Hi everyone,
Every morning my son fights me about going to school. He is 4 1/2 and this is the beginning of his second year at this school. He goes 3 times a week, in the a.m. I am so exhausted from the emotional battle every morning. I do believe the school is good and the I trust his teachers (which I do not do easily). What to do now? Any ideas. Do I remove him from the school and try somewhere else? He claims he is bored and that all they do there is work!! (he means school work!). My oldest son went to a Montessori where he went 5 days a week. He was not happy to go sometimes but he did not complain every a.m. and would only complain about it on the way to school. I think since my little one was still home at the time, my oldest felt like he was missing out on something at home. He actually learned a lot from the school and I felt like he was bored at home so I thought it would be good for his socialization. Now my youngest knows it is just me at home in the a.m. after I drop him off, I'm not hanging out with his sibling having a party, so that can't be it!! Any advice?
N.
If that's his complaint, that it's boring and all they do is work, well then set the stage for that's all that's going to happen at home too, if he doesn't go. Don't make it a happy place to be. He'll get just as bored at home that school will seem like heaven. Then when he adjusts his attitude, then he can reap rewards at home and have a happy home.
I had a similar situation with my ONLY daughter Caroline. She goes 5x a week, but only half days. The first week was horrible, and she's not always keen on mom leaving now, but she deals. THis is what I did.
Every morning, we'd get daddy ready for work, then walk him out. Daddy goes to work, Caroline goes to work, and mom is going to start going to work, now that Caroline is going to school. (I'm not really going to work, well house work, and stuff like that, the usual)
Then if she was a big girl at school with no crying, I'd give her something on the way home to munch on. (I always had an after school snack, now I"m just calling it a surprise for being a big girl). Ofcourse on the way home, we'd take time to discuss what she did, and would always make a big deal out it.
That seemed to work. Hope this helps.
I would try a different school. Preschool should be a little learning and alot of play and painting, cutting, pasting, dress up, outside time, ect. I would think that if he wasn't enjoying it, maybe the teacher is harsh or something else. Or ask to come in and volunteer a whole day and see what they are all doing. I went into my son's preschool to volunteer and was shocked at the lack of patience this teacher had. She was constantly putting kids in the thinking chair and yelled an awful lot. Good luck to you.
I don't believe that just taking your child out of school just because they cry is a smart idea. That is just showing the child if they throw a fit, they get what they want. Like someone else mentioned he is still young, and probably just misses you. I have a friend whos daughter did the same as your son, but from what you mentioned she was worse. It took her about a month to stop the fits and crying. The teachers said she calmed down quickly after her mom left. Kids are smarter than we think. They know what will push our buttons, if he sees that you get frustrated with him in the morning, he will continue to do it. I know its hard not to get frustrated, but if you just ignore his behavior and tell him he is going to school and leave it at that, he will realize your not playing games. I don't know if you have talked to the teacher about this, but I would ask the teacher how he is when you leave, that will give you an idea if this is just a game with you. This year it took about a week for my friends daughter to calm down and go willingly into class. Her mom just picked her up and gave her to the teacher even though she was crying and walked away. Before she could walk out of the school her daughter stopped crying. The teacher told her that she was just playing games with her. I hope this helps some.
1st off... I'm a homeschool mom (5 year old and 3 year old)so I think you can keep your son at home and he can learn TONS of stuff without going to school. That being said I also think that maybe your 4 1/2 y/o son learns different then your oldest son. There are several ways kids (and adults) learn things, you might want to reaseach learning types (hands-on, visual, etc) and see if you can figure out his type. That might also be why he is bored.
Talk to your husband and then if you both are OK with it then talk to your son and ask him if he wants to stay home for 1 week. If he doesn't then he really does want to go to school, but if he DOES want to stay home, let him. Find out what the school is teaching/playing etc... during that week and do it at home. Tell him you are going to teach him the same thing at home as at school, then do it for a week. If he starts asking to go back to school then he will have a better attitude for a while. If he still doesn't want to go back to school then you need to figure out if you are OK with homeschooling him.
There is TONS and TONS of free stuff to teach preschool on the internet AND it is FUN!! It could save you $$ too. Good luck and GOD bless.
Hi N.,
He is only 4 1/2 and he may need to still be close to you. I am assuming he won't be starting Kindergarten until next year, so I wouldn't continue to push it... and due to his age right now, you really don't HAVE to put him in school. Sometimes kids have a hard time separating from their parents, and this is not a bad thing. In due time, I'm sure he will be excited about going to school. In the meantime, set aside time for "school" work and do it with him. Put him in a gymnastics class, or other playgroup in your area. That will give him an opportunity to play and be around other kids. Let's face it, kids learn better through play, and I would follow his lead right now in the hopes that he will soon be ready to separate. Good luck to you!
How do YOU feel about him going to school? I think kids pick up on our cues and feelings. I know I was so nervous about my daughter starting a new school, but I worked very hard at trying to hide my feelings about it. Kids are amazingly adaptable and we sometimes don't give them enough credit. You may also want to see if he has any pals at school that he might like to have over for socializing. If he knows he will get to see that kid or kids at school, then he might be more excited about going.
What does his teacher say about his behavior after you leave? Does he continue to be upset or does he join in and socialize/participate in activities with the other children? or is he cranky and upset all day?
I had this problem with my son every morning before he went to daycare. i was told that after I left he was just fine. So, I came to believe that his attitude in the morning was just for my benefit only.
If you trust and like the teachers and you believe there is nothing going on to make him unhappy I would not pull him out. On the other hand, maybe he could be board? What are the daily routines for the kids? maybe he is not being challenged? Maybe the teacher would take some suggestions from you on what might make your son appreciate his class.
Have you thought of a play date with some of his school friends? It is still new and he feels more comfortable staying with you so going to school if you aren't comfortable or don't have a best friend is probably a little overwelming. I might make a play date or invite someone to go to McD after school one day or on Sat have one or two of the kids over. You would want to go if your good friends are there wouldn't you. What do his teachers say? Is he socializing well is he happy when he is there. Have the kids changed or the teachers changed over the last couple years? It could be you and your feelings or anxiety. Can you plan the night before? So talk about it in detail so the expectations are set. Tomorrow we are going to school what would you like to wear outfit A or B. What would you like to take with you? For breakfast what would you like? Then we will get in the car and....I will pick you up and then you and I will....... Then when he wakes you start talking about the PLAN. Kids do like routines and if now the routine is all this emotional battle than he might just be used to it.
N.,
I am sorry you are going through this, I know it can tear at you to see your chilod so upset. As a preschool teacher here are my thoughts for you. First, talk to his teacher ans ask how he behaves after he is there. Ask the school director to observe and see if he/she has any thoughts. Talk more with your child, to see if there is more going on then he is truely expressing. Finally, see if you can stay with him for a day or two, to see if his 'complaints' are valid. It may be that his style of learning is not a good match fot their style of instruction. You may have to observe from the door, if they don't want you to stay, but they should be welccoming given the issues. After you have gotten more info then I would bet that your gut will tell you the best course of action. I'd be more then happy to talk more if you feel the need. Good Luck!
L.
