Son and Friends at School

It is really really normal for kids of different sexes to play together. Five year olds usually only succumb to the 'my sex only' approach if there is a large peer group around them keeping an eye on what they are doing. Boys and Girls do tend to prefer gender specific toys some, but, not entirely. And this is also more prevalent when there are other kids around to reinforce the choices.

Even if he does choose different friends or toys throughout his life, it seems like the fact that he has a good friend and enjoys a variety of activities is ok.

Do you know what I thought about the second I read your paragraph? I immediately thought how nice that he can play with boys and girls. His mom and dad must have a really good relationship and must have many friends verses one friend.
I wouldn't push it. If it were my child, I would sit back and let him chose and not push him to do anything and let him decide what and who he wants to chose to play with. He is still young and there will come a day when he doesn't like girls at all... thinking that they have "cooties" or something. Make sure you enroll him in boy sports when he is old enough. Playing with girls won't make him gay or anything. It will make him diverse, well rounded, compassionate, and caring. And giving him the ability to make his own decisions will make him grow.

He'll be fine. My brother and I were homeschooled, so mostly he played with me, occasionally with the neighbor boy. We rode bikes, then we played dolls, then we played in the sandbox with dump trucks and backhoes... I'm a SAHM and very much a lady; my brother is a Marine and very much a man. I'd say considering his age, don't sweat it. Now, if he's 15 and still wants to play with dolls instead of trying to find a girlfriend, then I'd be worried. :) But the chances of that happening are pretty slim.

S., My son (now 15) has always had a bunch of girls as friends. In elementary his 1/2 grade - he was always surrounded by giggling girls - all the while totally entertaining them with stories. He still has several friends that are girls along with friends that are guys - this is true for both my boys actually - encouraging friendships with all different types of people is a good thing. I wouldn't worry about it. I think it's good to be able to relate to both boys and girls - for everyone....

I'm sort of from the other perspective, I only wanted to hang out with the boys when I was in grade school. I've had "best friends" of the opposite sex throughout my school years and don't belive that either of us suffered because of it. yes girls and boys are different but we should learn to be friends with each. I think your son is kinda young to be trying to choose who he hangs out with at school. I like that you encourage him to hang out with a variety of other kids, but the friendship with the girl is perfectly healthy and may even be a benefit to him as he gets older.

My step son used to play with girls and had a barbie of his own and I can tell you he is now a perfectly normal 19yr old. Nothing to worry about.

My son that is now 19 years old played with 1 girl through 2nd grade. Then he played with 1 boy from grade 3 and by grade 5 had a group of friends to play with both male & female. My advice is not to worry and let him manage and figure out his own social life. He'll be alright.

My daughter has only boy cousins her age, so up until 1st grade, she played with mostly boys. She got a lot of teasing in Kindergarten about them being boyfriend and girlfriend, but took it in stride and learned how to deal with teasing without taking it personally or being hurt by it (a very good lesson that all kids need to learn). Her boy cousins, have learned the the proper way to play with someone is to compromise... sometimes play what you want, and sometimes play what the other person wants. Because of this, the boys play girl stuff (house, Barbies, dollhouse, dressup) half the time.
I don't think you should worry about your son at all, but encourage him to play with whoever he deems to be a good friend regardless of gender.

My 3rd grader is the same. In K and 1st he played more with the girls than the boys. I think it was a personality issue - he just felt more comfortable around the girls. In 2nd grade I saw a switch over to adding some boys. This year he is about 50/50 in his female/male friends. Our neighbor boy (who we've found to be a major bully & very rude) was in his class in K and 2nd grade. In having a conversation recently he told me he felt safer around the girls. Needless to say I've had a conversation with school officials regarding the bully and found other parents are coming forward too. Not to say that's the issue but it's worth asking.

Kids learn the gender based toys from us. I have two boys, and each at one time wanted a doll. One we got some big rugrat character stuffy type dolls, and the other, I let play with my old barbies. That lasted a few days. They went right back to the "normal" boy toys. I would use him playing with his friend that is a girl as a learning tool on how you treat women and girls properly so it could help him as he grows up to treat them with respect, and as an equal. But encouraging him to have a bigger group of friends is always good. So make a play date maybe with another little boy in his class.

Hello S.-

I have not had this experience as a Nanny or Parent Coach, but I wanted to find out if your son is usually shy or dislikes rough play? I wonder if your son feels more comfortable with the girl because she may be easier to play with/ more accepting/ less rough.

You may want to talk to your son's teacher about the personalities of the boys in the class and try to set-up a "playdate" with one of the boys who are more laid back.

Encouraging your son to make a diverse selection of friends is important for his ablity to make friends later in life.

Good luck-

R. Magby

At that age there is little difference in what a boy's play and what a girl's play at school is--I was a kindergarten teacher. There is no reason he can not play with girl toys at 5 and grow up to be very manly.

I'm not sure where the question is. I grew up playing with boys and girls both, but my best friend for much of my childhood was a boy. He also played with boys and girls both. We just had more fun together than either of us had with other people.

If you're concerned with him only playing with the girl and not being very social, ask his teacher. If he's only friends with one person, that might be a reason to try to get him to play with other people.