day while I was at work, because our daycare lady's kid was sick or something. I gave her a written schedule, which was basically the times she napped and the times she ate. (she was about 4 months old so she napped multiple times) She was insulted that I didn't trust her to know what to do with the baby and called me about 11 to tell me that she was throwing up everywhere and I didn't leave her enough bottles. The problem, of course, was that she fed her every time she cried, instead of just around the times she should have been hungry, and so she was throwing up from having a day's worth of bottles in a couple of hours and her tummy was too full. After that, she never complained about my handwritten schedules again, she realized it wasn't that I didn't trust her, just that I wanted the day to go as easy for her as possible.

The baby should eat when hungry, sleep when tired and there is no need for a schedule. It never even occurred to me that one could 'put' an infant on a schedule when DS was born. So we fed him when he was hungry, took him wherever we happened to be going (the boy could and still can sleep anywhere and anytime) and put him in his crib at night when we went to bed. It worked for us and it worked fine at daycare too. They were however a bit surprised that he had no 'schedule' that we insisted they follow. We told them to 'feed when hungry and he would sleep when tired'.

However, when he gave up his morning nap, we did start making sure he could nap right after lunch. That was really a big inconvenience (in a first world sort of way) and I was ecstatic when he became more flexible about the nap and could sleep anytime in the afternoon. It is simply not feasible for a child too old for a stroller to fall asleep anywhere.

ETA - DS has always been a good sleeper. We still live by the mantra 'never wake the baby'. If he's sleeping - he's not hungry.

Well I babysit my granddaughter Mon to Fri. We have a very set schedule. Breakfast at 8:15, nap 10am to 11:30 or noon. Lunch at 12:30. One hour nap at about 2:3 or so. Home at 4pm. Now, if I want to run errands in the morning, we lea eat nap time. I drive to the furthest spot (I take the long slow way) this way she can sleep. If she gets 30 minutes we are good to go for a while. So e times afternoon nap will be in car again or we get home in time for her to sleep. She is a very laid back 11 month old and just goes with the flow. Does well with a schedule, but if we are not home, does well without! Now not all babies are like that. When I raised mine. We pretty much stuck to a morning routine. Afternoon was whatever. I think a lot depends on the baby.

i was a scheduler with my daughter. i went off her natural cues to form my schedule so i could get things done. now theres always times where the schedule gets thrown out the window due to travel, get togethers, drs appts etc. my daughter was able to go with the flow of things.
i believe that babies need consistancy and if other parents or family members can understand that then its their issue. a baby can sleep and eat just about anywhere but you shouldnt go in and wake them up to go/do something unless its really needed.

my daughter is 6 and can not handle more then a couple days out of the normal schedule.

after doing daycare for decades and seeing hundreds of children I have figured out that the needs of almost all children really fit a standard schedule and following that is the BEST thing for them, I have seen the results of no schedule, and the results of semi schedule and of a schedule that is flexible every now and then and a strict schedule. The schedule that is flexible every now and then is the one that works long term and makes for kids that can cope in all situations and grow properly.
For under 8 months the schedule is the EASY schedule - when they wake they eat, then the have activity, then sleep (the y is you time). If you don't go to the kid at the first cry then they will usually sleep almost exactly 2 hours. It's weird how almost every kid will nap for that exact amount of time. Seriously sometimes to the minute, lots of times within 15 minutes of that time.

As they grow the above schedule turns into an easy to follow schedule that really works for years .