Stopping Breastfeeding with My 5 Mo. Old

Updated on June 11, 2010
M.J. asks from Chicago, IL
30 answers

I am feeling extremely guilty about discontinuing breastfeeding with my 5 mo. old. Breastfeeding was such a no-brainer to me when I gave birth and it came natural to both me and my baby. However, 5 months later, I just don't feel the attachment to it anymore. I have gone back to work, so I am only producing between 5-8 oz for the next day's feedings. I am also having trouble getting her to sleep through the night because she is waking up hungry 2-4 times a night. I'm exhausted, I'm tired of worrying about the fact that I don't produce enough, and I am tired of her screaming because she is still hungry after nursing. I just need help feeling OK with the decision to stop.

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So What Happened?

Thanks so much supportive moms! I think because nothing has gone according to plan in my life as a mother, I wanted this to work so badly that I was causing a lot of undue stress on myself and quite possibly my daughter. It was great to hear that so many people felt OK with supplementing in formula. It was also nice to hear that it is normal to suddenly go from producing enough to feed the whole block to not enough for even one whole feeding. I'm stressed and tired and for my daughter and my marriage, I need to give this up. Thank you so much for making me feel like I did more than my best and gave my daughter the best possible start to life that I could. I am so glad I found this resource.

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R.M.

answers from Chicago on

Have you started solids yet? Is it possible that she is still hungry because she needs solids after she is breastfed?

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J.K.

answers from Chicago on

I never had enough milk with either of my children. I breastfed what I could, and formula fed for the rest. Good luck!!

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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

One the best lessons of being a mom is trusting your own instincts and not feeling like you have to have other people's affirmation to make the best decisions for your child.

5 months is commendable - a lot of people don't try. I had a goal of 6 months with my first child. I went back to work at 8 weeks and had to pump in my car 2-4 times/day. I was going to stop at 6 months, but my only reasons were selfish, so I continued to a year.

My next child, I didn't have a choice. I was diagnosed with cancer (2 years ago tomorrow) when she was 10.5 weeks old, and I had to stop nursing to start chemo. My decision was that it was better for her to have Mommy than Mommy's milk. I often feel like I have to provide the disclaimer when discussing breastfeeding here because to avoid the judgement of some people.

You've done a great thing for your child by giving her 5 months. But, she needs as much of YOU as possible, and if it's too much of a drain to nurse, that's OK. Being with her, interacting, teaching, loving, nurturing are the most important things a mom can do - the rest falls into place quickly.

Good luck. Enjoy every moment.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I'm sure you will get the usual "don't give up!" responses here along with a smattering of "breast is best"s and "it's OK to stop because you've given it all you had"s along with some "hang in there--it will get better" and some "I breast fed for 15 months!" responses.
Let go of the guilt and do what is right for your baby and you. Guilt is no good for you OR your daughter.
I formula fed (entirely) my baby and he is now a brilliant, healthy seven year old.

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C.O.

answers from Sacramento on

While I am an advocate for breastfeeding, I also know that there are very valid reasons for switching to formula. I congratulate you on giving your child a very healthy start with 5 months of breastfeeding.

My own milk supply dwindled to the point of no return when my child was 3.5 months old. I remember crying on my way to the grocery store. I managed to keep my sniffles to a minimum while actually buying the formula, and then I cried all the way home. I calmed myself down, and gave my baby the formula in a nonchalant manner. After the first couple of suprised grimaces, he started feeding just fine. The next visit to the pediatrician, and I was told to switch to a different formula, but otherwise was fully supported. Before the switch, my son was always hungry, and wasn't getting enough to eat, even though I was breastfeeding and pumping. Why I dried up is still a mystery to me :) I did let my son comfort nurse on the breast and we slowly tapered that off. It took about 2.5 months.

Don't feel guilty. Guilt is highly overrated. You do what is best for you and your child in your given situation. I do reccomend that you discuss with your pediatrician the best formulat to transition too...not all formulas are made equally. Also, be prepared for sticker shock :) Fortunately, my son's formula was carried by Costco and we were able to save a lot that route.

Best of luck to you.

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I was unable to BF and felt guilty about it thanks to a horrible nurse at the hospital, but once I got the bottle going, I never looked back. Don't let anyone bully you into doing something that is no longer right for you.

If you are exhausted, it makes it harder to parent and work. You aren't doing your baby or your employer any good when you can't function. Talk to your pediatrician about a good formula, get some and get on with your life. My daughter had formula from the beginning and is just as healthy as any breastfed baby we know.

Good luck and I hope you don't get too many negative comments...

4 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I only breastfed my son for 5 months. Going back to work and pumping was just not working well for me. I was drying up, and he was hungry. And he did absolutely fine on formula. Some women can manage a long time with the breast feeding. I did the best I could, and my son is perfectly healthy. You and your girl will be fine, too.

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J.B.

answers from Chicago on

Oh honey, the fact that you did it for 5 months is worth celebrating! I work too and only lasted 6 months nursing my son, and it was only exclusively nursing for the first 3 months (after that, I'd have my husband give a bottle of formula occasionally.) And even though I loved that I was doing what was natural for my son, the reality of getting up several times a night and still having to get up at 6 to go to work was physically and mentally exhausting me. It may be different for women that stay home and can actually sleep when the baby sleeps, but if you have to work a full-time job, it's very difficult to keep up the nursing that long. When I started weaning, I stopped all but the first feeding of the morning, and one an hour or so before I put my son to bed. That way, my boobs got some relief when I woke up, and my son didn't associate the evening nursing with falling asleep. And if he didn't get enough to eat, there was still time to mix up a few ounces of formula to top him off. If your daughter has a fuller belly when she goes to bed, she may not wake up as frequently. Plus, I think she's about the age where solid foods are introduced, so that may help as well. Definitely don't feel guilty though. You've given your little princess a great gift and you're entitled to a bit of peace. Just imagine how much more patience and attention you'll be able to give her if you're actually allowed a solid night's sleep, and how alert she'll be if she doesn't wake up hungry at night! You want to be able to enjoy your daughter and with the stress of continuing to nurse when you're not producing enough, or when neither of you is getting the sleep you need, too much of your energy will be spent worrying and just trying to function at all. If your daughter isn't used to a bottle, I would suggest pumping breast milk for a little while and giving it to her in a bottle, so that she's not shocked by the new taste and the new nipple at the same time.

No worries new momma, if she's fed and safe and happy, you're doing a great job. Whether it's a choice between breast milk or formula, organic cotton clothes or hand-me downs, don't stress yourself out if the choice that's right for you and your family isn't what society pressures you to believe.

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

IF YOU ARE HAVING doubts, you may want to try nursing followed by a bottle of formua & see this works for you (I did this). If not, you did the best you could and that's all we can EVER do as parents. It won't be the last time "the best you can" isn't what you thought it would be! : ) Don't kick yourself!

And heck, my mother fed me instant milk and karo syrup as a baby, and I still turned out okay. Your baby should be fine with formula now! And at 5 months, it's almost time to start trying solids anyway.

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A.L.

answers from Peoria on

I went through the same thing with my daughter. I breast fed her exclusively until about 5 1/2 months, but then found that I just wasn't producing as much after I went back to work. I introduced formula at that point and just kept trying to bf as much as possible. She is now 8 months and I have stopped trying to pump at work, we just bf in the morning and before bed now. It's what works for us and has eliminated a lot of stress from my life. You have done a great job of sticking with it this long! Just figure out what works best for you and your daughter and go for it. As far as the sleeping through the night, here is a website that a friend of mine suggested that saved my life! www.babysleepanswers.co.uk There is a book and an online forum that helps with sleep training. I found the book helpful, and the online forum is great. They have "experts" who answer questions for you within 24 hrs, so you don't feel like you are so alone. Hope it helps!

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L.V.

answers from Chicago on

Honey, don't worry about stopping breastfeeding for another second! I just had my third child and I stopped after 2.5 months. I felt TERRIBLE because I nursed the first two for 8 months and really enjoyed it. We have been on formula for two weeks now and I feel like I am myself again...which translates into being a better mom, wife, sister, friend, etc. Sleep deprivation is totally debilitating and everyone begins to suffer. Your baby deserves a fulfilled mom, which means a rested, happy mom. I know a lot of children that have no allergies, are not obese, and are strong and healthy. They were all formula fed. Imagine if she was two years old and could tell you, Mom, I'm still hungry. Can I have something more? Would you tell her no and send her to bed?

We are all different and you have to find the right balance for you and your family. Good luck.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I weened at 3 months, and my boys are wonderfully healthy and happy boys, no ear infections, hardly a cold, so do not let anyone tell you you NEED to breast feed for health reasons, it is just not true. As for the night wakings, My doctor told me when I had my first that babies do not need to eat at night after the first 2 weeks of life, that they do it because we train them too by using food to put them back to sleep rather than teaching them good sleeping habits. Following that advice both of my boys have been sleeping through the night since 1 month old, even when I was breast feeding only. Your child is older, so it will take some time for him to learn to comfort at night with out food, but you can help him. Many woman chose to use formula, and their children are just as bonded, happy, and healthy as breast fed kids. Deciding to ween is a personal choice, and there is no set for when it is or is not ok. Do not stress, you are doing great.
Also, at 5 months it is now ok to start attempting to introduce cereal as well. Start out by making really thin rice cereal and offering it by spoon. You will know when she is ready when she can move the food from the spoon to the back of her mouth and swallow without gagging. If at first try she can not do it, wait a couple of days and try again.

3 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Chicago on

I started to dry up when my son was a month old. I was determined to continue BF.
I found that the herbal suppliment Fenugreek worked wonders in helping me to produce more milk.

I also want to say if it is no longer right for you and your daughter then do what is right for your both.
It is always ok to stop.

Good luck with everything I am sure you have done your best and your daughter will be fine.

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A.R.

answers from Omaha on

I think it's amazing you made it 5 months. If you feel the best decision for you and your baby is to stop BF than do it! My SIL had to stop after only about 2 months. She just wasn't producing enough milk for baby. I also know a woman who NEVER gets her milk with her babies. It just doesn't come. Formula has come a long way and if you feel it would be best do it. It will help both of you be less frustated and stressed!

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C.W.

answers from Chicago on

I can relate, I knew what you were going to say next before I read it. I was in the same boat when my 2nd was 4 months old. I didn't produce enough either, she was upset, I was upset...and on top of that I felt she was being shorted since I breastfed my 1st until she was 8 months old. Twice as long! I can say though, when I stopped breastfeeding my 1st at 8 months I was also emotional - she bit me and so it was a cold-turkey kind of quitting that I wasn't prepared for. I think no matter when you stop there will be a feeling of guilt, but reassure yourself that you're doing the very best you can! She's going to be more satisfied having a full feeding, you'll be a little liberated once you don't have to be concerned with pumping, nursing pads, etc. It's a rite of passage that sometimes comes sooner than others. Good luck!

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K.S.

answers from Chicago on

I was the same way - lost my supply around that time and felt so guilty for stopping. I, too, couldn't pump enough while at work either. But you have to do what is best for you and the baby. I was so stuck on breastfeeding that I forgot what was important. My second daughter actually started to lose weight around that time because I couldn't produce enough for her. The reality was, once I switched to formula, everyone was happier. My kids were happier because they had full tummies and I was happier because I wasn't constantly stressed about making enough milk. You have done a great job in making it this far and please remember that formula is not the enemy! Once you accept using it and release the guilt, your life will get a lot easier! Good luck and know you are supported by these fellow mamas!

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C.G.

answers from Chicago on

Absolutely positively DO NOT feel guilty for stopping. I had to stop nursing my 2nd daughter when she was 4 months old because my body just stopped producing. I was in the same boat as you, she was always hungry and I was forced to supplement with formula at every feeding. It finally became too frustrating for both of us, so after discussing it with my ped, I weened to straight formula after her 4 month check-up. I was feeling some guilt about it too, and my ped told me to stop that mentality - she said I should feel good about having given her 4 months and that was a great thing.

As you go through the course of mothering, what you learn is that it's not about being perfect or doing everything exactly as you are supposed to. It's about doing the best you can with what you've got. We can't all put our kids in the #1 school in the state, or feed them strictly organic healthy food at every single meal, or in many cases breast feed them until they're one. No big deal. There are suitable alternatives, and in this example formula is one of them. We make the best choices we can with the resources that we have.

Listen, you've given your baby 5 great months of breast milk. Feel good about that!!! And if continuing to nurse is causing more harm than good (frustrating you both is not a good thing! Neither is lack of sleep), then stopping and moving on becomes the best choice. And there should never be shame or guilt in doing what seems best.

Good luck! And don't beat yourself up - you are doing great!

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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A.S.

answers from Chicago on

I think any amount of time breastfeeding is great, so good job. If you stop now, do not feel guilty at all!
One option to consider...at 9 months I stopped pumping at work for both kids, but continued one morning and one evening feeding...once when they first woke up and once before dinner....they still got a small bottle of formula before bed so their little tummies were full enough to get them mostly through the night and if they did wake up they went back to bed without a feeding (this was at 9 months, though.) Your body adjusts to whatever they require...I think this also made it easier for me when we finally did stop completely, b/c my breasts weren't producing as much so I didn't get as sore as I think mothers get that quit full-time breastfeeding cold turkey.

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C.G.

answers from Dallas on

Just breastfeed whatever you can and give her formula for the other feedings; any breastmilk is better than nothing, and if you decide to stop at all you gave her 5 straight months of breastfeeding which I applaud you for.
As mothers we have enough guilt over everything so do what's best for your family, a happy mom makes happy babies/children.
Good luck!

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A.S.

answers from Dallas on

5 months is a lot longer than many. If you are able to pump at work, then try that. You can always supplement with formula and breast milk too. Taking the pressure off of nursing can help reduce your stress, and you may find that you and baby enjoy can enjoy one night feeding again. If you want to stop altogether, don't beat yourself up over it and know you are doing what is best for your baby.

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K.S.

answers from Chicago on

DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP and don't let anyone else either!!! You did an awesome job getting to 5 months. What you have provided her is an amazing foundation. The minimum is 6 weeks and you have done so much more than that. It is natural as a work away from home mother for your supply to dwindle. Go ahead and start weening and introducing formula. What you have done so far is beyond stellar.

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K.R.

answers from Chicago on

Feel TOTALLY OK with this! You should be proud of yourself for making it as long as you have. Some of us (me included) didn't last that long. I think that what's most important for your daughter is that you are in a good place mentally, and if the breast feeding is stressing you out, stop. Then get back to enjoying the time you have with her!

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

If you are done then you are done. I didn't BF either of my sons and they are great healthy kids. Supplement with formula and use up all your milk. Is she taking baby food yet? That might help her sleep at night and be content longer during the day. Good Luck

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H.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

Working & breastfeeding is hard work. Your priority is to make sure your baby is healthy. 5 months is more than no months.so, you did a good job. When i went back to work when my son was 8 mo., even very part time, pumping didn't cut it, and i had to supplement. I used powdered goat's milk found online at i think vitamin shop or something like that. The proteins are smaller than cow's, so it's easily digested by infants. I introduced it before 6 mo. So he got used to the flavor & gradually mixed it with breastmilk.it's cheaper & more natural than formula. I got to the point where i wasn't pumping enough to really store, so he would just have goatsmilk bottles. I had heard it was the closest to mother's milk. When you're working,sleep is a necessity. And when do you find time & energy to work out. She will be fine and maybe even happier & sleep better. Right now is probably the best time to switch her to formula that she'll take it. Just have to mix it gradually so she gets used to it. Ok. I'm rambling. Hope it was helpful.

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A.S.

answers from Chicago on

Why not continue but stop worrying? If there isn't enough for the next day's bottles, add some formula to it and don't worry too much. As far as the night waking I would recommend either trying to cosleep so that when she wakes up you barely have to wake to give her what she needs, or doing some sleep training (No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley is a great resource for this if you are breastfeeding....she offers different solutions depending on what your routine is like). Working full time and nursing is very hard. I would just continue to give her what you can and just try not to stress out about it.

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T.K.

answers from Chicago on

Dear Lily: I think you did a great job! And I understand your feelings. You know what is best, and you can (and will) feel OK with it. I, too, stopped before I'd intended to and hadI totally petered out at the end (2 oz pumping). One thing I secretly and unexpectedly missed was having my breastmilk for my son's little cuts and scrapes. I wondered if my son missed breastmilk or even noticed he wasn't getting it. One day, about a year after
I stopped breastfeeding, my son found one of the little bottles I used to keep my milk in. Darned if he didn't try to drink from it! He enjoys playing with it now, and I like to think he remembers what we shared. Good Luck, Lady!

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

Congrats on making it to 5 months old! I can relate to your story. If you're truly ready to stop, then go ahead and stop... being a good mom is about so much more than breastfeeding, and hopefully this step will help you connect with your son in new ways. If you'd like to continue, one suggestion would be to stop the pumping all together (I couldn't ever pump very much and I tried three very different, very high-end pumps). Just focus on continuing the breastfeeding when it works for you - each night before bed, or each morning, or both - really, just whatever works for you. Try to feed at close to the same time each day, before a feeding. Breastfeed as long as you can, and then finish him off with a bottle so he isn't hungry. Just a note- waking up 2 to 4 times a night isn't unusual for a 5 month old whether or not their breastfed, so even going to bottles may not solve that problem, but at least maybe someone could help you with those feedings then. Good luck!

Quick edit - sorry I thought I'd read son, but obviously it's a daughter that you have.

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K.T.

answers from Chicago on

dont feel guilty...we all make choices in life for ourselves and our children. if you truly believe in your choice there should be no guilt.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I totally feel for you. I was the same way. I stayed at home until my son was almost 5 months, and then went back to work in the fall as a teacher. I pumped non stop, (i responded to your earlier post) and at the end was only getting about 3 oz. After a long and hard decision, I decided to switch to formula at 10.5 months. I really wanted to go a full year, but I just could not get that much. Give it your best, take it one day at a time. Each day I got through, I felt better and better. You are not a bad mom if you have to supplement. Maybe give formula while you are at work, and nurse her to bed at night.
As for the not sleeping, I can;t help you there. My son was an awesome sleeper. he was sleeping 12 hours and only getting up once to nurse, and by 9 months, he was sleeping straight through.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

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