Social Interaction in Community Activities

I understand your feelings & have seen this happen to my own children (7,5,3).
My 3 year old -- mostly -- he does tend to enjoy talking to adults which I don't mind since I am with him. I have to say that I have probably had adults ignore my children, but then again, I know that sometimes I am in a "fog" and don't realize when another child is talking to me.
Sometimes I catch myself and, of course, praise the child -- but other times, I am either concerned about my 3 yr. old across the room or where are my girls (if I have them all with me) -- or mentally disconnected for a moment thinking about where I have to go next or what I have to finish for my evening part time job.
These are excuses, yes, and to be rude -- there is no excuse.

So I apologize, wholeheartedly, if I have been "tuned" out when a little person is trying to connect.

And sometimes, I think, when I watch it being done to my own children -- the mom just has no clue. She has a million things on her mind & doesn't see my little one trying to talk to her. Or she's half having a conversation with the woman next to her.

Basically, I respond to my own children & have compassion for the moms who are either tuned out (how I am sometimes) -- overwhelmed -- or just not purposely being rude -- yet they are being rude.

Lots of compassion helps since I know I need all I can get in return. You being a teacher of children with autism -- I'm sure you have boatloads!

p.s. I know sometimes when a little one talks to me & I am tuned into the moment -- I worry about the whole "stranger danger talk" I give my kids -- and wonder if the mom will be annoyed with me for engaging her child. Weird thought -- I know.........but I have had encounters with moms where they have been annoyed at me when at a park -- and I see no mom around and I tell a 2 year old in a nice voice (of course) "no sticks" "please put the stick down" (having seen sticks poked into eyes).....the mama bear steps out of nowhere & tells me she allows her children to play with sticks (happen to me twice -- two diff parks)......and then we move to the other side of the park. Weird stuff is everywhere.

You are not alone, but I have come to accept that not everyone "has a heart for children" and are simply parents. A big difference. As a teacher and of autistic students you must indeed have a heart for children, where all children are seen in love. Unfortunatly nowadays the focus seems to be on keeping your child under control and quiet rather than enjoying and learning from them. First the leash, next will be the muzzle!

I have experienced that before and wanted to do the same :> Mama Bear coming out! The good news is your daughter probably did not even notice at her age. Cross that place off your list for now, check out some good books and let your children point and question all they want with you at home. I would rather my child be the one up and asking questions then blankly staring at the person reading the story any day!

Always listen to your mother's intuition, it doesn't steer you wrong!

In love and blessings,
A.

May I first ask what SAHM means!

I totally agree with you. Our society has become so introverted there is no "community" anymore. I love when other children feel comfortable enough to approach me and my children when we are in a setting like a story time, or even if we're just out in public. I think children who reach out are experimenting with what it means to be a caring person. I don't encourage my kids to approach strangers, or ignore them. I try to help them develop and trust their instincts. I read a book when my oldest, now 5, was an infant. "Protecting the Gift" was the title. It never crossed my mind that at their young ages they could have instincts about strangers. Mine do. Sometimes they want to tell the grocery cashier everything they did that day, other days you can't get them to even look at a sales person.

I'm not confrontational either so I would probably never speak up to a mother who ignored my kids, but I would not prevent them from trying to share their art work (or what ever it was that day)with her, let her be the one to go home and wonder what it is that made her behave so coldly to a child. I have taught my children that if they ever get lost or need help to look for a Mommy. How often is there a police man around? But Mommies are everywhere! (another think I think I read in that book). But if Mommies aren't welcoming to other children in a bookstore story time, who should they look for in a time of chrisis?

I would embrace your daughters comfort with herself and her friendly personality, she will be the sunshine in someones life someday when they need it the most.

I've noticed it too & thought it odd, at the library. I guess other mom's must think i'm weird, as I'll be more than happy to interact w/other's kids...in fact they've often just come up & sat on my lap! lol. I think it's cute, i just go w/it. the mom usually seems totally embarrassed (when the kids walk around doling out hugs & sitting on strangers laps). course there is the whole, "stranger danger" issue, but i think in an environment like that where the parents are all close by, shouldn't be a big deal. my daughter is esp. 'bold' & i've seen her 'ignored' a time or two. I'm not hurt since she gets tons of affection at home, it just seems odd. but i'm sure it's soemthing to do w/our privatized society. personal space & boundaries all that. takes awhile for kids to clue into that.

I have not ever intentionally ignored a child nor would I, however, we take priority over our own children.

What I've learned is it hurts my feelings more than it hurts my children's feelings when they are ignored. My little Miss Abby goes up to everyone and says, "Look at this" and some turn away and some pay attention.. then she goes on to the next.

If nothing else, the upside it that the parents who do ignore your child will help her to understand she's not always going to be the center of attention.

I do not feel it's a terrible thing however, to be the center of attention.. thats how stars are born. I've done my best to lessen Abby's presence in the world but you know, at the end of the day I want her to shine and she does. Even though sometimes she outshines her 3 year old brother.

So keep your chin up, be proud that your child is so smart and full of energy and know that kids will be kids. If it is truley disruptive, find another activity or take them out of the situation as a punishment until she learns.

Best wishes,

J.

No parent enjoys witnessing their child being ignored, esp. by an adult but it happens sad to say. Your time as a teacher probably developed a level of insight and compassion for the diversity that exists among children. Not everyone is equipped in this area, they have a time of it just handling thier own kids. Also I wouldn't be surprised if the mentality that kids should be seen and not heard still exists today.

What I have learned is to not superimpose the expectations I have for myself onto other people. By no means does this imply that I do not have standards or expectations of others. However, I am simply aware that people are people, they come with their own set of life experiences, and that I cannot allow myself to rise and fall on the emotions of others.

Sometimes we read into peoples facial expressions, body language, or what they do and don't say and it leaves us uneasy as to what they were really thinking or feeling. Even when our interpretation of the situation is accurate it is our choice how we handle ourselves. If not careful we dwell on it for way to long and it robs us of our peace and joy. Most of the time people's reactions to things stem from where they are and we then intrepret that based on where we are (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc).

The lady who ignored your child probably didn't even realize it and even so has long since forgotten about the encident. Yet, you are left feeling upset b/c this seems to have hit a sore spot for you. The rejection of your daughter became yours and I wonder if this is an area that you have struggled with? If so, I caution you to not transfer those hurt feelings and the way you handle them to your child. Rather deal with the root of why that upset you so much and learn how to properly cover your kids when dealing with rejection. Perhaps books or videos on the subject may help.

I get the picture that your child is secure and confident and just a social butterfly and kudos to you for that! I know from personal experience how uncomfortable it can be to have your child all over the place when everyone else is sitting still and quiet. You feel very self conscious and even anxious. It can be very tiring and you feel as though all eyes are on you (as a parent who needs to better manage your kid) and your kid (who needs better discipline). Highly active and social children will always stand out more and therefore get more praises along with the rejection. As parents the best we can do is equip our children with a healthy self-esteem/confidence and the strategies to handle all different types of social situations.