Stepson Question 2 - LONG

While I don't think that it's right to have a child sleeping in the same bed with mom and bf (especially naked), my family is open with bathroom needs and nudity. I'm not talking about my stepdad or my husband (stepdad to my daughter)... I'm talking about when I was growing up, it was nothing to have my mom walk in the bathroom while I was on the toilet or in the shower. Or while I was showering, my uncle (grew up like brother & sister - he's only 8yrs older than me) would use the toilet or brush his teeth.

When it comes to showering, I know my 7yr old daughter still needs help. She doesn't clean herself well enough (she's gotten infections from not cleaning properly no matter how many times I have shown her) and I know at her dad's house, her stepmom is not comfortable helping her, so her dad does. Believe it or not, I trust my ex to keep her safe and I know he'd never do anything to harm her.

BUT.... Leaving a 6yr old alone for any length of time or leaving him with someone that doesn't even speak english is cooky to say the least. And as far as the playing baby is concerned, it can be a thought up on their own concept. I did similar and was never abused, never was abandoned, was checked on frequently, and caught with the neighbor boy in a bed naked playing 'mom and dad'. Now... I was brought up to think that it was normal for mom and dad to sleep naked. Not that I EVER slept in their bed with them... I didn't... Not once. But I knew that's how they slept. The neighbor boy and I never touched each other, though I did put a diaper on him once. : )

I would be more worried about neglect and abandoning than the naked playing baby scenario.

Also, I wouldn't have an issue bringing up things myself with the mother. I've been on both sides of the fence. Stepmom scenario asking why a 6yr old boy didn't want to go back to his mothers house and the mom talking with the stepmother about things at their house and why my daughter doesn't want to be there as often as she is.

Wow first off good for you that you take such an interest in him. Too often step parents figure it is the "natural" parent's job. I haven't read your 1st post but I wonder if this 2nd is enough to go off of for CPS. While the baby act is a little strange there isn't a law against it but if you think he is being exposed to behavior that is sexual in nature then I strongly urge you to do something more. Sadly she can drop him off and not check in on him because even though it isn't very caring he is with his dad and unless the custody agreement says otherwise she doesn't have to call or ask about him. Sleeping with his mom isn't necessarily an issue but I would be uncomfortable sleeping with my 6 year old daughter without clothes on personally so I find it strange too. However I'm not sure about the legality of this either. I think right now just talking to B and finding out what exactly is going on in his life and writing down what doesn't seem ok might be the best you can do. I would sit down at a time when B is not around and express your concerns to your husband. Explain to your husband using your documented incidents that you are concerned that there is a child in a situation he shouldn't be in and then ask him simply why he isn't as concerned. If he doesn't feel she will change her behavior is he comfortable with allowing his son to live in a negative situation that will not change? If he is then you need to decide if you are ok with that and if you are not then call CPS. I would tell my husband that I planned to do this, I'm not suggesting going behind his back but sometimes it takes an "outsider" to see the real situation. If after a time you feel you have enough that you can get some one else involved then maybe talking to a social worker or CPS is the way to go. I'm sorry that you and this child have to go through this and I wish you both luck.

Wow, what a thorny questions. If a little kid weren't involved, I would say just to let it go.... But it really sounds like "B" could be endangered/neglected, and perhaps that his mom isn't stable.

I'm not sure what the custody agreement is, but if she has violated it, perhaps you could get her parental rights revoked, (I mean, leaving a kid at someone else's house for a month sure sounds like partial abandonment to me....). Consult a lawyer on this.

The other you could do, which might be less confrontational, is to call and talk to Childrens Protective Services. I'm sure you could make an anonymous complaint, and probably get some advice on options that might be worth pursuing here.

Is he in any kind of preschool? If he is, you could go the route of sharing your concerns confidentially with the teacher, and he/she might know of a route you could take.

But really, what it sounds like is that intervention is needed, and sooner rather than later before something really bad does happen, or this child is neglected to the point where drugs/alcohol are his choice of dealing with his problems later in life... because he will have problems later on if he continues to live in this situation.

I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.... I hope someone else chimes in with more helpful info/thoughts....

please do something. even if you have to do it anonymously. something is going on in that house htat shouldn't be. And when you find out about it years later, and nothing was ever done, you'll only feel worse and that child will be in worse shape than he already is. I would get a lawyer and and go for full custody. a woman's intuitioun is stronger than a man's. You know something is going on. listen to your gut.

A. A,

There are times when you have to take a stand. If this child was not your stepson, what would you do? Would you call CPS? I know I would.

Talk to your husband. Tell him that you understand he is in a difficult position and that you know he wants to do the right thing for his son. However, you can no longer sit by and leave the child in a potentially harmful situation. Give him a timeframe to do something: talk with mom, parent/teacher conference, call son's pediatrician, set up counseling session (family).

Stepson, husband and you are all in a difficult place right now but with love and work, all of you can get through it.

Good luck.
~K.

I would call the Dept of Children and Families, or Child Protective Services or you can even start with the Guidance counselor at his school. This is a bad situation for this little boy on lots of levels, if someone doesn't intervene soon it could cause serious problems for this child as a teen and as an adult. Psycologically speaking this could turn into a real nightmare and you can report this anonymously . I'd encourage you to do the right thing. On the flip side, in most states , if something were to happen to him if you knew and didn't report it you can be charged to and its considered negligence. I'll keep this little boy in my prayers. C. S.