All this talk about tornadoes, media coverage of the most recent ones and drills at school has my 5 year old son all worked up. We have family in Joplin, but thank God everyone we know is okay. He has Autism, so he is a bit obsessive anyway about things, but I'm getting worried about him. He carries a flash light with him everywhere (even to school) and always wants to go to the basement. We live on a 2nd floor apartment and I'm not about to go sit in the laundry room to appease him. The weather has been rainy, windy, and cloudy here, so it's not helping. He has been so scared I've let him sleep in my bed, but I want my bed back. He keeps asking about what will happen if there is a tornado at school and I'm not there. What if it comes while we are asleep? What if we die? What if we lose all of our things? What if the wind blows me away?
Everyone is talking about tornadoes and so I guess I didn't realize that the stories and new coverage needed to be censored from him. I keep telling him that I have lived in the Midwest all my life and I am fine. I just feel bad for my little guy. I want him to know how to be prepared if we would have to rush to the basement, but he is really worried about this. I just wish I could help my little worry wart feel better.
I LOVE all the responses I have gotten!! I agree that I think perhaps part of his fear is that he feels powerless about them. I like the ideas about education him more about how to read radar (mommy will have to learn too) about having a plan, about how moms, teachers, police, etc work hard to keep us safe, about if it happens when I'm not there (like if he's at school) that it's b/c I am somewhere safe. I also like how many of you told me to validate his fears and not tell him they are not scary, b/c they are! I feel like I have gotten a lot of tips to keep feeling like we have some power over what will happen if we are in a tornado. I also might not let him so much of the news coverage of the aftermath such as how Joplin looks.
Thanks so much for the advice!! I feel so much more prepared to help him deal with how he is feeling!! :-)
Maybe it will help to have a concrete plan with him and to practice it. Like a fire drill - so he is confident he knows what the sirens sound like and what to do. And yes - they are truly frightening. I am a New Yorker who lived in Kansas for 3 years. I had that nervous queasy feeling from May to August every year.
Tell him you are afraid too and practice what to do in case it happens as someone else suggested. I think that validates him and lets him feel prepared.
Our daughter is also terrified. I found what has worked best for her is to let her watch the severe weather on TV. (She is 7, so it may be a little different.) Then she can hear the meteorologist and see where he is drawing the "danger" lines and is comforted by knowing exactly where the bad weather is and whether or not we will be affected by it. I agree that you need to acknowledge the child's fear. I have told her that I am also afraid, but that we are a family and we can make an informed decision about our safety when we watch the weather.
We've been through this as well. You'll probably think I'm crazy, but my approach to it was to immerse my kids in information about tornadoes. We've watched a million videos of real tornadoes, read books, discussed safety precautions, performed real and pretend drills, etc.. My oldest is undiagnosed but strongly suspected autism spectrum, and he definitely obsesses about things, but it appears that arming him with the scientific information has decreased the worry and fear. Now, instead of freaking out completely (he will every now and then, but usually not) he lectures everyone in sight about what causes tornadoes to form, the names of the different clouds and storms, and any other tidbits he can recall. It'll drive you nuts, but he's so excited to share his body of knowledge that he forgets to panic unless we actually have to go to our safe spot. But even then, I think he's secretly enjoying it. Just my theory. I have to add, we don't get the info from the news, just from books and videos. I think it makes a difference because the news tends to hype the potential danger of a storm and use dramatic tones of voice to talk about it. The less "reaction" the better when educating. It doesn't diminish the respect for a force of nature, but removes the drama.
My first thought was to get him a weather radio and let him keep it by his bed. When he asks questions, try to answer him as honestly as you can. The schools have plans to keep you safe, material things can be replaced that's what insurance is for, and the weather radio is for if it comes when you are sleeping. I am really sorry that you are having to go through this. My poor friend in Australia had to go through it too when they were hit by those awful earthquakes. Her little girl asked her, "Mommy please stop the ground from shaking" broke my heart. They are doing better now, it just took time
My daughter was very worried about tornados after a couple storms we had to go into the basement because of warnings. We do not live in a tornado prone area nor where the liklihood of a severe one is high. However, we do get warnings and the school does drills.
What helped her the most, was to 1) acknowlege her fear. Yes, it is scary and yes they can be dangerous. I understand how you feel. But 2) take the responsibility for worry away from her. I told her that it is a Mommy and Daddy's job (or teacher's job) to worry about these things. We know whether a storm is bad enough to worry about. She does not need to worry, because it is our job to protect her. If we need to be concerned about a storm, we will keep her safe.
Because your son has autism he may be harder than other children to get over this. Please talk to a counselor with experience and get his or her advise. Good luck
Tell me about it! My 4 year old is terrified! Just tonight the tornado warning sirens were blaring because a tornado touched down here in Ohio. The weather was pretty scary and my poor kids were just terrified. I just finished telling him that tornados rarely touch down around us, and then there we were-sitting in the basement with our flashlights.
I limit my boys exposure to the media (news) that highlight all the dangerous details about twisters, but I definately acknowledge their fear. I stress to them that if we get a strong storm, I will take care of them and keep them safe. I also have to remember to remain calm (even if I am fearing the worst!)
Good luck to you!
I do not have any experience with an autistic child, so I maybe way off base, but, I think the best thing to do would be to be honest with him, but this is what I would do:
Acknowledge his fear and tell him it's okay to be afraid;
If it happens at school, a teacher will protect and help him;
We have sirens here, so if it came when we were sleeping we would hear the sirens and wake up and go to safety before it hit;
I don't know what would happen if we die;
If you lose all your things, you can buy new things;
If the wind blows him away, you would go get him.
I would also try to limit his exposure. My neighbors 9 year old is afraid of tornados too and has been for many years. She let her daughter help with the safety plan and stocking the safe room with appropriate materials. I think giving her daughter some control over what they would do when it happens, helped her daughter.
First of all stop watching the news in front of him. Secondly, tell his teacher of the his reaction as a result of all the drills. He needs a lot of re-assurance that every one (you, teachers, police, etc..) is doing and will do everything they can to make sure everyone is safe. Tell him that his job as a 5 year old is not to worry, but to do what 5 year olds do; learn, play, do homework, etc.. My daughter has gone through several phases like this and it's gotten easier for her to overcome her worries when she thinks of it. Good luck and be patient.
Be careful with this, because it could get worse. My daughter started acting this way around the age of 6. She was TERRIFIED of storms. She would see a cloud in the sky, like dark ones, and think a tornado was coming. It just got worse and worse. We did end up taking her to a social worker. I'm not sure how much it really helped. She started constantly checking the weather. She learned to use the internet to check the weather. Then if there was any rain in the forecast, she wouldn't want to leave the house. It got to the point where she wasn't wanting to go to school. We did talk with her social worker at school. She got a pass to where if she felt uncomfortable and thought a storm was coming, she could leave class at any time and go to the social workers office. This lasted about 5 years. So...she did grow out of it!!! Just make sure you try to comfort him. Maybe with a stuffed animal or favorite blanket. I also found these worry dolls online recently from the Gifts With Humanity website. You might want to check those out to help. Hope this all helps. And good luck!
I didnt' read the other responses so I am not sure if this was mentioned or not. My gf had the same issue with her son (not autistic) what she did was contact a local meteorologist. He was willing to talk to her son and give him a tour etc. Helped, not cured.
My oldest is the same way. We have been in two tornados. She is terrified of them. She was in college with Hurricane Ike hit Houston. We told her to stay at school since she would be safer there than at home. She was freaking out!!! I just try to prepare her and make sure she has someone with her. Any time we go to a new place we check and make sure where we would go in case of a tornado. It has eased up some recently.
My granddaughter was nervous after a tornado warning last summer. She would get scared at seeing the dark clouds and tell me "Oh no Grandma, we are going to have a volcano!" We talk about how we can stay safe and that seems to help.
I lived in tornado alley for 42 yrs. tell him most tornado warning don't produce tornados they produce funnel clouds and teach him what they are. also teach him how to read the radar and the clouds. tell him you don't plan on dying for a while. your to mean to. and tell him if you lose all your things that god will replace them with newer and better. good luck on this one
As someone who has survived three tornadoes, all in childhood, you can guess I have always been pretty scared. Others here have given you excellent advice. Immerse your son in information about weather. Who knows, maybe he's destined to grow up to be a meteorologist! :) I find I can track storms really well on weather.com since I know how to read the radar. I can usually predict what's going to hit us, and since, as others have pointed, most of it amounts to nothing, it gives me peace. I also follow storm chasers on Twitter, and they often have live feeds as well. It's really quite fascinating, and somehow it makes me feel like THEY are the ones in danger, not me. (Maybe because I was outside in two of the tornadoes.)
I can tell you what NOT to do. Don't minimize his fear or say things like "it will be fine". Talk it through...let him express what he's feeling. We just had a tornado 10 miles from us on Sunday, and then I got up the next morning to see the devastation in Joplin. My poor husband...it has taken me days to talk through my feelings. And then he heads to Kansas City for a business trip only to get caught in tornadoes down there yesterday! Yes, I feel a little cursed! :)
