Son Having Trouble Getting over Lost Pet

I think you should just talk to him about Patchouly. Kids that young don't really understand death and some are more sensitive to it.
I was 6 when my parents had to put my dog to sleep because of some illness. I remember being 9 and still grieving for my dog. She was my first pet and I'm an only child so I felt even more close to her because I didn't have any other siblings. My parents let me talk about her whenever I wanted. They got me a cat for Christmas when I was 9 and somehow that helped me to forget that I missed her.
I also read the Ten Good Things About Barney about this same time. It was very good and I also highly recommend it for your son.

Hi T.,
Was Patchouly an outside cat? If so, or even if not, may be your son feels guilty for something. May be he was the one that opened the door to let the cat outside and when he got hit, the guilt is haunting him. WHo's cat was he? How long did you have him/her? Kids and animals can have a special bond. I don't think it's just the loss of your cat that is haunting him, it sounds to me like there is some guilt there about something and may be you need to try and find out what that is. I hope it all works out for you and I hope your son feels better soon. Best wishes, G.

I suspect that altho your son loved and misses his cat, he has a deep sense of loss and grief for family changes. Young children do not know how to express such negative emotions. He probably needs help and a little counseling may do it for him. I am not trying to diminish the loss of his pet. God knows I still think of pets I loved and lost. Unlike your son, I did not have a loving family so my pets meant a great deal to me. I believe a little counseling will resolve your son's problem.

I agree with the others, T.. I don't think this is about the cat from four years ago. He's probably bringing out all his grief from multiple losses through this one in particular. It might be the easiest for him to talk about. Perhaps grief counseling would be wise, on top of being available for him if/when he should need to talk. Lots of grace to both of you.

~ R.

I'm an elementary school counselor and have seen this often, particularly in boys, where they "hang" their grief on something acceptable when there may be something deeper they can't pin down that's really bothering them or that they don't feel they can cry about. For example crying the first few days of school and telling me it's because their dog died, and finding out that was years ago. But in the moment the anxiety of the new school year is overwhelming, but it's not "masculine" to cry about that, so they revert to an acceptable release. I think the books that were suggested are great, as well as a memorial service and encouraging art work but I'd also look into some counseling for unresolved grief +/or other anxiety that may be underlying.

You don't mention if he actually witnessed the cat being run over, or the body. If he did, he may be dealing more with the trauma or PTSD. That's a pretty disturbing sight. If he did, I'd definitely look into some counseling for that. Good luck.

Maybe if you have a "memorial service" for Patchouly, it will lend some closure for him. Maybe a scrapbook of pictures would also help? I'm not sure if you are open to getting another cat, but maybe if he picks one out that looks similar or that he could name after the first one, he might find some peace in starting over?

The other issue might be that he is not able to express his grief or confusion over all of the other losses you mentioned (pets/people) and Patchouly somehow represents the "safest" one he can show emotion about. He just may not be mature
enough to understand or explain that to you at this age. Maybe if he were to write/draw in a kind of diary maybe title it "Heaven" and you might get some clues as to what he is really upset about afterall...

Best of luck!

The pain will always be there because of him being so young at the time but you can keep telling him that he is in heaven and that he is happy where he is in kitty heaven. This is one of lives events that is very delicate and it needs to be talked about. If he needs further help with this loss, seek help of a specialist.

We had a dog die a few years ago. My daughter still gets upset when she talks about her. Most of the time she handles it well and can just talk with-out getting upset but there are other days that she will get very upset. I have noticed on those days that she cries she is more touchy the whole day to start with...like not feeling great, tired, hungry.....maybe he is having a hard day to start with and then he thinks about the cat and releases everything, or maybe just the thought of death when he talks about the cat brings the thoughts of the family members and friends and the whole death thought upsets him but doesnt want to upset everyone else so he just says its just the cat. Did that make sence? not sure if I worded that right. Its just a thought

There's a really good children's book called The Tenth Good Thing About Barney. I think by Judith Viorst. It's about a boy who loses his cat... The boy makes a list of ten good things about his cat as part of the mourning process. Maybe your son would relate to the book and be able to do something similar to help him with his feelings for the cat.
K.

T.,

Have you ever heard of the legendy of "Rainbow Bridge"? It is a place where pets go to wait for us when they die. It is a form of heavenly purgatory for them. They are cared for and allowed to play while they wait for us to pick them up on the way to heaven. Our family has a joke about the flurry of paws, tails, winds and scampering whiskers that will greet us on ressurection day. It has soothed my children for years. It gives them a sense of being able to see their pets again someday. Here is the link to read about the legend. I hope it helps console him (You may have to copy and paste it into your browser): http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

Hugs, Kat