Stay at Home Mom with a Nanny .. Help..

Schedule & Organized
I have 3 kids sahm & I do all this all by myself never once asked for help from my hubby or asked if I could get a Nanny..It can be pulled off I do it everyday my hubby works FT leaves at 7:30 or earlier at times comes home after dinner time after bath time just in time sometimes to tuck them in & say good nite
There is chaotic times busy doing this & that but then I remind myself OH YA this is my "JOB"....

When I was in my early teen years I was a "mother's helper" for my neighbor who was a working mom of 2 kids, 1 of whom was older than me. I would fold their laundry, wash the dishes, feed the pets, sweep and mop the floors, and help pick up toys 3 times a week. I don't recall what I made, but I think it was like $15 each time. I would also help with chopping veggies, etc for meal prep so that when she came home from work she could focus on cooking, rather than all the cooking prep work. Maybe you can find a responsible teenager who would be willing to provide such a service to you.

Hey, I say if you can afford the help, get it!! I just have a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old and I feel SWAMPED most days. (my husband travels and is gone all week.) If we had any more children, we'd definitely need to hire some help. There is NOTHING wrong with that!
Lynsey

Instead of a Nanny, could you afford a cleaning company to come in once or twice a week? I think that would help a lot and give you a lot more free time with the kids. Also, your 7 & 6 yrs. old kids are old enough to help out too. I have my 6 & 4 yr. olds take care of their rooms and bathroom (just making sure the bathroom is picked up). I also will give them a Swiffer to dust, they love it! They also have to pick up after themselves and will help me pick up around the house if I ask.

I'm actually going to be in your shoes in about 9 months. We just found out we're pregnant with #4 this weekend!

If you had the room in your house, I would highly suggest an au pair. We have families by us with 4 and even up to 6 kids that have au pairs just for the very reasons you are explaining (They are SAHMs but cannot possibly be running all the kids in different directions by themselves at all times of day). http://aferrini.aupairnews.com. I became a Local Childcare Coordinator for Cultural Care Au Pair after becoming a host mom. I only have 2 kids and 1 on the way, but I work full time as an attorney plus a 1 hour commute each way. We needed flexibility. Au pairs can help with kid related cleaning, cooking, laundry :) The cost is lower than a full time nanny but the catch is that you need to have a bedroom or makeshift finished den or bedroom that would be their private space. PM me if you want more information.

Otherwise, I would suggest checking our your local college or university for postings of college kids looking for nanny jobs/mother's helper or try sittercity.com (my niece got a nanny job through that site with a great family).

Best wishes! You will be me...all in due time!

You could pull this off on your own, but it would take a lot of structure and planning. Only you know whether or not you are able to do this. Some people can and some can't... no biggie either way, but be honest with yourself.

The smartest thing my family has done in the last year is to recognize the fact that we could either have a clean house and clean laundry OR have free time together... hubby and I both work full-time and we couldn't do both. We were in denial about it until we realized that we spent our ENTIRE weekend cleaning/cooking/washing/folding/running errands... lots of fun, right.

So... hired a housekeeper. She comes twice a week and cleans, does the laundry and starts dinner. I would eat rice-and-beans before letting her go b/c she gave us back our family time!

If you need help, hire someone. In your case it doesn't sound like you need a nanny, but you may need a housekeeper who is able to either run errands for you or who is comfortable watching the baby while you run out. We asked our friends for references and checked ads on Craig's List.

You probably won't find someone through a service b/c they have "set menus" of what they will/will not do. Generate a list of specific tasks you would want someone to do and start making some calls. Have in mind a pay range as well as how much you are willing to spend for "extras".

You need help!!!! There is nothing wrong with that. I work fulltime and have three kids, 5, 3 and 10 months old. Each like yours has different needs and yet you are only one person. If you can get a family member, friend or a nanny to help you here and there for a few hours, I think that is more than reasonable. Make a specific schedule so it can accomodate your game plan of cleaning, cooking, playing and yes of course helping with homework. Is your hubby home on the weekends? Get him involved to. Also, another option is to check local schools, daycare for partime school or daycare say 2 days a week. Compare costs to see if it would be beneficial. Sounds like it would. From time to time my Mom and sister help out with the 1 or 2 of my kids so some "missions" can be accomplished.

Yes, it would be worth the investment to hire some help. Perhaps a responsible high school girl to help the kids with homework while you play with the younger ones.

I work full time and just went to the night shift because things were too hectic and stressful when I worked during the day. The evenings were horrible! My husband is disabled, so not really any help from him. I have a 6 year old and 20 month old twins. One strategy, or rule, I have right now is no outside sports or activities that aren't offered at her school. There is no way I have time to drive her to sports or music lessons, make sure husband gets to all appointments, get twins picked up from daycare and everyone fed dinner and baths if I was also taking the older one to other activities. It's just not an option right now. Her school does offer (for a fee, which I don't mind because logistically it's great) several activities after school. She just completed a chemistry lab and is now doing a critter safari with snakes, etc. She's also doing an art class. It's a local place, but I don't have to take her there., they come to the school. Problem solved!

Anyway, I am finding that I cannot do all the things I'd like to do. Yes, it would be great if my daughter could do gymnastics or piano or something like that, but we cannot fit it in to our already busy schedule. People at work ask me how I do everything right now...what choice do I have? Moms just keep going....hopefully not until we drop. But knowing what can be cut out of the madness is part of the solution. They can always do sport in another year or two when things are a bit easier with the little ones.

If you can afford some help, why not? Guilt, pride?... I can understand but why make life harder than it has to be? You can find mothers who have 6 kids and no help but there are also mothers with 2 who have help. My coworker's wife is expecting #3 and they already hired someone full time. I always thought another friend's wife did it by herself with just 2 kids and turns out she had lots of babysitting help. It also turns out that lots of moms who claim they don't have help mean they don't pay for help but have a mother who's around all the time etc. Oh - we have friends with 4. She has a full time nanny AND her mother is like Mary Poppins helping all the time, the father wasn't working for awhile so around and she complains CONSTANTLY how hard it is. I wouldn't hesitate to get some help. If you can at all afford it, life is short. And the help doesn't to be forever.

We are twins...I struggled trying to do it all on my own for a long time....I finally hired a PT Nanny, which became a FT Nanny after my youngest was severely burned in a terrible accident and required around the clock care...ugh, that was painful.

If I could do it all over again...I would start asking around for a Mother's helper, s/o younger in the neighborhood who can walk to your home, so you don't have yet another pick up/drop off errand to run. There are many young girls who would love to come over and play with baby/toddler while you tend to homework/dinner/meetings.

Then I would still find that PT nanny who can drive and do everything I need to do: shop, cook, clean, drive, laundry, dishes.

Then call your kids teachers and make sure they are in the know about your husband's 2 hr commute. There are many alternatives to the parent teacher conference. Skype from home? Skype from work? Tele conference wherever you are. Try to pop in after school for 15 minutes, email first and make arrangements. The kids can run around the the playground or crawl on the floor while you discuss your child's progress.

You cannot do this alone, especially with your husband's commute, especially in modern, on the go families.

One thought for the future, can you move closer to his work, so he can be home at a more reasonable hour? My husband used to commute for 1 1/2 hours and I swore I would NEVER do that again. So next move and every move hence, I insist on a short commute and the best public school and we research and search for those 2 must haves.

Also, there are many great posts already form overwhelmed mamas:
Here's one:
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/10658509053749231617

My mother had a large family. At one time she had a high school student come for a few hours after school. to play with/care for us children. At another time she had someone doing the cleaning while she focused on child care. Get the help you need and do not feel guilty. One person can only do so much. As a child I both loved the after school help and the cleaning person.

Hi,
My mom had 4 kids. We had a pretty big age gap, I am the oldest and my youngest sister is 10 yrs. younger. But when my mom had the youngest she needed help too. She hired a house keeper type person, who cooked and did cleaning, rather than watching the kids. That was helpful for her. Another way to go is mother's helper, someone who can help with the kids while you are still there, they can also do other chores around the house. Usually a Nanny will only care for the children, and maybe do some child related house work. So make sure you lay out your expectations up front and make sure the person you choose is on board with that. ( I was a nanny for a long time)

I have never done this, but I've seen it recommended a number of times, and it sounds like a good idea to me...

Have you considered a Mommy's Helper? A younger teen who can come to the house a few days a week, for a few hours to basically entertain kids, or do whatever you need from them, so you can have a tiny bit more freedom to do whatever it is you feel you need to do, even if that's just sit on the floor and play with the kids....

They don't cost as much as a traditional "nanny" but might give you just what you are looking for.

Do you have any neices or nephews that would be interested? Someone in your neighborhood? Your church?

You should get a part time nanny/babysitter from the hours of 2:30-5:30
or 2:00 - 5:00. Something like that. This way, your nanny/sitter will be with your kids in the afternoon, can help your older ones with their homework and/or play w/ your smaller ones, all while you cook dinner! Next time you have parent/teacher conferences - see if your sitter/nanny can stay late or come late while you go to conferences.

Also, why on earth does your husband work 2 hours away? Way too far! Have him look for another job much closer to home - or, move closer to where your husband works! Seriously.

Don't let guilt scare you out of being the best mom you can be. As my 4 year old son would tell you: Batman is the best superhero because he uses every tool available to him and sticks to his own code when things get rough.

I'm a single mom with 4 that are spread out pretty close to your kiddos age ranges so I ABSOLUTELY understand. I just went to hiring a lawn service, cleaning lady and pay for my kiddos to be in daycare while I work (even though I work from home during the week). Now I can actually give my children the attention and love they need because I am getting the help I need.

If you still feel like having another woman full time in your home raising your children just won't work for you, here are the things I do to stay sane:

For during the day school meetings or Dr appointments when I can't possible bring all the kiddos along, I use "Adventure Kids Playcare" which is an hourly drop off daycare. I don't have to call in advance, I pay a very small yearly registration fee (like 30 bucks) and can drop off any or all of the kiddos for any amount of time (1 to 6 hours) that they are open. If it's going to be during mealtime, I just select from the menu and pay for the food and whatever hourly amounts when I pick up the kiddos: This is a last resort for me and I ONLY use it for a couple kiddos at a time since it is uber expensive but oh so convenient.
If my older son needs homework help and the little ones are going crazy or for any number of reasons I REALLY need help, I have a list of "on the spot" babysitters who I can call literally at a moments notice depending on what I need:
2 ladies from the kiddos daycare that can watch 4 kids at once no problem and live close to me. Pretty pricey but totally worth it for date nights, last minute meetings after hours for work or times I can't pick the kids up from school/daycare on time.
3 teenage girls who are best friends and all live on my block - they come over as a group to tag team the kiddos at bedtime or weekends if I just need helpers.
1 mom of 4 as well that lives on my street - we will trade the kiddos back and forth on the weekends and do other favors like dinner swaps on Wednesdays. So sometimes I have 8 kiddos in my house but surpisingly, 8 is easier to take care of than 4. And it is FREE (ah the angels sing!)

I pay a lady from down the street to come clean my house once a week. I am not paying her enough honestly, since she seems to do so much more than we originally agreed on. She's retired, takes care of her grandbabies who are in school during the day and she just so happy to feel needed. Some of the extra things she does that I hadn't expected but LOVE is-
writing a list of foods I am running low on on the fridge
going through the kiddos stuffed animals on occasion and throwing the dirty ones in the washer (laundry isn't her responsibility but she's done a few loads when she saw the need)
re-organizing my closets and refrigerator (yay!)

I also have a boy in the neighborhood that mows my lawn (front and back) for 20 bucks a pop every time he sees it getting shabby.

Good Luck Supermom!!

I'd skip the nanny and just have a house keeper ;)

I only have 2 kids (who will turn 2 and 5 this winter). You still have 2 under 2 so yes, you need help in the short term. Get whatever help you can afford and don't feel guilty. If it were in my budget I'd have someone come once a week to help with cleaning (my weakest area). Getting a teenage mother's helper/babysitter is very helpful. I am still looking for a good one for my kids but I had that job as a teenager. The mom got 1 weeknight out a week and I got to have fun with the kids and have a little spending money. Also, I'm still friends with the family 25+ year later. I might consider limiting the older kids to one after school activity per week until the younger ones are past the age for naps. I also shamelessly use a video or kids tv show for the half hour or hour I need to cook dinner. Sometimes I can get them to color or play play doh but not usually. I am not super organized but I try and pick one meal that is made in a large batch so I can have one night when cooking is just reheating.

I have heard of people using "mommy's helpers". Young girls that help out by playing with the kids, cleaning, and others using post partum doulas that help moms to adjust to the juggling of all the kids (usually better if the doula either has or came from a large family). If you can afford it, why not. In your search for a nanny, you should probably be "trying some out" anyway, and you can see if it is the help you are looking for or not before committing, so there isn't much of an investment, just an expense to keep you sane.

If you can afford having the help then do it! Go for it! It will make you happier and your kids happier because you will be more relaxed and enjoy time together with them without having so much on your mind. Also you will have time for your marriage which is very important. I say do it!

Hi M.,
4 kids 7 and under, with 2 under age two ... that's a lot to handle, especially with a husband who is not around to do much of the parenting/daily upkeep. There is nothing wrong with needing some help! Think about what you can afford. While it might be very convenient to have someone of age that can drive the bigger kids around to their afterschool activities, a nanny/adult help can be expensive. A teenage babysitter/mothers helper who can watch the younger kids while you drive the big ones around, help them with their homework and start dinner can be a great help (a crockpot is also a great help for dinner, I depended on mine a lot during sports practices and such). A teen helper might also do things like empty the dishwasher, run the vacuum, help clean up toddler toys, wipe down the counters, etc. It would probably help you to have some help from say, 3-6 or 3-7pm. If you missed conferences, most teachers will give you a separate meeting time (right before or after school, you'd need a sitter) or a phone conference at those times or during their "prep."
There's nothing shameful about having an extra set of hands for part of the time, it's not that someone else is raising your kids, it's that someone is handling the things that are keeping YOU from parenting your kids in the way that you want. Good luck!

Wow, you're handling a lot. If you're on a strict budget I would suggest going to a high school, post for a responsible girl/s or boy/s who would like to help tutor the eldest child or babysit/play with the little ones after school for several hours. That way you could spend some time with other child. I do think you need some full time help though. 4 kids is a lot to handle, plus the household chores etc. Definitely get help with the chores around the house including the cooking. I have two children and I neeed quality time with them. I have a lady who comes 3 times a week for cleaning and ironing. Those are time consuming jobs especially nowadays when we have a load of clothing per person.
If you get a nanny you could even have her sleeping quarters in a spare room so she could be readily available when you need to run out, and take kids to school,or to their extra curricular activities.
Best of luck to you.

Hi, I think you are doing a great job. If you are able to have help, that is great, and everyone will benefit. Determine when it is the best time that you think you will need someone. My experience has been that a set schedule works when you have someone helping with children. Ask around your group of friends to see if they know someone, or call an agency. Definitely do a background check and call 2 or 3 references before you hire anyone to help with your kids. If they are married, it is sometimes recommended to do a background check on the husband. Also, have the potential employee spend some time with the kids and see how the kids get along.

If you have the money, get a nanny. Yes, it's a worthy investment, so you can stay sane and have quality time with your kids.

you dont need a full time nanny just get a cleaning service once a week and a good bbysitter so you can go up to school and even shop or do something for yourself you need to recharge

My s-i-l has 4 children and my m-i-l lives with them otherwise im pretty sure her and her husband would go off the deep end. There is no shame in asking for help, were mothers not super heros!

To stay connected with your children I would say a helper would be convenient for two, maybe three days, consider the most hectic days. She/he could help you establish order and routines and a daily plan so eventually you could ween off the helper and do it alone.

Just an idea - have you considered hiring someone to help with the other stuff instead - like a maid or cleaning service and one of those services that does your busy work and errands for you (I forgot exactly what they are called)? Then you could get to be with your kids while someone else does the other work instead of you doing the other work while watching someone else get to spend time with your kids. Then you would also need a dependable babysitter for the conferences and things like that.

Can you afford to have a PT or FT nanny? If so, GO FOR IT!! Seems like a no brainer to me. You seem to have lots of justifiable reasons to get one - so do it. If you don't like it, you can always ask her to go. But I have a feeling that you will love some help.

Well, you could see if your kids' school have an after school program. This would allow them to stay after school and get help w/ their homework. It would then free you up to handle the babies an extra hour alone (maybe playtime). Do you have a close friend or family member (maybe a grandparent) that could/would pick you kid's up from the after school program and then stay home with the babies while you take the older kids to their activities.

This would allow the kids the help they need with homework, you more time with each age group alone, and the special family member time with the kids too.

If you can afford it, do it! I like the idea of an au pair or high school student. Do not feel guilty! If you can do it and you feel it would give you more time with your children, then go for it! Yes, some people may have 5 or 6 kids and seem to handle it, but somethings gotta give! My kids are 5, 2, and 4 months. My husband is deploying in a few weeks. So far I've hired a housekeeper and a lady who will watch the 2 younger ones (my 5 year old is in kindergarten) once a week for 4 hours so I can have some time for myself! Do it!

Sweety, I feel for you. I raised 4 kids on my own with limited help from my ex-husband when he and I were still together. I also worked part/full time and earned 3 college degrees (working on my Masters now) It was/is tough, but it can be done.

God gave ME these kids to raise, not to pay someone else to do it. Would I have liked to have a nanny..Heck yes! But that's not financially feasible. It all comes down to balance and getting into a routine...leaving room for unexpected events is a good thing too. Having someone outside of the home to watch them for a couple hours gives me the time I need to meditate and re-group.

What I found that helped when the kids were younger was to do chores that could be done with the younger ones in their bouncy seats. I thought doing everything when they took their naps was a good idea..WRONG! Once everything was done and I wanted to relax, they woke up...lol.

I clean at night when they are in bed so I wake up to a clean house. On my days off I clean again around 2pm, laundry on Saturdays, run errands while they are in school, and make sure I take 11-1pm for myself (God gets that time on Sundays).

Good luck.

My niece has 4 aged 5 to 15. What worked for her a few years ago, when she had the last baby and the kids all needed help was to get a teenager in after school to help the older kids with their homework while my niece fed and got the little ones ready for bed.

In the 1950's my Mother and many Mothers had a "Mothers Helper." Typically a High School girl would help a Mom (for wages) after school.
My parents were not wealthy or flush with cash, yet Dad decided 4 kids in 4 years meant she needed help.

Back in the day many women had Grandma" or a "un-married aunt" over at least once a week, to keep up the house and do laundry etc.... If you can afford it, do it.

My daughter works full time at home, she has hired 2 teens who are home schooled to provide day care. The girls share this daycare position. Neither girl works more than 40 hours in 2 week pay period. This allows the teens the flexibility to play sports, attend youth group etc....

I'm always amazed at a mom like you who can do it all. But if you can afford a nanny, why not? My friend has 5 children, the oldest of whom is in 2nd grade. All day she is like a taxi service... droppin 2 kids at elementary school, 1 to preschool, picking them up, taking to after school activities, appointments, etc... And she's always got her two little ones with her. I think it would be nice if you had to drive around to be able to leave the smaller ones home. Or have someone who can run out and pick up the gallon of milk when you realize you are out. Who wants to put all 4 in a car and run out and do that?
I work full time and have a full time nanny. But I even have a nanny on the weekends b/c my kids have so many activities at such different times, so I need help getting the kids to the right places at the right time, while having the flexibility to leave a child or two at home to relax with the nanny.
If you can afford it, go for it. It will make your life so much easier and you won't be spreading yourself so thin!

If you can afford it, hire a helper. As mothers we need to stop feeling guilty that we can't do it all. I am a type A personality and I have had to let a lot 'go' now that I have three children. Four would require Herculean strength especially since the two youngest are so close in age.

Good luck!

I would recommend an au pair only $350 wk for up to 45 hours of childcare. Cultural Care is a great company & have had nothing but great experiences. Happy to answer any questions you might have, feel free to PM me.

Hey M.,

First let me say Congrats on how far you've come without help!!! I give you alot of credit! Just reading your story made me tired! I have one child (with special needs) and I even feel like there is never enough time in the day to get things done! You should not feel gulity at all for wanting or needing help! If it's affordable and doesn't take away from your children , I would say go for it. Even if it's just until you get a handle or find a routine that works for you. It doesn't have to be forever. Maybe have a nanny until the little ones are older and can be more self sufficent! Mom's forget that even though we are mother's and our children come first... WE also need to make time for ourselves as well! If you are stressed out and tired you are no help to anyone! so why not have some help! Only you know how much you can handle! Hope you find the balance you need! Good Luck! Remember just because you are asking for help or need an extra hand doesn't make you any less of a mother!

I had 4 kids, 6, 5, 4 and newborn. Once they entered school they were
only allowed one after school activity that I had to drive to. They could
do others, only if they could get the late bus home. The baby just
adjusted to life on the run. My husband is a NYC Police officer so his
hours varied every week. As far as the house goes my advice to you
is "Cooking and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, for babies grow up I
have learned to my sorrow, so quiet down cobwebs and dust go to
sleep, I am rocking my babies and babies don't keep." It will get better,
I promise.

M., I have 5 kids and did it though my oldest was 16 when the baby was born, but my last 2 pregnancies were really hard and I was on bed rest for 20 weeks with my last one and my husband works an hour away from home. I start dinner as early as possible so that we can have a hot meal every night, I'm an old fashioned Italian and cook constantly. I learned the house will get cleaned in time, you do just the basics. Homework, try putting a video on that the little ones love, it will keep them occupied and you can help your son with his homework. You can always reschedule parent conferences, I personally do o to them because I find them not to be long enough especially when your child has more than one teacher; 15 minutes just doesn't cut it for me. If my kids teachers have a concern they can pick up the phone and call me or e-mail me (technology is great). I'm not going to deny it you are right it does get hard and stressful but after a while you learn to prioritize and go with the flow. I too have said "God I wish I had a nanny or someone else to help me with everything" but I didn't and I wanted the money to be spent on your kids rather than a nanny or housekeeper. I did however get a babysitter from time to time, but even that was rare. For you I would say you need to do what is right for you.