Son Has Problem with Picking Too Much!

J.,
This may sound a little childish...but you are dealing with a child. Maybe try the Golden Rule approach..."do unto others as you would have done unto yourself". Meaning, start calling him names, and pick at him until he gets upset, or very very frustrated. Then, sit him down, and ask how he felt when this happened to him. Explain that his bad feeling is the same feeling others get when he picks at/on them. Maybe this will help understand. I'm a firm believer in that you must be knocked down, in order to learn how to pick yourself back up again.

Cheers,
K.

my suggestion is try telling him that it hurts there feelings Give him an example show him that it hurts I hate to say it but pick on your son make him feel the way he is making the others feel then explain to help why he shouldn't do it I hoped I helped.

You have probably already tried this, but it's all I can see possibley working! Try sitting your son down and explaining honestly how you feel about it. Maybe ask him if there is something bothering him about how home/school are going that is making him respond this way to others. Explain that joking around is fun, but sometimes it can go too far.

You might want to enlist the help of the whole family and turn the tables on him for a day or two. Maybe just seeing how it affects others isn't enough for him. He might have to experience it first hand to really understand. Good luck!

Have you tried talking with the counselors at his school, they have wonderful resources for this kind of behavior. Get some book that deal with this issue. It could help out a lot for him to see it in a story. You really need to get a hold of the situation because if it continues it could turn into a bigger problem- bullying.
Hope this helps let me know if you want more info on bullying because at my son school's they have these coffee session. The last one dealt with bullying and a mediation between children, where your children come into a family "discussion" and tell each other how they feel. You as the parent set rule, no interrupting each other, no name calling, no hitting and last be as honest as you can. Have each child tell each other how it makes them feel and find a solution. Create a reward chart. Instead of name calling and picking praise him when he say something nice to sisters and brother and help them out. Don't always point out the negative it makes them focus on it more. If you want more details into the "mediation" let me know. It would really help if your husband was home for this discussion.
Hope this helps...
L.

ps let us know how things are!

J.,

Or he could be picking on people- and there is no 'nice' way to call people names or tease them, to get noticed. It's really hard to ignore obnoxious behavior so it's a great way to get attention. Gotta love those middle kids. Resourceful lot. :)

How are his social skills? Is this a something he has always done or just something that has started recently? If you look at the big picture you might have a better idea of what the cause and possible solution is. Maybe he gets uncomfortable in peer interactions so uses the name calling and joking as a crutch. I would suggest role playing with him and reminding him that if he continues to act that way he will lose friends. Give him some extra love and TLC too...

M.

My first question is, "Who's picking on him?" I feel like children model what they learn. And if by some chance your 13 year old isn't picking on him, what about a classmate or someone on the bus? Maybe your child is insecure and feels like he has to pick on before someone picks on him first? Maybe it's just a way to get attention. You said your hubby is out of the picture most of the time. Do you know that your husband is your son's most influencial parent? I say that because the same sex parent is who the child relates to the most. Not that he doesn't love and honor you, but his daddy is his hero. Maybe you need to get your husband plugged into the family more and spend some quality time with your son. If he's getting the attention from his dad, he won't be trying to get it in a negative way from everybody else. I'd start there. If your husband being home isn't possible, then maybe you need to get your son involved in extra curricular things so he can feel good about a talent. Of course, if your husband can't be there to watch, it might create a sort of depression in your son because daddy isn't there. What does your husband do for a living that keeps him away? A family counselor would say it's not even important. If your family is having problems, you close ranks and put the fire out. Does your husband have vacation time? This can get a lot worse if nothing is done. Your husband has got to get into the game.