Socializing Schedules and 3 1/2 Year Olds

Actually for a 3-year-old, his schedule sounds pretty over-packed. I would calm his schedule down a bit, when he gets older there will be PLENTY of time to get busy!

You do more than enough already.
Do you have any days when he takes a rest from it every now and then?
It's great to play with friends but kids don't always need to run with a pack either.
Striking a balance is key, and that balance is going to be different for everyone.

This is PLEEEEEEENty. My kids are 6, 4 an 2 1/2 and still only do random socializing. My oldest was in daycare three days per week at your son's age (no sibs old enough to play with at the time) and it was plenty for her with random trips to park and a couple of classes (which to me weren't necessary, just fun). My second two haven't needed nearly as many structured play scenarios since they all have each other.

My oldest is now homeschooled so she has social activities in our network plus Tae Kwon Do classes and regular trips to my gym daycare. She has a few friends she sees regularly at these events and that we've kept up with from preschool and K4, but even at 6, she's not really interested in a "best friend" and we don't do many play dates because we're so busy. All the kids are outgoing and comfortable with other kids.

1-2 play dates plus daycare plus classes? Your son is way more social than mine were even with multiples :) Good work.

Wow I think he gets plenty:)

Sounds like plenty to me!

I also have an only child (she's now 11). You are doing fine; in fact you are doing a lot more socializing with him than many parents would do -- not just parents of only kids, but parents who have several and who assume that siblings will provide all socialization. Not necessarily true.

Please do not stress about socialization for your only child. It's a myth that only children somehow lack the ability to socialize. The preschool time alone is plenty at his age. Be sure not to over-schedule him outside his preschool hours, because young kids need "down time" to recharge and they need to learn to amuse themselves on their own, without the constant stimulation and presence of other kids -- it's an important skill. Your mix of preschool, one class a week and some playdates sounds fine; resist the temptation to add more and more time with other kids.

And don't stress over whether he's developing friendships. He is at a transitional age where he is past the "parallel play" stage but probably not great at playing for long "with" other kids just yet; at his age, many kids want to play just what they themselves want and aren't good at playing in conjunction with other kids for too long. So don't worry if he is with other kids but not seeming to play the same game or imagine the same thing with them for very long. A short time of doing that is normal at his age.

Only kids do fine at making friends and getting along with others unless they're somehow kept isolated from birth until kindergarten! Rather than stressing about what people perceive as (false) negatives to having an only child, instead just enjoy having an only child -- it permits you to spend more time with him, know him better, and do more activities with him than if you had other kids to accommodate as well.

Hi Jilly,

As much as I've seen from my work (and my own kiddo), you are doing fine. Kids need some downtime to play without interruption, and your son's schedule is giving him plenty of time to socialize.

For many young children, true give-and-take type deeper friendships don't really wholly develop until the primary grades. I like to look at those younger relationships as 'beloved playmates' and to encourage them, but also to be aware that children are still learning the social work of group play. That said, it is work and kids do need a break from it to play and explore on their own.

What may likely happen is that, at some point, your son will gradually and very organically become part of a group of buddies which play together (usually 4-5 kids). He'll begin to tell you about who he played with and what they played. (I always ask my son, now five, 'who did you play with today' instead of 'what did you do?') Some children do find one buddy and tend to play more with that children, and it may be that their play opens up to a larger group of kids too.

From what you described, he's got a lot of opportunities for socialization. Keep your ears open for "I want to play with so-and-so" and if you think the kids are a good match, do follow up by offering playdates with the 'beloved playmates'. Sounds like he's doing fine-- and make sure he's got that downtime too!

Whoa. Your child has more scheduled social time than I do! I think you're doing fine.

You are actually doing a lot-way more than I did at that age. We only did 9 hours of preschool a week and I would bet that is closer to the norm. If it feels like too much you could even take it down a notch.

I think that's plenty, actually.

My DD is 3.5. She's not an only but her brother and sister are way older. I take her to Meet Ups and the library at least once a week and we have playdates once a week, generally. In the fall, she will be in preschool where she will meet other kids and have more opportunities for more friends. When her neighbor friend moves back, we'll also encourage playdates between the girls.

Remember, too, that not everybody is going to be his friend and if he has friends at all, then he's fine.

My son is 3 and attends preschool 2 mornings a week for a total of 5 hours/week. We usually go to story hour one morning a week and then have 1-2 play dates during the week. That is a BUSY week for us/me, I actually enjoy the days we are just home and my two kids play. I've decided to scale back on their activities because I know once they're in grade school, they'll actually want to be involved in classes/activities and will be ready for it.

NOPE. I think you got enough. Take a little time for just the two of you as soon your little one will be in preschool.

I think it's more than enough and might be too much, at least IMO. I'm probably saying that because it's more than what I did with DD & she is an only child & she was plenty socialized. She had Pre-K for a total of 9 hours a week, with intermittent play dates & outing thrown in. I never really had a set schedule & we had plenty of down time. What I fear for your son is that it doesn't seem like he has much time to just chill out & "be".

I have twins that are almost 3.5 years old. We currently do the following regular activities:
- Preschool 6 hours a week (two mornings a week) which will increase to 9 hours a week in the fall (three mornings a week).
- One gym class a week
- One music class a week
- One creative movement (dance-ish) class a week.

We may add a little more in the summer/fall as we would like to see if they are interested in any sporting type activities. So we will try a parent-tot ice skating class in the summer and soccer in the fall. We want to also try to work in learning how to swim, but that' s more for safety than for socialization.

Even with what we do already, I'm worried about over committing them to activities, but we do want to expose them to new activities to see what they like.

Currently, they have Mondays and Fridays with no set activities so they can play at home or go to the park or some other one-off activity. We occasionally do playdates, but they are frequently done by meeting at the park.

his schedule is pretty filled in!

When my older son was a preschooler, he had 8 hours of preschool....+ 1 hour of library/storytime....+ played with cousins &/or friends a little bit each day. Total was <15 hours for the entire week! (not counting wkends)

For my younger son, the rules changed. I worked part-time at his preschool...& we averaged 24-36 hours/week there. I hated how full our schedule was!

He does more things than mine did. But my oldest was in day care daily while I worked and my second was home with me for 4 years. Both turned out great socially.

I was an only child and had many playdates back then and alone time where I found things I wanted to do without interruption from others. He may like drawing or painting or reading later on. Do encourage him to do things on his own so that he will seek a better understanding of how things work. Some professions prefer only child to siblings for the way that they think and work.

Just don't overload him or he will burn out before he starts his educational career.

The other S.