I am trying to start a new relationship with a wonderful man but i feel the fear of another bad relationship scare me . Sending me in to this mold where i shut him out and i don't want to push him away , but i really dont know how to get over the fear.
well ,guys i guess it was not meant to be after i talked to him i he said he wanted to work things out but the other day he had a terrible attitude and he was like he don't have time for this and he broke up with me .it's ok i am fine with it because i won't let anyone push me into something that i am not ready for.thanks for all the advice ladies !
you cannot let you fear get the best of you and stop you fom being happy. If you are happy, than you should give it a try, dont associate all men with that bad relationship that was just one man.
Hi T.,
Give yourself credit for biting the bullet and giving a new relationship a try after what you have been through. Keep in mind that each person will take awhile to get to really know. Take it slow and tell him that you need time to feel that you can really trust him. It is perfectly okay to feel this way and to not want to rush things. The best thing you can do is to keep communication lines opened and to let him know where you stand. I would think that he would allow you some space if you want to back off a bit. If he really likes you and wants to keep the relationship going with you, he will respect your wishes and feelings and give it time to blossom. On the other hand, if you see any bad behavior early on or other red flags that don't sit well, then end the relationship and move on. Trust your gut and your inner instincts.
Good luck!
- D.
I can totally identify with you. I am seperated for a year now from my ex, and I have fears of getting hurt again. I am in a relationship now and my two suggestions to you would be to #1 get a good therapist - it helps to have a sounding board that can help you identify habits or feelings and where they are coming from. #2 be totally honest with your partner about this. These things are what I am doing and my partner and I can discuss what fears/feelings I am having and where they are coming from and what we can do about them.
I wish you much luck!
Missy
Believe me, i know what u feel like! I have been in and out of more relationships than i care to acknowledge since the divorce in Feb., and now i have finally met the most wonderful guy that i have asked for my whole life!It is very scarey and i too have the fear, but u know, this too shall pass, go one day at a time and dont sweat the small stuff, just sit back and enjoy it. If u sit and worry that u might do something to ruin it or that u dont want him to get away, it will happen cause ur not focusing on the positive. So just let the good time roll and if its meant to last, it will! Good Luck!
Holly is right, take things slow, one day at a time. The worst thing you could ever do is make any man the center of your universe, especially too quickly after a marriage. Your daughters should be your priority and this man should respect and understand that too. I've been there, way too many times to count, and its really easy to just jump back into something without thinking because it feels so good to feel loved and wanted after so much time has passed since you felt that way last. The best thing you can do is be totally happy with yourself first, do the things you want to do for you to be happy in your life. If a good man comes along then you have that added benefit but they aren't really a necessity. I remember it took me years to be ok being alone with just my daughter and I but once I got there it was so liberating! I have to say that the chances that you are really ready and that this one will work out are slim (based on statistics and personal history with myself and others) but enjoy it while it lasts and keep an open mind. The thing all we women do is over analyze everything about our relationships, its just too much energy, we all know men don't do that!
Remember, the way you are feeling, putting up walls around your heart is totally normal for where you are at in your life. If this man is a good man, he will give you time and space to come around on your terms.
I wish you lots of luck!!
Hi T., I can totally relate... I did the same thing with my so many people in my life.. I let fear get in my way too. It's so hard. I think for me it stemmed from not feeling lovable enough to deserve the love that other people were giving me. I would push people away because I couldn't believe that they could love me... and how stupid they must be to love someone like me. I think that I felt unlovable from the way my parents treated me growing up. I know they did their best, and of course I know that they DO love me.. but they certainly did a number on my self esteem! Anyway, I hated to suffer so much pushing loving people away from me, that I ended up doing many years of healing work, and I can honestly say (not to sound to halmarky and mushy or cheesy) but it opened my heart again and let me love others more fully and also myself... and let me finally receive the love that others were offering me! And it feels so good!
So... one book that really helped me A LOT is called "Eastern Body Western Mind" by Annodeo Judith. It's amazing and talks right to your soul. She is so incredibly ON with her descriptions of feelings that you think she KNOWS you. Then you can see what touches you and what might help... she offers a lot of suggestions in the book for healing.
I hope that helps. I know self-healing isn't for everyone... it just helped me so much that I thought I'd pass it on. I am sure you are a wonderful person with a beautiful heart. Your teenagers can attest to that! So, maybe it could help.
Take care,
:-) M.
Being cautious is a good thing, but don't let caution leave you lonley. When your afraid you should talk to him. Talk to him about how your feeling and what you are going through, but don't do the "my ex this and my ex that". Keep it current and remember that your feelings although based on past events are your own. Take responsibility for what you are feeling and where your head is at, and then take action. If this guy is really special and worth the effort you will be investing in your future and happiness which is never a waste of time, effort or energy. Best wishes and happy holidays.
Well, there is that possibility. You need to figure out what the signs are to tell you when you are in a bad relationship, first of all. Maybe you are having these fears for a good reason. You could be picking something up on a subconcious
level. You really need to figure out if there are any signs there. They were there in your first relationship, I am sure. Think about what they might have been. You may want to see a councilor about it. The best thing you could do though, is always be in touch with your own emotions and listen to yourself. You don't want to get into something bad again, esp. when you have your girls to raise. There is nothing wrong with seeing someone, and not jumping right into total commitment all at once. Don't let him push you into it.
T.,
I am not sure how long out are you and your ex,but it will take time to heal.I think the best thing to do it take things slow, and talk to him about it and let him know how you feel maybe then he won't think your pushing him away.It also helps to talk about it with someone you trust.I hope everything works out for you.
You never know what would have been if you don't give him a chance....just be cautious but not overly cautious. Maybe start out on a friends basis. Good luck!!
