Son

I would schedule an appointment with the teacher, principal and school psychologist within the next week. There could be a lot of things going on, but you need to find out why he is engaging in these behaviors and what reaction from the teacher is reinforcing the behavior.

It could be a learning difficulty (work avoidance), it could be an issue with a child or the teacher (removed from the situation), it could be an emotional issue (avoid add'l stress)... lots of different reasons, but point being you need to find out why he's behaving this way.

If you don't know the "why", you will just be guessing when it comes to solutions!

It sounds like there is some kind of learning issue at hand, you just have to determine what it is.
Is he challenged? (Dyslexic or ADD?) Is he bored? (grasps the material and tests well?)

My DH fit the bored description.. He NEVER did his homework and it drove his teachers crazy. My in-laws spent tons of time in meetings at the school because the teachers were frustrated.
But he'd ace every test. He was bored senseless and didn't see a point to doing more work for something he already knew how to do. They wound up advancing him 2 grades to challenge him.

So the question is, how does he test? Does he understand the material?
Talk to the teachers, and talk to the school guidance counselor. You need to take his education into your own hands and make sure that you advocate for him, since clearly he's not willing or able to talk about what's going on.

Have him evaluated immediately. I am surprised the school has approached you about that already. Talk with his teacher. Can he read? He could have a learning disability that is preventing him from learning. However, if he tests within the normal range, I would have him evaluated by a child psychologist. Sometimes things just bother kids and they don't know how to express their feelings or thoughts. That is how I would approach this situation. Good luck!!!!

i think i'd begin by asking him why he does this... does he not understand HOW to do the work? have you had him evaluated for learning disabilities? have you had his vision and hearing checked? barring those types of things, i'd make his life REAL unpleasant for awhile. i mean sit in a chair after school looking at the wall until bedtime - no tv, no video games, no toys, no playing, no talking. when he begins doing what he HAS to do, then he can begin doing the things he WANTS to do. honestly, his defiance sounds VERY extreme, i'd probably talk to your pedi about a psychologist therapist recommendation and try to nip this in the bud. additionally, was he like this in school previously? or did it just start this year?

Something does not sound right.. the school cannot just send him home and then say he is missing school. It does not work that way..

Instead you all need to have a meeting a figure out what is going on with this child.. Include the Principal his teachers and the campus counselor.. Make a plan where you all communicate about what is going on each day and how your son is going to do his homework..

I also agree you need to start attending school with your son. Have a seat right next to him and make sure he is paying attention.. Maybe you will figure out what his problem is..

If it was me, I would go every day if necessary..

You need to get permission to do this, but I cannot imagine it would be a problem..

FYI, what do swats have to do with not doing homework? It does not make any sense either..

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to work? Maybe he is having a hard time with the teacher or another kid in class. Or maybe he is having a hard time understanding the concepts. Have you had his eyes, ears checked? Not trying to be mean some kids have a hard time hearing or seeing the board, therefore lose interest because they can't follow what is happening in the classroom. I used to intern at an elementary school and there are a lot of reason kids "seem" to not care about doing their work. Instead of punishing him try and figure out what the actual problem is.

Why does he not do the work? Has he had his eyes and hearing checked? Ask him what he thinks. Maybe he is bored. Maybe another kid picks on him if he answers a question and he doesn't want to be the 'geeky kid'. Maybe he doesn't understand the material and doesn't want anyone to know. I would stop punishing or rewarding him. Learning is it's own reward and should be exciting. If it is not, you need to find out why - you need to speak with his teachers, guidance counselor and maybe the school psychologist.

I haven't read all the responses, so I maybe repeating. Your son is my brother and it turned out my brother had significant hearing loss. It also sounds like my nephew and it turned out he had a learning disability. I would have him evaluated. As for the school, I have serious issues with they way they are handling your son. It just sounds like they don't want to help or deal with the problem, just send him to the office or send him home. I would reevaluate the school and see if there is another school in your area more suited for your son.

Hi M., my lil brother who we adopted at the age of 2 yrs ( now 17) always had similar issues as a young child in school. He would refuse to do any work no matter what the punishment. After a yr r two of this the school recommended putting him in different classes..... he would go to his reg classes but the last half of each classes he would have a one on one teacher that worked with him on his homework issued by that class but in a different room outside the large classroom. He remained doing this until he started high school. Dunno if your school offers this type of program but if it wouldnt have been for that i honestly think my lil brother would have kept acting out in class and refuse his work. I believe it was a teachers aid that worked with him and he loved the special attention and came around to getting his homework done. Hope this helps you

I don't think sitting in the classroom with him is the answer - it's a distraction. Observations should be done by a professional. He should be evaluated for learning issues and focus, the school should develop (with your participation) an IEP, and he is entitled to services at no cost to you. Whether he needs a one-on-one aide or other assistance will be determined based on evaluative criteria. I have no idea what you mean by "swats" at school. It is illegal for anyone to do this. He should not be sent to the office or sent home. Irresponsible. If he is acting out and needs to be removed for detention, then you need to get some follow-up. I never heard of a school sending a kid home and then calling the state on you. Something is wrong here. Get the school guidance counselor or psychologist involved. You are not getting the full story here, not at all. Your child needs an advocate in the system. I think his problems are beyond grounding until you get to the bottom of it.