Hello everyone. I am wondering what to do. My bf has a son who is coming to visit for the first time. We have his daughter almost full time, so she clearly has her own room. However, we are moving soon into a 3 bedroom home and with a new baby on the way I automatically planned for that to be his/her room. However, now with his son coming to visit... I'm curious as to what to do for him. He's 3 years older than his sister and while this year I am able to give him his own little space before decorating for a baby room.. where does he sleep once baby is here? I know it sounds crazy, but I also don't think I need a room for him full time when we only have him 2 months out of the year.
Thoughts? Ideas? I want him to feel like he's got his own space and home with us.. so I don't know how to make that happen.
Thanks everyone for your responses. I've found some pretty good sites with ideas too! I think since we are moving into a new home I will do my best to let both kids pick out some things to make it THEIR ROOM. I found an idea of having a fancy curtain up in between so they still get their own "privacy". Also, the baby is due in December we aren't finding out the sex so I was making a gender neutral bedroom anyway. I think I will use that for the baby and keep the older kids in one room.. until baby is older and sleeping enough to not disturb the older kids. After that... we can do a swap on the rooms depending on who matches in gender. Thanks for all the ideas.
I think he needs a space that's his own. I have K all the time so she understands that it is HER princess room... but now... we get new rooms and I'm excited for her to be able to help out more with it. I think it will all be okay!
Now i'm just worried about how to pay for daycare for the summer LOL
Gamma G, I wasn't saying they would have to share a princess room we are moving into a new home. And there are no rules or laws about a boy and girl being in the same room when they are siblings. They are 2 years apart. I think that it will be fine. Thanks for your input.
How do I answer you guys? B is 6 and K will be 4 next month. I like the idea of the bunk beds. My thought was if the baby is a girl, when she's a bit older she and K can share a room. And if it's a boy he and B can share a room. But I wasn't sure if a 7 (it will be 7 years by then) age difference was too much to have them in the same room. At any rate, I'm praying one day we have the money to make a room in the basement so everyone has their own space and room, but right now we don't. We will be living in a condo. =)
I do agree he needs to know he has his own space. So I'll figure out something. I appreciate the advice... and can someone let me know how to reply to you?
At 6 and 4 years of age, I see no issue with them sharing a room. The baby needs the space for now, with everything associated with a newborn.
I don't think you should be expected to have a room for him if he's only there 2 months out of the year. I would get a sleeper sofa and have him sleep on that every night.
The only other thought I had was maybe to put a daybed in the baby's room, so that when the stepson is visiting, he can sleep on the daybed and you can move the baby's crib into your room. That would make it hard for transitioning the baby back when the stepson leaves though...
I'd still go with having him sleep on a sofa sleeper in the living room. He's got a room at his permanent residence, right? You can just explain that it's a 3 bedroom house and the people that live there all the time need the rooms. It's nothing against him.
Good luck!
Bunks are great because they give an extra bed for a lot of reasons - sleepovers, etc. He can share with his sister for now if they are 4 and 7. The baby will be pretty flexible/portable for the first few months of life so you can deal with that later on.
If you can decorate one of the rooms in a not-entirely-babyish way and not-entirely-frilly-pink way, and give the stepson a little choice in decorating (maybe a poster of his favorite super hero or just a bookshelf or milk crate with some books (which you and he can get from the library for the time being before purchasing anything), it will make him feel he has some say in your house, some place to settle, some role in being a family member. I agree you don't need a room for him full time, but you could look into a folding screen (available at discount stores, yard sales, consignment shops) and look at a DIY magazine or book for ways to personalize and update it. Just putting a new fabric on it and some photos/posters of whatever your stepson likes (dinosaurs, trains, Spider Man, etc.) can make a huge difference. Put the screen up between 2 twin beds or between the crib and a futon bed, then put it in a closet when he leaves.
Meantime see if you can find out from your BF what this boy likes, and send your BF on a tour of yard sales to get some age-appropriate and interest-appropriate toys and games and puzzles, and have a storage bin you can keep them in, hauling them out when he visits. I say to get used things because new stuff is expensive and you don't want to go down the road of buying all new stuff for him and not the other kids. But it shows you are welcoming to him and interested in his interests. Sometimes you can borrow from neighbors or friends for short visits, although you have to be sure stepson doesn't want to take their things home with him! But having something to start with before shopping is a good compromise. Just don't go overboard and let him (or his mother) think you are trying to buy his affection.
I'm a stepmom of 2 and a bio mom of 1, so I've been down this road of trying to accommodate kids who visit but who don't live there all the time.
Good luck!
How old are your boyfriend's son and daughter and are they actually siblings? If they're young enough, then he can bunk with his sister. My step-daughter used to spend weekends and vacations with us before moving in full-time when she was 13. We made my oldest son's room (they're the same age) a shared room - they had bunk beds and her bed was her bed even when she wasn't there. She had her own dresser, her own space in the closet, her own decorations on the wall, etc. It was important to us (and her) to know that she literally always had a place in our home, which came in very handy when she suddenly moved in with us full-time. We eventually added another bedroom to the basement so that they could have their own spaces, but they were fine sharing a room part-time for many years. It was always "C & K's room" and never just "C's."
At the end of the day, the only way for him to feel like he has his space and home with you is to actually give him that space even when he's not there. Whether or not that space ends up being with the sister, the baby, or perhaps somewhere else in the house (do you have an attic or basement space that you can convert to another bedroom) depends on age and other circumstances, but if you want him to not feel like a guest in your home, you need to carve out that space for him and retain it for him even when he's not there.
I think you have the right idea, and the SWH helps.
When the baby is an infant, put B in the nursery in a twin bed, and put the crib (or a bassinet or something) in your room, so the baby is with you.
Once the baby is older, then the baby shares a room with whichever child is the same sex. So if you have a girl, baby moves into K's room. If the baby is a boy, he shares with B. I wouldn't worry about the age difference. If it becomes a big issue when B is a teenager - well, cross that bridge when you get to it.
Your SWH helps a lot. I was imagining an older boy.
There is nothing wrong with kids sharing a room (at least for my own kids). Do the boy and girl have the same mom? I ask because if not, the girl's mom (or the boy's) could have an issue with them sharing.
edit: would you be willing to keep the baby in your room for the 2 months while step son is visiting? I like the idea of a twin bed in a baby's room.
It is hard when you start mixing families and the standards need to be so much higher. What I mean is I have 2 kids with my husband and we can go get one hotel room with a sofa sleeper and save money. Some families with step kids need to pay 2 times as much for a separate room. Now I would prefer a separate room, yet if we are in an expensive area (San Francisco or New York) we can cut corners and get a regular hotel room.
My DH was 8 yrs younger than his brother and they shared a room til his brother decided he'd rather live in the basement. I think that bunk beds and putting the same gendered children in the same room is a good idea. Give your stepson his own bed, his own dresser, etc. My stepdaughter shared a room with her stepsister in a similar way. Stepsis did not have a lot of clothing that stayed with her dad because she was only there a few months every year, but while she was there, she had some closet space, a bin in the bathroom, a place for her toys, and her own dresser. The girls had bunkbeds that were always "theirs" regardless of who was there when (sometimes the other girl was there and SD was with us).
You can't really put a boy and a girl that age together at all. I'd take the room the baby is in and take out the baby bed and baby stuff so visiting kiddo can have his own space this visit. Then next time see how it's going. If baby is sleeping through the night they could share. Even if differing genders.
That would cover the next couple of years if it's really just a couple of months.
A boy will revolt in a big way and feel totally not wanted by having to share a room with a girl, a princess room at that, he deserves to have his own room while he's visiting.
So put the baby in with you guys, move the baby bed into your room and put the rocking chair out in the living room, the baby toys and wall decor out in the garage. Visiting kiddo needs to feel like he matters. Not like you just stuff him in wherever you can fit a bed.
