Stress, Kids, Keeping My House Clean.. Friends and Family.

D.,
I am sorry you are going through all this and hope all the encouraging words help you and give you strength right now. First hire a cleaning service, let them do the house for you. there are plenty that are affordable. I own one www.maidsontherun.com and if you email I will get our crews in to help you and start a new beginning.
I also want to give a piece of advice that up until 6 months ago I did not take myself. See 6 months ago I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I am young enough with two kids, a husband, 3 dogs a business etc. I have had mastectomy, chemo, and will move to radiation and medication next. I have never been sick before. So this would be a perfect chance to be negative about all things around me. However, I looked to find the reason for the journey. I realized I worked too much, missed having real fun with my kids, focused on silly things like dirt in the house and working on my computer. With the news of cancer I stopped and thought where have the last 5 years gone when my son was born.. or the last 10 when my duaghter was born. I wanted desperately then to be the best mom, wife , friend, daughter, business owner. Best everything but I really let the time pass me by. I now look at things a bit differently. I am given today, I am expected to make the most of it. I am expected to help others, enjoy eating lunch at school with my kids, throwing a huge luau before starting chemo, carving pumkins and thowing the goo at my kids (who cares it is only a little mess) remember how they laughed at my funny faces and how my son calls me his beautiful princess even though I have no hair and my chest is flat.
Take everyday as a blessing, start today and say thank you God for letting me have another day, I will make you proud today. So if I said you have only today, what would you do first. So do it today and when tomorrow comes say it again and do it again.
Vitamin levels and hormones can control a lot of our feelings inside as well. Getting your levels checked is important as well, Vit D, C and B. I do not take any medication other than chemo but prefer to enhance my diet with plant based foods for energy and positive feelings. There is a ton of good advice from all these women but today you ar the only one that can take action.
"For Iknow the plans Ihave for you" Says the Lord "They are for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope"
This was in my devotional today and thought we could all use it.
I wish you the best.
Blessings and Hugs

Hi,
Wow this is a rough patch, for sure.
If you are like me and eat junk when there is stress- stop- this is when you need to eat the best- lots of protien, vegigies, no sugar, not anything made of white flour- and go to thehealth food store and get a stress b vit for starters-'
hydrate also- take you body weight and divide in half- what ever that number is make it oz and drink that much water a day
these are the things over which you have control, and a place to start.
THEN- check out YokaReader.com and she will teach you the most amazing ways to do what you asked- and I always watch her and think what common sense- why didn't I think of that before!
Ok, so that is it- step 1- handle your nutrition and water
step2-Yoka
and life will be different!
best,k

You need a good therapist.

I feel your pain. Its really hard to be all things and I know that stressed out feeling when your house is a mess it does make you cranky. For that try Flylady.com its a website all about getting your house in order and getting you organized. The take you thru the process 1 day at a time. Very helpful!

Have you been to a therapist, getting a divorce is very stressful- I am going thru one right now also. It is very helpful to have someone to talk to during such a rough period in your life. Hang in there!

My advice to you would be get involved in a church. Once you begin to put GOd first everything else seems to fall into place. I am not saying you wont have bad days, but you will start to find people to support you. I will be praying for you.

Have you ever tried talking to someone... maybe a proffessional? You have been through ALOT, and maybe there is some depression there. My heart goes out to you, and please talk to someone, even if it is just a friend who is a really good listener.

Hi,

I'm sorry life is very challenging for you right now. I did want to second the other poster's recommendation for the flylady website. I've found it very empowering. Therapy might also be usual to deal with the other things going on in your life. Good luck!

Hi D.! You sound like me...or like the me I try not to be. I have had years of therapy, on and off, to try to not be that person...and I highly recommend it. I am so sorry about the death of your daughter. That is my biggest fear, and my heart really goes out to you. Here are a few things that have helped me to not be "that" person. There is a course, called The Landmark Forum. It is offered worldwide, but sometimes comes to ft Lauderdale. It teaches you wonderful coping skills for life. Also, there is a dvd called The Secret, that is truly life changing, and explains how we create our lives, and tells us how to shape them in a positive way. As far as being organized...oh, that has always been an issue. I joined a website called Flylady. It is free, and about the best thing I have found to help me keep it together. She gives daily e-mails with suggestions of what you can do for 15 minutes each day, to keep on top of things. It is helpful beyond words. I have stepped beyond that site, and made a schedule, that I keep next to my desk, that outlines my "chores" each day, so I can see them and be on top of them. It sounds juvenile, but helps so much...and if you are interested, I would be happy to photocopy mine and mail it to you, to give you some ideas. I totally relate to the "being negative" and letting it spiral. I am so lucky to be married to a man that, although he drives me crazy at times, has gone through lots of therapy an workshops as well, and really doesn't let me go into that negative place. I have also learned, through several therapists, that I have made myself miserable by trying to do more than is really possible each day. That has set me up for failure, so I really attempt to simplify my life when I can..delegate when I can..and gulp..even ask for help. I have a 6 week old baby now, with a 3 year old..and it is certainly tough to keep on top of "it all". Try the flylady website. The organization tips can boost your self esteem, and that can help in other areas. Good luck! Peace!

I've heard wonderful things about the Landmark or Anthony Robins "Get the Edge" program. Maybe you should look into them...maybe ebay and commit yourself to doing it. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, so maybe just try to take 10 minutes first thing in the day and right before you go to bed to think of all the positive things in your life and what you're thankful for. Sometimes we get so caught up in the cycle of drama/stress/etc. that we forget that we can take a step back to disengage from all that and choose a different direction we want to take moving forward. Maybe even consider a gratitude journal. Have you heard about that book, "Simple Abundance". If you haven't already, I say give the children appropriate daily chores. Maybe set the timer for 15 minutes after dinner each night and you all run around doing some straightening up and then stop when you hear the beep and just enjoy those special times of taking baths and bonding over reading books before bed. Best of luck.

Hi D.,
You are so young and going through so much. No wonder you are in so much pain and always on the edge. You don't have to go through this alone. Start praying. Ask God for his guidance, peace, and comfort. He WILL give it to you. Before you turn to any doctors or medicine turn to the Lord!
I notice that you live in Sanford. There are several churches in your area and here is their information. This will be really good for you and your children. You won't believe the peace it will bring to your life!!

Mars Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church (Sanford)
800 E 2nd St
Sanford, FL 32771-2173
###-###-####

Deltona Seventh-day Adventist Church
Address: 1717 Catalina Blvd
Deltona, FL 32738-9541
Members: 279
Pastor: Doug Foley, Pastor
Phone: 1 ###-###-####

And here is a website you can visit for more information about the adventist churches. http://www.adventist.org/

Both meet on Saturdays at 9:30 am until about 12 pm. A lot of churches do potluck after service for lunch which give you a wonderful time for fellowship and making new friends! I pray that you will find peace in your life. Your children are depending on you and you WILL be able to find stability with God.
Take care and may God guide you!
V.

I am sorry for your loss and what you are going through. I am sure things will get better! I agree with the other moms, please look for a professional help ASAP. It will change your life! Also if you like to read (easy, light reading), read the book "The Secret" that helps you think positive and achieve your dreams. Pray - angels, God, whatever you believe can help. Sing, listen to music, take a nice bath once the kids are sleeping. Do something for you even changing the color of your hair, nails, etc. That helps...to change the mood. Good luck and take care of you first so you can be accessible to your kids. God bless you!

I felt the same way, I spoke with my Dr about the whole situation and he put me on anti-depressants and i am not at all ashamed to say IT HELPS SOOOOOO MUCH. At least once a day i get to feel organized. cause I also have 3 children a cooky soon to be X-husband and the stress is just incrediable. Have you spoke with a counseler regarding your daughters death, cause that and it'self could make anybody feel like they were loosing their mind. Do not be ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help, that's why we have so many places readily accesable to us.

Hi i was just wondering do you have any girlfriends??
I am so sorry for your loss. I only have 1 daughter and i feel like sometimes my life is a mess, but if you are positive that can really make a change in your life!! My sister lost her daughter at 22 mo. When she drowned in our mothers pool just days after my moms wedding! Now i know life can be hard and im only responding because you sound just like my sister. And im really close to her and always try to give her a few words of comfort! I am not a holy person but i do believe in god! I do believe that he works in mysterious ways!! I say when ever your being negative catch yourself and say a little prayer or just think of something positive! Live in the moment because you never know if tomorrow will come! Spend extra time with your kids to just talk about the little things and it will make a difference on your mood. plan a little trip to the park or plan a picnic. the kids and even you will look forward to that day. Don't worry about the mess because it will still be there tomorrow, but just enjoy what you have because living everyday cranky and upset will only lead to worse days!!i used to have tons of friends but now its just me, my daughter, and my fiance'. but i would love to have someone to talk to besides family if you don't have that. im a SAHM of 1 yr old girl. and i would love to see you happy!!

From someone who has a history of episodic depression (verses chronic depression), I highly recommend seeing a therapist who can help you and coordinate with your primary physician with any anti-depressant medication that the therapist thinks might help. You are going through a lot and right now I would not continue trying to do it all by yourself, but get some professional help. Your doctor might be able to recommend a therapist. I would not just go on anti-depressants without therapy. The therapy will help you work through all the issues you are facing and help you regain control while on anti-depressants so that you can eventually get off of them and be okay.

Please let us know how you are doing as you go through all this!

Best wishes,

K.

D.:

Everyone is stressed by life, some days harder than others. You're going through a lot and need to allow yourself a little slack. There are difficult days being a single mom, but I LOVE it. The thing I've learned is you can't do EVERYTHING -make your priorities. There'll always be things to do and finish but as the kids get older you'll have more time. Focus on taking care of yourself and your children, a clean house isn't a priority, yes you need to be clean but spotless no. If you have a choice between cleaning the house or getting much needed sleep for yourself, sleep - if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your children or your home. If you haven't already you may want to talk to your physician about a possible antidepressent or go to a local health store and get some herbs to help your stress. As for looking for bad things, you have to train yourself to focus on the good, no matter how small - each night before you go to bed revisit the day and find 5 things that were good - it could be as little as a flower you saw, the giggle your daughter had or the good test grade your son had and try to look for those things as you go through the day. Keep you mind focused on looking for the good in your days, it'll take time but you'll notice after a few days or a week or so, you don't have to force yourself to look for the good and you start seeing more and more. Good luck in your journey and know that you're a good mother, girlfriend, friend, sister and daugther.

I have been where you are many years ago. And maybe you should talk to your Dr and get something that will help you mellow out and get a normal thought process back. Breaking up a marriage is hard on us and with hormones and such it makes a mess of our lives. But by getting something like prozac or what ever your Dr gives you will help calm you down inside and out and all will come together. Best of luck Girl friend, it will all be fine in the end and you will move forward. Hang in there... And I bet you are a Great Mom...

Hi D.,

Wow, I just joined this site and yours was the first request that popped up.

You have had and are dealing with some huge stresses in life. Not having anyone to lean on in these times make it really tough.

I am not going to preach to you but something that is currently helping me deal with some of my stresses is Church. I finally found one the kids and I can attend and since I have been reading the bible and praying God has helped me out of the funk that I was getting in.

I would also like to invite you to take a look at my website www.kneadtlc.com I am a Massage Therapist and I focus on Therapeutic Relaxation Massage and I offer in office & On-site Quick Fix Massage solutions to stress.

More than anything D. it seems like you need to be around people. Take a look at www.meetup.com It is a great community were you can get involved with a group of interest and physically get to know people in your area.

Hope my little 2 scents has helped in some way. Try not to view your life as a mess although it is easy to be hard on oneself. Being a Mum of 2 deserves a medal all by its self.

Have a good day D.!

D.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I think you really need to cut yourself some slack. You have gone thru so much! You have gone thru two experiences which are considered the most stressful on someone's life.
I think talking to a therapist would definitely help you feel better. Also re-prioritize things in your life. You can't do it all. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect at everything and we put everyone else's needs first... No wonder women get overwhelmed...
I totally understand the wanting to keep your house clean but given everything you are going thru that should be your last priority.
Give yourself some credit for everything you are already doing!
Best wishes!!! I hope you feel better!
V.

Being a good mother, girlfriend, friend, etc. means first making sure you are well rested and healthy. This way you are not " stressed, on edge, exausted, and cranky" When I am not getting enough sleep or enough of the right foods(healthy ones) I am a crab. And any little thing that happens that day becomes negative and just snow balls. You're going through a hard time right now with a divorce. You feel like your life isn't in order because it isn't. You are in a transition period, your every day life had a certain order and now the order is changing. Change is not a bad thing. It is just something different, something new. I see two things in your life that are possitive and precious. One is 7 and one is 3. Enjoy them now because they grow up so fast. Don't worry so much about the house. Clean what you can, when you can, or get your kids to help. Put on some music and clean together. I hope this was helpful, you will make it through and you will be a stronger person.

Looks like you have gotten a lot of good advice. I would try to find a mom's group in your area. Sounds like you need some supportive girlfriends. Maybe try mops.org and see if there is a group near you.

D. do you believe in God? If you do, then might I suggest you pray for the situation you are in. Do you go to church? If not, would you consider going now? We as humans want to DO all this stuff to make things right but in the end, we find that we are back where we started from. God is the creator of heaven and earth. He put you on this planet for a purpose and that purpose does NOT entail you going through such a tough time without any help. If you were my friend, I'd bring you to my church and show you that there is a better way to handle life when it gets really tough. I feel for you as I've been through trials of my own but I rely on God to get me through rather than bumping into the walls in darkness on my own. Through God, all things are possible. When you are able to, surrender to God through prayer and ask Him to help you. You'll be amazed how He will respond.

OMG is right on! Wow, you are processing way too much. It shows as stress, aches and pains, anger, worry...all that nasty stuff.
So sorry about the loss of your baby. That is one thing I don't know I could handle, so having gone through that, please be good and gentle to yourself. So, to keep your life in order, make a list of what is important, necessary TODAY. Don't fast forward other than an appointment or school/job interview. Take one day at a time.
I send many good wishes and blessings.

D.,
Talk to your doctor. Sounds like you could have some anxiety and depression issues which may need medication.
A.

Hi there! First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. That must have been very difficult for you as i'm sure it still is now. You cannot go to school to be a "better" person or to get your life in order. I have learned that life is a learning experience. It pretty much works like this, you wake up, go about your day, make mistakes, learn from them and try to not make the same mistake in the future. Then you do it all over the very next day until it is our time to go. No one is perfect so stop trying so hard! Focus on yourself and your children. I know that it is much easier said than done. I have had a very difficult, sad and abusive life. I have been trying to have a baby for quite some time now but can't seem to get pregnant. That is what i want most in my life. After having a horrible life growing up i still managed to stay positive and learned to stop letting the negative things bring me down. There is nothing better than the feeling i have when i get to wake up one more day and spend it with the people i love most. Life is not easy but it is also too short. Learn to not stress things anymore and just learn to prioritize what really matters in your life and in your childrens lives. I hope this will help keep you a little positive and I wish you nothing but the best. Have a great day.

it is not just the mess that's bothering you, D.....the mess is a symptom of something else. Nobody can go thru all that stuff you have been thru, without it affecting them somehow. I think you might be suffering from depression, or something similar. Do you have insurance? Can you ask your doctor to recommend a good psychiatrist? It doesn't mean you are crazy! The right medication may be able to do a lot towards helping you cope. There is a place called Center for group counseling in Boca, i think, that has very low rates if you are uninsured, and at least could evaluate you and get you someone to talk to. I lost a son as an infant, too, and have been on antidepressants ever since. Losing a child is one of the worst things that can happen to a person....now add the divorce,plus the stress of parenting little ones. You owe it to yourself AND YOUR CHILDREN to get the proper help. Please do it today!

I also felt like you and took an anti-depressant for a few years called Effexor. There are so many to choose from and your doctor will know which is right for you. After about 4 weeks I felt like myself again! This to shall pass....:)

You are going through a lot of things at the same time, no wonder you feel stressed out! Maybe you should test your thyroid. It has an influence on the way we feel towards all those you mention. It could be slow and treating it is very simple and the effects are miraculous! Good luck and God bless.

D.,

I have been where you are - and girl there is so much life to live. I had to learn to speak to myself in empowering words and switch from negative words to positive. It's a transition to make - but it will be worth.

I agree with plugging into a church, a woman's group would be very helpful especially now.

I work for myself and could be flexible in my schedule. I would love to sit down with you ~ if you'd like.

Let me know.

Regards,

A.

D.,

You are definitely stressed. Could be a sign of depression. Have you tried counseling? May be helpful. I know someone in Lutz who is great!! reasonable fees & is a Mom too!!
What about a church? I am not active in one right now, but have been in the past & have found wonderful support from my church family. Denomination doesn't matter- many churches through bible study etc. you can form a suppport group.
Mom's group might be helpful too!!
Keep in mind what works for one person doesn't work for another.
Good luck. Sometimes you just have to let some things go to keep your sanity!!!

I feel your pain and have been there. Mine actually turned out to be hypothyoidism. Approx 40% of the population has a thyroid condition and most don't know it. So talk to your Dr and discuss thryoid and possibly anziety and depression. Second, when you feel so bad it's hard to keep up your house and then you feel like a failure because your house is so messy. I have gotten some help in that area by joining flylady.net. You basically get an email everyday about 15 min chores to do. It helps keep up the house every day so you feel a lot better about it. It's amazing how much better you feel when your house isn't in chaos. Good luck and things will get better.

Dear D.,

I have to agree with Tina and Fiona. getting involved in a local church group where you will be able to meet other women in your situation would really benefit you right now. In a world of uncertain things, unrealiable people and broken relationships only the love of our father and creator can sustain us. Its not easy being a single mom, I know. I would encourage you to connect with other moms who are your situation and moms who have already come out of your situation. It helps soothe the soul to know that your not alone in your troubles.

If you are interested in a local group of single moms that meet monthly you can visit Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale or call ###-###-#### and ask for Family Ministry, ask for Ann Turpin and tell her M. sent you - she is a single mom that leads up this study group. Its an awesome group and they meet the third Saturday of the month from 9:30am-11:30am.
As far as energy and stress levels. Have you had a physical and blood work done recently? Your hormones may be off and you may be suffering from depression. Unstable levels of serotonin can cause depression as well as energy loss.
On the natural side - I found an organic powder that mixes in juice to be really effective in boosting my energy and bettering my overall health. Its called Organic greens for women. Here is a link where you can buy http://www.4allvitamins.com/product_info.php/products_id/...

here is a link where you can read up on the ingredients
http://www.4allvitamins.com/download/greens_sell_sheet_fi...

I will pray for you today.
M.

D.,

I have been where you are at. I was also 27 and we moved to be stationed in FL. I got out of the military so I could be a SAHM. Everything was going good until we had to sell our home during the down market. We lost so much money and I had to sell my car that I owned to pay on the mortgage. Then I had to go back to work. I was used to some type of respect, being well paid, and being a supervisor - but when I went to work at a large grocery store, I was working for $7/hr and treated like I was 12. I felt so worthless. It doesn't help when I worked 30+ hours per week, away from my kids to only make less than $300 per pay check. I gained weight and I had to go on antidepressant (Cymbalta). I was angry all the time - nothing could make me happy. I was thinking all the things that you wrote in your post... like you read my mind from back then.

Please seek talk therapy and a doctor. Also, others suggestion on the book "The Secret". You can probably check it out at the library for free. Look into your diet. My thinking is that I like to see progress with hands-on... diet (taking out fast food and sugars) really help. Look into trying to walk with your kids everyday for thirty minutes. Going to a church really does help... even if you are not religious, there are churches out there that even cater to athiests/agnostics. Start charts with your kids and even yourself. Your kids will keep you accountable and you can keep your kids on track... like a family activity. Write down some attainable things that you can do. Look at keeping a journal...

Try some family things like game night or movie night, to keep your mind off of the stress. I've been trying to be more creative with the kids. I took them to the butterfly house over here and we started journals. We drew/stamped pictures and talked about the butterflies and how they grow (science lesson). There should be some pumpkin patches open and you can take them there to talk about how pumpkins grow (science lesson and stress reliever). Color pictures when you get home. Try to put your energy into them and you will see some changes in yourself.

Good luck and God bless ;D

This is a tremendously difficult "season" in your life and you clearly feel alone. Please know you are not. Reaching out to this group is a great start and some of the advice you'll read directs you to Church as well. You have to know that God is with you and can teach you/guide you to be the person you wish you could be right now. If you live a life that honors HIM you can't help but be the best wife, Mom, friend, sister, daughter, etc. You simply can't help it.
I encourage you to take a deep breath and let Him into your life. Try to be negative when you are filled with His hope. It's impossible.

Wow...first take a deep breath! You have been through ALOT!...and are still going through alot as a single Mom. Divorce and Death are two very major life changes and now your a single mom? Iam guessing your childs death 5 years ago probably started the problems with your marriage which means on top off it you have had to deal with the stresses of a difficult marriage for at least 5 years! I think you need to make sometime for yourself ( your probably saying yeah right when can I do THAT :))so you can morn the past and plan a new system for your future. That is what is going to help you keep your house clean and your life organized so you can make even more time for yourself and not go insane!

I know what you mean about the house...but I think its just a "symptom" or all the other stuff that is going on inside of your head right now. Its so easy to fall into seeing the negative of everything when it seems like one thing after another is coming at you. When you are THIS stressed its hard to see whats good around you huh? Maybe if you talked to a close supportive friend ( but not a negative one that will just feed what you all ready got going) and you took time to laugh alittle you would feel much better for now. If you ever want to chat. Drop me a line on my email ____@____.com. ~ as far as the house I would send the kids somewhere for the day and go through everything getting rid of anything that is not necessary. Once that is done organize what you have in boxes and bins and make sure everything has a place. Then every night (teaching the kids) run though the house and put things back where they belong. make sure the dishes are done every night before bed and a load of laundry is washed and folded everyday. On the weekends and maybe one day in the week run a vaccum. I find if you can mini clean up before bed every night you feel good when you wake up to a clean house. make sure you get your things ready for the next day the night before too...kids backpacks, lunches, your work clothes. Its all about organizing and then keeping up with it in a systematic way. Soon it will just be second nature.

Well good luck and remember to be kind to yourself :)...your just one person.- K. M

Oh Honey, God do I know how you feel. I'm sure you're going to get tons of responses that say the same thing. Its called superwoman syndrome and most women today have it. We expect to be able to raise our kids, keep a clean house, make a good salary and make our significant others happy in every way. You know what, It isnt possible. First step is accepting this completely. You cannot do it all, so prioritize and accept what doesnt get done. Also, it sounds like you may be having some depression issues. Try taking St. John's Wort (3% hypercin only) and see if it alleviates some of that negative anxiety for you. As far as the house goes, this is what I do. Clean the house real good first and get rid of clutter, anything you havent used in over 6 months-GET RID OF IT. Then every morning and afternoon spend some time (1/2 hour) straightening up, making beds etc. Get the kids to help. Straighten the house twice a day. If you do it every day you will keep it neat. Keep the cleaning on a rotating basis. Monday-bedrooms, Tuesday-kitchen, Wednesday-living room/bathroom. This way you dont need 5 hours to clean the house and can sneak in a cleaning between a load of laundry and dinner. Cleaning one room that you straighten every day can take 15 minutes and your house is always clean.

As an aside, how did you grieve for your baby? Did you get to truly grieve? I have two kids and cant even go to the bathroom without being interrupted. If not, that weight can be a horrible burden to carry every day. Perhaps you need some time to take care of you.

If you need someone to talk to, please send me a personal e-mail. I have much advice but cant put it all in this response. I wish you lots of luck and hope you find a way to feel better soon. Reach out more if you need to.

oh girl. i'm so sorry your feeling like this. your "body, mind and soul" are all depleted. you need to incorporate some yoga into your life. aromatherapy has an amazing effect on stressful feelings and emotions. the grief you still have for your little girl is still eating at you. you need to forgive yourself. sounds like your harboring alot of unresolved anger and sadness. i'm guessing you probably have digestive problems too. its common with holding onto anger and sadness. fear and insecurity can typically cause urinary/bladder infections. body, mind & soul, all connected. if you want someone to vent to, feel free. ____@____.com