Son Refuses to Get Hair Cut

Since it is in his eyes, I would suggest a compromise. He gets the front cut out of his eyes so it is not causing any vision problems (safety on a bike, distraction at school), but he can have the rest how he wants it (cut or not).

Let him have control over his appearance. Don't you want the family photo to represent what the family truly looks like?

LOL it reminds me of my son. It took me months to convince him to get a haircut and that was about 3 months ago. Now it's starting to cover his eyes and needs it cut. I really could care less about his hair. I say as long as it's clean and brushed no big deal. My husband on the other hand thinks we should push him to get it cut again. My son is 7.5.

I think if it's a big deal to you then try to convince him. But he is 9 years old and he should have a say in how his hair looks. I don't think you should force him. Maybe look at some hair styles that he might like better.

Why do you need to put your foot down? What does it accomplish? He gets a haircut...on HIS head...you feel better...he feels crappy. Everyone's happy. right? Nope.
It's his head, his hair. My son was sporting a mohawk a few years ago and my mother was beside herself. She really hated it and kept getting on me about it and I finally said, "MOM! It's his head. He likes it. I chose NOT to make this a battle. When he is at the age to do drugs, sleep with girls, or start failing his classes THEN I will put my foot down. hair is not a big deal."
Don't you remember the 80's? All that HUGE hair and crazy makeup? I have pictures of me looking a HOT MESS! it's hilarious.
Let him keep his hair the way he wants. At 9 they don't have a lot of things that they have control over. At least let him control that.
L.

I would say leave it. In 20 years when he still remembers Mom making him get his hair cut, you'll J. be wishing your picture had that little boy with the shaggy hair in it, because right now, that is who he is and who he wants to be. You're going to want to be able to see him like this again someday.

I wouldn't care. Let him be shaggy in the family photo.

Ugh. Tough O..
If you let him control his own body/hair...the pictures will be a very realistic portrayal of your family at this point in time, right? LOL
Would you want pictures of him looking miserable sporting a brand new shearing?
Maybe you guys can come to a compromise.....try the word "trim", that usually works for me!

We have a rule in our house, keep youir grades, keep it brushed and keep it clean. The moement it becomes my problem I decide whats best. for us thought it is after picture day that he gets what I was trying to tell him about needing it styled. Every year it is the same thing, why didn't you tell I look like a girl. I did.

Maybe if you can sneak a picture of him and show him how it looks. And bribery is fine in my book for haircuts.

It's his hair - as long as he keps it clean and brushed, let him have it the way he wants it.

OM gosh! You must have my son's twin! He never wants to cut his hair and he likes it to go straight down in front of his face - ARGH.
I finally had to sit down and explain to him that as long as I could see his eyes, I am ok with it, however long he wants his hair, but the second I got a call from the teacher or I saw it in his eyes, we will get it trimmed - period.
He wears it brushed to the side and twice a year when we see my SIL who is a cosmetologist she talks him into getting a "trim" (God Bless her!!) to keep it looking "cool" and not "dorky" LOL The things an aunt can say and get away with.
I'd let him keep it, but set some parameters:)

My 9 year old is the same.

I finally figured out that he wants that longer look that you see on the Justin Beiber types...he was just too embarrassed to admit it.

So I told him that I would ask the hairdresser to cut and style his hair the way he wanted, as long as he agreed to let her clean it up a bit. But he HAD to agree.

It worked...and he looks so handsome! ;o)

My son is 4.5 so I don't have to deal with this, but honestly, I don't want to waste my time on the little things. If he's taking care of it, let it go. It's not worth a fight. It's his body, and unless he's getting piercings or tattoos without your permission while he's living under your roof, let him have his hair.

This is the sort of situation where I think you can work with him to find a mutually satisfactory solution. Tell him you know he doesn't want to get his hair cut, but that you'd like him to explain why. Maybe he wants it long, maybe he doesn't like the hair cutting place, maybe he thinks you'll make him get it cut a certain way, he's worried it will look bad, etc. Then tell him you don't mind him having it longer, choosing his own style, or whatever, but you do want it to look styled and nice, not just for pictures, but in general. Ask him if he can help you find a way you can both be happy with his haircut, such as finding a picture of the style he likes, or finding a stylist or salon he likes, just getting a "trim" or whatever sounds like a good compromise to him. Notice that in none of these scenarios is he getting out of the haircut all together, but he can choose how to do it on his terms.

I've found that with my son, and even with my husband, they have a much different idea of what a "haircut" means than I do, and are virtually clueless about styling and products and such. For years my husband kept his hair very short because it's curly and he didn't know what to do with it. That's the opposite issue, but you may find that if you explain to your son that sometimes having your hair cut can change the way it looks without really making it a lot shorter, by layering and trimming up the ends he'll understand more what you're asking. Good luck.

Here is your battle.
"I really want him to get a haircut- not much, just to get it out of his face."

Explain this part to him. Tell him as long as the hair is trimmed to keep it out of his face, he can keep the rest long.. Clean with no odors.

He could end up needing glasses if he does not pull that hair out of the way of his eyes.. He is straining to see clearly when it hangs in the way. ..

my opinion....let him do what he wants with his hair....it'll be something to look back on and laugh in a few years. It is not hurting anything.

YOU are the parent, he is the child!!!!! If you say he needs a haircut then cut his hair, or take him to have it done. He is 9, how is it he "refuse" to get his hair cut?? be the parent!

I guess I'm one to pick as few battles as possible. Really what's the big deal? The family pictures mark a point in time for your family. Years from now you can look back on them as a family and chuckle about the shaggy hair. There's not much a 9 year old has control over, let him have this.

Put your foot down and just do it. If the hair is in his eyes it needs to be cut.
You are his mother and you are the boss. Not him :-)

My 7 year old daughter went through a "don't brush my hair, not clips, no headbands, no ponytails, leave me alone" phase. But she wants long hair. We have a deal - she can have long hair if she takes care of it and looks neat and clean. That means, washing, conditioning, brushing, blowdrying, trims and haircuts (layers, etc.) to keep it looking nice. Otherwise, it's getting cut short.

Just between us Moms, I don't want to cut it. I like long hair on her, and I remember desperately wanting long hair and my Mom wouldn't let me. Luckily the threat has worked, and she has learned to better care for it and tolerate me taking care of it.

So maybe make a simlar deal with your child. You can keep your hair styled as you choose, but it if isn't neat and clean, then Mom steps in.

Here's what happened with us. My sons were on the swim team, and swimming with hair in their faces was miserable. They would ask to get it cut.

Then my older son took some time off from swimming, and we were at the hair cut place for my other son. The lady had time to cut his hair, but he refused. I was irritated because we had to use public transportation to get there, (overseas), it was a pain to get an appointment, and she was being nice. He was being a teenage butt, pure and simple.

I told him that from now on, he would have to ASK me to get his hair cut. That I wouldn't take time out of my day to worry about taking care of his needs if he was going to jack me around. And I meant it, too.

My dad passed away the next week, and my husband and boys flew back to the states in a hurry. No time for a haircut. My son was one of the pallbearers, and he looked like a shaggy dog. He was sorry that he had not gotten a haircut, because he knew how bad he looked.

I still stuck to that, making him ask me for a hair appointment. When he knew I was holding him to that, he started thinking more about what he looked like, than getting the best of mom.

I don't know if this will work for you or not, but it's something for you to think about. Perhaps you might just cancel the portrait, and get another appointment after he decides it's time for a cut (but don't tell him about the new appointment you want to make until the cut is actually done.)

Hope this helps,
Dawn

First off ... having hair is your eyes is NOT going to lead to needing to wear glasses.

Now, I always SWORE I'd allow my kids to wear their hair the way THEY wanted, as long as they kept it clean and at least reasonably neat. My mom to this day talks about how she always wanted to have LONG hair and my grandmother made her keep it cut SHORT (with these HORRIBLE bangs), and my mom is 65 years old.

Honestly ... come up with a compromise for the family picture. Maybe have him style it so it's neater and out of his face, maybe part it on the side and do a sweep across the forhead. But when it comes to hair why fight about it? and have everyone be miserable?

And believe me I know how hard that can be. My daughter has GORGEOUS curly hair. She's had it down to her butt and it still just spirals ALL the way down (doesn't get straighter or anything). Like I said gorgeous. However, she's discovered a flat iron ... much to my dismay sometimes LOL those beautiful curls are almost never seen anymore. AND she's been keeping it short. Short enough that the bottom layers in the back BARELY fit in the flat iron. As much as I'd LOVE to see her grow her hair back out and leave it curly ... I won't force that on my daughter.

It's hair, brush it out of his face for the family picture (or leave it and get a true picture of the family with smiles on everyone's faces) or have a big battle about it and no one is happy. I personally don't think hair is worth making a big drama about. there are so many ways to make it acceptable for all it's just not one of the things I prefer to make a line in the sand about.

But that's just me :) Good luck with the whole situation though :)

My son is long haired and shaggy. In 5th grade he began to let it grow and by 6th is was below his collar. He was one of two boys in 6th with long hair and he "caved" and it all cut off. Regretted it the next day. he is now 15 and keeps his hair just below his collar. He used to flat iron it to keep it straight, over this summer he let it go natural - which is randomly curly and, honestly, kinda' wild.

Anyhoo, long way around the bushes to say I don't fight over hair. As long as he keeps it clean and neat I don't worry about it. With all the strictures placed on appropriate clothing at school, including jewelry, there is really very little that he can wear that reflects him. Hair length is not regulated....hair color is though.

Help your son style his hair in a way that will allow his appearance to be neat for the family picture, but don't make him cut it. Maybe part it differently, style it brushed off his face - experiment with it over the weekend. You will be able to find a way to fix it that keeps it neat and allows him to keep it long.

They really don't get many ways to express them selves at that age. Hair is an easy to allow them that.

my cousins 15 year old son is the same way. his hair always looks as if he just woke up, it's in his eyes and looks horrible whenever he does decide to brush it. i say if the kid can't take care of it or if it's in their eyes it needs cutting. how can you pay attention in school if you can't see. so if he can't brush it in a way to get it out of his face and leave it that way all day long and keep his hair nice looking on his own then you need to cut it to a length/style he can manage.

Okay my son is only 7 and this "problem" hasn't arisen yet...but your son is nine...if you want it cut take him to the barber and get it cut. Tell him he can decide on how much is cut, but that you want him to look nice and it will be out of his eyes.

Go ahead and set up rules for hair now...whatever your household rules are going to be.

Mine will be clean, combed, and out of your eyes...my husband (ex-military) might have different ideas.

It sounds like it means a lot to you. You don't want to have to look that picture and each time and think something negative. I would compromise and get a trim and then a little bribe is ok too. Also, tell him that you respect his choices but it would mean a lot to you.

He is 9, not 19. He is still a child. Put your foot down and let him get a haircut. If you can't control him over this small thing at his young age, I will be feeling sorry for you when he is 15!

Hi, Mom:

Give him a choice to have his hair trimmed or
not be included in the picture.

What is the reason he doesn't want to get his hair trimmed?
Just want to know.
D.