So What Exactly Does Immaturity Look like at Age Six?

Hard day. Hugs.

Does she have anxiety? The vomiting can totally be from anxiety. A field trip can do it.

I recently chaperoned two little anxious kids. One was clamped on to the other the whole time.

Does it come off as infantile? To people who don't recognize it - probably. Feeding into it? Making a big deal - kind of the wrong thing to do. It often worsens it.

Is she young for her class?

Huge leaps at age 7-12-18 I think it is. Huge in terms of development. She's almost there.

The being depressed - is more likely exhausted. If she has anxiety and got home at end of day and was cranky and lethargic - that can be from dealing with stress all day.

I would ask your doctor and maybe just see a child therapist. Has helped me to understand better. Do not blame yourself. Do not beat yourself up. Anxiety is very real. There are tips and tools - if that's what this is.

I have one with low social awareness. Lack of empathy was the concern for me. But some of that is maturity. It's only a real problem if it interferes with relationships and causes problems for the family and at school. Therapy has been really helpful there, and also catching my kid doing good things for others. Rewarding the positives. So we have a jar where we put marbles if people do nice things for each other. When jar is full, we do something fun as a family. Each week you can pick a virtue to work on - and when you see it, you can give them a check mark, sticker, etc. Lots of ways to help this.

I suggest you talk to someone - it's a huge stress as a parent and you should trust your gut. A lot of it you can really help with the right tools. Best to you

ETA: If the vomiting was related to the bus only (and normally she doesn't get squeamish) she could of course just had motion sickness. I only mentioned the anxiety as some kids appear to be babyish (hate that word) because they find things daunting. Sensitive kids can come across as really young too.

Blow off the woman's comments. My mom was a kindergarten teacher her entire career. She saw everything. No-nonsense, practical approach - kind and reassuring, empowering the kids - was far better than coddling. Some people make a big deal (as this woman did). No need to upset you. I cut people like that off in mid-sentence, thank them - and just talk to my child after I've let it go.

She sounds kind of like my niece. My niece, who just turned 7, would almost have a meltdown if I made her carry her own things. She was an only child until 5 months ago though, so that's probably part of it. Her parents COULD do everything for her. It didn't help her though.

A lot of kids don't do well with motion (bus rides) and heat. It sounds like the whole day was too much for her - which is okay. Some kids aren't made for all day field trips outside. Now that you know that, maybe next time YOU chaperone or keep her at school. Or take her out for a fun day with you.

I really do think it sounds like you've spoiled the heck out of her, who doesn't want to with their kids? But it's our job to teach them to do things for themselves. Yes, based on your post she sounds immature, but not too bad. So just work on making her do things for herself and making her listen.

On another note - I'd be livid if a chaperone called me to tell me my kid was a brat. Ha! I wish someone would. How did she even get your number?

The question you are really asking is, what do I do to help my daughter be as mature as her peers. Your daughter is not yet 7, and most of her peers are. Have you given any thought to the possibility that she might do better if she were peers with the kids who will be in 1st grade next year?

I don't think your daughter is immature or that she lacks social awareness. I think she is only 6 years old and she is expected to be have like an almost 8 year old.

My son's birthday is in July (cutoff is Sept 1). He went to preschool shortly after he turned 3. He did great the first year and did well the second year. But it was increasingly obvious to me that he was the youngest in his class. Rather than send him to kindergarten when he was 5, we had him do an all day PreK program (preschool had been 2/3 mornings a week) and then kindergarten when he was 6. Best decision we ever made!!!!! He is one of the oldest in his class and is doing very well.

I would seriously consider having her repeat 1st grade. I don't think you need to DO anything other than give her another year to mature and a peer group that fits her better. If you do it now, she will adjust. That really might help her more than trying to force her to mature before she's ready and always feel like she's younger than everyone else and have to deal with tween and teen issues before she's ready.

blow off the comments about her being babyish. she was not feeling well and kids need extra attention when they feel ill. (that chaperone does not know if she had a migraine making her more miserable that the other children that vomited. if i get carsick enough to vomit i will be miserable with a migraine the rest of the day and only rest in a cool dark room will help me feel better) my son will vomit and then once out of the car be a happy go lucky kid and run amuck driving me nuts. so there is one example of 2 people that get carsick, one thats fine and enjoys the rest of the day and the other that is miserable for the rest of the day. that random chaperone has no clue and probably only wanted to complain about your kid making her day harder.
next, start with giving a few chores, and making her do some stuff for herself. both my kids help themselvs to the snack cabinet (filled with snacks that they are allowed to eat whenever they want) and they know where the cups are and help themselvs to a glass of water whenever they want a drink. its been this way since they stopped the sippy cups around age 2.
you don't have to suddenly stop doing stuff for her and make her do it all herself, but start with one thing at a time, and gradually over the next few months teach her indepenence and how to help herself. and in the future go with on the field trips (or talk to the teacher beforehand and see if theres anything that can be done to prevent this situation from happening again.

(i chaperoned a trip to a baseball game, it was hot and sunny, on the way back one lil boy about 6 yrs old started to get sick and i notified the teacher. turns out hes prone to carsickness and mom had given dramamine so he could get to the game and have fun at the game but the school refused to give it for the return ride so he was then miserable, but mom knoew he was going to return not feeling well and was waiting for the busses to return so she could take him home and help him feel better so thats an option too)

I wouldn't find that kind of behavior particularly unusual from a grade one student who is feeling sick. If she vomited and had a headache she might not have been up for that activity. Many kids act babyish when they aren't feeling well. Do you think she suffers from motion sickness? Have you tried Gravol? Do you think she was playing up the sickness to get extra attention? Do you think she vomited from anxiety? Does she cry and carry on and ask you to carry her things when you go on family outings? Putting clothes in the hamper isn't really an indicator of maturity. When I think about maturity I think of things like following directions, answering questions appropriately, using words and not hitting, not crying without a reason, not pouting or whining. How does she do on playdates?

well first off she's six.
second, riding in a bus, ESPECIALLY if it's her first experience? she could be car/motion sick.

She also sounds like she is coddled by you and knows how to manipulate you with whining to get you to do things for her. She isn't going to grow out of this if you continue to allow her to play her "violin" and hold her bags, etc.

What does she do on her own? Anything? What is she expected to do? Anything? Do you allow her whining to get her way? If so? That is a possibility of what is causing her infantile behavior. If you hover over her and console her every time she stubs her toe? Well - you might be part of the problem.

Encourage her to do things on her own. When she whines? DO NOT play her game. Tell her "would you like some cheese with that whine?" Yeah - I know. It's crass - but she needs to understand how to ask for things WITHOUT whining and having you do it for her.

Your worry about "not showing her enough love" - sorry - I am NOT being mean. You are part of the problem. You coddle her and do for her. STOP.

I am 45 years old and if I'm vomiting and not feeling well I sure as heck don't "pick myself up from my bootstraps" and have fun. I guess that makes me immature too.
The chaperone's words were uncalled for.
Am I to understand that other kids got sick, as in vomited as well from your comment about other kids who got sick on the bus ride or was your daughter the only one who actually vomited? I would not be surprised if there were kids who made enough of a fuss that she got sick which probably was an additional blow to the gut.
6 is still an immature age on average. I see nothing wrong with what you have put here. Just keep doing what you are doing and she'll be just fine.

It sounds like a normal 6 year old thing. 6 year olds can turn into babies if they don't feel well.

Hell, I've seen 8 year olds behave the way you describe. Sounds like the chaperone doesnt get development and/or is just being judgmental.

I don't like your question. How about we just accept that all kids develop at their own rate and that what they are feeling is appropriate as long as it doesn't harm another person? I've seen grown ups who feel sick turn into babies that can't do anything for themselves.

I totally get how you are feeling. I have an 8 year old that can be super immature at times. It's funny, though, I don't think anything she does is abnormal. I think all kids act what we call immaturely when their physical needs aren't being met. Many adults do as well. just love her and let her be herself. Do help her learn what's appropriate and what isn't, but forget about what's normal and how she compared to her peers. Let her be herself and I have no doubt she will turn out OK.

I, too, have a child who is young for her age. (Not delayed, just young.) Always has been. And in early grades it caused her enough trouble that I ended up pulling her out and homeschooling her. Part of the problem at school was that she was intellectually advanced but socially/emotionally on the young side, so she ended up in classes with kids a year or two older than her, and the behavioral expectations were therefore also more advanced, and ultimately more than she could handle successfully. Another part of the problem was that we live in a part of the country where gender bias is strong due to the dominant religious culture. I observed in her class extensively and noticed that she was being called out for behavior that was accepted from her male classmates. (She was "misbehaving" - they were "energetic.")

After six years of homeschool, my daughter is mainstreaming. She has started high school as a freshman, which means she is in with kids a year younger than her. And she is succeeding, and she is over-the-moon happy. We talked quite frankly about why I thought starting as a freshman would be a good idea for her, and she agreed. Many girls her age are interested in driver's licenses and having a growing maturity and awareness of adult roles. My daughter is interested in Pokemon and lego. Sigh. :-) At least she has killer computer skills...

All this ramble to say a couple of things. First, you don't really know what's going on at school unless you get in there and take a look. Take time off, arrange care for your other children, and get into the classroom for a few days. Stay long enough to blend into the background and keep your eyes and ears open You'll be amazed at how much you learn about what your child's life really looks like at school.

Second, seriously consider whether holding her back a year would be helpful. It would need to be done with great tact and sensitivity, but it might be a good thing for her. (The perfect way to do it is a school switch, if that's an option. The new school brings with it a new group of peers and teachers with no prior impressions.) What I learned from my daughter's experience is the social and emotional level of a child has at least as much impact on her school experience as her academic readiness.

Third, carefully consider the adult inputs here. Adults have biases that can color their opinions about what is going on with a child. If she was so motion sick that she puked and was still stuck out all day on this filed trip, OF COURSE she acted like a baby. So would many adults. When your husband is sick, does he act like a mature, independent individual? I think adult expectations are part of the problem in this case. Six year olds who are not feeling well do not "pick themselves up by the bootstraps." It is unreasonable to expect that they would.

Fourth - trust your gut from now on. You know your child better than anyone. There is a difference between pushing a child into new experiences for growth and setting her up for failure. Do offer her multiple opportunities to learn and to grow, and push gently when necessary. Don't shove her into the metaphorical deep end. A child who is "young for her age" is still a child who will learn, bloom, and grow, just on a timetable that might not quite match "average." As long as she is progressing and not actually delayed (which may require intervention) let her grow on her own timeline. Childhood is not a race.

There are several issues here but i will address the comment of the chaperone. Because the chaperone is not a teacher, she can get away with calling your child's behavior infantile. While that would sting most parents (me included), the comment may have a ring of truth that you would never hear from a teacher ---as a teacher has to be more diplomatic and PC. With such, truth is often lost.

Get her in a Sunday School or other environments to better ascertain her behavior from other adult's point-of-view.