So Many "Bad" Habits W My 8 Month Old

Just go with it. She wants to be with mama, she's a baby this is what she needs. Husband needs to give it up and go with the flow. This is having a baby and they're only a baby once. It seems like so very much now, but it passes sooner than ya think.

I know it wears on you. But just give what she needs and she and everyone will be fine. You'll get a lot more sleep in the process.

Sorry it's tough this time around. It sounds as if you have tried so many different things that now there's no real consistency. Have you tried any one thing for long enough yet?

I don't believe in "cry it out" so I would also be responding to nurse at night, but not for "every peep" -- do you know for sure when she's waking for hunger or if she's just restless and would go back to sleep? Try having your husband, not you, go to her and without talking at all, sit next to the crib and lay one hand on her so she feels it -- no interaction, but she will know someone is there. If she gets more restless and clearly is hungry, then feed her. Have husband do it with a bottle. (When she sees you she also smells you and thinks, I can snack now...That's why this needs to be your husband's job, frankly.)

Same procedure with getting her used to the crib. Again, I am not one to leave a baby to cry it out -- that only teaches them to be less secure and not really to "self-soothe." They exhaust themselves rather than self-soothing.

Establish a bedtime routine and do not, do not vary it. Keep the same order and the same amounts of time for each step -- bath, last feed if you do it then (so she's not snacking all night), book in the rocking chair in her room (if you can keep her in her room rather than carry her from, say, the living room TO her room, that could help; if she gets sleepy in another place and is carried to her room, that makes her more wakeful and she associates the movement with "Oh no, they're putting me alone in that crib thing!"

After the routine, put her in the crib, but then sit on the floor next to her with one hand firmly but gently on her leg or arm through the slats. Lights are out, maybe sing ONE last song. Then no talking, no interaction other than your presence and your hand. This can go on for some weeks. Then you will move to sitting in the chair in the room in the dark; then to sitting outside the cracked door in the hall, so she can see you are there, but you are not going to talk to her from there either. Eventually you will simply work up to putting her down, singing one last song, and leaving and coming back after five minutes -- no talking. Then you leave and return in 10 minutes if she is awake, then 20, etc.

This is slow and takes patience but I found it worked very well with getting my daughter to acclimate to being in her own crib in her own room. She began to realize that she was not alone when we left the room. Infants at eight months still do not know or understand that you exist when you are not with them! They think that when you leave you are gone, vanished, permanently. They don't have "object permanence" in their minds yet so if she fusses when you put her in the crib it's possibly largely because she sees that as "You are leaving me alone forever and ever."

So think like she thinks, not like an adult, and don't be afraid to work slowly up to leaving her slightly awake. I know this is a lot of effort but I found it just worked well for us. Please don't compare her to your other kids -- each child can be very, very different.

Where are the bad habits? She's a baby. An infant. She needs comforting and her mama and shouldn't be expected to be independent this young. Some babies, like your older two apparently, can learn to self-soothe sooner. Some babies deal with isolation better at an earlier age. Many, many, many babies don't deal with those things very well and to be honest they shouldn't be forced to.

CIO is emotionally damaging, so I pray that you stop. It's teaching her that she can't trust you to come when she needs you most. Dr. Ferber never, ever suggested CIO such as the torture that people put young babies through. Ferberizing is much more gentle and caring regarding emotions and the developmental age of the child.

It should always be about what the child needs most, and those needs shouldn't be ignored. Reteaching her needs to be gentle, not boot camp.

Don't worry, you will find a "trick" that works for you.
Every child is different so I quickly learned that what worked for the 1st
baby was not going to pacify this one.
Keep putting down when asleep since that is what works (mine never
liked going to bed awake).
When putting in the crib, lean way down in the crib while cradling the baby so he/she doesn't feel like he/she is falling.
Also, someone told me to wait until they've been asleep 10 mins. Not
any longer or shorter then transfer as I stated leaning way down into
the crib w/the baby cradled to your chest.
In addition, the crib didn't work for me (too deep a cavity) so I used a cradle by the bed. It was on wheels so I could move it around the house
as I needed for quiet places to keep him/her to sleep.
Try pumping your breast milk again. Try diff nipples finding the right one
w/the right sized hole. First you try to feed the bottle of breask milk to
her then later hubby can. You're getting her used to gradual changes.
One of my kids liked best to be near me so sometimes I'd rest & let the
baby sleep on my chest while I watched tv to change things up. I did
this when I was sure I didn't have something to do around the house.

I don't see anything "bad" here except maybe your husband's attitude about being a parent. I fed my baby when she was hungry and she slept with me anytime she needed to. We were all happy. Dad slept somewhere else if he needed to. She's now an independent 12 year-old and those baby days are way behind us. You do what this baby needs, not what worked for her siblings. Babies don't need to be left alone to cry for our convenience.

All babies are different and need different types of parenting. Do what works for you, change what does not, and don't worry about measuring up to an arbitrary measure.

Pacifier and a receiving blanket you've slept in a few nights.

So long as the pacifier is taken away when you get her up in the mornings, all should be fine. Since she can stand up now, a single blanket that smells like you should be fine.

If she wakes crying, go in and repeat your good night routine with the pacifier and new cover. Wait longer and longer to get to her each time and each time less cuddles and kisses. You may want to start at nap time(s) get a few tries under you before the big bedtime. If she's not actively crying just let her go. I've gotten to the pint I can tell if my son still has his pacifier in bed with him and can't find it and when he's pitched it out.

Good luck.

Like you have already admitted, these are habits. I am truly surprised when people say that babies this age need to sleep with their moms, nurse on command etc. It's just not true. At this age babies who are typically developing do not wake in the night because of hunger... they wake out of habit. I had 3 breastfed children all of whom were sleeping through the night (10+ hours) by 3 months... 2 of them by 6 wks. I know all children are different and go through phases, but past 6 mos they should be able to soothe themselves to sleep and not wake in the night., I always made it a point from day one, to not immediately nurse at the first peep they make. Babies wake for many reasons and often just as part of the normal sleep cycle... often after a few minutes or a pacifier or a few pats on the back, they would go right back to sleep- they aren't always hungry. They learned to soothe themselves back to sleep and didn't make the association with needing the boob to fall back to sleep. Unfortunately, this association is learned quickly and can be hard to break for mom and baby. That's not to say babies won't have some sleep issues at different stages. I did have to use CIO with mine at different times and different stages. I had to do it around 7 or 8 mos. with 2 of my kids, and it does work if you are consistent. It will only take a few nights and you will all be more well rested and better off for it in the long run. My kids are 2.5, 6 and 8 and they are all well adjusted, loving, bright, social kids despite not sleeping in our beds or being nursed to sleep! It will be hard to break these habits if you are wishy washy, but if you stick to a routine she will figure it out! Good Luck!

I would try a noise machine or a fan. Keep the sound constant so that it covers little peeps and noises. We kept ours in a swing sleeping until about 10 months (when they out grew it).

Set up a routine and stick to it EVERY night. I would move her crib or bassinet out of the room. We put our daughters right outside the bedroom door. That way we could hear her, she knew we were close, but we weren't right there.

Try a latex nipple and a Playtex Dropin. This is shaped most like mom, well this mom anyway, and so the kids liked them the best.

I would try a pacifier or binky. My kids loved them because they need to suck to settle and organize themselves so they can relax to go to sleep.

Is it possible she is having any reflux or acid? If she is, she may need her head lifted up, this is why swings work so well for sleeping. They keep the baby moving and are at the right 30* slant for the acid to say down.

I don't know if these will work, but they are suggestions to try.

I had to read this post because as soon as I saw it, I thought of me with my almost six month old!! He has been in our bed for the past month or so. Until he was four months old, he went down at 7pm and was up 1x a night then up between 5-6am. I thought we were lucky! Well from 6 months on, he has been waking up EVERY hour after falling asleep at night. Sometimes he'll fall back asleep with soothing, rocking, nursing, etc. Other times he won't until I put him in our bed! He sleeps great in the swing but once I transfer him to bed, he is wide awake!! Hates his crib but falls asleep as soon as I pick him up and doesn't want to nurse or doesn't want his binky. He is still in our room because we have not moved yet so I also respond to every peep and noise. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone!!!

1. Have Dad do the night time checks and bottle feeding. Wet the bottle nipple with some breast milk, or put some on his finger to put in her mouth.

2. place a blanket between you and baby, so that when you transition to the crib, she doesn't feel the temp difference.

Probably time to pick up/put down, though that might even be too much stimulation.

I love the baby whisperer.

You don't have to just leave her to cry. When she wakes let her be unless she starts to cry, then go in and lay her down and rub her back or tummy until she calms. If she tries to stand back up just lay her back down over and over and keep letting her know it is night night time. She is past the age of needing to night feed but since she is still doing it multiple times a night you might want to consider going down to once before going cold turkey to zero.

Start out with her nursing until she is 99.5% asleep, then transfer to the crib. If that's going well, then start cutting off the nursing when she is really really drowsy (long blinks but still eyes open) and put her into her crib (it will take a few tries the 1st few nights until she gets tired enough to go to the crib without waking completely up again). But once that is going ok, have her stop nursing and put her in the crib when she is sleepy, but not long-blinks drowsy. So over time, you are putting her in bed more and more awake, and she is learning, slowly, to self-soothe and put herself to sleep. It can take a while - each step may take a few weeks, but you can slowly get there.