Yep me again. Husband troubles once more.
So, we had an argument, and it resolved with him saying "ok what can I do to help you more?" BONUS right?
WRONG, I gave a list of some things. He picked ONE, and it was to help me do some shopping. I really don't know WHY I put that there. Since I know how much he hates going to any store bigger or different than Best Buy or Toys R Us.
So anyway, he says give me a list. I gave him a full page, spread sheet, down to the brand, and aisle numbers it would be in since I know my local Cub like the back of my hand.
Needless to say, half of it was wrong, maybe a 1/8 of it wasn't there, and the rest was ok. NOW the only thing I really have an issue with was the air freshener.
I like Febreeze, for various reasons. Get this, he brings home some little can of CHRISTMAS HOME SPRAY. yeah smells like someone cut down a forest of pine trees, threw some cinnamon, and holly berries in there, and then added about 10 tons of old lady perfume. ACK I am gagging. CHRISTMAS def did NOT come to my house after spraying it. Its nasty.
So do I make him go back for the Febreeze, like I asked? or do I tough it out and keep it, cause gosh darn it, he did go to the store for me. I don't know I might suffocate on Frosty's deodorant in the meantime, so keep that in mind.
by the way, if anyone here follows some of my posts, its cause his father in law, mother in law, and him fart constantly and its terrible. Plus our dog is going through allergies and we are trying to find which it is, food wise, and she just reeks. So we spray the carpets were she lays down the most.
Spreadsheet was a joke, I was being sarcastic, my controlling list, was all of 10 items, and he asked for aisle numbers. If you knew me I am the submissive one for most part. So anyway, thanks for that Krista. I guess everyone sees things differently. Mostly this was HUMOROUS. I guess you failed to see the humor in it. Do you really think I am going to go commando over Febreeze. Oh well there are more important things to worry about I did have to laugh at your post. It gave me some humor today. Never mentioned I harped, or begged, or pleaded, or demanded. I just gave him a list. Now if you want to get into the meat of the reason WHY he picked that. That is a whole other post. WOW
Yep, I'm laughing too! You need to give him more responsibility, but also take a deep breath and realize that whatever he does may not/will not necessarily be done exactly the way you wanted. He'll get better at it!
I sent mine to the store for water once........once. He came home with popcorn and soda. Enough said.
Hmmm, I think he sabotaged his own shopping trip, kinda like how my hubby can't seem to cook without making a massive mess and spilling food everywhere. If it is too much of a hassle, I won't ask him to do it again.
Yes, I'd ask him to go back and get the Febreeze.
Really? This is an "issue"?
YOU put shopping on the list and sent him merrily on his way with your ridiculous spreadsheet. So what, he picked up a different air freshener. Return it and get the one you want.
It sounds like he isn't going to please you no matter what (which he probably realizes) so he bypassed the multipoint spreadsheet (he's not a child after all) and shopped. You can either let this VERY SMALL detail go and suggest that he help you in another way or you can make an issue out of it and continue to have a contentious relationship with your husband.
Me? I'd let this go. My husband does the shopping in our house occassionally and it takes him FOREVER and he usually forgets 1 or 2 things but you know what... it is one less thing I had to do that day and I am thankful for it.
Shape the behavior you "want" by reinforcing what you appreciate and not harping on the less desirable aspects.
He went to the store. Don't complain or you will be taking 3 steps back. He will just respond, "See, there is no point in my helping because you want it all perfect." Throw away the nasty air freshener. Air fresheners aren't good for your health anyway. Then thank him for helping. Ask him if your detailed list was helpful or a hindrance and then abide by what he says.
To be honest, your list sounds rather controlling...the aisles could be helpful to a newbie, but brands? That seems a bit much.
Baking soda sprinkled into the carpets and then vacuumed up later will accomplish the odor relief you need for the dog. In terms of the farting, use essential oils instead of the chemical air fresheners (visit your local food co-op for ideas on how to set that up).
If you are particular about what is being purchased, like I sometimes am, ask him to help with something different. Don't bust him on this one... we can't expect to ask them to do it exactly how we would. (And I tell myself that last line at least a few times each week..)
I'd tough it out until the next shopping trip and open a window or run the fan... people don't respond well to "help me please-- wait! you did it wrong!" It will discourage any future helpfulness from your husband if you shoot him down. Be sure to thank him for getting the correct stuff, too.
This reminds me of the time when I was little and my mother blew up that she didn't get enough help around the house and put me on dish washing duty. During the loading of the dishwasher a plate slipped out of my hand and shattered on the floor.
She sent me outside to water the plants from then on instead. =/
Once I put maxi pads on the list, only because I really needed them and was too sick with the flu to go to the store. I got adult diapers, no kidding. Just go yourself and get the febreeze. Never ask for help again, lol, it alwAys backfires.
NO, don't make hiim go back to return it!
You either have to use it & hate it or return it yourself.
Don't say a word. He'll never shop again (although that may have been
his intial tactic. Ahhh. )
No worries, it's just freshener.
Be glad he helped. Some husbands don't do ANYTHING (not mine. He helps. Just not how I had hoped. But that's okay.....he helps!).
Next time don't put anything on that list you really don't want him to do.
For instance, if you what you really want him to do is paint. Only put down paint! :)
I say you spray the room he's in generously with the Christmas spray and after gagging for an hour or so, suggest he go back to the store and get the Febreeze.
If he's anything like my hubby, he got things wrong on purpose so you wouldn't ask him to do it again! I caught on to that game and put an end to it a long time ago!
Make over what a good job he did...or he will never never never go shopping again or volunteer to help.
Stash away anything that needs to go back and return it later by yourself.
Suck up on Christmas from hell...or just go without until you get there...
I'm sorry, but I'm laughing right now!
Your husband did go the store. That doesn't mean he knew what to do there. Men need explicit instructions! "Febreze, such-and-such size bottle; if it isn't there, don't get anything else; just forget about it or call me from your cell phone."
I'll ask my husband to pick up something at the store. I know what I'm talking about; why doesn't he? Could it be that we're two different people? So I get phone calls. "They have this variety, and that variety, and the other variety, only the last one comes in a big size and the others don't - so whaddya want?" "They don't have what you described - what about this instead?" Sometimes I feel I could do it faster myself. But he's trying. This is not his area of expertise. (When he grocery-shops for what HE wants, he's just fine.)
Just say, "Thank you so much!" If he says, "Is that spray stuff OK?" you can answer, "Well, I may save if for Christmas, but it's OK." Then pick some Febreze up yourself and don't be too obvious. He had the best of intentions. And if the Christmas spray gets lost between now and December - well, those things happen.
So, that didn't work, what else is on the list?
And yes, have him go back and exchange it. Ask him what went wrong and why he didn't get everything in the list, then adjust your method or expectations. Also, try to keep a sense of humor about this. We had a similar "cheese" incident early in our marriage and it seems so silly and hilarious now, even though I was pulling my hair out about it at the time.
You have to approach this as the two of you working together toward a shared and common goal, or he will see you being too controlling.
eta...
I really did fail to see the humor in it. Frankly, you just sound really PISSED OFF. And I'm still trying to figure out how many items are in 1/8 of a list of ten... ;)
hehehe..sorry to laugh but boy did that bring back a memory of my married days..my kids dad came back with-a pack of hot dogs,loaf of bread,1/2 gal milk,box of cereal,and a case of beer for a family of 4..told me to reuse the disposable diapers and tampons...oh dont let me forget the 20.00 bag of weed....ive been divorced from him for 29 yrs..why?...do yourself a favor-give him the easy stuff....
OH NO! NO, NO, NO, NO , NO!!!!
Husbands and stores DO NOT mix! EVERY time my husband goes on a run for one or two things it turns into a fiasco! I don't ask anymore, but sometimes he thinks he's being "nice" by stopping to get something we need, like milk...problem is that his being "nice" costs us much more than I budgeted and then it just turns into a not so "nice" moment for us. He buys EVERYTHING he sees that's on sale because as he says, "Well, I didn't know if it would still be on sale when you went and it is a pretty good deal." REALLY- milk...4 bucks...Everything on sale...$50+...AND it's ALWAYS stuff we do not need! The one time he bought me tape at the grocery store because I had made mention that I needed some tape the next time I went out...Well tape at the grocery store is freaking expensive...I returned it and the customer service lady told me that price was crazy. I said that my husband bought it being nice and she just laughed and said she would go to the dollar store if she needed tape, which is exactly what I did!
Sorry, vented a little there....like I said...OH NO!
I would take back the Febreze and get yourself what you want...No more lists with shopping as a choice! LOL! :)
If I want my husband to get exact items/brands I send him a picture on his phone. Otherwise, I just accept what he brings home. At least he is trying to help.
If you accept help from others, you have to also except that they won't/can't do things exactly the way you do. Be flexible or do it yourself.
do you use it that often? uhh, we have 2 bathrooms maybe that's why I guess i never use it. eeks
keep it and don't mention it, it was probably on sale.
eta oh my gosh YOU have the farting family, OH I totally didn't recognize that Yikes, I would be sneaking out for some febreeze. Just tell him good job honey and get your own febreeze asap!
My DH would love the list you described. I have to be VERY specific when I ask him to go to the store AND I have to enure he takes his cell phone so he can call me if there's something different than what I have specifically requested. Mine would have brought the Febreeze (guess I can call that lucky and be thankful). "Lose" the Christmas scent (ewwww .... Fake pine smell is ICKY ...) and pick up Febreeze the next time you are out and about.
snork!
no, he tried. i've found that i have to have broad expectations for 'help.' the details i have to attend to myself.
but your FIL definitely sounds like he needs more than the little christmas can.
hoooo-EEEEEEEE!!
:) khairete
S.
There is no lesson on making him go back and exchange it since it would take on a parent/child role, it could backfire. Instead be creative, use baking soda on the carpet to mask the odor or pick up a can of the fabreeze yourself. In the meantime, spray that wonderful christmas spray anywhere he likes to spend time, spray it on his clothes, in his car, in his "man's cave" if he has one. Bet after smelling it a while he will NEVER pick it up again!
I would let that one ride-if he keeps doing this , however, I would be a little suspect...
He could get kicked off the shopping chore (he'd love that) or get you to accept a half assed job. He wouldnt mind it but your still not improving the status quo. Treat him like a potty training two yr old who got some on the floor near the toilet and dont freak him out so he'll never try again. Say you almost had but I like Febreeze. dont make a big deal until they NEXT time you send him to the store write FEBREEZE in all caps bigger than anything else. Dont let him get away with just grabbing anything. When my hubby took over the shopping he would come home without the one thing we desperately needed. Hey we all forget things. "Oh dear I hope you can get the bread tomorrow so we can make the kids sandwiches to take to school. What shall we do about tomorrows lunches?" I threw the problem back at him, I certainly couldnt figure out what to do. Anyway it took months before he got great at grocery shopping. But he has learned if I write Febreeze I do not want some cheap nasty smelling airspray :(
I would tell him he needs to take it back. Just to show him that you expect him to do it right. He will continue to do this over and over and over. The money wasted alone would pay for you to have a person come in and help out.
Haha! That's terrible! I say wait til' he goes to work then throw it out, and go to the store and get the febreeze yourself! And then know to not make him to do the shopping again :)
