Son Throws a Fit When I Leave the room...help!

I have a nine month old and we are at the end of the dilemma you are currently facing. I am a first time mom too and I am curious to read the advice you got, but all I can offer is to be patient because once he is very mobile he will just follow you wherever you go and then it'll be fine. I did have a little luck putting him in his walker to "follow" me and trying some suggestions from the book "Baby Days:Enjoying Daily Life With A Child Under 3". I am a working mom and my son acted the same way, so I don't think that has a lot to do with it. Good luck!

OK, probably nothing you haven't already heard, but here's what I do with my second son (first son did not have as much an issue with this). If I'm leaving the room for a very short period of time, I just let him fuss; I will talk to him, say I'm coming right back, etc., but I let him cry. However, if I'm doing dishes, or cooking dinner, or something that takes longer, I do bring him in the room with me with toys, or at least where he can see me, so he plays by himself but can see me. He still fusses sometimes, but I can usually get done what I need to. I have also used the baby carrier when I've gotten desperate, but I try to use that as a last resort. They do eventually out grow it (and yes, it won't be long and he'll crawling after you around the house)!

I totally agree with your mom. If you continue to pick him up every time he makes a fuss you won't be able to get a thing done that you need to get done. I had to learn this the hard way. Good luck!

Yes , he can learn to fuss a bit when you go warm a bottle etc. and it won't hurt him a bit. Play time with him is great, but he does also need to learn to play by himself a bit. You might step out of the room a second and peek back in and say see, mommie came right back. They go through stages where they are more apt to cry with you leave also, but you can also put him in a playpin in the room you are doing stuff, so he can see you, but you can go on about your business, and not have to be doing something with him 100% and he'll learn to play with a toy.

My 15 month old likes to do the same thing. If I leave her and don't let her come with me, she only cries for a minute or two after I'm gone and is fine till she sees me again. She's been doing this for months. It's normal for kids to go through separation anxiety. If you're worried about leaving him with a sitter or something, go ahead and leave. It's very possible that he'll calm down after a couple minutes and go to playing happily. My 15 month old has an older brother to play with, so I don't mind leaving her to go to the restroom or do things like that. She's got someone to play with and who will go to great lengths to make sure she doesn't do anything to harm herself. When my son was that age, I usually took him with me because his curiosity usually got the best of him and he was likely to do something dangerous. If you can let him play in a room with some toys while you do some chores, or put him in a little play pen, that may be the best. He may just be lonely.

I think you can try both - a minute or two of fussing if he's safe is fine. Just talk to him while you're doing what you're doing - tell him where you are, why you're there, etc. I'm not big on letting babies cry for big chunks of time, especially when they're so young. I don't really believe in an "independent" baby - that's just an oxymoron. If they were Independent, they wouldn't be called babies! :)

Anyway, I have a babycarrier called the ergo which can carry on the front, or on the back, and it holds 40lbs or more weight. (http://www.ergobabycarriers.com/) I breastfed him at 4.5 months while walking down the street of NYC in this carrier! When my guy went through the super clingy times (teething, lonely, whatever). I'd strap him on my back and do what I had to do. I think the closeness is good for them, and heck - it's a workout (LOL)! To me, spoiled isn't from attention, it's from lack of attention and trying to make up for it inappropriately (ex. Violet in Willy Wonka :).

Yes, he still prefers to be around his mommy, and gets upset when I need to work on the computer or whatever, but he can also play by himself for decent chunks of time now (17 mos). It'll all work out!

Welcome to the world of seperation anxiety....totally normal at this age. It gets better and then bad again when they are around 12m. I got my twins walkers (I know your son might be a little young) If he can touch the ground, he can just sit in your area and play with the toys on it. Its better than carrying them around, and he won't get in your way. I have the Chicco walkers, and they are very nice and entertaining. They also get a kick out of walking around.

I personally do not believe you can spoil a child that age. It is totally normal that he gets upset when he can't see you - at this age he can't understand you'll be back - that's why the peek-a-boo game is so appealing - cognitively he thinks whatever is gone and is surprised/pleased to see it come back.

I second the idea of a carrier - I used that until my sons were over two. With them on your back, you can do alot around the house - even laundry, fixing dinner and vacuuming. The latter was my son's favorite such that as he go older, he would want me to vacuum. We ended up having two carriers - one to leave in the car and the other to use around the house.

That all said, I also agree that you should start communicating with him as to what you're doing. If you use the carrier while you're doing these things, he will begin to understand. And, they do understand far more than folks believe at a fairly early age. And, as time goes by, they do start to understand the concept of time - although, I think as mothers we sometimes stretch it. When my older son was 3, I said it would take 5 minutes to get something done. He asked whether it was a long 5 minutes or a short 5 minutes.

Also, when others care for him, they should provide some comfort if he sees you leave rather than letting him fuss. That's how he'll learn to bond with others - having them meet his basic needs.

Oh I remember those days :)! I did the carrier thing and it didn't work for me I still couldn't get anything done. I had this problem with my daughter who now is 3. I just started telling her mommy is going to the kitchen to clean do you want to come? Eventually she would follow me if she wanted and if not then she stayed behind playing. I also put toys in the kitchen so if I needed to clean that area she had something to play with. You could turn one of your cabinets into a play area for him. He will love going through it while you get some stuff done. Try to put a little box of toys in each area of your house. So when are needing to clean that area take him over to the box so he can stay entertanined. He might might cry a at frist, but he will get it and start playing on his one. Best of luck.

S. I'm a great grandmother and what I found with mine and grandbabies. If you give into there fits when you leave the room they know they can control you.I agree let him fuss some then he knows he isn't getting his wy by fussing.
also on a side note have you ever thought of working from home? If so go to this web site and check it out.
www.maximumssuccess.com/mgarrett
If interested you can call1-888-225-0150 and after a short message leave you name and phone and 2 best times to get back with you.God Bless and good luck.
J. G

I think your mom is right. It is so easy to just sit and play and indulge your kids but at some point they need to get used to the fact that they have to play alone. I have a 20 month old and as hard as it was I had to let her fuss if i had to leave the room. I did find if you talk to them so they can hear you and make a big deal of coming back into the room they adjust easier. This is also the point where you have to teach them that just because they can't see you doesn't mean you are not coming back. Hang in there and with a little persistence it will get better :) Good Luck

I think this is normal. I just put mine in the room were I was going to do a little work with a few toys so they could see me. As soon as he learns to crawl, he will simply follow you around. So, this won't last too long. I don't think letting him cry is a good idea because you are building a trusting relationship with your child and if you leave him alone and do not return for a while, he thinks you're not coming back. That is frightening for a baby. And get used to getting nothing done. That's in a mom's job requirement! Besides you can do the work when your husband can watch him or better yet hire a housekeeper, if it is in the budget. Enjoy your little one!

Talk to him, tell him what you are doing, and how quickly you will be back, and talk to him while you are out of the room. But yes, let him fuss for a minute or two. Don't think of his crying as him being scared or hurt or something, he's just expressing the only way he knows how that he love's y'all and and wants to know everything you are doing:) Make your trips out of the room as quickly, but also very frequent so he starts to understand that you ALWAYS come back.