Sleeping Problems with My Almost 3 Year Old Boy

Something I used to do for my daughter when she went through this was introduce "monster spray". I took a little bottle of an air freshener and we sprayed a little bit in all the places she thought monsters were hiding(under the bed, closet, etc.)before bed each night. I told her that monsters didnt like the nice smell so they wouldnt come anywhere near it. Each night she would ask me to spray it and it worked like a charm :)

Hi J.,

I know how hard this can be - especially when you're expection baby #2. It seems like its hard for him too! Poor kid. My son went through a similar stage (which lasted for a long time). Its normal for kids his age to go through that. Its a good move that you made to take away all the scary movies and books. If it were me, I wouldnt let him to cry it out though. He's genuinely scared and it sound like he needs to be comforted. We let my son just run into our room and sleep with us. We had a small be at the foot of our bed that he's run into. The rule was that he needed to fall asleep in his own room. I know it sounds very lax, but I thought a lot about it and compared what we do in the West with what I know from my travels. In Africa and Asia, kids sleep with their parents until about age 5 (and then they sleep with their siblings). Its true that the entire social strcuture is different but there is probably some biological evolutionary component to wanting to be close to others when sleeping: if alone, you'd be food for preditators! So its probably normal that kids want to be close to their parents at night and get all kinds of night terrors around ages 3-5. For the West, that prizes independence and to some extent space and solitude, we as parents need to find ways to make sleeping alone happen. Here are some tips that have helped us:

1 - the monster spray idea is a good one. We had something similar which was a mini flashlight. When he thought monsters appeared, he would shine the light on them.

2 - we had the room basically lit up from the nightlights we put in there. We had about 4 nightlights.

3 - we put a CD player there with soothing music

4 - we put glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. He wanted to go to bed just to see them. Right before sleeping, I would sit beside him and turn off all the lights and talk about how it was similar to camping - he loved it! Of course all the lights needed to go back on when I left the room.

5 - we kept and open door policy. I did this because I (and my husband) felt like we needed to always keep the communication link open with him and to believe him when he said he was scared. I realize that this approach is not for everyone.

Good luck!

Get him a new blanket for his bed. Call it a "Monster Shield". As long as he sleeps with his monster shield there will NO monsters. Also, get a new night light. Let him know that monsters don't like the light.

GOOD LUCK!!

Hi J.,

I can sympathize with you, because my son has developed some fears and seems to have trouble falling asleep occasionally because of them.

I find that it is very helpful to let him talk about it as much as he wants to, and to be open to the fact that some things can be very scary to a toddler, but to reassure him that you are always there to protect him, and he can feel comfortable telling you.

Also, another routine we have is to read his favourite books before bedtime, and make sure he is tucked in with his favourite stuffed animal.

Finally, I sometimes sing songs and give him back rubs, and then we talk about highlights of the day, and then I tell him things that he can look forward to the next day (e.g. - 'The Sun is sleeping now, so all boys and girls are sleeping, too. Tomorrow when the sun comes up, we are going to go to the library to read some books and then play at the park!'). This has helped him to settle down and look forward to the next day.

While I only have one child so far, I have observed in other families, that the older sibling of a baby-on-the-way tends to need a little extra TLC, perhaps because of the excitement around the new baby, or because the older one misses the feeling of being a baby, and being so warmly and unconditionally cared for. We put so many conditions on things as children get older, it's no wonder so many of them feel like they have to "earn" love, or that they need extra attention. Anyway, that was a random thought, but what I mean to say is that your son probably needs you a lot right now, and having nightmares is one manifestation of this.

Best,

Nessa

I've been there! My main advice would be to be really careful about "letting him cry it out." I tried doing that with my daughter - as friends and books advised, and I think it contributed to "attachment issues" that my daughter now has. She is still very clingy with me, and shy with others. Especially between the ages of birth and 3 years, children need to know that someone is there for them when they cry. These are the years to form a healthy attachment with a primary caregiver. With my 2nd child, I used the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and it worked! I regret that this book wasn't written yet when my first child was a baby. The book was an easy read - which will help, because I'm sure you're exhausted! Hang in there!

C.

My son started having nightmares between 2 1/2 to 3 yrs old. Sometimes he'd call for me in the night and had trouble getting back to sleep. Other times he'd just come to our room and tuck himself in at the foot of our bed just to be with us. We got him a night light and sometimes glow sticks to help light his room at night. He was fine after awhile, but their imaginations are revving into high gear at that age and little worries during the day seem to get large in the night. He was older when we moved and then he had trouble getting use the the sounds the new house made at night. For awhile, we set up a camp cot at the foot of our bed so he wouldn't be scared. Maybe you could get him a sleeping bag and let him camp out next to your bed if there's room. It's hard when he's scared in the dark and just doesn't want to be alone when he's so frightened.

You never know with young children. They have vivid imaginations. I think you were wise to take away the monster and ghost movies. Could you try reassuring him every night that God sends a guardian angel to watch over him all through the night. If you are a believer try praying with him before tucking him in and reassure him of God's loving care. AF

Several pronged approach:

1.Take the worry off him and put it on you. "It is Mommy an dDaddy's job to worry. It is your job to sleep so you can grow up healthy and strong."

2. Help him think of other things vividly. Visualize with him. My daughter started having nightmares around age 4. She used to come up with elaborate alternatives like" Mommy, I am going to dream about an ice cream sundae as big as our house.

3. Don't let being up be appealing. Nothing fun is happening while he is sleeping. "Mommy and Daddy are going to sleep, so you have to be quiet."

4. Give him ways to distract himself in his room. "You may stay up and look at books or play with your stuffed animals, but you MUST stay in your bed."

5. Empower him. "You are stronger and smarter than monster." I would be careful not to indulge him - say with no exception that "There are no monsters and nothing bad will happen." BUt tell him you will pretned with him and look under the bed etc. Jus temphasize tha the is in charge of the monsters and in charge of his imagination and the preteding. Also, explain tha tdreams aren't real. As adults we know this, but kids don't. Let him know that the dreams come form his brain and aren't real except as stories in his head. He can make up happy stories too.

Good luck.

well, there's crying from just wanting attention, and there's crying from fear, and it sounds as if his is the latter. i believe completely that kids need to learn to go to bed and wake up without drama, but when a child is terrified that's not the time to leave him to deal with it on his own. yeah, drawing out his bedtime routine might involve tweaking it again when the baby comes, but it really sounds as if he would benefit from a long gentle soothing bedtime routine. exciting toothbrushes are cool, but what he needs is time with you, and reassurance that he is safe. rather than empower the monsters by banishing them specifically, maybe he can get a dragon or lion stuffed animal whose job it is to guard him from anything that scares him. make sure that bedtime involves a warm bath, a quiet gentle story like goodnight moon, then lower lights and cuddle for a few minutes. if he wakes up crying with fear, you can give him back his guardian toy, and rub his back for a few minutes. i know it's hard to get up that early, but you don't want your little guy to feel genuinely terrified and as if there is no one to help him. deal with the fear first, then work on self-coping techniques.
khairete
S.