Staying Friends with Friends Who Aren't Moms....

Just because you don't like her other friends doesn't mean you can't still be friends with her. Try lunch dates, or spa dates, things during the day when you aren't so tired. You both need to make an effort to keep the friendship alive. It's important to nurture the part of yourself that is separate from your child. She has been an important part of your life for awhile, and in the future, I think you'll be glad you kept the relationship going. My best friend is childless, loves my children, but they are also the best birth control for her.

I think your sister is right on! You are at a different stage of your life. Different responsibilities. Different paths in life. Your goal in life has matured, so to speak and she can't understand that because she hasn't experienced what you have in having a new baby. It is natural that she probably will get hurt no matter what you do, but I am proud of you for realizing that it is your baby and your job that come first.

I had friends that were single and they understood. It does sound like your friend has a lot of growing up to do as well. I'm sure she misses you, but life changes and so do our responsibilities as we get older. I would stay close to other young Mom's that share your values and help uplift you and your family. Just tell your friend that you love her, but you have to live your life as best as you know how and this is it.

Good luck and happy parenting!

I would have to agree with what your sister said. I was involved in the same sort of situation, but I was the one without the children. From the time I was 13 years old, she was one of my best girlfriends. All through highschool and so on. Her brother married my sister. It was great! Then she met her husband and got married 2 months after graduating. She had her son about a year later. I kept trying to make an effort to do things with her. Whether it be lunch or just hanging out at her house. I never expected her to drop everything to hang out with me. I was single, but I understood. I was always the one making the effort and eventually I just gave up. Apparently staying friends with me wasn't that important to her. She didn't even make any effort and we just lost contact. Note: I'm not and never was the "party" type. So that's some of the reason I was so confused as to why she just basically ended our friendship. About 2 years after she had her son, she sat down and wrote me a letter apologizing for everything. I would just suggest to try and stay friends with her. Even if that means just going out for coffee once a week. Let her know that you still enjoy her friendship, but don't have a lot in common anymore. Don't cut her off completely. I still talk to my "friend" sometimes, but we don't have the friendship we used to. All we seem to have in common now...is the past. I have a son now, but he's so much younger than hers. It's been too many years now and we are both entirely different people. You change so much once you have kids and you just grow so much in so many ways. I think your friend still has a lot of growing up to do. I hope this helps. Good Luck!

I totally know what you're going through. I got married at 18 and had my daughter when I was 19, then my son at 21. None of my close friends from H.S. had kids or were married. It is definately a different lifestyle all together. I think it would be good for you on one of your days off to go out with your friend so she doesn't feel left out. If you still love her and care about her like you say you do. Let daddy stay with the baby, and you girls go get a pedicure or something. I know it's hard to justify with a baby at home, but you need grown up time too! I'm starting to learn this these days, and I am getting a massage this week! I would continue to make relationships with moms nearby. You can never have enough good friends. Moms are usually really reliable too. I wish you luck!

Hi J.,

I have found this happens sometimes. Have you tried talking to her about it? If you do this, and she really does not understand, then maybe the friendship has gone as far as it can go. That can be really hard, especially because you are young, and feel so close to her. However, I have found that sometimes people come in and out of your life. I am 30 now, and sometimes I catch up with old friends, but I have been very blessed to make new ones. I'm not saying that you cannot be friends. I'm just saying, that sometimes that happens. Only you know the right decision for you. It was abt your age that I began having to trust myself and not my friends. I do agree though abt the advice you recieved to try other things with your friend. I have friends who are moms, and some that are not. However, if I go out with one who does not have children, and I need to ake mine, we see a kids movie or something. I will say that EVERYONE who knows me understands that FAMILY, i.e. my husband, and daughter are a HUGE priority in my life. There are times that you do have to say no, because it does not work with a child. We are the only people in our Bible Study who have a child. It does get awkward at times. I will say that we have missed things, because she could not be involved. At first, this disappointed us. However, now we just make the best of it and do something fun with our daughter. Hope this helps...

Blessings,

K