Stay at Home Needs Advice!

I have had to go right back to work, so I do not speak well to the staying at home part. ( although I got to with the oldest) I would say do what you are doing, but have baby in the sling. They L. to be held and touched and they can hear your heart. When I do this no matter what I am doing he is included. I wear him all day long pretty much.

I also make diaper changes a play time. We do "run run run these little legs" ( doing the running motion with his feet and legs) then "dimples on the knees" (touch his knees) " and Jump as high as trees" ( lift him up out of his diaper to change it) I do this before I change him, while I change him and after. He looks forward to being changed instead of fussing.

I also other times talk to him while changing him and just tell him how wonderful he is and how much I L. him. I also say in a funny voice he loves " time to change the baby, what are we going to change him into? A baby with a clean diaper" He laughs and so do I

He also likes a game where you set him on your lap facing you and you say " a smooth road a smooth road" ( while moving your legs back and forth under him with out going up and down) then "a bumpy road and bumpy road" ( up and down just a little) " a rough road a rough road" (up and down a little wilder, still with care) Then " a hole in the road", (and you move your knees apart and let him drop just a little while holding him) Babies L. to have you do this over and over they think it is funny.

Show him things, talk to him about things. Engage him in conversation. At first it may feel funny, but he will L. it and it will lift your spirits too.

Also if you are at home do not become isolated. Go to LeLeche League meetings, join a MOPS group. Volunteer and bring him along, consider working part time doing something where you can bring him along ( part time nanny or something like that)

Do treasure the time, you will never have another like it with him and you are blessed to be able to just be home with him, I wish I had had this option with my last 3, even though I L. my work and even though I get to take them with me, I would L. to also have the option of "just being a mom"

You are smart to be reaching out. I would also recommend that you wear him out on a walk when ever you can.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and difficult time with post partum. You are smart to want to try to your time with him and a smiling little one can definitely brighten your spirits! It's hard to remember what a 4 month old can do and it seems like I remember that he couldn't do much!!! My advice is to do with him/her what would brighten your spirits normally. For example, at that age I remember dancing with my baby to happy music if I ever felt down. Read him/her books. Maybe even finding a book explaining death to children and reading it to him/her might help as well! My biggest piece of advice is to start finding other moms in your area and start meeting up for playdates. Interacting with others in your situation is the best thing for both of you! Meetup.com is an awesome website to find moms groups, etc. Best of luck!

Everyone has great advice for you, I just wanted to pass on a book that I used both in daycare and then bought when I had my children. It is called Slow and Steady get me ready. You can find in on Amazon for new or used. This book has activities for everyday for birth through five. Most of the activities just use stuff you would find around the house and probably do in one way or another anyways. I found it helpful just to keep me on track and reassure that what I was doing was right. Good luck.

At four months they really just enjoy looking at you and talking to you! You do what you can and give yourself a break, too. You don't need to worry too much about stimulating now as four month olds just enjoying watching mommy and learn from their surroundings. Some of the things I enjoy doing with my four-month-old twins, though (when I have the time!) is reading to them and introducing them to various toys by helping them hold them and showing them how they rattle, etc. We also do tummy time, though the boys hate it (so did my other son, so I'm guessing it's normal). And I put them in a bumbo chair and let them see their toys and me at a different angle. And, I talk to them a lot - when I'm changing them and when I'm doing housework, at the shopping mall or wherever. It's the little things that they learn from!

I have to second and third joining a new moms group. I did Listening Mothers, which I really liked and I have many friends who did PEPS (you can just google both).

Other than that this is a really good time to mainly take care of YOU. Your baby will learn naturally as he tags along. Talk to him about what you are seeing and doing.

I would also strongly encourage babywearing, while you are out and about, instead of using a stroller. If promotes both physical and psychological development and bonding. Meet with other mom and go for walks or have a coffee/tea/steamed milk somewhere.

Enjoy this time, once he gets more mobile you will have to find more child centered activities and places to go. Right now just being close to you is his best stimulation.

Oh, Alice- I am so sorry for your loss --- . What an odd mixture of joy and sorrow right now. Your baby will L. ANYTHING you do with him-- I know of a first-time Dad that created a fantastic bond with his brand new baby by reading aloud the stock market report--- his voice and his interest engaged her. I'd suggest making a tiny bit of a routine. Something like- morning quick bath- dress and feed him - then carry him in a sling or pack while you clean up the kitchen. Then lay him on the floor for some tummy time--perhaps with a few toys to see - or lie down beside him and sing to him while he's on his tummy. Then -- he may be ready for a morning nap -- after that - you can put on some music and sing with him - or put him in a bouncy recliner and set the bouncer in front of a mirror so he can watch himself move - that's HUGE fun for babies. --- just go through the day like that with times that are very focused on your interactions with him- and times that give you a breather -- this is HUGE recovery time for you-- be sure to build in a lot of pluses for yourself--- lunch with a good girl friend - or a movie - or --- you really need to - foryour babies sake.

Blessings,
J. -- aka-- Old Mom

Hi,

Just wanted to let you know that I also suffered from postpartum and know how tough it can be. My son just turned 3 and things have been great for a long time, but if you would like to talk, I know how hard it is and difficult to talk about with people who haven't been through it. I knew I had a problem when I wasn't bonding very well with my son and it just got worse. I needed medication, but resolved things pretty quickly. Anyway, just wanted to offer you an ear or if you need to come have coffee to break up your day at home. Feel free to contact me if you need anything.

Best,
M. Phillips
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Hi Alice !!

Please email me and let me know you got this. I have never really talked to anyone one mamsource, but saw your post and thought it would be nice to meet. My son is now 5.5 yrs old, but I also lost my mom when my son was 3 months old. We can chat sometime.

Thanks & look forward to chatting ~ I am in Seattle, not sure if they link people that are in the same are

S. Garcia Hall
Son: Nicholas age 5.5

First of all I am sorry for the loss of your father, and to know that you've suffered from some postpartum issues as well.

There are a few really good books out there that might help you with some ideas: Baby Play by Gymboree, Unplugged Play and Bringing Out Baby - Places to Take Babies and Toddlers in Seattle, The Eastside and South Snohomish County. Each of these books offers ideas of things to do with your little one.

Simple things like taking him for a walk and talking about what you see are great (even if it's at the mall since it's getting cold), playing peek a boo, using different fabrics for texture play, etc... are really simple and inexpensive.

Recreation centers often have a play gym area for babies during their indoor play ground times.

We loved the library story times. It is a good place to meet other moms in the area and set up your own play dates (more for the moms at this age, and later, too) which can become a great time for both moms and babes to bond and have a small group of like-minded/situational friends.

The Children's Museum has a nice play area for those under 2.

Someone mentioned just having something to do and goals set to get out and about at least once a day (between naps, of course) helps baby develop and helps mommy's sanity.

I judged my day by whether or not I got a shower and was able to get out and about once during the day.

Good luck to you and sorry about your father. But do honor him by being the best parent you can be. They do watch over us.
D.

Find a Discovery Toy consultant. Go to the library once a week. It's never too early to start reading to your baby. Play music and dance with your baby. Keep it up as they get older. Bundle the baby up and take walks in the park. Check out your local Parks & Rec. dept. for baby & me classes. Look for a local M.O.M. or M.O.P.'s meeting. Have fun!

Alice he's a little young but when my first child was a year old I learned the names of flowers and plants and showed them a few every day on our walks. I talked about the plants and what they were for.
In season we ate berries and fruits and what flowers could go in salads. I picked the them on our walks. Later on I taught them which plants were poisonous.
I talked about the colors of the plants with each child as they grew the knowledge of colors, shapes and tastes were automatic.
Before your son is a year old there are peekaboo games, singing songs to him and talking to him is really important as is going for walks and to nearby places where he sees the world.
Hold him and L. him and touch him so that he feels secure. It's very tough the first year for a new mother to be grieving the loss of a parent and welcoming her new baby.
Be kind to yourself. See your friends. Join with other mothers for visits and outings and live life fully yourself.

Just talk to your son about everything and anything. This will boost his language development. Also read books to him. Besides that, the stimulation that a baby needs is being held, played with and then some tummy time with a few toys. It sounds easy but as you know they wear us out with their needs so it is good that most of what they need comes natural to us. I hope that you can enjoy him now because they grow fast!

First of all, do what YOU like to do and include him. If you like to cook, do it, but just keep him close in a bouncy seat and talk to him while you're doing it. If you like to exercise, take him along in a jogging stroller. If you like to shop, do that and just talk to him while you find your bargains! If you like to read, consider buying books on audio tape or read to him aloud.

also please please please join a mom's group that is a good fit for you. Sometimes the first moms's group you find will not have members that are what you're looking for. DOn't be afraid to keep looking. Trust me - there are other moms out there just like you and if you find them and connect with them, it will help you out in a huge way. It is so necessary, when becoming a new mom, to know that there are other women out there with the same questions, same worries, same silly little feelings, that you have.

Good Luck! You can do it!

Hi, Alice--
I am so sorry to hear about your recent loss and the postpartum blues.

You have received some great responses so I will just ditto that taking care of yourself is very critical at this time. Dealing with the loss of your father must be very difficult-- and kudos to you for reaching out. I think finding a moms' group is critical for your support and sense of self. As you can see from this board, the collective wisdom and support from a moms' community is vital and incredible. We often tend to forget ourselves when we have little ones and are trying to meet their needs. If you can think back to the things you used to enjoy and tap into those, you may find that your little one can enjoy similar activities. For instance, I always loved libraries and, so, I took my little one to library story times. My daughter loved the story times and the librarian taught us songs and rhymes that I recalled from my childhood. We still sing some of those tunes to this day. I guess what I am saying is that my wish for you is that you find something that interests you as much as it can be fun for your little boy.

Best of luck to you and please update us when you can!

First off, I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I'm glad you have made the decision to be happy and enjoy being with your son. This is, in my opinion, one of the best ways you can honor your father-- by being a great parent yourself!

As for providing a stimulating environment for your 4 month old, I would talk often to your baby. Babies react positively to sing-song type voices, but not "baby talk." Use correct words/ grammar when speaking, though cooing and other sounds are fun for the baby to hear. Singing and rhyming will also be very stimulating. Holding your son, stretching/exercising her body while playing on the floor, massaging (especially after bath time), reading colorful picture books, and snuggling are all developmentally appropriate and will provide the stimulation she needs at this point. Also, having a parent who enjoys the interaction will provide her with stability and good emotional health for the years to come!

Alice-

I worked as a Nanny for many years and today I am a parent coach. I'm not sure where you live, but my suggestion would join a Mommy & Me class at the local Park & Rec center. They are great for getting out and meeting people.

As for stimulatint your son, just keep him interacting with his enviroment. You don't need fancy classes, TV or toys to help a child's mind grow, they just need Mom. Children learn from their experiences, so give him experiences.

FYI- The Children's Museum by the Zoo and OMSI both have great baby rooms if you're looking at getting out of the house often.

I wish you the best of luck.

R. Magby

I am so sorry for your loss. That has to be so hard when you are trying to be so happy for your family.

I faced some postpartum and found a mommy and me group my lifeline. It was offered through the hospital I gave birth at and my daughter and I went every week until she aged out at 9 months. From there I met some incredible woman that have remained my friends 4 years later and our kids still get together for playdates and holiday gatherings to celebrate good and bad.

I found that I needed to be with other people to help me stay sane and happy and that in turn helped me and my daughter bond. My partner was very sick before and after her birth so it was a difficult time in our house. I needed to turn outward to my friends alot. I chose to spend time with those that loved kids which also helped alot.

I also went to the library for story time and would still go if it was offered times that my child wasnt in preschool. She has developed a L. of books and learned so many songs and activities to do together. Some libraries have better leaders than others, so try out a few.

I also did a gymboree class even though that was not normally my style. My daughter was older though.

I also went on line and found some "meet up" groups that fit my needs and made some friends there.

There is alot of support out there for new moms. You just need to find what fits your personality, needs and schedule. And dont be afraid to bundle up that baby and take walks every day. They are more resilient than you think.

Good luck and hang in there. It actually gets easier as your child gets older and you can interact more and have more fun with them! This point it is more important to find things you like and bring them along. When they see your happy and excited, that is a world of good for them.

My advice would be to get out of the house and interact with other parents and children. Babies L. to observe other kids and new surroundings. The Salem Public Library has an Infant and Toddler Storytime, a library near you might have a similar program. Also try Meetup.com; I found a SAHParent group in Salem and it's great! The cost was only $4/year and there's practically a get together everyday.

Good luck!

Something that helped me a lot was just to have plans. At four months your son doesn't need a lot of actual entertainment on his part, but it will help you to have plans. Exercise, sunlight, and meeting achievable goals should help with any depression you are feeling.

If you can dig up some other moms with kids the same age, you can have a regularly scheduled walk together, or trip to the playground together (kids won't play much for a while, but it will get you out of the house), or scheduled coffee date. With just your son you can also plan to walk, or get to a library sponsored story time, (or some bookstores have them), or giving him tummy time while you do a workout-dvd, or even a planned grocery trip. You could also sign up for a mom&tot class (a lot of community centers have them).

I think one important thing, at least for me, was to set goals and make them happen. One goal was just to get up, get showered, and get dressed every day. I also tried to leave the house every day. Knowing things like 'Monday is grocery day, Thursday is story time' also helped.

he is still probably a little young, but in s few months, I would recommend enrolling in a music or gym class..they are really fun, and great for parents to meet and be with other people...Also, just get out and do stuff - go to the mall (you don't have to actually buy things, but it's nice to be out), take walks, talk to him a lot while you are doing things, make lunch dates, find people to be in a playgroup (which sounds silly, but your happiness is important...being with others is important)