Son's BFF

Unless you are the boys teacher, I would not approach the mom. No one likes unsolicited mothering advice.

time to expand your own heart & reach out to this child. God is bringing him to you & your child. Try to find ways to rejoice in this child....instead of finding faults & labeling him. By opening up yourself to this, he may very well respond to you...& become better-behaved! Peace.

Speaking as a mother with a special needs child, I would be quite hurt and embarrased by any comments. There is no need to point out your child is different, we know. The heartache that your child will have an uphill battle their whole life, we get it. I am sure the parents are doing everything in their power to help their child. If anyone is to have this sort of conversation it should be from the teacher, not another parent. You don't know what the family is going through trying to deal with this, and what doctors and specilists they are working with to help their child. Please don't judge until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.

I agree, approach the teacher. You don't REALLY know his situation. He could have any number of learning disabilities and behavior disorders.The teacher, is most likely having the same concerns as you and are already talking with the mother. His family could be working on solution, to his behavior. Trust me, the mom knows. His family, could be struggling to cope and help the son. If my son was struggling and another mom approached me, I would be terribly embarrassed. Honestly, I really don't think it's your place. The leader of the classrooms, should be responsible for talking with the parents, not fellow parents.

a couple of things - as a mom with a child with ADHD - the child is not
"trying" to get your child to misbehave - trust me - the child is struggling with their own environment.

it is hard raising a special needs child - without the judgement of the rest of the world. instead use this as an opportunity to teach your own child about tolerance, and why it is important for your child to exhibit good behavior even when others aren't.

no good will come from approaching the mom - trust me, the mom knows, and struggles with it - even if you do not see their struggles.

You approach the Teacher.

I agree. As a mom of twins - both with special needs (Daughter with Autism and Son who is developmentally delayed and likely has adhd) - I would NOT want to be approached. And if I was, it would really hurt my feelings.

If you feel you need to do something -- speak to the teacher if you feel that the child's behavior was bothering your son or whatever.

When you have children with any kind of special needs - and people approach you unwarranted - it hurts. I just had this happen last night at Sears - when my daughter was fussing and a complete stranger told me she thought my daughter needed a timeout. Trust me, my response was not kind.

If I were the mom of the child in question, I wouldn't want to be approached by you. Unless she is negligent (in which case she won't care what you have to say, so don't waste your time), she is probably well aware of her son's issues. You coming up to her with your concerns won't be telling her anything new and will only hurt her feelings.

I am a mother of a ADHD son and my child does the same things to children it is so embarassing for me to hear that my son is a menace and kind of hurts. You cant really do anything about it yourself. If you do approach the mom be gentle it is really hard for me when I hear these things about my son he is almost seven and it has gotten worse. I spend alot of time crying because of some of the things he does she is probably aware of the situation but thinks its his age. Just be nice is all you can do

Are you the teacher? If so, yes, talk with the mother in a kind and understanding way if you can think of a way to help her manage her son. If all you can do is describe his behavior, she already knows that.

I'm confused about the setting in which this happened. Were parents not in the room with the children? Also 25-30 preschool children in the same room without parents would be difficult to manage. If there are older children in the group perhaps you could ask an older (say 10 yo) to keep him with them. Talk to the two of them together so that they both understand he is to stay with that child.

If there is a teacher who doesn't have a young child to manage, perhaps they could take on this boy and keep him in one place during praise and worship.

If the mother is in the room I would ask her to keep her son with her. Talk with her in a kind way about your difficulty managing your own son when the two of them are together. You don't have to indicate that her son is the difficult one.

My grandson has difficulty staying in one place. When he was a preschooler, a couple of church adults would help manage him. An usher would catch him as he ran towards the back of the sanctuary. It was a small sanctuary with perhaps 20 rows of benches. And hold him for awhile then bring him back to my daughter. They said they didn't mind and did look like they enjoyed the interaction with my grandson. Of course my daughter and his step-dad did their share of managing him too. There was a children's church which he went to after the singing and the older kids fell in love with him and kept him out of mischief.

In our family, church is family, and we would talk with anyone about anything that concerned us without standing on ceremony.

As to would I or my daughter want to be approached. Yes, but only in sympathy and with an idea or suggestion that would be helpful or just in sympathy. A simple, I know you're having a difficult time sort of statement is nearly always appreciated. We know he's disruptive and are doing the best we can to manage him.

As a parent to a child with ADHD and Aspergers, no, I would not want to be approached and would probably just make me feel embarrassed and ashamed. As his mother, she is probably well aware of these issues and already has to deal with them all the time. If she is a first time Mom and thinks that all kids are this way, she will learn when he is in school that they are not, and this coming from a teacher or a specialist at school who evaluates him....this is an expert and the parent will not feel blamed if someone they feel is more knowledgeable points it out to them. Try to love the child for who he is. He probably has many many other advantages that these kinds of disorders also tend to give kids, such as being very intuitive about other people, being very clever/smart/thinking outside the box and/or picking up on EVERYTHING going on in the room, not just what everyone else was paying attention to. Try to see this side of him and praise him for these things rather than making comments about what makes him difficult. These kids tend to have lots of people criticizing them and not many praising them and in the long run it is very important that they develop a positive self esteem because it is very easy for them to tear it down all on their own.

Have you ever approached a mother? Mothers everywhere often have problems being approached. It never worked for me. Since you are an adult it is perfectly acceptable for you to tell the little boy to stop it. If his mom then says something you can very sweetly describe what's going on. My experience with approaching moms, with children of any condition is that they do not want to hear it about their little darling. Even the best of friends.

Preschool age is too young to diagnose ADD/ADHD. I have a friend who is a pediatrician who has told me kids can't be properly evaluated and diagnosed until they are older (around 9 years old). While the behaviors you describe may seem like a problem in the setting, they also seem completely normal for a preschool aged boy. It seems like a socialization problem - is this boy an only child? If you really feel compelled to speak to the boys parents you should be very careful and kind. A conversation that starts with "Wow your son is very energetic" would probably be more well received than telling them you think their son has a disorder.

Hi, I have a son with ADHD and Asperger's Syndrom. My suggestion would be to point out the behaviors first and for most in as kind of a way as posibale. If she brings up that she think he may have it then fill free to agree. Who knows she may be trying to get him diagnosed. As for the (Is it a Sunday school class?) class you could try a positive reward system for all the kids that are behave. Set clear rules and point out the good behaviors in all the kids and small reminders for the not so good ones. Like say "Quite feet" or something like this. All this seemed to help with my son. As for the worship and praise time kindly ask that the mother and father make sure that he stays in his seat. as it is disruptive to not only you and your family but others as well. I hope this helped.

Do not approach her!! I don't think it would go well. I had to hear it from my daughters kindergarten teacher and it was hard.